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In the New Testament we are told that on at least two occasions Jesus fed a multitude of hungry people with only a tiny bit of bread and fish. As we try to understand what Jesus might model for us in this story we tend to focus on increasing our level of faith or contemplating the power of God. Certainly those are appropriate responses. However, in so doing we miss the simple lesson that is taught to us through the very first thing that Jesus does in each of those stories. Each time the action begins with, “He gave thanks” (e.g. Mark 8:6).

Our tendency is to assess the situation and become bewildered by what appears to be an overwhelming lack of necessary resources. We hear the demands of the circumstances and feel paralyzed by our inability to meet those demands. Not so with Jesus. He starts in the same place that we need to start. He starts with thanksgiving. Yet, while all of us recognize our need to be more thankful, it is finding the threshold for getting there that often proves tricky. How do we move our heart from the state of grumbling to the state of gratitude?

In Philippians 4 the Apostle Paul gives us what has become a famous exhortation for thanksgiving. He starts with rejoicing, tells us not to be anxious about our circumstances, encourages us to sprinkle our requests with thanksgiving, and promises that the incomprehensible peace of God will guard our hearts. It is truly a beautiful and deeply encouraging passage. However, once again there is a small, basic key in this passage that we tend to overlook. Right in the middle of the passage Paul pens these simple words “The Lord is near” (4:5).
Joy, thanksgiving, and peace all hinge on the hopeful revelation that God is near. This is the good news of the bible. Genesis begins and Revelation ends with the same unmistakable message that was proclaimed from the heavens at the birth of Christ: Immanuel, God with us (Matt. 1:23). This is the very good news that we carry with us everyday and the door through which we enter into the presence of God and become more aware of his nearness. The psalmist tells us that it is with thanksgiving that we are able to enter into the gates of God (Ps. 100:4). Thus, we see the never-ending cycle. We draw near to God with thanksgiving, and find thanksgiving as we realize that God is near indeed.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND BE FOREVER NEAR TO GOD!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

The blood of Jesus is one of the most powerful resources available to us. It is also the most fundamental image of the Christian message. Yet, surprisingly few Christians have a basic understanding of the purpose and power of the blood of Christ outside of having our sins covered. Here are a few principles to start with:

1.) The blood is a powerful reminder that sin brings death, both as a consequence and a covering. Imagine how powerful the lesson was for small children who had to allow family lambs to be sacrificed for their sins every year.

2.) We tend to stop with the shedding of the blood and ignore the application of the blood. We are not masochistic people with vampire-like fascinations. The blood of Christ was shed once for all, but it must also be applied.
3.) The blood applied to our life is not merely for the remission of sins, it also allows us to enter into the presence of God. We do not hear it much today, but there was a time when it was common to hear believers “plead the blood of Christ.” This is more than symbolic. It is a spiritual reality. The author of Hebrews tells us to be confident that we can enter into the holy place by the blood of Jesus (Heb. 10:19). Next time you need to enter into the presence of Christ cover yourself with His blood.

4.) The blood enables us to overcome the evil one. Revelation 12:11 tells us that we will overcome Satan by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. The key to overcoming evil in your life is to stand on the blood of Jesus Christ.
So, how do we apply the blood of Christ to our life? Consider David’s sin involving Bathsheba. He coveted another man’s wife, lusted after her, committed adultery with her, lied to cover his sin, and finally commissioned a plan to have her husband killed. It is not a very nice picture of the heart of the man after God’s own heart.

David is fully aware of his sin in Psalm 51. He references his sin, iniquity, transgressions and evil deeds six times in the first four verses. In verse five he recognizes that the pervasiveness of sin in his life goes all the back to his very conception. David understands that his soul is utterly riddled with sin.
So he asks God to use hyssop in order to purify him. Hyssop? It seems a strange reference at first glance. It is a word that is only used twelve times in the bible, mostly in descriptions of three rituals. So what is it?

Hyssop is a plant or family of plants that commonly grew in the Ancient Near East. The first biblical reference to hyssop is in Exodus 12:22, when Moses instructed the Israelites to dip the plant in blood and use it to apply to blood to the doorposts of their dwellings. The blood was symbolic of the fact that God’s judgment would not be applied to the Israelites when He came to judge the people of Egypt. Destruction would come to every house that was not painted with the blood of the passover lamb.
The second time that hyssop is mentioned is in the ceremony of restoring cleansed lepers to the community in Leviticus 14. Once again the hyssop was used to apply blood, this time sprinkled seven times on the one who is to be cleansed. The third and final time that we see hyssop used ritualistically is in Numbers 19 where it is used to apply the blood and bring about purification.

In the New Testament hyssop is mentioned only twice. Once in the book of Hebrews in recounting Moses’ use of it in Exodus, and once at Calvary when it was used to give Jesus sour wine.
So, in David’s prayer to be cleansed with hyssop he is both looking back and looking forward. He is recognizing the need he has to have God passover his sin, restore him to right relationship, and purify him from his iniquities. And he is looking forward to the only blood that could truly do those things, the blood of the holy passover lamb, Jesus Christ. If you need God to passover your sin, restore your relationship, or purify your iniquities–or if you simply need to enter boldly into his presence–start by doing this: apply the blood

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR TODAY AND BE CLEANSED BY HIS BLOOD!
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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

At least a few and more often several times a day I beckon my group towards to the front door with the goal of venturing outside.  Here is what happens.  As we approach the front door from various directions in the house, one daughter will dart back towards their room: “I need to get…” , which reminds the other daughter that she has forgotten something vitally important, too.  Emmett takes this as an opportunity to just run…anywhere.  We seem to almost make it again…”mommy, I’m thirsty.  I want to take something with me to drink.”  “Me, too!”  Emmett runs again…maybe to look for his sippy cup.  This process happens a few times.

Herding cats is what I call it.  A friend of mine who has more children calls it herding butterflies.  That sounds so pretty.  Herding butterflies.  My experience is that the cries and screeches and screams that often accompany the herding warrants the feline characterization over the quiet, pretty flitters of butterflies.

I would like to say that it is only my children who contribute to this dynamic and not include myself in this picture, but that would be dishonest.  More times than not all three children will be converging at the door to only hear their mommy cry out: “Oh, my phone! (or my keys! Or my sunglasses! Or…!)  I am one of the cats, too.

We all finally get to the front door and I wait for the three of them to file outside.  It is at this point that something I have grown to both expect and be exasperated by always happens.  They stop.  Or, one stops, in the front with the door half-way open.

Just stops.

Whichever child it is seems to be in deep thought with absolutely no care that there are three people waiting on him or her to move forward.  Staring off at who knows what.  Umm, I’m not sure if you are aware of this or not, but we are all waiting on you to go ahead so we can leave.  The door is open.  We are letting the cool air out and the bugs in.  Oh!  Ok.  And, finally we make it out the door.  Through the threshold.  Sigh.  Phew.  Alright.  I think we might make it on time.  Maybe.

When Jon and I moved to Prague, which ironically enough means “threshold” or “doorway” in Czech, we learned a lot about ourselves.  We learned that I get the grieving, the messy crying, the dear-God-what-have-we-done transition stuff over at the beginning.  I stare culture shock down, playing both truth and dare with it…telling the truth about how much it hurts and daring it to take over my life too much, too long.  Jon, thank God, goes into survival mode as soon as we get there.  His comes later.  My wrestling at that time may have had to do with the fact that I had a 20 month old and was 4 months pregnant getting ready to give birth in a foreign country.  Maybe.  I tend to think it had more to do with me and who I am and how I handle doorways.

Doorways bring out odd behavior.  Change is hard.  Even if the grass is, indeed, greener on the other side of that door, it doesn’t matter…doorways are difficult to go through.  Sometimes the change is a wonderful, wonderful thing…full of opportunities and a new, grand world.  Sometimes the change is very, very hard.  It isn’t welcomed at all.  We are being pushed out and not given the chance to walk out on our own.  Either way, good or bad, the change itself is a challenge

Doorways are often what bring clients into my office.  They tell me they are anxious and depressed and can I fix them, can I tell them what is wrong?  What is my plan?  Where is my magic wand?  In the first session I make sure I tell them two very important things: I do not have a magic wand and the process is usually more of a crockpot than a microwave.  Even though we know that food in the crockpot usually tastes better, we so desperately want or hurriedly resort to the microwave.

Not too long into the first session I ask about what has been going on in life for them lately.  Any major changes the last year or so?  Oh, well, sure, I changed jobs or I had a baby or I graduated from school or I moved or…or just any one of these incredibly MAJOR life things.  But, I shouldn’t be bothered by that.  I mean, I should be over that.  I should, I should, I should.

Of course, there are a lot of things we “should” do.  We “should” all love one another and be kind and pay our tithes and taxes, but the “should’s” we tell ourselves are rarely these things.  If I COULD I WOULD strike SHOULD from our vocabulary.

Somewhere we have lost sight of how important, how significant, how challenging doorways can be.  We go a little crazy trying to get out the door and don’t make any connection at all between the doorway and our behavior and feelings.  We make no connection between our anxiety and our blues and our struggles and our acting out with the threshold we are crossing over.

I have been facing a doorway the past six months or so.  I’m not moving across the country or even to another state.  But, because its life and life has doorway after doorway, threshold after threshold, I am facing some changes in my professional and personal life again.  It is all wonderful, wonderful things, full of opportunity and a new, grand world.  And, because I know me and I know how people tend to handle doorways, I have been watching myself.  I’ve watched me run after the “what if’s”.  I’ve watched me cry out: “I think I still need…”  And, I’ve watched me stand, with the door open, waiting, not realizing that I am letting the cold air out and the bugs in.

A few weeks ago at church, I was standing in this doorway, letting the cold air out and the bugs in, and I got a clear message: “I’m not sure if you realize this or not, but you’ve been standing in this doorway, frozen with anxiety while I am waiting on you.  The door is open. Time to go on out.  It isn’t what is on the other side that is wrong and hard on you or your family.  It is your indecision and anxiety.  You’ve been standing here long enough.  Time to walk on out.”

I’ve learned to accept and to be ok with the fact that I run after things on the way out the door.  I am even ok with the fact that I, like my children, stand in the doorway for a while, staring off at who knows what.  If we find ourselves anxious, it can be helpful to look around and realize that maybe we are running and standing and staring because we are at a doorway.  Once we realize the significance of even small doorways in life…that come over and over and over again…we can understand and be patient with our running and standing and staring.  We can stare our own little culture shocks down, telling the truth about how hard change is and daring the change to take over for too much, too long.  We can run and stand and stare…and then walk on through.

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS SAVIOR TODAY AND BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY WITH GOD!
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Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

As wonderful as the Christmas season is and as much as I love it, I’ve been pretty jammed up lately.

I’ve wanted to pull the covers over my head and close my eyes tight…as if doing that could keep it all out.  As if being frozen…stuck in one place will help.  And, it is pretty much over run of the mill adult stuff.  Managing details.

Then that sleepy-eyed little boy comes up next to me. “Nose!” He giggles as he pokes my face.  “Mama, I wan’ somethin’ to drink.”  I give the sweetest boy in the whole entire world a hug, pulling him up into our covers, and feel a surge of mommy love hormones that washes away my concerns.

“Mama, I wan’ somethin’ to drink!”

So, I get up and move.

I get my boy somethin’ to drink.

I’ll continue to struggle with that desire to freeze, to hole up, to close my fists and eyes tight throughout the day.  It can feel pretty intense sometimes.

Then I feel a nudge to get outside…to walk.

So, I get up and move.

I walk and walk.  And feel the December sunshine soak into my bones and wash away the anxieties of life.

Get up and move.

In Psalms we are told to “be still and know that He is God.”  I like another translation better: “cease striving and know that I am God.”

But…and this is a very big but…there is a difference between being still…

…and being stuck.

I went to a Christian university where a common joke was that people would blame God for break ups: “I’ve prayed about it and I feel like the Lord is telling me that we just aren’t meant to be together.  It isn’t His will.”  Or, sometimes God was used as the basis for other decisions (or lack there of): “I haven’t chosen a major yet because I am waiting on God to tell me what His will is” (from a junior…or maybe a fifth year senior).  You can see it after college, too. “I haven’t applied for a job because I am waiting for God to tell me what to do.”

Sometimes this idea of waiting on God, this idea being “still” is really misunderstood and misapplied as being “stuck”…paralysis of analysis.

Sometimes God just wants us to move.

Have you ever studied the phrase “will of God” in the New Testament?  (You can read more about this topic here.)  Do you know what God seems to specify in regards to His will?  Research it for yourself, but you might be surprised by what you find and what you do not find.  You will read that it is God’s will for us to love one another, for us to pursue peace, and for us to love God with all of our heart.  Do you read anywhere about us God’s will and which job you should take, who you should marry, or where you should live?  No.

Too often it seems that the people who are so fixated, so paralyzed, so stuck by trying to determine God’s will in these areas have the most difficult time with things like peace. Love. Not being easily angered…the specifics of God’s will that you CAN find in the New Testament.

God seems to be pretty direct about things like being patient.  Being kind.  Giving grace to others.

He is not always so direct about everything else.

Sometimes I wonder if we focused more on these specific directives of God rather than waiting for Him to boom a voice down about these other “bigger” things (really, now?  Bigger than grace? Than peace?) where we would be as a faith group.

Now, I am not down playing the still, small voice that God chose to use when speaking to Elijah (1 Kings 19:11-13), the voice I think He does still use with us.  I also think our spirituality can often lead us to being stuck…rather than being still…and focused on the wrong things.

We think we are waiting on God, when actually God is waiting on us.

To get unstuck.  To be still.  In our heart and mind.  Which enables us…

To get up and move.

A person who is stuck often feels powerless…a recipe for depression and anxiety.  That description doesn’t sound like the stillness mentioned in Psalm 46:10.

I think we can be moving and have a stillness in our hearts.

I think we can be stuck and our mind be so frantic we are paralyzed.

I think it is difficult…impossible even for God to steer a vehicle standing still.

The movement, the taking the steps themselves reveal a faith in God that says: “I believe You will be at the next place my foot hits.  I don’t have to hole up, close my eyes tight, pull the covers over my head. I can move.  I believe You will be with me every step of the way.  And, if I make a wrong step?  Well, You will help me know it, correct it, and keep going.”

He is waiting for us to move.  To take a step.  Any step.  To trust Him like when a one year old reaches out and trusts his mother or father when he or she takes that first step.  The child doesn’t really know what is coming.  He or she doesn’t have to figure it all out.  The child just walks, often focused on the face of the child’s mother or father.

A lot of my clinical work is with clients who are depressed or struggle with anxiety.  Outside the realm of “depth work”, I think it is important to attend to the basics.  “Get out of your house and out of your head” I will hear myself say to them.  It is something I tell myself, too.  Research shows that rumination, or over thinking, is connected to depression.

And, we love to ruminate…to think…to hole up in our homes and to think and think…we ponder and we believe that if we dwell on something long enough we will figure it out.

It just doesn’t work that way. The result of rumination is being stuck.  Feeling overwhelmed.  Powerless.

Not still.  Not at peace.  Not moving forward.  Stuck.

In fact, in the ruminating, in the overthinking, in the dwelling…in the being stuck…we can hardly HEAR God’s still small voice…our head is so full of other VERY LOUD voices…our own and others.

And, if you think about it, rumination, this overthinking, this idea that if we dwell on something long enough we will figure it out is fairly presumptive…it presumes that we believe we CAN figure it out.  It reveals a sense of power we think we have.

Taking a step…a leap of faith communicates something else.  It says: “I don’t have everything figured out.  I know I never will.  I am just going for it.  I am living life trusting that it is in the hands of Someone who does have it all figured out.”

For whatever reason too many of us were taught indirectly (or directly) that we CAN figure it out…that we are that powerful.  Perhaps in your childhood magical thinking you learned through your parent’s divorce or their alcoholism or their workaholism or their terminal illness that you had that power…you had the power to make your parents happy, sad, or angry.  You SEEMED to have the power to make things ok.  You grew up too fast.  You became a little adult tending to yours and perhaps your siblings needs because the adults were busy taking care of their overwhelming issues.  You gladly took on that power and it felt good and so big as a child, but it was too much too soon. It was adult responsibility and roles without the adult wisdom and flexibility.

And, now you tend to get stuck thinking that you can still think things through…that you can still make things ok…that you are “still” powerful.  And, when life gets complicated and your own powerfulness doesn’t work you don’t have any other ways of coping because you didn’t learn about healthy self care, healthy moderation…how to get out of your house and our of your head… when you were younger.  Your way of coping was to control…through whatever means you learned.  You didn’t learn that you aren’t in control.  You didn’t learn that you aren’t all powerful.

So, in this new, real adult world that requires flexibility, that requires movement, that requires more trust and less control, you freeze up, you hole up, you close up your fists and eyes tight against a world that does not sway to your rigid demands for perfection or thoughts on how things should be done.

You get stuck.  And, that is exactly what the Enemy wants.  He wants nothing more for you to do than to get stuck.  To stop moving.  To be a vehicle God cannot steer.

New moms are prone to this “stuck-ness”, too.  Research shows that mothers of young children have a greater tendency to struggle with depression.  And, that really makes sense.  Working and stay at home moms alike tend to be isolated.  They are swamped with the needs of their children and while this is a magical time, the hours spent at home can weigh on any new mom combined with the pressures our society puts on women to handle it all on their own.  I applaud all ministries and endeavors that reach out to this population of women.  They often need HELP to get “out of their house and out of their head”.

So, on this New Year’s I am reminding myself…get out of your house and out of your head.  Move.  There is something powerful about engaging your body that disengages…in a good way…your mind.  It gives it a break.  So, move!  Yes, your actual body!  Move it!  Take action.  Give God something to steer.  Resist the urge to pull the covers over your head and hide, to freeze, to withdraw.  We all don’t have a cute little two year old to get us out of bed, but we can use an alarm clock…or our dreams and our hopes.

Dream.  Hope.  Dare.  Take risks.  Taking time to dream, to unleash your imagination about the future is a wonderful way to get “unstuck”.  It also reveals a wonderful and delightful trust in God.  It says: “I believe it when You say that You have plans and hope for my future” (Jeremiah 29:11-13).  It is a recovering of a childhood you may have lost when you took on those adult roles a little too early…whether you were seven or seventeen.

Dreaming is quite different than ruminating.  Dreaming is the movement of the mind.  It is the antithesis to “stuck-ness”.  God so often works in the midst of our dreaming.  Often it is in our dreaming that we rediscover who we are…who God is calling us to be.  Dreaming takes the earthly boundaries away and opens us up for God’s possibilities.

This isn’t a call to workaholism…to moving so much, so fast the roar of our motion inhibits our stillness, our hearing of God.  It is a call to balance…to taking a step…one at a time…to being still in our hearts, minds tuned in to Him…and not stuck…minds tuned it to ourselves and others.

Move.  Dream. Dare.  Take risks.  Be still.  But, don’t be stuck.  And, if you get stuck again…like I do sometimes…remember to start over.

Move.  Dream. Be Still.  Know (that He is God).  Trust (in the Lord).

Be that moving vehicle He can steer.

And, while you are at it, if you see someone else who is stuck take a minute to help them get out of their house and out of their head.  Take some time to dream and to hope with them.  Take a few moments to be still with them.  Dream about what they might dare or the risks they could take to be who God is calling them to be.

We CAN help one another be still…and not stuck.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND BE A PART OF HIS ULTIMATE PLAN!
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Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

***Parallel Processing

Parallel process is a clinical term used to describe the common occurrence in therapy when the therapist’s own experience is reflected in the client’s. It is when a client comes in grieving over the loss of a loved one while the therapist has only just experienced his or her own loss as well. It is a therapist helping a client through feelings of anger and hurt that the therapist has also just recently confronted.

But, here’s the thing: we are all in parallel process. Too often in life it goes unsaid.

Here is where I say it.***

We were getting ready for our week of family vacation.  We were so, so, so excited.  I don’t think we had ever planned so well for a trip…don’t know if we had ever needed one quite as much.  We spent a week making lists, washing clothes, packing…

In the three days before we left drama and unrest sprang up in every sphere of my work…with students, with clients.  The reasons, the sources, the stories…they aren’t important for this telling (and unethical for me to tell!), but…the unrest, the anxiety…THEIR unrest, anxiety…it was catching and I found myself wanting to curl up and have a good cry.

A good cry probably would have helped.  The problem is that with three children around…I was finding it difficult…to have a good cry, that is.

I don’t think it is wrong to cry in front of children.  It was more of a logistical issue.  I would be about to curl up into a ball and one of the three children would need a band aide or a drink…or me to tell their brother to stop hitting them.

I saw the big pile of laundry that needed folding in the chair.  I knew that it had to be folded and put away or packed before we left…mostly because there were clothes IN that pile we NEEDED in order to go on the trip.

I point out this fact because I am not opposed to leaving laundry in a chair while we are on vacation any more than I am opposed to occasionally crying in front of your children.  Just ask anyone who visits my house.

I saw the laundry and I kept fretting.  I kept walking around, piddling, doing little things that surely needed to get done, but mostly piddling, worrying.  I finally told myself to go fold the laundry.  The pile looked so big, so much of the same clothes I fold every few days, every week, every month, every year.  The regularity of the task, the comforting, habitual nature of it, annoyed me…the idea of doing something I had already done thousands of times…something I knew how to do very well…seemed overwhelming.

I told myself to just pick up one piece.  The cloth napkins are easy to pick out of the pile, so I started with those.  I sifted through and pulled out all of the cloth napkins, folding them in a neat pile, grouping them by design, smoothing the creases.

I felt my chest relax.  The muscles in my neck were not as tense.  The children seemed content to play and I was content to keep folding.  The kids’ pajamas next, girls in one pile, boys in another.  I smiled as I folded Emmett’s spider man and army pj’s.  The pile was smaller.  Underwear.  T-shirts.  Clothes that need to be hung in the closet.

I looked down and all that remained were the socks.

Which I completely and totally abhor matching.

…because there are always several left without a mate.

That just seems like a complete impossibility and it usually infuriates me to no end…these socks that just lie there when all of the other ones have been mated.

I actually felt myself beginning to get angry with the socks.  How much sense does that make?  Then I told myself…gently…just do the best you can and put them away.  So I matched the socks and, without frustration, picked up the loners, putting them in the right drawers to hopefully find their mates later.

I sat down.  I just sat there for a while.  I sat there knowing that there was nothing else I could do about the student or the client.

Nothing.

I sat there a little bit longer just noticing what was going on inside of me.  Then I got up and finished packing.

In all of the fretting, in all of the piddling, in all of the worrying…

All I really needed to do was fold a big pile of laundry I had folded thousands of times.

There is an idea in therapy that is talked about in a variety of ways, but in the end it could be called “self-parenting”.  The idea is that an adult is his or her own mother or father.  Here is another way to think about it.  When you are little, your caregiver likely told you when to go to bed, to go outside and play, to eat your vegetables, helped you arrange play dates (or whatever they called them then), took you to the doctor, etc.

As an adult, hopefully, we do these things for ourselves.  You schedule your own doctor appointments.  You tell yourself to go to bed.  You tell yourself to eat your vegetables, to go get some sunshine, to get together with some friends, to calm down when you start to get out of control…

…hmmm.

Well-known marriage and family therapist, David Scharch says: “people who can’t control [parent] themselves, control the people around them.”

When we can’t control (parent) our own life we seek to control (parent) the lives of others.

When the lives of others encroach on our own life because of poor boundaries, we end up losing control (or management or self-parenting) of our own.

Good or bad control.  It is still control.

I had nothing but goodwill desired for any student or client in distress, but my worry indicated that I believed I could control something about what was going on.

Did I have responsibilities in my respective roles…as teacher and therapist?  Sure.  I had fulfilled those already.  I had done what needed to be done.  To do anything else would not only be hard on me…it would probably be clinically and professionally inappropriate.

Then why did I keep worrying?

The difficult truth is that my fretting, my pacing, my piddling were actually much easier tasks in the short term than the initial hard work of parenting myself.

“Emily, stop what you are doing and just go fold the laundry.  You can do it.  Just start with a piece.  Don’t worry about the whole pile.  Just pick up a piece at a time.”

Sounds like a good mother, doesn’t it?

In that moment I was parenting myself.  I was telling myself to stop worrying about those other people and to focus back on my own stuff.

In John 21:21 we see Jesus helping Peter manage (parent) himself.

“When Peter saw him [the one whom Jesus loved who was following them], he asked: ‘Lord, what about him?”

Jesus went on to say in verse John 21:22: “What is that to you?’

When I was in graduate school, we were required to see a therapist as long as we were seeing clients ourselves.  I was a little frustrated about this requirement.  I had a newborn and any extra time away from her made me so anxious.  I haphazardly picked a therapist from the list and just happened to choose Sue, later of whom I heard people call “the therapist’s therapist”.  She was a wise, quiet, gentle woman in her late fifties, not afraid of silence and hard questions.  Walking back into her office was like walking into a warm, dark cave.  I would sink down into her couch and for an hour come face to face… with me.

One visit I was angry about something going on between two people I cared about. I was ranting about details of a situation, my words coming out like water from a faucet, flowing without stopping, when my therapist somehow found a break to question me, simply, piercingly: “Emily, what does this thing between “person A” and “person B” have to do with you?  What role do you have in this situation?”

I was shocked and completely wrecked.  It was too painful for me even to address in the session with her that day.  I was trying to control something that was not mine to control, creating a triangle, a relational web…doing the very thing we talk about in class every week.  I was indeed the client and Sue, the therapist.  Sue, with her questions, ripped open the truth and for a short while I was blinded by it.  I felt worthless.

Slowly over the next week my sight began to be restored.  I was not as wrecked and raw.  I had learned a powerful lesson I would never forget in my work…the distance (difference) between my clients and myself is very small.

And, I stopped trying to talk for “person A” to “person B”.

I stopped trying to talk for anyone else, for that matter.

I started a journey in learning what was mine to control (or parent)…

…and what wasn’t.

Sometimes the most incredible advances in “self-parenting” take place when we become parents.  In some wonderful, mystical way as we parent our children, we are faced with the task of parenting ourselves.  The birth of my daughter catapulted me into this process.  Having your first child in the middle of a program where you are learning about child development and families is a sure fire way to wrestle with your own inadequacies…with your past, with your present, and the still not defined future.

What kind of mother will I be?  What kind of relationship will I have with her?  Will I screw up?  Will I cause her pain?  Will it haunt her future relationships?

In all of these questions looms the largest one: Am I good enough?

During this time a good friend and mentor to our family, Johny Taylor, asked me: “Emily, have you ever thought that maybe your imperfections are actually part of what God chose for Eloise, too?  That somehow He is in the good and the bad of you as her mother and it is all part of what He has for her?”  I wasn’t ready to hear that at all.  I wanted a perfect mother for my daughter.  Not one that was just good enough.

Perfect being more impossible than matchless socks, I ignored what seemed like the hard thing right in front of me (parenting a new baby girl) and focused on the easier, yet completely inappropriate, task of being angry over some random situation between my two loved ones.

That is, until Sue got a word in edge wise to ask me a simple question:

“What is that to you?” (John 21:22).

Sue helped me do a lot of hard work that year.  I learned to sit and listen to myself.  You can’t parent someone you don’t know very well.  I learned to tell myself to go outside and get some sunshine.  I learned to get myself to the dentist when my teeth hurt.  I learned to tell myself to eat.  I learned to tell myself to just stop. To go to bed.  To hang out with some friends.

I learned to be a human being rather than a human doing.

We learn to parent ourselves from our own caregivers. The problem here is that none of us had perfect parents.  We all have to pick up where they left off.  But, we do have a promise: “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”  (John 14:8).  Ultimately, Sue, in her silence and with her good questions, was Christ’s ambassador that day…a messenger of the Spirit…and made a way in the desert (Isaiah 43:19).

She made a way for me to listen to God, the ultimate parent, to teach me His ways of parenting me.  He knows me best.

Sometimes, I need to tell myself: “Stop.  Go match those socks.”

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND GET RID OF YOUR WORRY!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

Therapy is way more than a toolbox of intervention.  Information alone cannot replace professional help. However, information can be very powerful.  So, for what it’s worth to you, here is the weekly post offering a therapeutic idea, concept, or intervention that you can try out in your own life or relationships.

Albert Ellis is famous for developing REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy), which centered on the idea that depression and anxiety develops out of irrational thinking…or irrational beliefs.

Irrational beliefs create fertile ground for the growth of depression and anxiety by distorting reality.  Out of this distortion of reality a person is more likely to get “stuck” in a cycle of stagnation, over thinking, and self-defeating behavior preventing a person from reaching goals and moving forward in life.

Irrational beliefs are most often used when a person is under stress.

Irrational beliefs also profoundly influence relationships.  At best irrational beliefs cause dysfunction in relationships.  At worst irrational beliefs are a relationship’s demise.

Irrational beliefs will beat you and your relationships to a pulp.

They are toxic.  They are not only hard on your mind and your relationships…they are hard on your physical health, too.

Irrational beliefs lock you in a room and hide the key.  They send you running on a hamster wheel and leave you exhausted.

And, without confrontation…you will go back to them over and over and over again.

Some people are so entrenched in these beliefs that they actually will argue that the beliefs are true when at first confronted.

In REBT the therapist helps the client recognize irrational beliefs and works with the client to confront and change the habitual nature of resorting to these irrational beliefs. Therapists often use the A-B-C model from REBT to help individuals recognize their irrational beliefs.  “A” is the “Activating Event” (I trip over the curb in front of a group of people).  “B” is the belief that happens after the event (I am such a klutz and a loser!—version of irrational belief number 2–see below).  “C” is the emotional consequence (I feel so down because I believe (irrational belief) that I am a klutz and a loser).

The therapist helps an individual recognize what happens at “B”.  You can watch where you are going, but most people will trip some time in their life.  The fact that bad things will happen can’t be changed…especially not in in therapy.  No therapist has a magic wand (as much as they wish they did!).  What CAN be changed is how a person responds to the event (B).  Rather than “I am such a klutz” a person can change the thought to “Oh, well…no one is perfect…one trip certainly doesn’t make anyone a klutz.  Moving on!”  The resulting “C”…the emotional response…drastically changes in response to this rational, right belief.  No longer is the person down and depressed from believing they are klutz…they have already forgotten that the trip happened and are enjoying time with friends!

Christians often appreciate this theory because of how it resonates with 2 Corinthians 10:5: We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (TRUTH).

Resorting to negative, irrational beliefs are a habit and it can be a habit tough to break.  Tough, but not impossible.

The first step in changing the habit is becoming aware that it is happening in the first place.

Now, here’s the thing.  We all operate out of irrational beliefs from time to time and to varying degrees.

So, let’s get to it.  Take a look.  Which irrational beliefs do you tend to fall back on?

Irrational Belief No. 1: It is a dire necessity for an adult human being to be loved or approved by virtually every significant other person in his community.

Irrational Belief No. 2: One should be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving in all possible respects if one is to consider oneself worthwhile.

Irrational Belief No. 3: Certain people are bad, wicked, or villainous and that they should be severely blamed and punished for their villainy.

Irrational Belief No. 4: It is awful and catastrophic when things are not the way one would very much like them to be.

Irrational Belief No. 5: Human unhappiness is externally caused and that people have little or no ability to control their sorrows and disturbances.

Irrational Belief No. 6: If something is or may be dangerous or fearsome one should be terribly concerned about it and should keep dwelling on the possibility of its occurring.

Irrational Belief No. 7: It is easier to avoid than to face certain life difficulties and self-responsibilities.

Irrational Belief No. 8: One should be dependent on others and needs someone stronger than oneself on whom to rely.

Irrational Belief No. 9: One’s past history is an all-important determiner of one’s present behavior and that because something once strongly affected one’s life, it should indefinitely have a similar effect.

Irrational Belief No. 10: One should become quite upset over other people’s problems and disturbances.

Irrational Belief No. 11: There is invariably a right, precise, and perfect solution to human problems and that It is catastrophic if this perfect solution is not found.

Irrational Belief #12: You can give people (including yourself) a global rating as a human and that their general worth depends upon the goodness of their performances.

What do you think?  Do any of these surprise you?  Sometimes a couple of these irrational thoughts catch a person off guard.  For example: “Shouldn’t someone be very upset over other’s people’s problems?”  Wellll…hmm.  I guess that depends on how you define “very”.

Would you add some irrational beliefs or alter these any to fit you and your own struggles more?

Want to read and understand more about why these are irrational beliefs?  This site here gives much more detailed information.

I wish you well in your pursuit of living according to the TRUTH!

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND FIND THE SOURCE OF THE TRUTH!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

***Parallel Processing

Parallel process is a clinical term used to describe the common occurrence in therapy when the therapist’s own experience is reflected in the client’s. It is when a client comes in grieving over the loss of a loved one while the therapist has only just experienced his or her own loss as well. It is a therapist helping a client through feelings of anger and hurt that the therapist has also just recently confronted.

But, here’s the thing: we are all in parallel process. Too often in life it goes unsaid.

Here is where I say it.***

Let me preface this post with just this: When you finish reading it I want you to sit me down and read it back to me.  Ok?  Then we can start a support group.

WARNING: This is an intervention

Many of us women (and men) complain that we have a hard time saying “No”.  I think it is time we talk about WHY we have a hard time saying no.  Time to draw back the shades.  Time to shed some light.  Time to be real.  No sugar coating here.

I am giving you plenty of warning.  You might want to stop right now.  You don’t have to read any further.  (Then you wouldn’t read it back to ME either!)

Well, ok.  You’re still here.  Sigh.  Let’s do this…let’s rip this bandaid off.

Contrary to popular belief, the inability to say “no” has very little to do with the other person…

It has nothing to do with our concern for others…well, maybe our concern about what others think of us, but there is a big difference.

Has nothing to do with our incredible philanthropist spirit.

Has nothing to do with our passion to help mankind.

 

The inability to say “no” has everything to do with us.

 

Our fear of disappointing others.

Our fear of disapproval.

Our fear of losing our reputation.

It also has to do with a lot more…

We don’t say no because we think we are the only one who can do the job (savior complex).

We don’t say no because we care more about what that person thinks about us in the moment than with being honest and having integrity.

We don’t say no because we care more about building up our own self image than we do about being real.

We don’t say no because we want to work hard and do more so that we never, ever, ever owe anyone anything.  For some people it goes further…you want to always be in a “one up” position…you want to work hard, do more…so that people ALWAYS owe YOU (martyr complex).

We LOVE to feel NEEDED, but HATE to feel NEEDY.

Oh, to actually be in a position to NEED someone else?  Oh, God…never!  That would feel way to vulnerable!

To not do everything on our own…by ourselves?  To get people to HELP us?  Whoa…that might require some good people and communication skills, tolerance for imperfection, and MORE TIME.

It is high time you and I get over ourselves.

This applies to saying no regarding our children, too.

You sign your kid up for every last thing because you either don’t want to disappoint others, you care about your kid’s reputation (or your own), OR you think your kid is so incredibly outstanding that he or she MUST be exposed to each and every opportunity out there.

It is high time you and I get over ourselves…and over our kids, too.

Yes, in a very real sense each of us is special and has unique gifts to offer the world.

We also have to be careful that our western, individualized, me-centered culture doesn’t influence our spirituality, too, because…

…in a very real sense we are also nothing.  Nada.

God doesn’t NEED you to do anything.

He invites you to be part of His work.

HIS WORK.

Not yours.  Not your reputation.  Not you as savior.  Not you as martyr.

Not you so stressed out, secretly angry and bitter, frustrated to no end, physically sick because you just have to do everything and be everywhere.

This is a tough love post.  And, most of American culture needs it.

We are a society of co-dependents.

We LOVE to be needed.  No matter how sick it makes us.

We are desperate for approval…addicted to it, really…that we will say yes even when we know we really can’t.  We figure we will work it out later…only to disappoint people in the end.

It is more honest, more real…takes more integrity… to say “no” in the beginning.  No, I am so sorry…I will not be able to make it to that party.

Saying no in the beginning is the harder thing to do for US because we have to live knowing…tolerating…that for just a few seconds someone is disappointed with…possibly even disapproving of …us.  Gasp!

Approval and being needed…establishing our reputation…have become our gods….our idols.

We are energetic, workaholics who seek out what needs to be done…and we do it.

And, we get praised…adulations…”You are amazing!  How do you do it all?”

Yes, we are approval addicts.

We forget the old saying…”When I say no it gives someone else the opportunity to say yes.”

We forget that saying “no” is actually a gift to others AND ourselves when saying “yes” to everything is really only about us.

We haven’t figured out that saying “yes” is sometimes the most selfish thing we can do.

Does this mean I don’t think true altruism exists?  No…I most certainly do.

Do I think there aren’t a lot of people out there who could say “yes” more?  Absolutely, I do…as long as it is to the right things and for the right reasons.  But, I’m not talking to them right now.  In fact, maybe it is all relative and about perspective.  Maybe, we could learn a lot from those people who seem to hesitate to say “yes”.  I mean, are they really just bad human beings with no heart like we have always assumed?  Could they have some wisdom we don’t?

Get over yourself.  Get over saying no.  Get over your conversational competitions of who is busier, who is the most tired, who has the most going on.

I promise your friends will get over it, too.  (and, remember this post when someone says no to YOU…sometimes I think we have grown accustomed to everyone saying yes…all the time)

Now, go ahead…read it back to me.  I’m bracing myself.

 

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS SAVIOR TODAY!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com
 

Loneliness is one of those experiences that is so fundamental to the human condition that some have argued that it is a universal experience. I cannot deny that assertion based on my own personal experience. I have lived through feelings of loneliness as both a believer and unbeliever. And based on those experiences I can honestly say that there is an essential difference between the two. Perhaps we need a word to distinguish between them. As an unbeliever I experienced loneliness that led to true dispair, but I have never dispaired in that same way as a believer.
One day in 1999 I was feeling a little sorry for myself, and feeling pretty lonely. And it was in the midst of those feelings that the Lord challenged me, and opened my eyes to a testimony that I did not know that I had. I recently came across a short piece that I wrote back then in order to try to express what God was showing me. I am sharing it below. While it is far from answering all of our questions about feelings of loneliness I found it encouraging, and hope that you do too.

 

Seems strange. That a Christian could be lonely. Perhaps it is an impossibility. Yet, I must be quite honest with you, I feel lonely right now, most lonely indeed. Or do I? Yes…yes, I am quite sure I do. Or perhaps…well, let me think of it this way, for I am currently recalling the story of another.

There was once a yong man, about my age in fact. Actually he was several years younger. It was a very pitiful case. His loneliness was overwhelming. I worried that he would do something tragic one day. I was able to relate to his loneliness. But he, unlike me, had no relationship with God. He knew some things about God, but he did not know God. Not at all.

He was a pretty good writer. And he could write about pain with authority! You could tell that pain was a close, personal friend of his. He once wrote a poem that sent chills to the depths of my being. It was wonderfully frightening. It was on loneliness. And I’m trying to remember the words, but they just won’t seem to come to me. Don’t you hate it when that happens? This is so frustrating!

I do remember the title. It was called The Lady. And I remember the very last line. There was something about that last line that always stuck out to me. I have never forgotten that part. But I really want remember the rest for you, because it was the rest of it that truly haunted me.

It had to do with this lady, that is loneliness, for she was very much a real person to him. Yes, I remember him going to great lengths to get that across. And she would visit him often. These words, whichI cannot seem to remember, described her visits. He wrote about the anticipation he felt when he knew that she was on her way, and how frozen and fixed on her he would be while she stayed. Then he wrote about how he would feel when she would finally walk away. He observed how slowly she walked away. He was very adamant that she never left quickly. I just wish I could remember the words for you. Such powerful words!

Nevermind. I have wrestled with this for so long that I have nearly given the whole thing away. Perhaps it will come back to me later. Anyway, as I was saying I do remember that very last line. I do not think that I will ever forget those words. I am not sure why they stick with me so well. For this is all it said: I hope and pray that I can never write about her as easily as I do right now.

Isn’t there something frightening about that? Certainly he must have penned those words right in the middle of one of her visits! Or perhaps he wrote them as she was slowly walking away. Either way it is clear that he knew her very well.

However, this is what I am confused about. I relate to him so well, for I feel loneliness, but for some reason I do not feel The Lady. I am most certain that I do not know loneliness like he knew her. Oh, Father! Please, won’t you help me? Is it right for me to feel lonely? Am I really lonely? Who is this lady that he spoke of and why can I not remember his words about her?

God’s Answer:

Oh you of little faith. Do you knot know that I answer your prayers? That young man was you. But not you, for the old has passed away, and with it your relationship with The Lady. Can’t you see? I answered your prayer, and you will never be able to write about her in that way again. And my children be lonely? That is only impossible if they believe a lie, for I am always with them!

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR GET TO KNOW THE GOD THAT IS ALWAYS WITH YOU!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

My Dear Friend,

I saw what’s been happening.  I’ve been watching from a distance. And I am so sorry.

I am sure there is a part of you that wants to quit.  Throw in the towel.

I wrote a post a while back about the importance of saying “no” and I still believe that.

I also believe that giving yourself is WHO YOU ARE.

You give, you smile, you show up…because it is your very nature…your Spirit led, Christ loving nature.

I really don’t believe that you know any other way to be….that you don’t know how to be different…how not to give smiles, how not to notice and care.

But, I am guessing you wish you did right now.  I am guessing you wish you could box up all of your efforts and leave them on the curb to be taken by the garbage men.  I am guessing you wish you could “unlearn” what seems to be second nature to you.

Cause that’s about how much you feel those efforts in those boxes are worth right now.

You don’t do things like give of yourself…just to get from others.

You do it because it is who you are…and you LOVE PEOPLE.

You are sensitive.  It takes God given sensitivity to be in tune with the needs of others.

Unfortunately, sensitivity, like any gift, has its dark side.

So, you feel used.  Beat up.

Forsaken.

Who really cares anyway, right?

Obviously, NO ONE.

So, you are thinking about quitting.  Throwing in the towel. Saying “to heck with them” to everyone you have ever shown love.

And, I want to suggest that it is in this moment…this moment of feeling burned…burned by your love extended…burned out…in this pain of feeling forsaken by others…

…that you are the closest to experiencing the love of Christ poured out.

Henri Nowen called it being a “wounded healer”.

That is what Christ is after all…a wounded healer.

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5
I am guessing you feel pierced…by the thoughtlessness of others.

Crushed…by their carelessness.

Wounded…by their lack of concern.

Haven’t you shown thought, care, and concern for them?  Where is it for you?  Is there ever a time for you to get it in return?

You work to the point of blood, sweat, and tears to be there.

Where is everyone for you?

Wow, Jesus sure knew these feelings.  He gave and gave and gave…until He shed REAL drops of blood, sweat, and tears.

It didn’t just FEEL like he gave it all for others.

He really did.

“For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.” 2 Corinthians 1:5
Welcome to the sharing part…the sharing in the sufferings part.

And, it pretty much sucks.

I know it does.  And, I’m not here to try to preach away the bad feelings.

So, what DO you do with where you are…sharing in the sufferings as it says?

What do you do with hurt, pain…feeling forsaken…forgotten…overlooked?

What do you do when you get burned?  Out?

I think we still go back to Jesus.  He seems to give us an excellent model at the point where He was most forsaken: the cross.

1. Be silent.

“But Jesus remained silent and gave no answer” Mark 14:61
You might be tempted to talk back or speak out.  At least for now, be silent.  In the height of your burn out and pain, take a little bit of time to just be still and quiet.  There may be comfort there…or wisdom God is extending to you.

2. Cry

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Mark 15:34
You might feel more than just forgotten and looked over by friends, family, co-workers…you might feel forsaken by God.   Either way, even Jesus cried out.

So, go ahead…cry.  Get it out.  While you are staying silent towards others, take time to cry out to God…and to just cry.  Period.

3. Take a couple of days

Jesus was in the tomb from sometime Friday night to Sunday morning.  After the peak of being forsaken…forsaken unto death…forsaken until His own Father turned His back on His son…He is away in the tomb for a couple of days.

At the peak of feeling burned…out…take a couple of days.

You say you want to quit.  Alright.  That might be the best thing to do.

But, take a few days to be quiet and cry before you make any decisions.

Where you are can feel like hell.  Run over.  Exhausted.  Overlooked.  Unappreciated.

You are going to be angry, sad, and overwhelmed.  You are going to have a lot of questions.

Like….

“How can people be like this?  I just don’t understand!”

I’m sorry to say that you never will.

But, you know that already.

You’re no novice at this.

So, while you want desperately to give up…probably like Jesus wanted desperately to have His “cup” taken from Him (Matthew 26:39)…know this.  Jesus could not change Who He was.

He was and is Messiah.

Our Wounded Healer.

THE Wounded Healer.

He is and was love…and nothing would or will ever change that.

There is something powerful about partaking and shedding that same love to others as is flows through you.

We are called to be wounded healers, too.

We talk about the goodness of God’s love.

We often forget the suffering that this love WILL bring as it flows through us and out to others.

We forget that this love …that being Christ to others…will make us wounded healers, too.

There is power in the pain of this kind of love.

Look at the power of the cross.

I love you.  I am so sorry that you are hurting.  That you feel burned (out).

I am angry for you at the thoughtlessness of others towards you.

I wish I could tell you that it will get better or change or that if you moved to another state or another position it would be different.

It won’t.

Because no matter where you go as long as you are following and loving and living Jesus…

…you WILL share in His sufferings.

You WILL love and give and cry…as a wounded healer

Take a few days.  Re-group.  Let some things go maybe.

Then keep being WHO YOU ARE.

Your friend,

Emily

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AND LET HIM SHARE IN YOUR BURDENS!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

Therapy is way more than a toolbox of intervention. Information alone cannot replace professional help. However, information can be very powerful. So, for what it’s worth to you, here is the weekly post offering a therapeutic idea, concept, or intervention that you can try out in your own life or relationships.

Viktor Frankl, psychotherapist and holocaust survivor, developed a therapeutic model that he called “logotherapy”. Frankl offers an introduction of his model through his famous book Man’s Search for Meaning, in which he shares about his holocaust experience. Some say that his book is one of the ten most influential books in American history.

The gist of logotherapy is expressed in the title of his famous book, which is largely personal narrative from his experiences. Even the most horrific atrocities and unbearable experiences can be transcended and overcome when meaning can be found in their midst.

Frankl determined based on his own painful experiences that the ultimate quest of man is to find meaning in his or her existence…no matter how terrible that existence might be.

Logotherapy basically believes that all of life has meaning, our main drive is to find it, and we have the freedom to find this meaning.

Last week in my “For What It’s Worth” post I encourage an exercise where you list 3-5 positive things. The second part of this exercise involved writing or sharing 1 negative thing, about which you find 3-5 positive things that could come as a result.

Logotherapy encourages you to do the same. Whatever is painful, difficult, traumatic in your life…look for the lessons, the possible positives…the meaning.

A related idea to finding meaning in the challenges of life is the therapeutic idea of “reframing”. Here are some examples of “reframing”:

I am stuck, cooped up at home with the kids because of the snow storms outside.

OR

I get to spend a snuggly, cozy time at home watching movies and making memories around hot chocolate and games because of a snow storm outside.

SAME SITUATION…just “reframed”…cast in a different light…with a different attitude.

I lost my job. Life sucks.

OR

I am being pushed out of the nest to explore dreams I left on the sidelines long ago. I am getting a chance to reinvent myself and face exciting, new challenges.

SAME SITUATION…just “reframed”…cast in a different light…with a different attitude.

My coworkers are evil. I know they are out to get me. I barely make it through each day.

OR

I am getting the chance to learn a lot about people skills and working with difficult people as well as how to take care of myself outside of work. I am going to grow a LOT during this time!

SAME SITUATION…just “reframed”…cast in a different light…with a different attitude.

Our finances are a wreck. We are never going to get out of this hole.

OR

Our finances are forcing us to be honest about our values, make some tough decisions and learn some hard lessons. We will be better for it when all is said and done.

SAME SITUATION…just “reframed”…cast in a different light…with a different attitude.

Of course, it is tough to reframe some situations. In many life circumstances it is difficult to find “meaning”.

Of course, God has always been concerned with meaning. In Deuteronomy 6:20-21 we are told: “In the future, when your son asks you, “What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the LORD our God has commanded you?” tell him: “We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, but the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand.”

In other words: “When your children ask you ‘why?’ you tell them your story…the meaning behind it.”

Romans 8:28 in the New Testament makes a promise about meaning: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…”

In other words: “No matter what happens there is meaning behind it…there is purpose.”

Finding meaning is hard work. It often involves telling your story to a trusted listener and praying and reading and waiting.

We often do not find it unless we make a point to look for it.

So, for what it’s worth, I encourage you to do the hard work. To talk and pray and trust and read and wait.

Being willing to look for it.

That is often the hardest part…and takes the most courage.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND FIND YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

Therapy is way more than a toolbox of intervention. Information alone cannot replace professional help. However, information can be very powerful. So, for what it’s worth to you, here is the weekly post offering a therapeutic idea, concept, or intervention that you can try out in your own life or relationships.

A hot new intervention in therapy these days is the use of something called “mindfulness”.  It is a cognitive behavioral technique that is aimed at helping a person learn to train their mind to live in the “here and now”.  It is commonly used to treat depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and related disorders.  It is also used to help athletes with their functioning and with people who are suffering from chronic illness to manage pain and other symptoms.  You can read more about it here as well as many other places on the Internet.  A great book on using mindfulness to treat depression can be seen here.

The truth is that most of our worry, stress, and anxiety comes from thoughts of the PAST or worries for the FUTURE.

When we are stressed what can be most helpful is gently guiding our mind to the HERE and NOW by getting in touch with our senses.

This discipline, like all others, takes practice.  It is suggested that these “here and now” exercises be practiced on a regular, daily basis.

Jesus even uses this technique in Matthew chapter 6.  As he encourages his disciples not to worry…what does he do?  He engages their sense. He tells them to “look” around…to notice things like the birds of the air, the flowers in the field.

So, for what it is worth…I encourage you to give your mind a break from the frenzied roller coaster of backward and forward thinking.

Be present.

Here.

Now.

Want to get started?  Here are some common mindfulness, “here and now” practices you can try on a regular basis.  You can find these on many different websites across the Internet.  I did not come up with any of them.

Give it a shot! You might be surprised at how your brain frenzy slows down and your gratitude goes up.

Here and Now Exercise 1

Mindful Eating

Take one bite of an apple slice (or some other fruit) and then close your eyes. Do not begin chewing yet.
Try not to pay attention to the ideas running through your mind, just focus on the apple. Notice anything that comes to mind about taste, texture, temperature and sensation going on in your mouth.
Begin chewing now. Chew slowly, just noticing what it feels like. It’s normal that your mind will want to wander off. If you notice you’re paying more attention to your thinking than to the chewing, just let go of the thought for the moment and come back to the chewing. Notice each tiny movement of your jaw.
In these moments you may find yourself wanting to swallow the apple. See if you can stay present and notice the subtle transition from chewing to swallowing.
As you prepare to swallow the apple, try to follow it moving toward the back of your tongue and into your throat. Swallow the apple, following it until you can no longer feel any sensation of the food remaining.
Take a deep breath and exhale.
Other ideas to help you eat “mindfully”:

Eat with chopsticks, eat with your non-dominant hand, chew your food 30 to 50 times per bite, eat without TV, newspaper or computer, eat sitting down, put the proper portions of food on your plate and try to make the meal last at least 20 minutes.

 

Here and Now Exercise 2

Mindful Walking

First, set your intention to walk mindfully, in the “here and now”. Take a few deep breaths, and just acknowledge that during your walk you will try to be aware of your environment and your internal state (i.e., thoughts, feelings, sensations). There are no set rules for this walk, and it can be done in any location.
As you begin to walk, first notice the sensation of your feet hitting the ground. Notice the process of moving your legs. What muscles tense or relax as you move? Notice where you are stepping, the quality of each step (i.e., are you stepping hard or lightly onto the ground), and the feel of the ground beneath your feet or shoes.
Expand your awareness to notice your surroundings. As you walk, what do you see, smell, hear, taste, and feel? How does the air feel on your skin? What do you notice around you?
Expand your awareness so that you remain aware of the sensation of walking and the external environment while you also become aware of your internal experiences, such as your thoughts and emotions.

Here and Now Exercise 3

Mindful Driving

Start by approaching your car/truck with the intention of being mindful…of being in the “here and now”.
Notice each of the actions involved in starting the car: opening the door, sitting down, putting on your seatbelt, putting the keys in the ignition, turning the keys. Be aware of the sensations in your body throughout. Notice the feeling of sitting down, the feel of the cold metal key in your hand.
As you pull out of your parking space, notice the sensation of motion, and the feeling of your hands on the steering wheel. Expand your awareness so that you are really aware of all of the things in your field of vision. In your mind, label each of the steps of your behavior (e.g.,”I am checking my rear view mirror. There is nothing in the way, I am backing up”).
Continue practicing being aware of your experience of driving. If you notice that thoughts have pulled you away from the experience (e.g., you are thinking about something in the past or future), just gently shift your attention back to the experience of driving.
Each time you stop at a red light or stop sign, use that as a cue to come back to the experience of driving. Our minds very easily wander to other things when we are driving because it is a habitual behavior. Each time you are stopped, just remind yourself to come back to being aware of driving.
Continue to drive mindfully until you arrive at your destination.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AND LIVE WITH CHRIST EVERYDAY IN THE PRESENT AND FUTURE!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

It is a strange and sordid tale, which is precisely why it grabs my attention. It takes place in the messy context of tragedy and redemption, which is precisely what makes it so perfect. It is one of those stories that Muslim friends point to as proof that the Jewish and Christian scripture has been corrupted. It is one of those stories that Atheist friends point to as proof that even if God did exist no one would like him. It is the curious story of Onan. His part in the divine narrative covers all of three verses. Yet spiritual pilgrims have speculated about the significance of his actions for thousands of years. This is what we know about Onan from Genesis 38:8-10:

Then Judah said to Onan, “Sleep with your brother’s wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your brother.” But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the LORD’s sight; so the LORD put him to death also.

When I read stories like this I honestly wonder how anyone could not love the bible. So many unanswered questions. So much mystery. So astounding and…odd. Isn’t it beautiful?

But what was Onan’s offense? Was it copulation without the intention of procreation? With all due respect to beliefs about birth control Onan was hardly the only one to ever do such a thing. It is difficult to reconcile God’s reaction in the story if this were the case. Was it that he disobeyed his father? The law of Moses had not been given yet. However, honoring one’s father was already a big deal. Just ask Ham! But even Ham was spared the death penalty. Was it that he failed to fulfill his duty in a family covenant? Indeed, covenants are serious business in the Hebrew bible. But God demonstrates his willingness to take back the covenanted unfaithful over and over again throughout the history of Israel. So again, what was Onan’s sin?

I wonder if the key to understanding this mystifying story does not lay in ten little words: But Onan knew that the child would not be his. Onan was guilty of all of the things mentioned above, but it was his unwillingness to take responsibility of a child that would not belong to him that brought about the harsh reaction from God. Wow, I am sure glad that we do not ever do that….or do we?

People often make amazing sacrifices. People often do hard things. At times people even do those things with little apparent benefit to themselves. But there is one thing that motivates us, even when there appears to be no motivating forces. We think it is a small thing, no big deal. We don’t really believe we are seeking it, even when we are offended if it does not happen. In truth it is one of our favorite things. It is recognition.

Jesus said that if we did good things in order to gain the praise of men we would have no reward from our father in heaven. Instead we are to do those things in secret, trusting that he sees us and he will reward us (see Matthew 6:1-4). But we want to get our credit from people. We drop some details about how we helped out. We sprinkle in a reference about some really good deed. We listen to the reactions, Wow, that was a really nice thing to do! And then we dismiss the praise by telling them that it is not a big deal, while we glow with pride on the inside. When we do a good deed for ourselves it is ours. It belongs to us. We own it. And so, quite naturally, we turn around and show it off. But when we do a good deed for God it is his, and we are simply glad to have blessed him with it.

In some translations verse nine starts this way: But Onan knew that the child would not bear his name. I think that brings it home for us. We want to stamp our name on stuff. We want to put our logo on it. We want people to see how great we are. My question is this: What would it look like if Christians quit slapping their names on whatever good deeds they managed to produce? What would it look like if churches did good secret works? What would it look like if a community of faith poured its time and energy and resources into the life of something or someone that would ultimately mature and bear someone else’s name?

I could get pretty fired up by talking about what others should be doing that would not only bring them no recognition, but even bear someone else’s name. However, am I willing to that myself? It seems unlikely…as I type this on the blog that bears my name. And that is sad to me. It is sad to think that I could spend my life trying to do so many good things only to enter into eternity and discover that I cashed in all of my eternal rewards for nothing more than the praise of men. Perhaps we should all do ourselves a favor today, and do one thing for God that no one knows about but you and him.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR AND START LIVING YOUR LIFE FOR HIS NAME!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

 

In Scripture, particularly the Old Testament, the theme of land is prominent. This might be surprising at first glance, especially in a day where booming urban centers remind us that we can fit a lot of people into a relatively small piece of land.  God chose Abraham and promised to turn his descendants into a great nation. He then promised Abraham land that would be given to that nation. In all of these promises God was not merely promising Israel physical space. He was promising them a place in this world. It is one thing to know that there is a space for you; it is another thing to know that there is a place for you.

When we gather as the body of Christ we are not merely congregating on a piece of land, or in a certain space. We are coming together in a way that offers place to each and every individual member of the body. If the point were simply to gather in a space then each of us would be able to measure our discipleship by tracking our attendance. But again, when we assemble we are not just gathering together, we are being put together.

We are instructed to make sure that we do not forsake this practice of assembling ourselves in the book of Hebrews (see 10:25). When we read the instruction to not forsake assembling ourselves together we immediately hear a sort of parenthetical statement, “as is the manner of some” (v. 25). Evidently even in first century Christianity some believers were known to not take corporate gathering very seriously. When we neglect this biblical instruction to gather together we are not just being disobedient, we are hurting ourselves and others.

In our individualistic and relativistic culture it might sound harsh to take the commandment to gather together so seriously. But we do not gather to satisfy a rule. We gather in order to “stir up love and good works” (v. 24). If I do not gather together with the rest of the body of Christ I will soon find a deficit of both love and good works in my life. That is a loss for me personally. But it is also a loss for the rest of the body, because they will have never been able to experience the love and good works that God would have developed in me if I had been assembled into the body of Christ.

This applies not only to Sunday morning, but also to the smaller, more personal gatherings that happen throughout the week. Some groups gather for prayer, some for bible study, some for learning about specific topics, some for fellowship and some to pursue interests and hobbies together. Whether or not the gathering appears to be overtly spiritual all of our gatherings are part of the process by which God fits us into the body of Christ. It is as important today to be assembled with the rest of the body as it has ever been. Do not forsake it. And encourage others to do the same.

I know that I have been talking about going to church a lot lately. Just last week I hinted at it here, and directly stated it here. I know that my exhortation on this subject might be met with a good bit of suspicion. After all, I am a pastor on staff at a church, and some people feel that pastors at churches are always hounding people about attending church (and not always with pure motives). However, I cannot let this subject go.

Most Christians believe that it is good to go to church and bad to not go to church, at least as a general rule. Yet many have quit going to church for various reasons. At the risk of sounding cryptic or apocalyptic or hyper-spiritual or just plain weird, let me say this. I believe that we are entering into a time when everyone will need to have a vital connection to the body of Christ in order to sustain themselves. And at the risk of sounding preachy or old-school or legalistic or just plain weird, let me say this. S.M.O. (Sunday morning only) Christianity will not be enough. If you struggle to even attend that one larger, weekly gathering you still have a long way to go in finding the type of vital relationship to the body that you need.

I have said it before and I will say it again. You need the body and the body needs you. There are no vestigial organs in the Body of Christ. You have a place, and the body cannot fully function without you. Do whatever you have to do to find your place. Drive however far you need to drive to be in the church to which you are called. Move if necessary. I’m not kidding. It is time. If you are misplaced consider these two aspects of your position: (1) you are not where you are suppose to be, and (2) you are occupying a place that is intended for someone else. If you refuse to be placed by God then you will eventually get replaced in the place where you are suppose to be, and displaced from the place that you occupy. Today is the day of placement. But the days of displacement and replacement will soon be upon us. So do whatever you need to do to become a vital member of the Body of Christ. And do that today.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR AND BECOME PART OF THE BODY OF CHRIST!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

Someone once observed that church had become so focused on the performance of the preacher and worship leaders that the people attending had actually begun to believe that they were the audience in a worship service. Could that describe some church services that you have attended? Does it describe almost all of them? Well, that observation was made by Soren Kierkegaard in the 1850′s. I guess not much has changed in 150 years. Kierkegarrd believed that in corporate worship God was the audience, the congregation were the performers, and the service leaders were merely the prompters.I wrote last week about the need to prepare ourselves for corporate worship, but what about the actual performance of it?

Performance is not a word that we like to use in conjunction with worship. In fact, it is a word that is often used to critique worship. We talk of people performing in order to imply that something is inauthentic, incongruent, and ingenuous. I think that we do have a problem with people performing at times, and that it often reflects and leads to a lack of spiritual sincerity. However, we can also have another problem that often gets overlooked. That is, we can show up for corporate worship with more of a desire to passively observe worship rather than actively participate in it. Perhaps a bigger problem for us now is not so much a performance based mentality as an entertainment based mentality.

I do not point this out in an overly critical way. I do not want to do anything that is inauthentic any more than the next person. It is not uncommon for me to find myself sitting in a worship service not feeling like participating in worship. Depending on your faith tradition that situation may put more of a decision before you than others. Some liturgical styles require more participation than others. And some liturgical styles require more expression than others. But in the context of my faith tradition this normally requires a decision on my part. Do I sort of set aside my feelings and attitude and enter into the liturgy? Or do I go through the motions without any spiritual engagement? Or do I choose not to participate at all?

In Psalm 100:4 we are instructed to “enter his gates with thanksgiving.” Of course, this was in reference to the Temple. We can apply that instruction today to church. But whether we are speaking of Solomon’s Temple thousands of years ago or a local congregation today, there is a second, invisible reality at work as well. That is, we are being instructed on how to enter into the presence of God. So, how do we enter into his presence?

First, we have to decide that we are going to enter his gates. That might sound like I am stating the obvious, but I am not so sure that we always make the decision to enter in the first place. If I am standing on one side of a doorway there are only a few ways for me to get to the other side. Someone could come along and throw me through. Someone could reach out from the otherside and pull me through. But neither of those are likely to happen. Most likely I simply need to decide that I want to go through and then I need to do it. Again, that seems so obvious. Yet, I often find myself waiting around for someone else to push or pull me into the presence of God, rather than entering in myself.

Second, once I have determined to enter into the presence of God I need to start with thanksgiving. This is just as true in private worship as it is in corporate worship. When I sit down to pray I do not always feel much compulsion and energy to do so. In those moments I find it helpful to step back and meditate on what types of things for which I have to be thankful. Despite the number of times that I have done this I am always surprised how frequently I will begin to think about things that I have never thought about. Soon I am remembering how good God is and how much I take Him for granted. And at that point it does not take long for my self-focused thanksgiving to give way to some God-focused praise, which leads to the third aspect of entering His gates.

While we enter into His gates with thanksgiving, we enter into His courts with praise (Psalm 100:4). At some point our focus has to become Him, and not merely His benefits. As we are captured by the beauty of His character we suddenly find ourselves caught up into His very presence. At that point we cannot help but to proclaim His goodness and praise His name. That is why Psalm 100 crescendos and ends with a declaration about God’s unending goodness, love, and faithfulness (Psalm 100:5).

We are finite creatures who are subject to a wide range of thoughts, feelings and circumstances. That is not a bad thing. It is simply reality. God, on the otherhand, is eternal and unchanging. His reality is the same even when our reality seems to be constantly changing. So, whether you are in private or corporate worship, do not let your temporal reality keep you from worshiping. Once you decide to worship you might feel like more of a worship performer than a true worshiper (John 4:23). But do not let that discourage you either. If you have determined to enter into His gates then your performance is only the first step that will ultimately take you into His presence. And where else would you rather be?

People do not often tell me about dreams that they have had, but when they do there is a pretty good chance that there is a tornado in it. I heard about someone’s tornado dream for the first time fourteen years ago. It was such a vivid and striking dream that it captured my imagination, but I had no idea that it would be the first of scores of such dreams reported to me. There has rarely been any prompting to tell such dreams, and really no context at all. I will simply find myself in a conversation where someone will suddenly say, “I had the strangest dream the other night.” I have no idea what to make of this phenomenon. However, it has had made me wonder just how common tornado dreams might be. I can rationalize an increase in tornado dreams since April 27th, 2011. But what about all of the ones prior to that sad day?

Anyway, yesterday I received an email from a friend with a dream attached. And of course, there were tornados in it. I asked her for permission to share it, and you can read it below.

I want to try something here. I am putting out a call for tornado dreams. Have you ever had a dream with a tornado in it? Do you know of someone else who has? If so, would you consider sharing it with me and letting me put it here on the blog? I would like to put your name and a date on it. But if you would rather me not put your name on it that is fine. I will start a collection that will be archived on a drop-down menu above under the tab jonathan’s blog. If you are willing to help me please use the contact form found by clicking the contact tab at the top of the page. If you are willing to put out an all call for such dreams on your Facebook, Twitter, etc. that would be great. I am especially interested in dreams that have both tornados and churches in them, but will take any tornado dream.

Thanks for your help with this. If you have any thoughts on the dream below please share them in the comments.

March 29th, 2012

There was an outreach going on in the heart of a large old city. It had tall multi-level buildings and old brick houses. All the buildings were in disrepair. In the middle of the city was an old really run-down white brick church. The building was our church but it was really run down so only workers and children used it. And out on the lawn our church was doing an outreach or bible study and there were children everywhere responding to it. We were feeding them, clothing them and teaching them God’s word. The adults were just out shopping and doing their daily business, not really messing with us because they said the church is irrelevant and it is a place to take care of our children so that we don’t have to be bothered and we can live our lives. They didn’t despise their children, just didn’t really have time for them. But they did despise the church, even though they left us alone.

The outreach was over and I started walking through the city I was witnessing to a young person (teen or young adult). He was running from some other older young people who were trying to jump him into their gang. I was trying to help him, but I was also trying to get home to my parents and sister and her family. Then the tornado sirens went off. So I convinced the kid to run with me back to the church to take shelter.

The workers were gathering the children into the church and we ran in. There weren’t any adults in there except the other church workers. The church had a basement but it was just a hole that was cut into the floor and it lead to a space cut out of the earth, so no one went there we all just filled the old church and looked out the windows as multiple black tornadoes ripped through the city. One tornado came at us and the church started spinning and twirling through the city. I saw buildings fall all around but the church building was still in one piece being pushed and knocked through the city. The building that were falling were old and in disrepair but they were newer than the church and they looked stronger than the old white brick church. Then it stopped and some more children and a few adults that had survived the first on-slot of tornados came into the church.

Then more tornadoes hit. One reached down inside the church. It didn’t rip off the roof or walls, it just reached inside. It came at me and tore up a false floor where I was standing, but I held onto a rope attached to the real floor and it just ripped up a space of false floor and then lifted going back to destroy other buildings outside. Then the storm ended and we went outside.

No one in the church was lost and the old church was still standing. Not even a window was broken out of it. The other buildings were just destroyed and people who had survived started coming out. But there was a rash of looting and steeling and the people were trying to get everyone to join in, even me but I wouldn’t. I was hungry like everyone else but I would not steal to get food or even a bicycle to ride home to my parent’s house. Eventually I was able to talk to them, but not see them (my parents). And then I started helping gather people and children back to the church and to care for any of the survivors that would let us care for them.  Then I woke up.

Kelli Smalley

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND KNOW THE STRENGTH OF OUR PROTECTOR!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

 

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

October 26, 2063

My Dear Children, Grandchildren & Great Grandchildren:

Today I turned ninety. I have been blessed with a long and fruitful life. Nothing brings me more pleasure than my four children, eleven grandchildren, and that precious great grandchild that came to us last year. I am so proud of each and everyone of you, and overwhelmed at the beauty of your families. But looking into the eyes of our newest addition has brought to me the realization that I may not get the opportunity to know very many from the next generation. That being the case, there are some things that I would like to pass along to you.

Deuteronomy 6:20-21 says, “In the future, when you son asks you, ‘What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the LORD our God has commanded you?’ tell him: ‘We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, but the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand.’” In other words, when your children start asking you about your religion it is not time to give them an answer, it is time to give them your story. That is why I wrote such a detailed biography on your great grandmother and me. Perhaps it is a little too long, but at least you will have that story with you always.

However, as I have read back over the story recently I have recognized that there are some important things missing. In light of that fact, I have decided to write a series of letters to you, especially with my great grandchildren in mind, in hopes of filling in some of the gaps. Do not worry, they will be short, as I am doing it the old fashioned way and typing them in by hand (I actually can remember when people wrote with pens on paper!), and my swollen joints no longer allow me to do that for very long. So, let us begin with the topic of our Tribe.

Tribalism has not always been very popular. In fact, there was a time when it was almost lost, and with it the sense of identity that all of us need in order to move forward. One’s identity is fluid and evolving. It changes over time. Likewise, the collective identity of any tribe changes as well. Remembering where one came from is not an attempt to stop the evolution. When I was a child there was an old comic book character named Thor, who had supernatural powers and wielded a heavy, mystical hammer referred to as Mjolnir. Thor could reach back with the hammer, twirl it rapidly, and then sling it in the direction that he wished to go. Holding onto its leather strap the weight of the hammer would allow him to travel through space, time, and other dimensions. Likewise, we must reach back into our past in order to thrust ourselves forward into our future. If you forget your past then you can forget your future.

In the days that tribalism became unpopular we referred to is as denominationalism. A denomination is a unit of measurement, and like all measurements it was defined by the point at which it stops. In a similar fashion we defined our tribes in that day not so much by our collective identities, but by the places that we stopped moving and started camping. So, the groups that set up camp around the doctrine of baptism became known as The Baptists, the groups that emphasized the phenomenon on the Day of Pentecost in Acts 2 became known as The Pentecostals, the groups that followed a certain discipleship method became known as The Methodists, etc. These descriptors reflected points of disagreement more than the sense of identity that comes with a name. Your tribe has a history within that wider Protestant history of denominationalism as well. We were no different than the rest, and it almost cost us our future.

The Church of God was formed in 1886 in the Appalachian hills of eastern Tennessee and western North Carolina. We were a foolish, impoverished group of farmers and miners. We came out of other denominations because we felt that they had traded in their sense of both identity and movement in order to camp around man made doctrines. It was our desire to see a restoration of the New Testament church, and so we did not set out with the name Church of God. We simply called ourselves Christian Union, and referred to our hope of a fellowship of believers from all traditions as the Church of God. The meeting was called together by R. G. Spurling at the Barney Creek meeting house in Tennessee with these words:

As many Christians as are here present and desirous to be free from all man-made creeds and traditions, and are willing to take the New Testament, or law of Christ as your only rule of faith and practice; giving each other equal rights and privilege to read and interpret for yourselves as your conscience may dictate, and are willing to set together as the Church of God to transact business as the same come forward.

We see in Spurling’s call the four foundations upon which our tribe was built: Freedom or Christian Liberty; The Law of Christ; Equality; and Fellowship. This Christian Union continued humbly for ten years, but in 1896 a revival that was accompanied by signs and wonders and the phenomenon of glossolalia broke out. Some people will tell you that Pentecostalism started in 1906 in a revival on Azusa Street in Los Angeles, California. But many tribes, including our own, were birthed completely separate from and, in our case, prior to that great revival in Los Angeles. In fact, if you will look for it you will find that the so-called Pentecostal experience popped up in various groups, times, and places throughout Christian history. It only caught worldwide attention at the turn of the twentieth century when large numbers of people encountered it through the revival in California.

Our own revival caused us to have sudden and rapid growth around the southeastern portion of the United States. Soon the burgeoning enthusiasm led to mission endeavors and prayer movements not unlike those of the great Nikolaus von Zinzendorf and our Moravian brothers and sisters over one hundred years prior. The growth was mind boggling. Eight people came forward to join the Christian Union in 1886. By the time I became a licensed minister one hundred and eighteen years later we had over a million members in the USA and over six million members outside of the USA. However, not everything went well in the growth.

Somewhere in the middle of the twentieth century we became embarrassed of our roots. We desired respect from the other tribes. So, we worked hard to make ourselves more presentable to them. During that time some of the tribes came together to form what was called the National Association of Evangelicals. We made some changes in order to qualify for membership. Not everything was bad in it, and the NAE was a fine organization. But in its early days it was marked by a very conservative fundamentalism. In order to fit in with our more conservative brothers and sisters we at times betrayed our own foundations. For example, we regressed in our treatment of women in ministry despite the fact that one of our original foundations was equality. We never kept our anointed sisters from pastoring, evangelizing, serving as missionaries, etc. But we restricted their rights to serve on certain boards and blocked them from some nominated positions of leadership. It was a confusing and unfortunate time for everyone.

Over time the NAE became an entity of influence, and eventually the term Evangelical became a label in popular American culture for any conservative Christian that was not Roman Catholic, Orthodox, or Mainline Protestant. This became an even more confusing situation. So many tribes had been lumped under the title Evangelical that it became a self-contradicting and unsustainable rubric. Some American Evangelical churches were growing as a whole, in some cases even spawning huge congregations that became known as Mega-churches. However, most tribes were rapidly losing a certain demographic. The cognitive dissonance between the supposed convictions of Evangelicals and the actual beliefs of certain tribes had become so great that young Evangelicals began to leave their movements in droves. Researchers began to notice the trend, but no one knew how to respond. We almost lost an entire generation for one reason. We had forgotten our past, and when we had no sense of origin we had no sense of identity. When you lose your name (that is, the meaning of your name–your identity) you lose your future.

Of course, then came the Great Collapse, which I prefer to call the Great Shaking. It took an unprecedented global crisis to change things, to wake us up to how severely we had lost our way. Having lived through the Great Collapse I can tell you that the last thing it appeared to be was a blessing. Nonetheless, I do not know if we would have ever regained our past, our identity, our foundations had that awful time not come upon us.

My prayer for you is that you will remember this part of your history. That you will learn from it. Never be ashamed of your tribe, but never reduce your tribe to the thing that we had made it in the days of denominationalism. It is true that sometimes God will call individuals to leave their homeland, just like He did to Abram in Ur. I would tell you that there are two reasons in which you should leave our tribe if it ever comes about. One, that God clearly calls you out and verifies His calling to you. Two, that your tribe asks you to leave. If the second one happens at no fault of your own I tell you to shake the dust off of your sandals and move on. But for any other reason I tell you that this is who you are and where you belong. Stick with your tribe the way a captain sticks with his ship, even when it is sinking.

Finally, do not look with contempt upon the other tribes. When the Israelites entered the promised land they were each given specific portions of the land. Certain tribes would join together in order to help a particular tribe obtain the inheritance promised to them by God. Likewise, know that the other tribes have promises from God. Always start from the assumption that they are trying to faithfully fight the battles that God has put before them. And be willing to join them in their fight when God so calls.

As for you, my great grandchildren, your heritage is rich within this tribe. You are ninth generation Church of God from my side of the family, and you have descended from the founder, Richard Spurling on your Great Grandmother’s side of the family. Both of my parents were Church of God ministers and each of their parents were Church of God ministers. Your Great Grandmother and I served as Church of God ministers for our entire careers, as have, for many of you, your parents and grandparents as well. Follow God wherever He calls you, but never despise where you came from. This is who you are. Your high calling transcends your tribal identity, but you will never go higher by erasing your past. So never forget who you are, who we are.

With Love,

Papa

 

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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

Today I am participating in a Pentecostal Symposium at Princeton Theological Seminary organized by The Association of Charismatic and Theological Students (ACTS) organization of the school. The title of the symposium is Spirit Poured Out on All Flesh: Sexuality, Gender, and The Body in the Pentecostal Church. I am one of four panelist asked to speak in the first session: Homosexuality in the Pentecostal Church. Here are my opening remarks.

Good morning. My name is Jonathan Stone. I serve as the Pastor of Discipleship & Evangelism at Westmore Church of God in Cleveland, Tennessee. And it truly is an honor to be here with all of you today.

When I was a seminary student twelve years ago I distinctly remember Stanley Hauerwas lamenting the state of this same conversation in the United Methodist Church. You can read the account in his book, A Better Hope: Resources for a Church Confronting Capitalism, Democracy, and Postmodernity. From Hauerwas’ perspective he was thrown onto a committee that was divided right down the middle on the appropriate way that the UMC should respond to the LGBT community. That is, half of the committee desired for the church as a whole to be completely open and affirming, and the other half of the committee sought complete restriction.

This in and of itself is not what frustrated Hauerwas. Rather, it was the reaction that he received after days of hearing the same old arguments leading nowhere. Everyone wanted to discuss this big question of whether or not the UMC would say, ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to the LGBT, whether they would be considered in or out. Since this debate appeared intractable Hauerwas suggested that they put that large question aside in order to address the other questions that surround the issue. Much to his surprise no one for either side was interested in these other questions. The committee disbanded and Hauerwas vowed that he was done with such conversations. I remember thinking to myself that I would probably never face that particular debate within Pentecostalism. Yet, twelve years later here we are.

The big question is essentially a theological one, and the key disagreements boil down to questions of hermeneutics. Since I am neither a theologian nor a biblical scholar you may not have many questions for me today. So, I’m going to say all that I can right now. (Ha!)

When I think of this issue I do not think primarily of the big question. I think of a person who sits in my office seeking pastoral care and struggles to tell me about their same sex attraction or gender confusion or homosexual activities. But my perspectives are shaped by more than these individuals. They are shaped by a variety of personal and meaningful relationships.

I am shaped by my brother who is openly gay, a member of the UCC, a Hebrew Bible Scholar at Chicago Theological Seminary, and a recognized voice in the field of Queer Theology. I am shaped by one of my former classmates who secretly lived a gay lifestyle in college and seminary, but later walked away from the lifestyle, became a licensed minister, and entered a heterosexual marriage to this day. I am shaped by my childhood friend who came out of the closet, acted on his orientation in a reckless way, passed away from AIDS at 28, and in the last months of his life became convinced that his homosexuality was more like an addiction than an orientation.

I am puzzled by the fact that we recognize the complexities of the human condition in every existential and ontological facet, yet continue to reduce the spectrum of human sexuality into two binary opposites—gay or straight. Kierkegaard said, “Once you label me you negate my existence.” Almost all of those that seek me for pastoral care are seeking me out of a confused existence, yet they are carrying with them an overwhelming since of pressure to squeeze into one of these two labels, gay or straight. One of my first objectives in pastoral counseling is to help that person understand that there are plenty of communities that will embrace whatever sexual identity they eventually claim, but that for now it’s important for them to recognize that they are neither gay nor straight, but confused. Confused people are hurting people. And it is my job to care for hurting people.

In other words, we have to slow the process down, agree to take our time. This way we can sit together and face their current reality in an honest way. From that point forward I am there with them, to celebrate with them, cry with them, and pray with them. As a pastor that is my job, my duty.

I get questioned about whether or not I am doing more harm than good by maintaining a restrictive position on homosexuality, about whether or not I am suggesting reparative therapy and whether or not that is a dangerous exercise. But I would ask those same questions to anyone who would tell someone that I am counseling that they just need to simply accept their homosexual identity. Some, like my brother, come to that conclusion. And although our perspectives are different nothing will ever keep us from loving one another, respecting one another, and embracing one another as brothers. Others, like my classmate, reject that identity and choose a heterosexual lifestyle. And some, no matter which path they choose, are faced with deep regrets later in life, like my friend who died tragically young. The point is that we have to care for people where they are at, and I believe that our false reductionism is hindering our ability to do that.

I am interested in caring for people in the midst of their experience, and I reject the idea that I cannot do that if I still consider the practice of homosexuality to be a sin. Furthermore, I am perplexed at why we would want to continue to split faith traditions over this issue when we now have plenty of open and affirming faith traditions that members of the LGBT can call their spiritual home. Finally, I am concerned that our insistence on focusing on the big question is keeping us from correcting some of the things that we have done wrong. When society treated homosexuals with such hatred that suicide was a common outcome the church should have been a sanctuary for those individuals. I believe that the LGBT should be able to honestly say of Pentecostalism that, “They tell me homosexual practice is a sin, yet they love me better than anyone I know.” That is my great hope.  And if members of the LGBT community are interested in working toward that I firmly believe that there is much that we can do to that end.

 

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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

Last week I participated in a symposium at Princeton Theological Seminary that sought to explore the issue of homosexuality in the Pentecostal church. The symposium potentially served as the genesis of a dialogue between Pentecostalism and the LGBT community. Only time will tell on that front. However, it certainly served as a catalyst for encouraging more dialogue about sexuality in general within Pentecostalism. Since posting my opening remarks from the symposium I have been asked by many for an update. So, what follows serves as a brief reflection on the symposium itself, and some of my thoughts on where we go from here.

There were eight panelist that participated altogether. I was the only panelist that was not engaged in the academy full time. I represented a pastoral care perspective. There were two Ph.D. students, two biblical scholars, and three theologians on the panel. I found it interesting that the organizers intentionally desired a pastoral perspective, and that they plan to continue to have at least one pastoral voice in future symposiums.

As far as I could tell from the interaction the majority of the audience was open and affirming, while the panel was more-or-less split on the issue. As would be expected there were some fairly tense moments. But I thought that the overall tone was very civil, considering the passion with which many individuals hold their views on this issue. By my estimation the event was a huge success, and I am grateful to The Association of Charismatic and Theological Students, as well as Princeton Theological Seminary for the opportunity to participate. Here are some bulleted observations:

Trying to maintain a loving but restrictive stance will be met with some suspicion from both camps.
Both sides need to produce a working explanation of how they arrive at conclusions of what the bible says about slavery, women, and homosexuality without being inconsistent.
Respective views on Scripture and interpretive frameworks are the watershed issues.
Perhaps just as important as the above point is the difference in the respective views on the connection between sexual behavior and ontological identity.
The most marginalized individual in this discussion is no longer the one that identifies him/herself as a Gay Christian, but the one who identifies him/herself as a Formerly Gay Christian.
Some repentance is in order over the way that LGBT individuals have been treated by the church in the past.
There is a need for a broader dialogue on sexuality in general within Pentecostalism.
Some of the misunderstandings from both sides are surprising.
Pentecostals have much to gain from this dialogue, but the verdict is still out on the value for the LGBT community.
This dialogue is painful for everyone, but more so for the LGBT community.
If I had to characterize the response that I was given from the LGBT individuals at the symposium I would put it this way:

We hear you saying that you love us. And we perceive you to be genuine in your expression and care. For that we are grateful. However, you have to understand that as long as you say that this is sin then we will feel rejected by you, and never be able to fully experience you as loving us.

By far the most surprising aspect to this whole experience for me so far was not in the symposium itself, but from the overwhelming amount of feedback that I have received from various Pentecostals who have called, texted, emailed, Facebooked, and/or stopped me in person in order to express their thoughts. That feedback has been nearly universally positive. I would characterize the general response as follows:

I am so encouraged to see this dialogue taking place. I had become convinced that we as a faith tradition were determined to keep our heads buried in the sand. We cannot continue to act as if the situation does not exist. We must talk about it. And we must talk about other difficult issues as well.

I have come to realize that we as Pentecostals are not just ignoring the issue of homosexuality, but sexuality in general. Our unwillingness to talk about these issues has created several blind spots for us. For example, the greatest sexual societal issue facing the church is not homosexuality, but pornography. And as I have noted here, we seem completely unaware of this, or the fact that the true victims of pornography are our children. Yet, there is obviously a disproportionate interest in the issue of homosexuality over the issue of pornography.

In many ways I believe that we have buried our heads in the sand. Sometimes I think that we suffer from what we might call a Hezekiah Syndrome. That is, we know that crisis is coming for our children, but we do nothing about it because we think to ourselves, “There will be peace in my time…they will have to figure out how to deal with it” (see Isaiah 39:3-8). Talking about these things will not necessarily bring about change overnight (although all things are possible with God). However, we certainly can begin laying the groundwork for our children and grandchildren, and that is what leaving a godly legacy is all about.

If a Queer-Pentecostal dialogue is going to continue here are some tough questions that will have to be answered:

What is the guiding moral ethic for the LGBT?
Would those that identify themselves as Christians within the LGBT be willing to stand with Pentecostals and others in a fight against pornography?
What would repentance for the mistreatment of homosexuals in our society on our watch look like?
What does a local congregation that calls homosexual behavior sin say to individuals who attend their church and practice it? Do they quietly stay? Do they openly stay? Are they asked to leave? There is no clear consensus on the appropriate response.
What is the Pentecostal response to the idea of sexual orientation?
How do Pentecostals define sin, and where does homosexual behavior fall in that rubric? Where does same sex attraction fit?
Are both sides willing to dialogue once it is determined that each side is inherently opposed to the other on the issue of whether or not homosexual behavior is considered sin?
How do we attempt to show love to one another?
I believe that there is value in such dialogue. However, irregardless of whether or not such dialogue does continue, I have become convinced that a conversation within Pentecostalism must emerge. And I am highly encourage by what I perceive to be the readiness for such conversations.

There are a few from within Pentecostalism that have expressed suspicion towards me. For some, no matter how clearly I state my position on sin they feel the need to ask me more questions about what I am saying. Are homosexuals going to heaven? What do you mean you are working towards change? What do you mean when you call your brother “my brother”? Obviously those are signs that the conversation is needed. I can spend the rest of my life answering those questions, and will be happy to do that if it means that we are finally having the conversation. But again, the overwhelming response was one of enthusiasm over the idea that we might be ready to talk about the real issues that we are facing.

Finally, let me say that Pentecostalism is a spirituality wrought with bodily expression. We anoint each other with oil. We lay hands on one another. We lift our hands. We shout with our voices. We run. We dance. We fall down and we jump up. What faith tradition, which spirituality, is better suited to establish a theology of the body? Who better to discuss the redemption that comes through embodied crucifixion and bodily resurrection?

Currently we are scared of our own bodies and our own body parts. We are terrified to acknowledge what those bodies do when they are not sitting in our pews and running our aisles. I am not advocating profanity. But if we cannot even utter words like phallus and breast then we are a long ways away from dealing with the sexual realities that are now facing our church. And until we start talking about those things we will never be able to show the beautiful and biblical view of the hope that we hold–Christ in you, the hope of glory (Col 1:27). Not just Christ in your spirit, but Christ in your body (1 Cor 6:19). Then we will be able to talk about what it means to honor God with our bodies (1 Cor 6:20). And perhaps more importantly, what it means that God has and will pour out His Spirit on all flesh (Joel 2:28, Acts 2:17).

 

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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

I was twenty seven years old when I got married. I was not exactly old, but old enough that more of my friends were married than not. And the majority of my unmarried friends followed suit within the next few years. One of the things that has been interesting to me during the last eleven years since I made a lifelong covenant with my therapist is the various ways that romantic boys struggle to become the committed men that they say they will be when they launch into marriage. I am not talking about marital infidelity, but the ability to simply mature into a hard-working, supportive, and caring husband and father who places the correct priority on his wife and children.

For example, I recall trying to wrap my mind around stories from married friends with children who would get together with other married friends with children every couple of weeks and play video games until 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning. I remember being confused about how this was even an option to be considered. I was painfully aware of the stress that comes from the life-adjustments that have to be made when a couple becomes new parents. With that in mind I could not quite fathom walking in from work and saying something like, “Hey honey, would you mind if I got together with some of the guys Friday night to play video games?” Yet, my friends seemed to think that this was quite natural.

Before I go any further I need to offer some disclaimers. As my therapist can attest, I have my share of remedial maturation issues. I have been slow to grow up in some key areas. Video games were not really my thing. Perhaps if I had been forced to make a more conscious effort to prioritize family time over some Xbox with my buddies I would have been a little more sympathetic. Having said that, I still shake my head in bewilderment over the late night gaming escapades in which some of my friends were indulging. While I recognized that I was probably just as guilty at mixing up my priorities with other childish things, there was always something about video games that seemed to bring a slightly more disturbing element. Now we are starting to see research that suggests that the social costs from over-gaming are higher than the surface might suggest.

In 2011 a TED talk was given by renowned psychologist and Stanford professor emeritus, Philip Zimbardo. He suggested with such clarity and authority from his research that boys and men are digressing from their addictions to video games and internet porn that the TED talk became instantly popular. Since then Dr. Zimbardo has teamed up with Nikita Duncan and written a book on his research entitled, The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It. And just last week CNN wrote an exclusive on the research.

Whether or not one buys into Zimbardo’s conclusions a helpful point to be brought to our attention is that video games (like porn use and excessive internet surfing in general) is an arousal addiction, which is rooted in novelty. That is, the addiction is built upon the satisfaction that comes from encountering new surprises. Once a game or website or porn genre has been fully explored the addict has to move on to a new game or website or porn genre. This is in contrast to traditional forms of addiction, which simply look for more and more quantities of the same thing.

We have known since the 1950′s that humans, like lab rats, will stimulate the pleasure center of the brain nearly to death, given the opportunity. However, what is new in Zimbardo’s research is the suggestion that the male dominated activities of gaming and porn use are now taking measurable tolls on guys. He connects his findings to recent statistics on the growing under-performance of males at work, in school, and, most importantly, in real relationships. Men are increasingly averse to the risks, complexities, gradual developments, and delayed gratifications of committed relationships. Instead, they are choosing the instant, novel, and flighty stimulation of porn and video games. They justify these behaviors in light of the arousal addiction formed in the limbic system of the brain. After all, how could anything that feels so good be bad?

By the time a boy turns twenty one he has played an average of 10,000 video games. We might be tempted to brush off video game stats, despite the fact that young men are now literally gaming themselves to death and preparing for mass murder by spending sixteen hours a day on World of Warcraft and Call of Duty. However, as I have written previously, it should be clear that on the pornography issue we are dealing with something far greater than mere individual moral behavior. The social cost of the ubiquitous supply of internet porn is the ravaging of our children.

I have thrown out statistics on porn before, but here are a few more. The average boy watches fifty porn clips a week. The porn industry is still the fastest growing industry in America, $15 billion annually. For every 400 movies made in Hollywood there are 11,000 porn movies made. Ninety percent of youth ages 8-16 have viewed porn online, the largest single group viewing porn is ages 12-17, and the average age that a child is exposed to porn is 11 years old. If you have a teenager that has not viewed porn your teenager has defied the odds. But if I placed a bet that your teenager has viewed porn I have a 90% chance of winning that bet.

So, if you are a man who has an arousal addiction, whether it is obviously destructive or seemingly benign, what are you to do? My answer may seem oversimplified at first, but hear me out. The answer to your (or any) arousal addiction is prayer. God does not want you to do away with the pleasure center in your brain. He created your limbic system to begin with. What He wants you to do is learn to use it in the way that it was created to be used. And nothing has the potential of stimulating your pleasure center like prayer.

Arousal and the pleasure center were created for intimacy. We see it in sex in marriage and prayer with God. Nowhere do these two come together any clearer than in the Old Testament book of the Song of Songs. The book has often been misappropriated and misunderstood, people mistakingly going to one extreme or the other. On the one hand, there are those who view the book as a semi-inappropriate acknowledgement that sex is a necessary evil for procreation. Those who lean this way ignore the book altogether. On the other hand, there are those who have reduced the message of the book to the idea that God wants you to have killer sex. Those who lean this way see nothing but eroticism in the book.

There is no doubt that the book is erotic. But there is also no doubt that the book is singing the beauty of covenanted relationship. The book is one of five Festival Scrolls, and it is read after the Passover seder. Its use at Passover roots it in the foundation of the Jewish understanding of God’s covenant with Israel. Americans tend to read the book and immediately think about two secret lovers, but a closer look reveals two people so devoted to each other that their love creates profound intimacy. So, yes, the current of the book is erotic, but its channels are banked with covenant and intimacy. Thus, the book begins with the image that best captures simultaneously both eroticism and covenanted intimacy: the kiss.

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth–for your love is more delightful than wine. Song of Songs 1:1
You see, we think that sex and prayer are total opposites. In fact, they are very much related, and the core component that they share is intimacy. God actually created you to commune with Him, and the primary way that you do that is through prayer. And the exciting thing about prayer is that God likes to speak to you in continually new ways, which makes it a perfect fit for replacing your arousal addictions. Nothing can arouse the whole person in the way that the love of God can. His love not only never fails, but it is new every morning (see Lamentations 3:22-24). If you are addicted to gaming or porn, checking your phone or watching the evening news, or any and everything in between I have some good news. You were created to be deeply intimate with God, and nothing will stimulate and arouse your love like prayer. You can replace all of your arousal addictions with Him. And if you do, you will discover that He never plays the same clip twice.

 

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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

I attended graduate school at an enchanting little place called Fresno Pacific University in California.  The school’s Mennonite roots reach their ideology of peace throughout their curriculum.  I’m not talking about “stick-your-head-in-the-sand” kind of peace.  I’m talking about the “let’s-face-one-another, wrestle, and-learn-to-live-together-in-spite-of-our differences”, hard, honest, and sometimes messy kind of peace.  I became a wife and then a mother in this environment, navigating two of the more challenging albeit joyful transitions of life in the arms of this tiny community.

My professors were strong, smart, and gentle men and women.  Their commitment to training good therapists who were also Christians was expressed in how the form of the education matched the content.  They lead by example, asking us hard questions about ethics, practice, and theology.  As long as we were seeing clients in our practicum, we were required to be in our own therapy with a well-trained therapist.  They gently and firmly stretched us and sometimes I fought it.

One professor, Dr. Rose, was more gruff than gentle and made our knees tremble a little as we approached his class, the capstone of our graduate experience. He was a clinical psychologist who taught our practicum class, that class that oversaw our first workings with clients.  Each week a student’s name was drawn out of a hat to be the one who presented a case from their client load.  Afterwards, Dr. Rose would drill the poor student on what could have been done differently…the whole time with a straight face and deep sighs.  It was a nerve-racking experience.
I started these classes with Dr. Rose when I was 8 months pregnant.  I was heading into a semester with a full load of classes, seeing clients for the first time, on the verge of becoming a mother.

You are absolutely right.  I had no idea what I was doing.
In one of the first classes, I took the plunge and decided to answer a question Dr. Rose posed for us eager beaver, wet behind the ears, clinicians.  My answer got a stinging response from him.  Apparently, I was an idiot.

I was tired and overwhelmed in every possible way.  I was thousands of miles away from home and confused about what my life was about to look like as a new mother and here this, this, this BARBARIAN dared to embarrass me publically.  What I experienced as condemnation in front of my classmates was just a little too much for me.  My blood froze and I didn’t hear anything else in class that day.
When I got home the ice in my blood had thawed, heated, boiled, and then turned to electricity running through my veins. I had to do something.  I was hurt and angry and embarrassed.  I could not believe he had ridiculed me like that in front of the entire class.  He was a bully.  I had to stand up to him.  I couldn’t let him get away with this.  Something had to be done.  For the sake of future students, of course.

So I wrote him a letter.  Well, an email.
I can’t remember what I said to Dr. Rose in that email and I am glad I cannot.  I spewed all over that computer screen, all of the exhaustion, hurt, and confusion hurling out like the screams of a woman giving birth.  Then I hit “send”.

Immediately, I was stricken with fear.  What had I done?  Good God, what would happen now?  How would I go back to class?  What would he say?  And, what’s worse, what if he said nothing?
I stepped into class the next week with a woozy stomach that had nothing to do with expecting a baby.  I was afraid to glance towards Dr. Rose.  I thought I would pass out with shame.  Why had I not just let the whole thing go?

As Dr. Rose opened up class, my heart was beating hard.  He said he needed to say something before we did anything else.  He looked at me.  Oh, God.
He said, simply: “I was wrong to talk to Emily like I did last week.  I owe her an apology.”

I was stunned and felt incredibly vulnerable.  I wanted the moment to be over.  I thought it would feel good to get an apology, but accepting the apology was as painful as experiencing the offense.  I had expected a stony silent treatment and weeks of walking on eggshells with him.  I had not expected a simple, honest, straight forward apology.
He never mentioned the email.  He never brought it up again.  We both put it behind us.  He didn’t treat me differently.  He was still gruff and serious and firm about us being clinically sound therapists.

But, when I broke down in tears 8 weeks after having my first child in the middle of my program and wanted to quit, he and another professor was there with me.  He made room for the messy birthing of a new mother and a new therapist.  He gave me room to quit and then room to try again, never telling me what to do…he was just there.
Dr. Rose introduced me to some of my all time favorite books and authors, including Anne Lamott with her book Operating Instructions, which helped me realize I was, in fact, NOT the craziest mother on the planet.  And, when I had my “discernment” meeting, which was a requirement before a student graduated, I invited him as one of my professors.  He accepted.  In the sacred space of that meeting, he expressed concern about me finding room to be myself while also being a minister’s spouse and a therapist, two difficult identities in their own right.

And, then I sat down in the midst of peers and professors with my husband at my side and this barbarian, this bully, prayed over me as I finished my journey at that school.
This is what I think. I think that Dr. Rose is not a barbarian.  I think he isn’t a bully either.  Maybe he was rude to me that night and maybe I did deserve the apology.  But, I think Dr. Rose knew that the email I hurled at him had way more to do with me than with him.

Something shifted in me that day when he apologized and didn’t punish me for my anger.  It was what some therapists call a “corrective emotional experience”.
As a professor and as a therapist I am often in complicated, hard discussions with hurting, even angry, people.  When students write me angry emails about a grade or if a client gets hurt in a session over something we have discussed, I take a deep breath, and model Dr. Rose (the barbarian).  I don’t react to their anger or hurt.  I let them feel that way.  I acknowledge it.  I try to help them determine the cause or problem.  If I had a role in the situation I apologize sincerely and directly. I remember that this anger, this hurt has way more to do with them than with me.

I am better at applying this technique with students and clients because I am not in a long term, day to day relationship with them.  But, I wonder…what would happen if we all tried to do this…offered people corrective emotional experiences.  I wonder what would happen if we all took time to acknowledge hurt and anger, help to determine the cause, apologize if we have a part in it.  Sincerely.  Directly.  No laughing.  No qualification.  No jokes.  No sarcasm.  I apologize for doing that.  I was wrong.  I am sorry.
Then we move on.  We can love and be loved and not have to dance around issues and pain.

It reminds me of John 3:30.  John said of himself and Jesus: “He must increase.  I must decrease.”
I, and my own tendency to react and lash out because of my own defensive, self-righteous indignation and need to defend, must decrease and He, with all of His love, patience, healing must increase in this person’s life right now in this moment, in this anger, in this hurt.  I can be part of that.  If I choose to let go of my own need to be right or in control or whatever else causes us to react in anger or turn to stone and silent treatments when someone expresses anger towards us.

This is not easy, mind you.  It takes a willingness to be aware of our own wounds because often the reason we react to a person’s anger, hurt, or snubbing is because the other person’s anger, hurt, or snubbing has grazed over a tender spot of our own.  You know what happens when a person’s wound is touched.  You react.  You jump.  You pull back.  You cry out.
So, the next time a person in my life gets angry or hurt or snubs me, instead of defending myself, I want to listen.  I want to make room.  I want to decrease.  I want His love to increase.  Which is patient.  Kind.  Not easily angered.  Not self-seeking.  Keeps no record of wrongs.  Never gives up.  On him.  On her.  Or on me.

 

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ation/Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

One of my students wrote me an ugly email the other day.  This happens rarely, but it has happened.  They get on their class website (for online classes) and find out that something isn’t what they expected for a grade, due date, etc.  Then, because it is easy to do, they write an email where they vomit their frustrations into cyberspace.  They say words with attitudes I imagine they would never say in person.  Many people have not figured out yet that there is such a thing as Internet social skills.

At this point there is a part of me that wants to blast them.  I would love to be sarcastic and difficult.  I am the one with some power after all.  However, that desire represents just part of me.  I also know that if I am rude back I will likely get another email from a dean.  That email would require a conversation, possibly multiple conversations, and in the end just take too much of my time.  I don’t have time to be rude.  I don’t have time to make it difficult on myself.

Here is something I have learned.  We all have running conversations in our heads.  We talk to ourselves…hopefully not out loud.  These conversations are held in the dark crevices of our mind.  They are written against the backdrop of a landscape of past relational experiences.  Listen to your own voice closely enough and it might resemble voices you knew long ago.  The teacher who was unreasonably hard on you.  The friends who picked on you.  The dad who abused you.  The mother who slapped you with her words as much as with her hands.
If you are lucky, your inner dialogue is constructive…challenging when needed and condoning when appropriate.  It is a wonderful mix of cheerleading, accountability, and grace.  The ideal inner parent.

If you are like many people, some days you don’t talk very nicely to yourself.  The voice sounds more like the impatient grandmother who compared you to your older sister.
This is the truth.  We may not hear the actual conversation going on in a person’s head (unless it is our own), but we can get a pretty good idea of what it sounds like…by how the person talks to others.

Show me a person who is hard on others and I will show you a person who is ten times harder on themselves.  Show me a person who seems to have a big head and looks down on others.  I will show you a person whose head is empty.  Air.  Nothing of consequence.  And, terribly, ironically insecure.
My mom’s greatest wisdom to me may very well have been revealed in the hard middle school years.  And, if you are a human being who grew up in the United States and attended what was then junior high then you likely know what I mean by H-A-R-D.  Also known as challenging (euphemism).  Or, of the “I want to die” variety.  Take your pick on where your experience likely fell on the junior high pain spectrum.  Talking to adolescents on a weekly basis, I hear that not much has changed.

Whenever I cried or was frustrated about a friend or classmate being what I experienced as “mean”, “spiteful” or just a plain “bully” my mother’s famous one liner was: “Emily, they are just incredibly insecure.”  Like a broken record she would tell me that when a person is being mean they are often putting a person down to make themselves feel more powerful.  Now, this proverb is a family joke and whenever anyone in the family has a story about a person being rude to us out in public we look at each other knowingly, smile, and say, almost in unison: “They are just insecure.”
I had a hard time believing her words of wisdom as a twelve year old.  These other growing people certainly did not seem insecure to me.  They seemed quite cool, confident, and powerful.  I was tall, skinny, and easy to blow over.  Awkward.  Painfully self-aware.  I thought they were so self-absorbed.  I didn’t notice that in my insecurity, I was, too.

Have you ever been around a child who is completely self-absorbed in his or her temper tantrum?  One way to address this kind of behavior is to ignore it.  That can work…sometimes.  But, one thing I have noticed with my children and with other children is that if you ignore the behavior first without any recognition of where they are in their anger, they tend to get…louder.  My little boy constantly asks for treats right before supper.  He isn’t going to get one.  He is learning this boundary, but it hasn’t been long since he has thrown a knock down, feet kicking, face to the floor tantrum to try to get a popsicle minutes before supper hits the table.
Here is what I have learned.  If I ignore his tirade completely, he just gets louder.  If I stop and say: “Emmett, I hear you.  I hear that you want a treat.  I can see that you are really angry right now.  And, you are not going to get a treat.  You may have something after supper, which will be ready soon.”  Does that stop his fit?  No, but I’ll tell you what…it sure does seem to take some of the steam out of it.  I know every child is different, but I am always amazed and a little tickled to watch as he goes off to his room to cry and calm down.  The next thing I know, I hear his door open and close, hear his little footsteps pad across the study, into our kitchen, feel his hug around my legs, and hear him ask to sit with me while I finish making our food.

What he needed from me in that moment of rage…more than to give him what he thought he wanted…what he needed was to be seen and heard.
My own daughter did this with me the other day.  I was throwing my own little fit, fretting from room to room, trying to find something while also trying to understand if she wanted to compete in a swim meet that evening.  She had changed her mind at least three times already.  I stopped to see her sitting on my bed watching me. “Mommy, you seem upset.  Are you upset with me?”  Oh, my goodness, sweet girl.  I felt the steam of my tirade cool down, soothed by simple recognition and the stating of the obvious.  I stopped my fit as well as my futile hunt and I sat down with her.  I apologized.  I explained that I was frustrated because I could not find X,Y, or Z and that it was a little frustrating that she kept changing her mind about the swim meet, but that no, I was not upset or angry with her.  My own daughter gave me the gift of being seen and heard.  I thanked God that she was able to stop and ask me, that she felt freedom to state the obvious.  She chose not to swim that night.  About a month later I found what I was looking for.

And, I know that is what my hateful student needs now, too…to be seen and heard.  So, I will open up a reply.  I will start with something like: “Wow, I can tell that you are really angry.  I am sure you are very frustrated.  I cannot change your grade at this point, but I’ll tell you what I think you can do to help your situation…Let me know what your thoughts are.”
I can’t change the inner dialogue of a person, but I can recognize that when a person goes off on me for any reason that their words to me are truly the proverbial look into their soul, into the landscape of their mind, and that what they are throwing at me has way more to do with their past relational experiences than the one we are having right this minute.  That hurt little boy or little girl just needs to be seen and heard and somewhere in that seeing and hearing the air out of the empty headed balloon is let out, and the decompressed soul makes room for a little more grace, a little more peace, a little more love.

And, sure enough, I get a reply within a few hours: “I am sorry to go off on you like that, Professor Stone.  I am just having a really bad week…Thank you for being patient with me.”
You’re welcome, I think to myself.  I have had more than my fair share of people who have been patient with me.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY!
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Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

The requirement of all summer vacations is to spend some time entertaining the idea of one day buying a place nearby…of becoming a local.  Whether it is a real possibility or not, you dream.  Perhaps you even pick up a local realtor magazine.  Maybe you could rent it out during the year…make some extra income.  The conversation usually ends somewhere along the ride back home as reality sets in.

I have had this issue of ownership in other areas of my life.  If I like a place…well, then I want to work there.  I remember my first trip to the Children’s Discovery Museum.  I was in college, working part time at a group home for mentally disabled children.  We loaded up the residents and drove them to the museum for a field trip.  I fell in love with that place…with the children and the life and creativity.  Before I left I went upstairs and found an application to volunteer…which never happened.

Earlier in college I adored a coffee shop down the street from my university.  It epitomized cool to my 18-year-old self and rather than just enjoy a good cup of coffee once or twice a week, I got a job pulling shots of espresso.  Working or volunteering at a place became a way to have some sort of ownership in something I enjoyed or thought was very cool.
We like to own things and I am learning that money is not the only way we make the “purchase”.  We spend our time, our resources, our energy, and, perhaps our money, too, and then we feel a sense that it is ours.  It may be a person, an organization, a job, a project, a group, a ministry, our church…whatever it is, if we have “invested” ourselves in some manner, we develop a sense of ownership.

And, that in and of itself is not a bad thing.  Ownership can be a very good thing.  It is a well-known idea that, in general, homeowners seem to take better care of their residence than those who are merely renting.  People who volunteer at church typically feel a greater sense of belonging in the faith community than those who do not.
The dangerous tendency is for ownership to become entitlement and for that entitlement to turn into the drive to control, to…(eww)…manipulate.

We’ve all done this.  We’ve done it with our jobs, with our family, with our church…with our friends.  I’ve done it and have some painful, icky memories as souvenirs.  I wish I could blot those memories out of existence, but I am thankful.  I am thankful for the warning system those yucky experiences instilled in me.  I learned to recognize some warning signs very early.  Here are my “red flags”:
Caring too much about what people think.

When you start to care too much about what people are thinking you can do some pretty crazy things to keep all of the balls in the air.  You talk to too many people.  You do too much.  You post innocuous things (or maybe downright silly things) on Facebook or Twitter that you know have a hidden message.  You run that little hamster wheel to gain some semblance of control that is a complete figment of your imagination.  You aren’t going anywhere.  You are left exhausted and looking a little silly…with a rut in the ground from where you have been mentally pacing back and forth.  You find yourself investing large chunks of your time wondering what “so and so” is thinking about you.
Here is a wonderful reality check: People just aren’t thinking about you as much as you think they are.  They are too wrapped up in themselves just like you and everyone else.

Working too hard with the wrong motives (usually without realizing it)
If you feel an urge to work harder for something or someone, take a good long moment to ask yourself “why?”  What are you hoping to achieve?  What are your expectations in regards to the outcome?  Hard work is certainly not a bad thing.  Good grief, my name means “hard worker” and I love to put my shoulder to the grindstone as much as any other high energy, Type A, over achiever (Lord help us).  But, I am learning to ask myself “why?”  What is this for?  What am I hoping to accomplish?

Then the harder question: What (or who) am I hoping to control?
A desire to check out.

Let’s say you have invested a great deal of time and energy into an organization or to a group.  The next thing you know, they do not want to follow your advice or get on board with your ideas.  Nothing personal on their end (so they think)…they just want to try something else.  So, you check out.  You back off.  You may not say it out loud to anyone else, but you think to yourself: “Well, fine, let’s see how you do without my help.”  Oh, man…yuck.  So ugly.  You can be fairly certain that your ownership has become entitlement and a drive to control.
Two year olds yell: “mine!”  They yank and scream and can be quite devious to gain control of an object of desire.  And, you know what usually happens?  Sure you do.  As soon as the playmate shows no interest, the two year old who “owns” the object loses interest.  He or she drops it completely.

It is all about the game to control.  Too often I have seen adults play this “two year old” game…myself included.
Entitlement and the game to control is a complete farce.  We really do not have complete control over anything or anyone…not even our children.  Like Chinese handcuffs, the more you struggle to gain the upper hand, the tighter and more strangling a situation becomes.

Stop.  Just stop it.  Let go.  Stop taking yourself so seriously.  Take a deep breath and back off without checking out.  Give it over to Who does have control…while having the maturity to stay present.
Work hard.  Invest that time, energy, and, perhaps, money.  And, know that it’s not yours.  I don’t care how far up the ladder you are.

“The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it.” Psalm 24:1.

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR TODAY AND GIVE YOUR LIFE COMPLETELY OVER TO HIM!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

I am going to get technical on you for the first little bit of this.  Hang with me.  I know you can.

Attachment Theory is a theory about relationships that has been around since the late 1960’s.  However, it is growing in popularity with clinicians as a way for understanding how our past relational experiences influence our behavior and relationship with others RIGHT NOW.

In very short form, if you were “insecurely attached” to your parents or parent or some other caregiver then you COULD be more likely to have insecure relationships NOW.
You want to try and see where you fall?  Here is the original self-report measure of attachment developed by researchers Hazan and Shaver (1987).  It is not meant to diagnose you in any way.  Measures have come a long way in the last couple of decades, but this one is very easy to use and gets at the point rather quickly although it misses out on other information gained from a more in depth assessment.  We are only using it for fun here.  Choose one of the following.

Secure – I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.
Avoidant – I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.

Anxious/Ambivalent – I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t want to stay with me. I want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.
Which one did you choose?  Was it a difficult choice?  That information is just for you.  Hold on to it as we keep going.

So, the idea put forth by attachment research is that if you circle “avoidant” it probably has a great deal to do with the kind of relationship you had with your caregivers growing up.  In fact, you could, perhaps, insert your caregiver’s name from when you were a child in the places where it says “others” and “them”.  It is also believed that these types of relationships and levels of security get passed down generation to generation to some degree.  So, if you had an insecure relationship with a parent, then it is possible that they came from an insecure relationship, too, and so on.
It doesn’t have to have been a severely abusive relationship.  For example, let’s say your caregiver was distant and not very affectionate.  OR, perhaps he or she wasn’t a good listener or had a hard time spending time with you.

It can also work the other way.  Your parents may have been OVER BEARING (hover mother, anyone?) and this, too, can lead to insecure attachment, or relationship style.
It could be that NOW you approach other people as though they will be distant and not very affectionate.  Or, maybe they will not be very good listeners and find it difficult to spend time with you.  Or, maybe you are afraid they will overwhelm you like mom did so you just stay away altogether.  Or, you can really have any combination of responses.  The point is that based on your initial insecure experiences with caregivers, you approach your relationships “insecurely”.

And, let’s be honest here.  When it comes to security there is no “you are or you aren’t”.  We can all find ourselves on the spectrum here with most of us experiencing a little bit of insecurity in certain ways.
So, after years of being conditioned to survive this caregiver type of relationship, you have developed certain “survival skills”.  Instead of approaching a new friendship with a clean slate you approach it ready to protect yourself.  Perhaps you have learned to do this by being more demanding.  You learned that to get mom’s attention you had to cry and stomp your feet a little more so, in some ways, you do this with friends, colleagues, or your mate, too.  Perhaps you have learned to survive by standing off until the other person assumes you just aren’t interested.  Maybe you learned that it is just best to ignore dad and hopefully he will leave you alone so you try this tactic as an adult.  In either case, you successfully “protect” yourself from being hurt by adopting old relationship styles and survival skills.

There is good news!  In any of the above cases, you survive the relationship
…by it never having a chance to start and develop in the first place.

(sorry for the sarcasm there)
Here’s the problem: Your old, greatest survival skills have become your present, greatest liabilities.

Research supports these ideas.  People with “insecure” attachments to caregivers have a more difficult time in peer, romantic, and even professional relationships.  Their survival skills have become their liabilities.
If you are like me then you hear all of this and think that it sounds so fatalistic.  I mean, who among us has had perfect parents?  Who among us has had parents who have been perfectly attentive and been able to listen and take care of us just like we and our unique personality needed?  Are we all doomed to insecurity?

Right here is a detail that many people miss out about Attachment Theory.  Research also shows that there is room….there is a NEED…there is incredible potential…for a re-story.
In fact, in the end there is room in the research to say that it doesn’t matter if a person came out of an abusive family system or not.  It depends on how the person grows to UNDERSTAND their story.  How they tell the story now.  How they re-story.

But, don’t we already know this?
Until we re-story our past…we are slaves to it.  We are its servants.   It IS fatalistic.  Without the re-story we will continue to use those old survival skills, still act like a slave in Egypt.

And, in the mean time we wonder why all of our relationships end up the same way.
I think that is why I love what I do so much.  I love to sit with someone through the grieving, the messy first telling of the story, and then walk with them as they re-story their past, as they bring new meaning out of what has happened to them.  I love to watch people, to be at their side, as they go through the painful, vital, life giving process of giving birth…to a new way of being, to the re-story of their life.  I enjoy my role as midwife.

I know how important this work is.  Vital.  How we understand our past, both recent past and far-gone, influences every single other relationship in our life.
This is the ultimate Romans 8:28 work.  This is putting “knowing that in all things God work for the good of those who love him” in action.  This is that word made flesh.  Your flesh.  Your re-story.

Whatever we have been through, no one knows more about re-storying your past, re-storying your family’s actions and relationship to you, than Joseph.  After all of his father’s lack of wisdom in parenting, after everything his brothers did, Joseph was still able to say: “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done…” (Genesis 50:20).   Joseph was enormously successful.  He did not approach life as one who was a victim, insecure because of how his brothers had treated him.
With God’s help, Joseph understood his past differently, and he approached relationships, peer, professional, and romantic, not out of his insecure story, but out of his redeemed re-story.

This is not about being dishonest and making things up.  This is about seeing things in a new light.
It is also about grace and redemption.

Because when we re-story our past we will likely have to extend grace to ourselves and to others from our past who have done us wrong…very, very, very wrong.
We’ll likely do some re-storying for them, too…understanding them in context…in the midst of their own insecure attachments.  It is about acknowledging the wrongness…and then letting it go…letting its hold on us drop away as we open our eyes to a new way of seeing our past…a new way of seeing everything including our future.

We all have a re-story to write, to co-create with our Creator God.  It is a never-ending process because we will get hurt again and again and again because our world is filled with insecure people who will do hurtful things to us.
No matter how painful the past, no matter how secure or insecure your relationship was with a caregiver or anyone else, God promised us not to leave us as orphans (John 14:18).  No matter which choice you circled in the attachment questionnaire, God is our great Attachment Figure and Caregiver.  He can pick up where our parents left off.  He can do the work of correcting insecure attachments.  It is not fatalistic.  It is not a job too big for Him.

Your re-story is worth living.

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS SAVIOR AND BEGIN WRITING YOUR RE-STORY!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

The term hospitality conjures up significantly different images for different people. Unfortunately, the term has been reduced in many minds to the concept of entertaining friends, family, and “special” guests. The biblical theme of hospitality is, in fact, much different and much richer.

The biblical concept of hospitality is perhaps best defined in the concept of making room for the stranger. The biblical account is full of individuals who found themselves as strangers in a foreign land, and foreigners who welcomed strangers into their personal space.

Abraham was a stranger who, when he left his home, “…went out, not knowing where he was going” (see Heb 11:8). In return Abraham welcomed three strangers who appeared outside his tent in the heat of the day (see Gen 18:1ff). Rahab was a harlot who would have certainly been alienated in her own society. In return she hid the spies of Israel in her own own home (see Josh 2:1ff). Elijah received hospitality as a stranger from a Shunammite woman (see 2 Kings 4:10). In return he sought what he might be able to do for her (see 2 Kings 4:13).
It would seem that those who were most ready to offer hospitality to strangers were those who most easily identified with the plight of the stranger. Indeed, that is still true with us today. In as much as we are able to remember our own personal alienation from God we are able to stand in solidarity with those who feel most disconnected from His love. God reminded the Israelites of this, “You shall not oppress a stranger, since you yourselves know the feelings of a stranger, for you also were strangers in the land of Egypt” (Ex 23:9).

If there is one single place where the stranger should feel most welcomed it should be in the House of God. More than any other place the church should reflect God’s gracious welcoming. After all, God is the host of His house, and we are all simply guests of His grace. Is this true in our church? If not, are we ready to repent and correct it?

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AND BE WELCOMED INTO THE HOUSE OF GOD!
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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

It would be nice if we could choose our garbage day. Obviously this would cause some major problems for the trash collectors, but would be a handy option if it were possible. That’s because some days are definitely better days than others to have assigned as your trash day. And I’ve decided that Monday is the worst possible trash day one can have. Why? Primarily because several federal holidays fall on Monday. They are MLK, President’s Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day and Columbus Day. Then there are a few more federal holidays that sometimes fall on weekends, and when that happens they are normally observed on the next weekday, which of course is Monday. Those are New Year’s Day, Independence Day, Veteran’s Day and Christmas Day.

So, what happens when your garbage day falls on a holiday? There was a time when this meant in many communities that you simply had to hold your garbage for an extra week. This is becoming less common, but there is still no uniform practice. Some communities will put a note in your garbage can telling you what the schedule will be for that week. Others simply do double duty the next day, and so you just leave your garbage out for an extra day. But some still say, “Sorry, we’ll get you again next week.” And if that is the case for you, then you know that I am right when I say, Monday is the worst day for garbage day.

All of that has me thinking about a different kind of garbage. The garbage that we all carry around with us. Frustrations. Pains. Disappointments. Bad moods. Fatigue. You know, all the stuff that we tend to want to bag up and have taken away instead of strewn across the lawn of our lives for the whole community to see. Most of the time we deal with our trash effectively. We have a schedule, if you will. A routine for placing our waste in canisters, out of sight until it can all be taken away.
But occasionally our system breaks down. We take a break from the routine. We decide not to do our usual work that day. We decide we are tired of smiling when that coworker makes that joke that drives us crazy. So we unload our thoughts suddenly and without warning. We think today is the day we don’t have to overcome our fatigue. So we check out from everyone around us. We believe today is the day that we don’t owe anyone the hard work of being polite. So we start biting people’s heads off. It is as if we have declared a holiday, a break from being a responsible adult. We all have these emotional holidays. Having them is not the problem. The problem is that when the emotional holiday comes the garbage collectors don’t, and before you know it we have busted bags of trash laying out in front of God and everybody.

It has happened to all of us. And it will happen again. Luckily most of us have gracious friends, family members and coworkers who will be understanding enough to forgive it, laugh about it. Maybe even help us pick up the mess. But if you want to cut down on such occurrences consider this. Emotional holidays often fall on Mondays. Maybe it is the transition from weekend to work week. Maybe it is the stress of things outside of work. Maybe it is fatigue from a weekend of fun and little sleep. Whatever the case may be, Monday is the day that you are most likely to declare a sudden emotional holiday. So just keep that in mind next time you feel the temptation to check out on a Monday. It might help you gather enough strength to at least hold on to your garbage that day, and keep you from making a mess that will embarrass you later.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR!
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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

As an educator I have noticed there are two words that prompt a general widespread panic in a classroom faster than any others. Those two words: group project. From middle school to graduate school the majority of students seem to loathe working with a group of classmates assigned to them by their instructor. Why is that?

Certainly there are a number of possible contributors to this common anxiety. First, it can be difficult to work with others. It requires dealing with different personalities, values, and perspectives. It takes time to wade through different people’s ideas, and it is often a struggle to finally settle on a plan of action. Second, when we open ourselves up to a group project we lose control of the project. It feels easier to us if we are able to make all of the decisions and not have to stop and discuss options with others. We do not have to worry about how to respond  to ideas that we do not agree with.

Our spiritual journey is really no different. If there is an issue in our life we would prefer to work it out through a private conversation with God. The problem is that God has designed us in a way that we grow best in the context of community. Each of us has blind spots. That is, there are things about each of us that are quite clear to everyone else, but completely unknown to us. Some of those things God will reveal to us through others if we are willing to hear them. So the Proverb states: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).
Of course, that too requires us to lose control. There is a terrible sense of vulnerability in allowing others to speak into our lives. However, those fears are ultimately empty threats from the enemy. The truth is that there is far more to be gained from being a part of a community than there is to be lost. True community is bound together by authentic love. And true love drives away all of our fears (see 1 John 4:18). Once we open ourselves up to others we begin to see that teamwork has even more benefits than mere personal growth. The strength of a team grows exponentially with the addition of team members. If one man can chase a thousand, then two men can put ten thousand to flight (Deut. 32:30). Great fulfillment and satisfaction comes from being a member of a strong and healthy team.

But it is important that you understand this. As a Christian, being a part of the team called the Church is more than you being able to belong to something bigger than yourself (though that certainly is true). Your spiritual formation is actually part of the group project. You cannot be fully formed outside of the Church, and the Church cannot be fully formed without you. I know that it is more comfortable to keep your baggage to yourself. But you cannot become the person that God created you to be without the input of others. In a very real sense a critical part of what God wants to do in your life requires the work of the team. In that sense, teamwork is more than you volunteering to be a part of a group project. It is the willingness to become the group project. Teamwork. Give it a try.

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS SAVIOR TODAY AND BECOME A PART OF THE BODY OF CHRIST!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

I’ve been reading a little bit on anger lately (things like this and this). And it has me thinking about how the issue is addressed in scripture. Lets start with the words of Jesus in Matthew 5:22:

But I say, if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the high council. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.

The context here, of course, is the Sermon on the Mount.  When we come to the this passage we have arrived at a watershed moment. We are in the first book of the New Testament, and have learned about the genealogy, birth, childhood, temptation, and ministry beginnings of Jesus (a lot to cover in four short chapters). Now we are sitting on the side of a mountain with a multitude of people and Jesus is about to declare his first public remarks. He begins with a vision of the kingdom and explanation of how his teachings will fit into the writings of the law and the prophets. With all of that groundwork made Jesus is finally ready to start teaching.
So, if you were the Son of God, preparing to give your first incarnated sermon in the history of creation, with what subject would you begin? Jesus chose, surprisingly to us, the subject of anger.   Why did He start there? Perhaps Jesus is doing more than pointing back to the Ten Commandments. He may be pointing us all the way back to the Fall of Humanity. The very first issue that arose after the Fall was the anger that overcame Cain (Genesis 4:6-7). It is there that sin began to rule us, and it is there that Jesus will begin. What is the nature of this anger that Jesus warns us about, and what is our proper response?

First, anger is not sinful in and of itself. The same word used by Jesus here is also used to describe Jesus’ own anger at seeing the hardness of heart in some individuals (see Mark 3:5). It is also the same word that the apostle Paul used when warning the Ephesians not to sin in their anger (Eph. 4:26). So, anger is not so much the issue, rather it is a manifestation of a deeper reality. Anger is a sign for us to stop and take notice. It is a great Check Engine light of the soul.
Second, anger is not necessarily marked by a quick temper. We tend to think of reactive people as possessing more anger, but in fact there is a different word in the New Testament used for that type of anger. Rather, this type of anger refers to something that is more lasting in nature, a disposition, a countenance. If you are one of the last people to burst out in anger you may be one of the first people to hold a grudge.

So, what is the proper response to anger? Perhaps some very basic grammar notes can be helpful here. Every verb has a property called voice, which indicates how the subject is related to the action. In Greek there are three voices: active, middle and passive. In the active voice the subject produces anger. In the passive voice the subject receives anger. In the middle voice the subject is participating with anger. This voice emphasizes the subjects role with anger over the action of anger (active) and the end condition of the person who has been overpowered by anger (passive). It is this middle voice that Jesus uses to emphasize the state of limbo that anger puts us in. It is in the midst of this limbo that the battle is either won or lost.
We see this in Ephesians when Paul tells us to not sin in our anger (middle voice), and then goes on to say not to let the sun go down on our anger (passive voice). The point is that when anger springs up in us we have a certain amount of time to deal with it. Once that time runs out (the sun sets on it) we will either have overcome it or it will have overcome us. Thus God warned Cain in his anger, “…sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it” (Genesis 4:7).

Dealing with Your Anger
One common mistake people make with anger is never expressing it. Some anger can be dealt with by “holding it in” and eventually “letting it go.” Indeed, sometimes it is best to “walk away” and “cool down.” However, constantly suppressing your anger can lead to other problems. Those include such things as passive-aggressive behavior, cynicism, putting others down, being overly critical, wishing ill towards others, giving dirty looks, and possessing an unpleasant disposition to name a few.

So how do you deal with the anger? Obviously you want to enlist the help of the Holy Spirit. Take your anger to God and use the spiritual weapons he has given you. However, there are also some simple, practical tips that you can use in dealing with your anger. Start by “talking yourself down.” Replace irrational thoughts with rational ones. For example, thoughts like “this ruins everything” can be turned into “this is frustrating, but not the end of the world.” Avoid absolute thinking like “never” and “always.” Use your energy to work on solving the problem instead of fretting over it. Learn how to communicate your feelings to others more accurately. Use your sense of humor to calm yourself or simply take a break from the situation.
The End Result of Anger

Corrie ten Boom, the famous Nazi concentration camp survivor turned missionary once noted the power of forgiveness. She said, “Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you.” The truth of this statement is much more than an anecdote or sweet sentiment. It is reflected in Jesus’ teaching on anger in the Sermon on the Mount. Throughout the lesson on anger Jesus employs the language of justice. He uses statements like “liable to the court” (v. 21), “guilty before the court” (v. 22a), and “guilty before the supreme court” (v. 22b). However, he clues us in that He is talking about more than human courts when He goes on to say “guilty enough to go into the fiery hell” (v. 22c). Now we are beginning to see that there is a greater spiritual reality to which Jesus is referring. There is a greater judge than can be found in human courts. With that point made he continues with the illustration. He speaks of making friends with your “opponent at law” so that you are not handed over to the judge and officer and “thrown into prison” (v. 25). Again, Jesus is referring to a spiritual reality. There is a prison that all of us can end up in from our anger. He then drives the point home by saying, “Truly I say to you, you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last cent” (v. 26). If you are imprisoned by anger today go ahead and begin the work you need to do to deal with it. The resulting freedom will be well worth the price.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR TODAY AND BEGIN TO REST IN HIS ARMS!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

We don’t know a whole lot about Leah. We know that Jacob was tricked into marrying her. Evidently he fulfilled his responsibilities as her husband in the context of the patriarchal culture of the Ancient Near East. That is, he provided for her. He protected her. She was taken in as part of the family and Jacob satisfied his basic conjugal duties toward her. Certainly Leah’s situation could have been worse. Nonetheless, Leah carried a profoundly deep pain. She carried the burden of being rejected.

Apparently Leah was considered the ugly sister. The first two things we learn about Leah is that she is the older one and the one with tender eyes, which most scholars interpret to mean weak eyes (Gen 29:16-17). She is then immediately compared to her younger sister, “…but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful” (v. 17). Leah knew that she was not as appealing as her younger sister, and may have wondered if she would ever find a husband that would love her.

Evidently Laban also had his doubts about Leah marrying. And in the Ancient Near East a woman with no husband was considered almost dead. So, Laban devised a scheme to force Jacob to marry both of his daughters, and it worked. We hope for Leah at the beginning of the story. Perhaps Jacob will learn to love her. But sadly there is no evidence that he ever did. Ironically, God proclaims hundreds of years later, “Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated” (Malachi 1:2). God rejected Esau, the older brother. Jacob rejected Leah, the older sister.
However, the marriage arrangement still gave Leah a fighting chance, for in that culture the number of sons a woman could produce often measured her worth.  And, as it turned out Leah produced a lot of sons, six altogether, and a daughter to boot. She hoped it would be enough to win the love of her husband, and it is there that we find the crux of Leah’s story.

When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.” Genesis 29:31-32
It is one of those passages where it is hard not to ache with pity. This woman, unsightly and handicapped, simply wants to be loved by her husband. Evidently her hopes were unmet after the birth of the first son, Reuben, for we immediately hear of a second son. She names him Simeon and thinks, “Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too” (v. 33). Yet, it still did not do the trick. For we move on to hear of the third son named Levi, and accompanying him renewed hope. She said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons” (v. 34).
Three times Leah conceived. Three times she was convinced that this would finally be the time that she would experience genuine love and desire from a man. Then comes the fourth son. She names him Judah, and we expect the same refrain. But this time something changes. She does not turn to see if Jacob finally loves her. She turns her attention in a different direction. And she says, “This time I will praise the Lord” (v. 35).

Leah finally surrenders, but it is not the giving up of failure. It is the peace that comes from relinquishing oneself to God. Here we have the rejected one, an outcast. She was unloved and undesired. Yet, she found her peace with God. But the story is not over there. She not only turned her tender eyes to God, but God turned his loving eyes to her. He chose Leah, the rejected one, to birth Judah, whose line would one day produce Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of God.
There is only one thing that heals rejection. It is turning to God. Next time you feel yourself sinking back into the same old cycle of pity that has haunted you for years, perhaps a lifetime, consider Leah and make a decision: This time I will praise the Lord. Who knows what he might produce?

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR AND COME JUST AS YOU ARE INTO THE PRESENCE OF GOD!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

By the time we get to Matthew 5:20 we are not that far into Jesus’ sermon. Yet, it seems he has already turned our world upside down. He has instructed us on the proper temperament and disposition we are to have. He has informed us that we actually have reason to rejoice when we are persecuted. He has affirmed us by calling us the salt of the earth and the light of the world. He has let us know that He has not come to destroy the law, but to fulfill it. However, He has still not given us a clear command, whether prescriptive or proscriptive. That is about to change.

Before Jesus finally hands us His first commandment He warns us that the only way that we will enter the Kingdom of Heaven is to surpass the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees (Mt. 5:20). Perhaps that does not sound that bad to us. The Pharisees are universally known among believers today to have been religious hypocrites. But to the hearers of Jesus’ sermon Jesus’ statement was most likely quite challenging. While many of Jesus’ hearers would have certainly recognized some hypocrisy within the religious elite, the scribes and Pharisees were still considered to be the most devout believers in the land. Their religious zeal could get carried away, but their intentions would have seemed to have been well placed to some and their effort was quite impressive to nearly all. How would one expect to surpass the righteousness of these devoted Jews?

Jesus goes on to explain. The scribes and Pharisees had been diligent in telling them about the proscriptive commandment on murder. Now he was going to tell them something more. It was not enough to simply keep from murdering someone. We must, in fact, guard our heart against feeling any sort of reproach against another person. This is challenging! And Jesus goes on to bring home the conclusion of the matter and give us His first commandment. If we remember that a brother has something against us we must stop what we are doing, even if it is an act of worship, and go and “first be reconciled” to him (5:24). So, we have finally arrived at the first command given by Jesus in the Bible: Go reconcile your relationships.
Our relationships with one another directly correlate with our relationship with God. There is a pattern in the world for how we navigate our relationships, but for us that pattern has disappeared in light of our relationship with God. In 2 Corinthians 5:16-19 Paul says it this way:

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.
The ministry of reconciliation lays at the heart of the entire message of the Christian faith. As much as we are reconciled to one another our message is proven true. But as much as we are divided our message appears to be a lie. Drop whatever you are doing today and hear the command of Christ, go first and be reconciled.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND BE RECONCILED!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

Israel wanted a king. They wanted an earthly ruler so that they might be like the other nations. God knew that Israel would ask for a king (see Deut. 17:14-20), and when they did he had a sobering warning about the nature of earthly kings.

Samuel warned the Israelites that the king they were asking for would be a taker. He told them that the king would take their sons, take their daughters, take their fields, take their vineyards, take their olive groves, take their grain, take their servants, take their cattle, take their donkeys, take their flocks, and ultimately treat them like slaves to be used to grow his earthly kingdom (1 Sam. 8:9-18). Since the fall of man earthly kings have always essentially been takers.

Juxtaposed to the biblical picture of earthly kings is the portrait of our heavenly king. In Philippians 2:5-11 we see that the pattern of Christ (from which we are instructed to pattern our own lives) takes the form of a being a giver instead of a taker. Jesus had every right to come down to earth, proclaim his divine authority, and demand our allegiance. Yet, he chose a different way, a pattern not found in earthly rulers.
First, he chose to lay down his heavenly glory in order to come to us in human form (vv. 5-6). This one step demonstrates profound humility in the nature of Christ. We could spend eternity dwelling on this single act, his willingness to relinquish his heavenly glory in order to journey with us on earth. However, he did not stop there. He took a second step, and took this pattern one step further. He could have appeared to us in royal robes and all the glory of earthly kings. Instead, he came in the form of a servant (v. 7).

This is beyond our comprehension. Yet, he still did not stop there. He took a third step, and took our pattern still one step further. He humbled himself in obedience to death (v. 8a). How glorious the love and humility of our savior! Yet, amazingly, he still did not stop there. He took a fourth step and took our pattern still one step further. He did not just die, but became a curse for us that we might be redeemed (v. 8b, see also Gal. 3:13). Which pattern are you following, the pattern of earthly kings or the pattern of your heavenly king? Are you a taker or a giver?

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST WHO GAVE THE ULTIMATE GIFT!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

***Parallel Processing

Parallel process is a clinical term used to describe the common occurrence in therapy when the therapist’s own experience is reflected in the client’s. It is when a client comes in grieving over the loss of a loved one while the therapist has only just experienced his or her own loss as well. It is a therapist helping a client through feelings of anger and hurt that the therapist has also just recently confronted.

But, here’s the thing: we are all in parallel process. Too often in life it goes unsaid.
Here is where I say it.***

Grace is the middle name of my middle daughter. That’s pretty much what grace is for me: the center of everything.
For some grace is a definition memorized: “unmerited favor”. For others it is something you say before you eat while holding hands with your family. And, for some it is a personality or behavior characteristic that means you don’t trip very often. You are either born with it or you aren’t.

For me, grace is a sigh of relief…when someone extends it to me or, better yet, when I extend it to myself, I can relax. I do not have to be perfect. I can mess up and still be loved. I can have a bad day, be weird, have a dirty house, stumble over my words…and at the end of it all…still get a warm hug and an invitation to come back any time.
Grace has boundaries. It is loving and kind and firm. When a person makes a mistake, grace doesn’t necessarily say: “Its ok. Don’t worry about it,” because that comment isn’t very honest.

Responding with “Don’t worry about it” isn’t necessarily grace. It doesn’t own up to the mistake…
…but it doesn’t own up to the forgiveness either.

Grace says: “I appreciate the apology. I forgive you. “
That comment, like grace, can also be difficult to receive.

Grace gives a hug or a smile that says: “I know that this mistake is not who you are. I don’t expect it to happen again. I will love you and treat you as if it will never happen again.”
It is my desire that grace permeate my relationships…including my various professional ones.

As with most offices in some sort of health care, from time to time a person will forget to show up for an appointment. Is this frustrating? Sure. I would be lying to say that it isn’t. Good clinicians have good boundaries. One of my boundaries is a fairly typical one in that I still charge for missed appointments without a 24-hour notice. Why? I have saved that time, usually an hour, just for that client. I am only in the office a certain number of hours a week with a waiting list of other clients who would have loved to come in that hour. With a 24 hour notice I can offer that time to someone…no problem. A no show is impossible to fill.
I am blessed in that this situation rarely happens. I have amazing clients who are very respectful about time.

I also have another policy that I often employ: Grace. Here is what usually happens. The previous client has left, I write my notes for that session, and then I wait. At about five minutes past time I begin to suspect that the person has forgotten. I wait a little longer and when it is fifteen minutes past, I give them a call. Usually they have completely forgotten and are so embarrassed. They begin to apologize profusely.
What happens next usually stops them in their tracks.

I acknowledge their apology. I do not brush it off in an attempt to get them to stop feeling bad. “I appreciate your apology. AND, I know that these things happen. As you know, I usually charge if a person misses an appointment, but I like to extend grace the first time. Would you like to re-schedule for another time?”
Sometimes I am working with hard working perfectionists and the idea that they have made a mistake, that it is acknowledged, and they will still receive grace startles them. They might find it refreshing. They might resent it. They might stiffen. However they respond, it will be something we address in the next session.

If it happens again, I charge. And, that is extending grace, too. It is a boundary that is gracious and says: “I am not going to be ok with you doing this because deep down I know you are not ok with it either.”
My former supervisor said it so well: “Don’t forget. Scheduling and payment are therapy issues, too.”

Here is the thing about grace…you cannot give it to others in a healthy, meaningful way, unless you are able to receive it and allow it for yourself.
Giving grace to clients and helping them give grace to themselves has taught me so much about allowing God’s grace for me. I see people who are hard on others because they are so hard on themselves.

I carpool pick up with a friend and family member whose children attend the same elementary school. It was the last day of school and I was helping with the “end of the year” party. It was my day to take home my daughter and her cousin.
I walked into the party and said to another mom and friend: “I can’t forget to get Eloise’s cousin when we leave today.”

Guess what?
You guessed it.

Read on for the cringe worthy details.
I picked up all of the party material and told my daughter to gather her things. I told her teacher goodbye, which was a little emotional for us because this teacher had been very special to Eloise and to me. She had been MY first grade teacher, too. I was in her first first grade class and Eloise was in her last first grade class. She was retiring.

As I left the building I knew I was forgetting something. I could not figure out what it was.
Several minutes later I was home and got a phone call. As I saw the school’s number come up on my phone I remembered what, or rather WHOM, I had forgotten.

In a panic, I pushed all three of my kids, some half dressed, into the van and we quickly drove back to school to pick up a sweet little boy. On the way his mom called me.
Now, tell me how YOU would feel telling a mom that you had forgotten their child at school and that he was one of the very last children there waiting in the office wondering where his ride was?

I was mortified.
I took my friend’s son home and when he got out of the van, just like my clients, I started to apologize profusely. I was so embarrassed.

I don’t remember what the mother said to me. I was in such a state of humiliation. I do know that she forgave me.
I also know that I had to own up to the fact that I messed up. I goofed.

I drove home so very painful of that reality.
I am an imperfect human being.

It’s not that I just LIKE grace and think it is a nice thing to have around and it makes life a little neater and bearable.
I NEED grace. I NEED forgiveness.

I am desperate for it.
Sometimes I have to be ok saying: “I’m sorry. I messed up”

That is tough. Saying it that forthright.
No excuses.

No qualifications.
No passing the blame.

And, sometimes I have to be ok with the other person being not ok with me for a little while until everything gets settled and some time has passed.
That is grace, too…giving them space to not be ok for a while.

That part is super tough.
It is these times, while we are waiting on the grace and forgiveness of others, that we have to rely on the grace and forgiveness of our God. We have to be able to accept it and make room for it for ourselves.

Now, someone please tell me they have forgotten a kid, too!

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AND HIS FREE GIFT OF GRACE!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

 

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

Therapy is way more than a toolbox of intervention.  Information alone cannot replace professional help. However, information can be very powerful.  So, for what it’s worth to you, here is the weekly post offering a therapeutic idea, concept, or intervention that you can try out in your own life or relationships.

There is a deceptively simple communication tool that most of us would do well to employ in all of our relationships, personal or professional.  Reflective listening is when you simply repeat back what you heard the other person say.

Sounds so simple or easy that it may seem awkward or weird at first.  I promise you that if you do not naturally use this technique already it WILL feel awkward at first, but it is worth the practice.
I dare you to listen to successful business people in action.  Many of them use this tool naturally.

Others of us have to practice.  What snags our efforts is that too many of us are already thinking about what WE want to say in return (or in retaliation!) to really pay attention to what the other person is saying.
When we take time to really HEAR what the other person is saying because we  plan on reflecting it back, we might be surprised by what the other person truly says.

Another snag we encounter is the tendency to think that if we reflect back it means we are agreeing with a person.
NOT TRUE!  Letting a person know that you heard them does not equal agreeing or the condoning of emotions, thoughts, or behaviors.

Several things take place when we use reflective listening.  You can read more about using this tool here where I talk about personal and professional examples of it from my own life.
However, here is a short synopsis of what takes place with the use of this deceptively simple technique:

The other person feels heard.
You are more likely to really listen when you know you are going to reflect back what you hear.
The other person gets to experience how you have heard them.  Sometimes that is helpful feedback and they realize that they are communicating something unintended.
Communication mishaps and misunderstandings get detected earlier and with less relational fall out later on.
The conversation gets slowed down so that emotion does not vamp it up to uncontrollable speeds.
I have seen amazing things happen in my office when I have led mothers and daughters, dad and sons, husbands and wives, sisters and brother to use this technique.  I have also experienced the results myself!  There have been many times when I have repeated back what I have heard Jon say (or vice versa!) only for him to say: “That’s not what I said” or “That’s not what I meant.  I might have said that, but I didn’t mean it quite like that.”
So, for what its worth, try it!  Practice saying things like: “So what I hear you saying is…” or “What you’re saying is…”.

You can also reflect back emotion: “You seem really sad right now”.
Try it with your kids.  Try it with your spouse.  Try it at work.  You’ll be amazed at how people will open up when you reflect back to them what you hear WITHOUT judgment.

For more great communication help here is a fabulous book, People Skills.  Other professors and I use it in classes and students will often say that they will NOT be selling this book back.  They will be keeping it as a reference!

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

Therapy is way more than a toolbox of intervention.  Information alone cannot replace professional help. However, information can be very powerful.  So, for what it’s worth to you, here is the weekly post offering a therapeutic idea, concept, or intervention that you can try out in your own life or relationships.

An older but incredibly helpful theory in field of understanding human relationships is called Transactional Analysis, first developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne in the 1950’s.

Here is the basic gist of it.  Each person operates, communicates, and behaves out of three different parts of themselves: a parent self, an adult self, and a child self.  So sometimes when we talk to another person we talk in a parent, authoritative voice.  In other situations when we talk to someone we talk in a collegial, adult voice.  In yet some circumstances we talk to others in a submissive or even playful child voice.
What complicates things…or, rather, makes things more interesting…is that the person to whom you are speaking is ALSO operating, communicating, and behaving back towards you out of either a parent self, an adult self, and a child self.

And, then sometimes we can, based on past experiences, expect, anticipate, or assume that others will operate, communicate, and behave towards us out of a certain “self”.  Perhaps, this previous “transaction” has not been very pleasant and you learned to respond out of a certain “self” as a defense mechanism.
Let’s use some common, real life examples to understand how these relational transactions take place.

A husband and wife use all three of these “selves” when communicating and all three can be healthy.  When husband is sick (or vice versa) you can imagine husband taking on a “child self” as the poor sick little boy.  J  The wife might operate, communicate, and behave towards him as the “parent self” as she helps him recover.  As long as this relational transaction does not take place all the time there is nothing wrong with it.  However, while doing something like their taxes together it is more appropriate if they talk “adult self” to “adult self”.  If in a situation like this example if one spouse tends to take on the “parent self” and talk “down” to the “child self’ of the other it is probable not a healthy situation in the long run.

Or, perhaps a woman never felt acceptance from her mother so, in an effort to constantly try to regain the parenting she lost through that relationship, even into adulthood the woman might take on the submissive “child self” when talking to other women.  She doesn’t realize that taking on this submissive role puts her at risk of manipulation in some situations and makes women uncomfortable in others.
In some relationships this is how co-dependency takes place.  As one person in the relationship, the addict, constantly gets themselves into a situation when they are the child who needs caring and “picked up” the other person in the relationship constantly takes on the parent role that is sometimes the supportive, sweet mommy figure, but can turn into the nagging mom as the “parent self”, too.

A person might struggle to maintain friendships or for them to remain incredibly surface, but the person might not realize that he or she is constantly talking to others as the authoritative “parent self” and not everyone enjoys that type of transaction on a regular basis.  Often people adopt this “parent self” because the only way they feel secure in relationships is if they feel “higher” than the other person…compensating for actually a deep feeling of being “lower”…deep insecurity.

The classic reads in Transactional Analysis are Eric Berne’s 1964 book Games People Play and Thomas Harris’ book I’m Ok, You’re Ok.  Both are still very popular and in print.

What can be helpful about TA is to think about your own transactions and be aware of them as you go throughout your day.  How do you talk to others?  Do you operate, communicate, or behave out of “parent self’ in response to certain individuals?  To certain types of individuals?  Or, do you take on the “child self’ when relating to some people?
Without condemnation or judgment, I encourage you just to be curious about your relational transactions and the “selves” you take on.  This curiosity could lead to awareness that might spark some powerful life changing insight….and produce some life changing results in relationships throughout your life.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR TODAY!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

Everyone wants to leave a legacy. Everyone wants to be remembered for something, and to leave something in the hands of those who come after them. Teddy Roosevelt used the slogan, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” Likewise, we all hope to leave some sort of lasting impact. We do not necessarily want to have to shout it out to people. We just want it to pack some punch in the end. Perhaps we would hope others would adapt Roosevelt’s slogan in describing us after we are gone. Something like, “He lived quietly and left a long shadow.”

One person from Scripture that comes to mind when thinking of legacies is Elijah. Calling fire down from Heaven is kind of an automatic qualifier for leaving a legacy (1 Kings 18:38). As if that were not enough he left earth on a chariot of fire (2 Kings 2:11). The Old Testament ends with a promise that God would send Elijah back (Mal 4:5-6). John the Baptist is compared to Elijah (Luke 1:17). And Elijah appeared to Jesus along with Moses on the so-called Mount of Transfiguration (Matt 17:3). After that impressive resume James felt the need to remind all of us that Elijah actually was human (James 5:17).

It is hard to imagine a much more impressive legacy. However, there is one aspect of his legacy that is often overlooked. We are probably all aware that after Elijah’s fire-calling victory on Mt. Carmel he got scared and ran for his life into the wilderness. He eventually ended up in a cave on the side of Mt. Horeb. There was a wind and an earthquake and a fire, but God was not in any of those. God was in a still small voice. And after a few words were exchanged God instructed Elijah to go back and do three specific things:
The LORD said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. 1 Kings 19:15-17

So, Elijah was commanded to go and anoint three people–Hazael, Jehu, and Elisha. How long do you think it took Elijah to do those three things? Okay, okay. That is a trick question. It is a trick question because Elijah never completed the commission that God gave him to do. In fact, he only did one of the three things that God instructed him to do. That is pretty amazing coming from this prophet that left a very long shadow. I have seen a lot of different grading scales. But in every grading scale that I have ever seen thirty three percent is failing. Elijah? Failing? What gives?
The one thing that Elijah did do was anoint Elisha as prophet. They spent a lot of time together, and when Elijah was taken up into Heaven Elisha received a double portion of Elijah’s anointing. Scripture records Elisha performing exactly twice as many miracles as Elijah. And interestingly enough, Scripture also records Elisha eventually fulfilling the rest of that commission that had been given to Elijah. That is, Elisha sees that Hazael and Jehu are anointed as kings. Hmmm. What does that mean?

I often get the opportunity to speak with other ministers about their ministries. Sometimes I am speaking with elders who are seeing their ministry wind down. Sometimes I am speaking with peers who are in the middle of their ministries, and often still struggling to see their vision come to pass. Sometimes I am speaking with young ministers-in-training who are still dreaming about what God might be calling them to do. But this is not restricted to licensed ministers. For all of us have a ministry, a calling and commission from God. Each of us is trying to be faithful to fulfill those things that we understand God to have commanded us to do.
But when I look at Elijah I realize that most of the visions that I have ever heard are way too small. I have heard a lot of visions that sound big because they include some pretty big things. I have heard visions that look to impact entire nations. Visions that require enough money to run a small government. Visions that have the potential to change the destiny of entire people groups. Visions that could bring about global revival. Despite the grandeur of all of these visions it seems that all of them are limited in one critical way. That is, all of the visions assume that the vision will take place in the lifetime of the one casting the vision.

Consider Elijah. And then consider this. If the vision/purpose that you understand God to have for your life is limited to the number of days that you will walk this earth, then your vision is too small.
Elijah understood that out of the three things that God instructed him to do one of them was mission-critical. If nothing else he had to pour his vision into the prophet who would succeed him. Elijah was not the only great one in Scripture to realize this spiritual truth. Abraham needed Isaac, and the rest of his progeny, for the promise to be fulfilled. Moses needed Joshua to get the Israelites into the promised land. David needed Solomon to get the temple built. Jesus needed His disciples to establish the church. Paul needed Timothy to strengthen the foundation that he had laid.

I worry that we have gotten this almost completely backwards. We hear the three commands and put Elisha last on the list. We seek out Hazael and Jehu, when we should be pouring into Elisha. We are unwilling to accept that our life is like a mist that appears for a while and then suddenly vanishes (James 4:14). Consider your purpose today. And then ask yourself, “What changes if I realize that God intends to do none of this in my lifetime, but in the lifetime of those who I pour the vision into?”

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND BE LIGHT IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS!
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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

Therapy is way more than a toolbox of intervention.  Information alone cannot replace professional help. However, information can be very powerful.  So, for what it’s worth to you, here is the weekly post offering a therapeutic idea, concept, or intervention that you can try out in your own life or relationships.

Anger is sometimes called a secondary emotion…not because it is any less valid of an emotion than any other, but because it rarely stands alone.  There is almost always another emotion that reinforces it.
The image that is often used to illustrate this idea is the iceberg.  You know how an iceberg works.  If from nothing else but from watching Titanic the movie you know that the wonder of the iceberg is that what you see on top of the surface of the water is only a fraction of what lays underneath.  The unbelievable tragedy of the Titanic is that by the time they spotted the fraction of ice on the top it was too late to change their course in time to miss the monstrosity of ice underneath the surface.

When we experience a person’s anger (including our own) it is like the fraction of ice on top of the surface.  It takes our focus.  However, what is underneath the surface is much larger and more extensive.  We would do well to reserve our attention and energy for this part of the iceberg.  In fact, like with the physical phenomenon of the iceberg, if  you are aware of what is underneath and focus on preparing for it then you are in a better position to avoid the deadly dangers of running into what is on top.
What is that ice underneath comprised of?

  Fear.  Insecurity.  Depression.  Anxiety.
Any variety of emotions that can make a person feel incredibly vulnerable.

For men and women alike, anger can feel more powerful and not as painful as the other options.

So, for what it’s worth, the next time you encounter someone who is angry (including yourself) I encourage you to remember the iceberg.  Be still.  Observe.  Don’t react.  Use some reflective listening.  Be curious about what is underneath that anger.  Like a balloon that has been deflated, identifying what is underneath the surface of the anger iceberg can let out some of the steam of what is on top.
In other situations, you might decide that the anger…or what is underneath…is not worth addressing.  Perhaps, it is not a person you are close to…like the clerk at the store or a parent you see from time to time at functions or a classmate you sit next to in class.  It could be that it is not safe to address it.  In these scenarios just this information can be helpful in not letting another person’s anger to get the best of you.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND BECOME A FRIEND OF THE ONE WHO CREATED YOU!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/post/trust_me/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

 

***Parallel Processing

Parallel process is a clinical term used to describe the common occurrence in therapy when the therapist’s own experience is reflected in the client’s. It is when a client comes in grieving over the loss of a loved one while the therapist has only just experienced his or her own loss as well. It is a therapist helping a client through feelings of anger and hurt that the therapist has also just recently confronted.

But, here’s the thing: we are all in parallel process. Too often in life it goes unsaid.
Here is where I say it.***

For my high school years I attended a captivating, red brick campus at the foot of Signal Mountain, Tennessee.  Both a boarding school and a day school, I experienced each of these worlds, living on the campus as a boarder my junior and senior year.  Are you old enough to have seen Dead Poet’s Society?  Got that campus look in your mind?  Ok, welcome to my high school.  In fact, I was told that they were going to film part of that movie at my alma mater, but because our chapel was under construction at the time it did not work.  SUPPOSEDLY one of the crew boat scenes has something to do with our campus?  Not sure how much of those rumors are urban…aww…suburban… legend…
That school wasn’t and isn’t for everyone, but I am not going to lie.  I loved it.  I loved my tennis team.  I loved my friends.  I loved the view from the library that overlooked the Tennessee River.  I loved the walk to the tennis courts…over Baylor lake that we always complained was a nasty mess, through the woods, to the tennis center… and I even loved the walk back…ALL the way up the hill to the dining hall…up all of those chapel steps…across the quad…my friends and I all sweaty from practice, our legs still wobbly from the suicide sprints Coach Bandy had ended practice with.

I was in complete awe that I had the opportunity to study and play tennis there.  I never lost that sense of gratitude.  It was as though God plucked me out of my life and dropped me onto that campus.  Freedom.  But that’s another story…
I loved my teachers, too…almost all of them.  (Smile)  But, like most students, I had a favorite in high school.  His name was Mr. Harris.  Hairy Dog most students called him.  He was short in stature, but what he lacked in height he made up for with his bushy beard, his dramatic flair for teaching history, his humor and enormous laugh, as well as the erasers he would throw at you if he thought you were being an idiot.

I was brand new to Baylor when I walked into his class that first day of my sophomore year.  I was scared to death and it only took watching a couple of erasers fly by my head to decide my quiet classroom nature would be a huge benefit to me in Western Civilization.
Mr. Harris’s classroom was straight out of a novel with old fashioned wooden desks, artifacts all over the shelves, and a teacher that could, at any moment, stand up in his chair with a Robin Williams flair that made me want to stand up and say: “O Captain! My Captain!”

Our textbook in that class?  Mr. Harris wrote it himself.  It was housed in a red Baylor binder and each week we would read our material, have a lecture, discuss, and then expect a quiz at the beginning of each class.  The quizzes were tough.  The only way I could ensure an A was to get to school early and go see Mr. Harris to make sure I had answered all of the review questions correctly.  Mr. Harris encouraged this routine among students and he could always be found at about 7:30 AM outside his classroom, smoking, and answering students’ questions…sometimes with a sarcastic edge.
I was afraid of Mr. Harris, but knew that in order to do well in the class I had to endure any potential looks he might shoot my direction in response to my ignorant questions.

So, morning after morning I would show up outside his classroom.
Mr. Harris’s curriculum for the class was challenging, but usually interesting.  He made history entertaining.  Then, one day, I turned the page and found myself staring at that day’s reading assignment: the book of Job from the bible.

Mr. Harris lectured that day on Job.  He explained the position of this piece of literature in Western Civilization as well as the Hebraic Canon.
He went on to explain that he was an agnostic.  He didn’t know if he believed in God or not.  He also admitted that he really struggled with the book of Job.  Why would God allow Satan to play with Job like that?  Mr. Harris brought up all sorts of things that day about a book in the bible.  He attempted to engage us in dialogue, but I am ashamed to say that many of the students, although professing Christians, knew little about the subject. “Most Christians know very little about their book, the Bible” Mr. Harris observed as we finished up class that day.

I left that classroom with so many questions…questions I took to my parents and others I trusted.  Mr. Harris had provoked me as well as my faith.
It was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Over the year I would come back and engage Mr. Harris in conversation beyond the study questions for the quiz.  I wasn’t afraid anymore…just respectful and curious.  I was hungry…to grow.
I remember bringing him a tape of my pastor’s sermon because my pastor, who was also brilliant, had spoken on a topic that related to one of Mr. Harris’ lectures.  He actually listened to it and discussed it with me.

I remember when I thought he said something disrespectful about Christians in class approaching him about it afterwards…he was quick to apologize.
I remember him walking…across the bridge, through the woods, to the tennis center…to watch our matches…and how we would praise my strong forehand and chastise my much weaker backhand.  “Your forehand is so good! What happened to your backhand?”

I remember his wife, who ended up being my French teacher, keeping me after class and quietly handing me a book, saying: “I thought you might appreciate this.”  It was the Bible…translated into French, Spanish, and German.
I remember…will never forget…Mr. Harris keeping me after class one day and expressing concern about how I had answered an essay question on a major exam.  “It sounded like you were losing your faith.”  I don’t remember the question or why my faith would have been relevant in the exam material, but I assured him I was not.  He was concerned because he did not want to be the reason.

My faith grew that year under the teaching of my smoking, antagonistic, agnostic teacher, Mr. Harris…but, I wanted to be challenged.  Craved it. I didn’t realize it, but I guess I was hungry for it.  Other fifteen year olds could have responded in other ways, but I was in the right place at the right time.
My relationship with an agnostic teacher who took time to talk with students every morning outside his classroom watered my growing love for scripture and theology.

Twenty years later, just earlier today, I mentally stood outside myself, regarding my attitude, and realized that I was being judgmental.  I know, I know.  It was awful.  Horrid, really.  I was sad to realize I was judging the ability or “preparedness” of others for God to use them.
I am appalled.  Really.

Anyway, I realized I was criticizing, thinking inwardly that because a person had not done “A” or HAD done/was still doing “B” they were not in a position for God to use them in certain ways yet.
Well, move over God…Emily seems to have a plan for how things should work!

Good grief.  Really, Emily?  REALLY?
But, the thing is…so many of us do this even if we do not realize it.  We put parameters on who God can use and how.  We say…inside our little insidious minds…you have or are still doing “X” so you really should not be doing this or God cannot really use you.  Or, because you have not done “Y” you cannot be effective here.

My judgment of others is like a boomerang.  It always comes back as judgment on myself.
When I make those judgment calls on others, I am also making them on myself.  I am saying…Emily, because you have done or are still doing, struggling with “X”, God cannot use you…so don’t even think about it.  Close yourself off until you are…PERFECT.  Until you have it all together.

My judgment of others is like a boomerang.  It always comes back as judgment on myself.
Or, Emily, because you have not experienced “Y” you cannot really be of use here.

This concern is something I struggled with a lot as a newbie therapist.  Either I would bring it up to myself or someone I knew would ask me: “Well, you have never been through “A, B, or C” so how can you help them?
I do not remember which teacher or supervisor offered me this analogy, but it goes something like this…

If you broke your leg, when you went in to get help from the doctor, would you stop him or her and say: “Have you broken your leg before?  Because if you haven’t…I don’t think you can help me. I need someone to help who has broken their leg…in the exact same spot if possible.”
So, what’s the point?

The point is God can use you.  Right now. Right here.
He probably already is.

You (and that person you were judging last week) will never have it all together.  Ever.
The church IS full of hypocrites.

We are all in process…messed up humans making mistakes all the time…seeking the One who can make us whole.
So, in the midst of my internal, judgmental rant (are you judging ME now?  Go ahead…it is awful, I know!), God quietly recalled Mr. Harris to my mind.  I had not thought of him in years

I thought about Mr. Harris, Hairy Dog, with his bushy beard, his dramatic flair for teaching history, his humor and enormous laugh, as well as the erasers he would throw at you if he thought you were being an idiot…
Mr. Harris…the antagonizing, agnostic…not who I would choose to disciple my children..and I realized that God knows.  He has the plan.  And, He can use anyone, anytime, anyhow to bring growth in a person’s life…if the other person on the receiving end is open to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

We are all in process.  I doubt many of you reading this are agnostics or atheists…but, I’m guessing you sometimes feel just as ill equipped for the job of helping others in faith and life.
While I appreciate testimonies and think there is something INCREDIBLY valuable in relating over shared stories and have participated in such powerful moments, you do not have to have broken your leg in the exact same spot as the person you are helping or ministering to.  You don’t have to have it all together.  God is probably already using you…and you don’t even realize it.

Maybe, God was using me in Mr. Harris’ life even as He was using Mr. Harris in mine!
Watch out! God can be tricky like that.  He has an amazing sense of humor.  He likes to use surprising people…people like you!

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND PUT YOUR LIFE IN HIS HANDS!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/post/trust_me/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

Therapy is way more than a toolbox of intervention.  Information alone cannot replace professional help. However, information can be very powerful.  So, for what it’s worth to you, here is the weekly post offering a therapeutic idea, concept, or intervention that you can try out in your own life or relationships.

Relationships are a natural part of every person’s life and we all juggle, manage, and develop a variety of different kinds of relationships. Personal, professional, familial…we move in and out of relational circles constantly as we go throughout our days.  Friends are an important part of our constellation of relationships.  However, what, exactly, is a friend?  Facebook has put further challenges on defining a word that has many meanings.

We get into trouble when we expect…or even demand…that relationships look a certain way.  Relationships, including friendships, grow and change as we grow and change.
There are also different TYPES of friends.  Starting in childhood it can be helpful to understand the differences in these types of relationships.  However, many adults still do not have these ideas down.

It is important to remember that we all need ALL of these types of friends.  They are all important to a healthy life.
Acquaintances

Maybe you went to school together in elementary school.  Maybe you passed each other in recreational sports leagues.  Perhaps your children attended the same preschool.  It could be that you were fairly close at one time, but life has moved and changed your lives so that the connection is not quite as close.
These are the people you see in passing in town and you smile big and ask “How are you?”, say some nice pleasantries, and move on.  They might even “like” some of your Facebook statuses.  These are nice and important connections that make you feel tied to a community even if they are not daily integrated into your personal life.

You likely have MANY acquaintances.  Acquaintances are important types of friends.
Playmates (Social Friends)

When you are a child you had playmates.  These were the friends who came over from down the street to play.  They were on your sports teams.  They sat with you at lunch.
As an adult you might share a book club or bible study.  Perhaps, you attend the same church class.  Most people have several playmates or social friends.  You usually live very close in proximity to social friends.

Social friends (playmates) are important part of a person’s life.  However, they are not the same as the next type of friend.
Best Friends

Best friends are the people you tell your secrets to.  They are who you call when something goes really wrong.  You may or may not live close to your best friends.  You have a deeper connection with these individuals that can span time and distance.
Most people only have a few best friends.  Best friends are an important part of a person’s life.

Most people’s friendships move in and out of these spheres depending on the phase of life.  A social friend might become an acquaintance five years from now.  An acquaintance can become a social friend over time and even a best friend.  Although this change can be difficult at times, it is even more challenging when people try to force friendships to stay the same.  Friendships also face challenges when we try to force one type of friendship into another mold.
One of the best takes on this idea of different relationship “spaces” can be found in the book The Search To Belong by Joseph Myers.  Myers identifies four relational spheres: public, social, personal, and intimate.  Public relationships include the ones we have with the teller at the bank, your child’s kindergarten teacher from a few years ago, etc.  Social space includes Starbucks, neighbors stopping by on the front porch, greeting people in the lobby at church.  Personal spaces include the living room where friends watch television together or play video games as well as close friends meeting for lunch.  Intimate relationships are few and far between with most people only having one to three intimate relationships in one lifetime. Think: spouses.

Again, we get into trouble when we force or try to drive people into spaces when they are not ready or the timing is not right.  We also get into trouble when we assume that each type of friendship does not have value.
Facebook is an incredibly helpful tool for keeping up with relationships, but it can perpetuate a challenge that relationships have faced for years, which is a misunderstanding and undervaluing of the varied types of friendships.  We need each kind of friendship and each type of relational space.  Don’t let Facebook’s loose usage of the word “friend” lead you to lump everyone into one group.  There are nuances of relationships that are important to the richness that makes up our lives.  Of course, we know that Jesus modeled this reality for us very well.  He had the inner circle of three, the twelve disciples, and the multitude.  While on earth, even Jesus was not the same kind of friend to everyone.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND EXPERIENCE THE DEEPEST FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR CREATOR!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/post/trust_me/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

When we arrive at the Sermon on the Mount we are only a few chapters into the New Testament. Leading up to the sermon we have reached all the way back to Abraham. We have seen the lineage of Jesus, read about His birth, watched how God protected Him as a child, seen how John the Baptist prepared the way, seen His baptism, observed His temptation, learned that He preached the Kingdom and healed the sick, read how He called His first disciples, and found out that a large crowd followed Him up a mountain to hear this sermon. So, we have covered a lot, but we still do not know what He will teach us. The position of the sermon gives it a pride of place and some monumental significance. By the time Jesus finally opens His mouth to preach in the fifth chapter of Matthew we are racked with anticipation at what He might say.

He launches His sermon with the greatest introduction ever given, the Beatitudes. In so doing He turns our worldview upside down. He shows us that things like spiritual poverty, meekness, mercy and peacemaking are the attributes of the truly blessed. He tells us that we are the salt of the earth and the light of the world. Then He makes the transition from His inspiring introduction to His first instructions by clarifying that He did not come to abolish the law, but to fulfill it (Matt. 5:17-19), and followed that with an announcement that He was about to teach us how to have righteousness that would surpass that of the Pharisees (Matt. 5:20).

So. By the time we finally get to Matt. 5:21 our anticipation at what Jesus might teach us in terms of specific instructions should feel as though it is about to burst. My point in all of this is that we need to wrap our minds around the prodigious nature of this first commandment. It is truly massive. The eternal Word is about to give us His first command. What does He say? In short, “You have heard, ‘Do not murder,’ but I tell you that if a brother or sister has a complaint against you your first priority is to go and be reconciled” (Matt. 5:21-26).
I know that reconciliation is important and all, but I have to admit that this is not where I would have started. Why did Jesus start there? Well, evidently it is where we need to start. When Jesus starts with the issue of murder He is taking us back to the law that He has already said that He came to fulfill. But He is also taking us back further than that. He is taking us back to the first human fallout after the Garden of Eden. The disobedience of Adam and Eve ushered sin into creation, but the murder of Abel by Cain was the first creation of sin. Jesus is saying that He is here to do more than fulfill the righteousness required by the law, He is here to restore relationships within creation.

The relational emphasis that Jesus brings to us can be seen in the structure of the law in its original form. The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:1-17) begin with three commandments that deal with our relationship with God. They end with six commandments that deal with our relationships with others. Thus, Jesus sums up the law with the idea of loving God and loving your neighbor (see Mt. 22:36 ff and Luke 10:27 ff). We can gauge how seriously we take our relationship with God by gauging how seriously we take the one another’s.
Interestingly, this leaves the fourth commandment in an important and distinctive position, like a hinge or post on which the other two categories of commandments swing. The fourth commandment instructs us to remember the Sabbath and keep it holy (Ex. 20:8).  The Sabbath represents not only rest, but also completion, and it forms the intersection between our vertical relationship with God and our horizontal relationships with others.

All of us want rest. But do we want relationship? Your rest will never become true Shabbat (sabbath) as long as you are harboring anger towards others in your heart. It is true that reconciliation is a two-way street. You cannot make the other person reconcile with you. But if you have sought and/or offered forgiveness you can still have shalom (peace). Rest and relationship go together like Shabbat and shalom. It is hard to have one without the other. So, as my Jewish friends say:
Shabbat Shalom!

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND EXPERIENCE THE GREATEST RELATIONSHIP!
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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

***Parallel Processing

Parallel process is a clinical term used to describe the common occurrence in therapy when the therapist’s own experience is reflected in the client’s. It is when a client comes in grieving over the loss of a loved one while the therapist has only just experienced his or her own loss as well. It is a therapist helping a client through feelings of anger and hurt that the therapist has also just recently confronted.

But, here’s the thing: we are all in parallel process. Too often in life it goes unsaid.
Here is where I say it.***

I have a habit of burning myself when I am cooking.  It doesn’t happen too often, but often enough.  I get in a hurry and I do something foolish.  I try to grab something hot without an oven mitt…or I reach into the oven too quickly and the top of my hand grazes the oven rack…or I am cooking with oil and have it too hot or am standing too close.
I have the scars to prove it, unfortunately.  For the next few days after my carelessness I will be reminded of it continuously.  Every time I wash my hands with hot water, every time I take a shower, every time someone grabs my hand.  I’ll be reminded of my wound.  I’ll wince.  I’ll probably be a little hesitant in some actions, probably stiffen up, pull away at times.

When I was in college I heard someone give a devotion that has stuck in my head.  It was on 1 Corinthians 13…the love chapter.  Most of us are familiar with the words.  We hear them at weddings.  They are classic expressions of our Christian faith.
The devotion was beautifully simple, but the power that stayed with me is that the person delivering the devotion made the chapter practically applicable.

Starting with verse four through verse seven it reads:
Love is patient,

Love is kind.
It does not envy,

it does not boast,
it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others,
it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Ok, so here is what you do.  Read the verses again, but instead think of a person you are in a relationship with…someone you LOVE…and use the verses as a checklist.  I’ll do it with Jon and my kids…
With Jon and the kids….am I patient?

With Jon and the kids…am I kind?
With Jon and the kids…do I envy?

With Jon and the kids… do I boast?
With Jon and the kids …am I proud?

With Jon and the kids …do I dishonor them in any way?
With Jon and the kids …am I self-seeking?

With Jon and the kids …do I get easily angered?
With Jon and the kids…do I keep a record of wrongs?

With Jon and the kids ….do I Love delight in evil…or do I rejoice with the truth?
With Jon and the kids …do I always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere?

It isn’t a perfect fit for every relationship, every time…but, wow.  What a tool for conviction and correction!
The point is not that we will ever do it all perfectly.  Ultimately, these words only accurately and absolutely define the love that God has for us.  Only He can ever meet this checklist perfectly…and He does…always.

Still, we are commanded by Jesus in John 13:34: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”
            So, thinking about your loved ones…how do you fare with the checklist?

Oh, but are we to only love those really, really, really close to us?  There are those verses…love your neighbor as yourself.  Who is your neighbor?
With the cashier or the lady who just got in front of you in line…are you patient?  Are you kind?

I’m going to tell you that there is one here on the checklist that I think many of us REALLY struggle with and may not realize it.
…is not easily angered.

“I don’t have an anger problem.  This isn’t a problem for me.”
Really?

Let’s try it this way…
…is not easily offended.

Or how about this…
…is not overly sensitive.

Like the burn wounds on my hands after I have been careless in the kitchen, like how I will jump when someone grazes them…most of us have other wounds…wounds of
Insecurity.

Shame.
And, when people graze those wounds…we jump.

They are…overly sensitive.
Fragile.

Break easily.
We jump and when we do we might end up causing a bigger mess.  We “knock things over” in our sensitivity.  We do jumpy, messy, hurtful things like assuming we know why people did what they did.  We get rigid and edgy.  We give silent treatments.  We become huffy.

My wounds are going to be there…until they slowly heal.  And, I will probably graze things that cause me to jump.  My responsibility is to take this woundedness to Him, to work to be aware of it, to try to let Him contain it…my anger, my sensitivity, my …rather than the other person.
This isn’t the same as justified anger.

This is sensitivity over the look you THINK someone gave you, the snubbing you THINK you got at a party,  the meaning you THINK your spouse had in his words as he left for work.
This isn’t the same as healthy, gifted, discerning sensitivity.

This is fragile, handle with care, wounded, overreacting, I-think-I-have-it-all-figured-out sensitivity.
I like the movie Steel Magnolias, but I love the name even more.  It conveys a striking picture of femininity.  Tender and strong.  SENSITIVE and perseverant.

Sensitivity…healthy, discerning sensitivity is not a bad thing.
1 Peter 3:7 in no way offends me…when women are referred to as “weaker” vessel…because in 2 Corinthians 12:9 Paul, the great MALE apostle boasts in his weakness, acknowledging that through his weakness God’s power is revealed.

Weakness, sensitivity…these are not the enemy.
Reacting, hurting people out of our wounds is.

…is not easily angered.
…is not easily offended.

…is not overly sensitive.
The chances that the acquaintance snubbed you at that shower is slim to none.  She probably had a lot on her mind.  And, if she really did snub you…well, let it go.  Don’t waste valuable energy trying to figure it out.

Don’t waste valuable energy that could be invested elsewhere…like in the great action word…
Love.  (see checklist above)

 

ACCEPT JESUS TODAY AND EXPERIENCE THE GREATEST OF ALL LOVE!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/post/trust_me/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

Therapy is way more than a toolbox of intervention.  Information alone cannot replace professional help. However, information can be very powerful.  So, for what it’s worth to you, here is the weekly post offering a therapeutic idea, concept, or intervention that you can try out in your own life or relationships.

“So, then I left in tears and they all thought I was such a crybaby…and…”

“Wait…a cry baby?  You mean someone actually came to you and told you that you were a crybaby?”
“Well, no…I mean…”

“Someone told you they overheard someone ELSE calling you a cry baby?”
“Well, no, but you know good and well that is what they thought!”

“No, I can’t say that I do.”
This very simple, fictitious conversation demonstrates a very basic example of something that causes more grief and strife in relationships as well as more pain, anxiety, and depression in a single person than a straight up blow to the face.

I have heard people come up with entire conspiracy theories about the actions of others completely based on what they were SURE others were thinking.
Mind reading is making an assumption that others think poorly of you without strong evidence and without checking it out.

Mind reading is deducing what others think based on your own assumptions.
And, we all know what happens when you ass…u…me.  Right?

Mind reading is when you pass someone you know, they don’t say hello, and you assume that they look down on you in some way.   Never mind that they could have been preoccupied thinking about work, their children, or any number of things.
Mind reading usually accompanies a great need to control, great egoism, or both.

When you mind read you gain a certain level of power…you think you KNOW and knowledge brings a greater sense of control and with that control…comfort.  That feels good no matter how negative your made up assumptions are.  At least you “KNOW”…and with that knowledge is less vulnerability.  Of course, this is all in your head.
When you mind read you also reveal a great amount of egoism because you are essentially acting on the belief that everything is about YOU. If a person sighs deeply in a conversation it must be because he or she is bored with YOU…never mind that he or she just realized that they left their garage door open.

And, really…to think we can KNOW what another person is thinking…how egotistical could we be?
But, we do it…and do it often.

Mind reading is a significant ingredient in depression and anxiety.  Depressed people have a habit of making a lot of assumptions that are not based on reality.
Mind reading is a habit and like all habits it can be incredibly difficult to break, but you CAN do it.  The first step is stepping back and observing yourself to see if and when you engage in this behavior.

The next step is to gently and firmly confront these thoughts.  Be prepared for resistance.  This path of mind reading is a well-worn one in your mind and probably comes quite naturally.  The part of your mind that uses mind reading to gain a sense of power, control and importance will not want to give up this tendency no matter how ill the consequences.
It will take practice and effort.

Know someone close to you who mind reads as a habit?  Perhaps there are ways you can gently help them overcome the dangers of mind reading by asking simple, kind, reality-check types of questions.  Parents of young people including and especially teens and preteens…watch out!  They have a huge tendency to mind read!
Intuition and being able to read people empathetically can be helpful skills in relationships of all kinds.

However, there is a fine line, but a huge difference, between intuition and paranoia.
Intuition and sensitivity is NOT the same thing as mind reading.  Mind reading takes it to a whole new level.

Mind reading breeds drama, depression, anxiety, paranoia, and relationship troubles.
Start by confronting it in your own thoughts, relational exchanges, and actions.

The effort will be worth it.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND KNOW THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOUR HEART!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

If you listen to enough testimonies you will discover that there are certain themes that pop up over and over again. One of those common themes is the impact that a specific relationship had on a person’s life. You will often hear something along these lines: “…and then I met ________ and everything changed.” Even people who do not remember a specific moment in which they gave their lives to the Lord often tell of a Sunday school teacher, children’s minister, or youth minister who had a major impact on their lives. Relationships are a significant tool in the hands of God for growing our faith. Notice three things about relationships.

First, the good news about relationships is that they are often used to bring about a positive influence in our lives. The Scripture is replete with such examples. Jonathan saved David’s life, even though it required a sense of betrayal towards his own father. Elisha was prepared and anointed for ministry by holding fast to his relationship with Elijah. Ruth was brought into the lineage of King David and the Messiah by refusing to leave her beloved mother-in-law even after her husband had died. Esther saved the entire nation of Israel by heeding the advice of her cousin and confidant, Mordecai. The list goes on and on, but the point is that God uses people in our lives to accomplish His will.

Second, the bad news about relationships is that they often bring about a negative influence in our life. Many of us stumbled into something in life that tried to destroy us, something we had to later be delivered from. How many times did we first experience that thing with someone else? Amazingly, that is true almost every time! The Scripture says, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals’” (1 Cor 15:33). Proverbs teaches us that, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Prov. 13:20). And of course there are plenty of Scriptural examples that illustrate this principle as well. We can see it in the relationship between Samson and Delilah (see Judges 16). We also see it in the relationship between the Gibeonites and the Israelites (see Joshua 9). We see it again in Saul’s relationship with Agag, the Amlekite king (see 1 Sam 15). We could list more, but the point is that the enemy uses people in our lives in his attempt to destroy our lives.
Third, the ugly truth about relationships is that we have to be intentional about choosing our relationships because they can either be a source of life or a source of corruption for us. That does not mean that we hide ourselves from others and attempt to take ourselves out of the world. However, no one is immune to the negative impact of certain relationships. Yet, we must still pursue relationships because no one can become all they are called to be in isolation from others. We do not have to allow fear to keep us out of relationships. At the same time, we should not be so naive as to believe that we can handle any and every relationship. So, where does that leave us? It leaves us in the position of prayerfully seeking God for direction in all of our relationships.

Parenting Our Children and Their Relationships
The idea of having to be intentional about choosing our relationships is not always a popular idea. This can be especially true for teenagers, who are in a natural stage of life where an inordinate amount of value is placed on one’s relationships. Guiding teenagers through these relationships at a time when they view reality through the lens of their social life can prove to be extremely difficult. However, despite the difficulty of addressing our children’s relationships we must engage the issue. Here are a few brief things to consider.
First, there is an important distinction between dictating your child’s relationships and offering direction to your child about relationships. Perhaps there is a time to make a rule that a child cannot have a certain relationship, but this is a very precarious scenario and should only be used as a last resort. Instead, first use your energy in preparing your child for having healthy relationships. This can empower your child to make the right choices at the right time in the context of specific relationships.

Second, begin to focus on the issue of influence in relationships with your child at an early age. Help them to see and understand that people influence one another. If a child understands that coming under the influence of another person is a warning sign of a dangerous path they are more likely to stop and assess a relationship before the situation gets out of control. Once they understand influence help them to distinguish between positive and negative influence. Help them to commit themselves to being a person of positive influence, and to step back from any relationship that begins to bring a negative influence on them.
Third, once you have built the foundation in your child’s life for understanding the dynamics of influence begin to help them establish certain boundaries in their relationships. Make sure that they understand that boundaries are about much more than just rules. Boundaries are what enable us to maintain our personal sense of identity. When a child trespasses a personal boundary because of the influence of another person s/he has done more than broken a rule. Rather, that child has violated his/her own personhood, by living in a way that is incongruent with who they are so that they might find favor in the eyes of a person who does not have their best interests in mind.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AND BEGIN A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

My oldest daughter, now seven, sang her first solo Sunday night at church.  It was a short, little line with, as she pointed out to me, 17 words.  I watched her, nervous and proud all at the same time.  She knew her cue.  She knew that if she did not move quickly enough to the microphone the song on the track would move on and she would not get to sing her lines.  She was fast.  She was confident.  Her words were loud and clear.  The experience culminated in a twenty second moment in time.  She walked away pocketing an experience that left her with a drop more confidence that she COULD DO IT.

I am not a big pusher of performing on stage.  I appreciate a good performance, but my daughter being a star singer is not that important to me.  I care more about what this experience gave to her, more about the words she memorized, the words that were planted into her heart mostly because she had to sing in front of a lot of people, wanted to do a good job, and really wanted to not be embarrassed.

Work with enough families, enough mothers, enough daughters and in the midst of all their beautiful intricacies, certain patterns begin to emerge.  For example, the age of about 7-11 is sometimes a difficult transition for daughters and moms.  There are a lot of changes, a lot of struggling and wrestling.  It is a beautiful, exciting time.  It is also stressful and nerve-racking.  More than once, a mom has come in for her daughter to be treated at this age.  More than once, I have ended up working with mom instead.
The mom will come in expressing a lot of anxiety about her daughter’s changes in behavior.  Knowing that anxiety exacerbates any changes that are taking place, one of the goals is to calm the anxiety.  One aspect of getting at the root of anxiety is to determine the root cause of it.  Part of this process involves doing a thorough family evaluation.  I ask a lot of questions about the family’s background, often going back a few generations.  Sometimes, these questions perplex parents.  Why do I need to know if a mom’s family of origin had any domestic violence?

A few steps into this process of asking mom questions, a tender spot is stepped on.  Tears well up.  I slow down.  Holy Ground.  Source of anxiety has been touched.  Mom went through unspeakable pain.  At age 7. Or 8. Or 9. Or 10. Or 11.  Whatever her daughter’s age is.  Right. Now.
We don’t have one little girl in the office.  There are two. And, one is still so scared and hurt and devastated that she will do ANYTHING to keep this new little girl from having to EVER go through that same pain again.

Parenting is such a mystical thing to me.  Mystical in that in some deep ways, it is a chance for us to grow up…again.  As we parent our children, we can encounter, if we are willing, areas of our lives where we are still children who need to grow up.
Peter De Vries wrote: “The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults”.  To fully enter into the parenting crucible, we are faced with the task of “growing up” those parts of us that are still hurt little children.  If we do not, we will end up parenting OURSELVES when we should be parenting our children.

Our children are not us.
When I was my daughter’s age, I had my first solo, too.  I got up in front of my large church, scared to death, and with my soft voice…forgot my lines.  I was mortified and desperately trying not to show it.  When I got back to my place with the choir, the girl next to me said: “You messed up!”  Oh, wow.  I hadn’t noticed.  Thank you for that information.

Watching Eloise, I was amazed.  Amazed at her confidence.  Amazed at how loud her voice was.  Amazed…that she is not me.
Eloise is my daughter.  She has my face structure.  We share the same 1st grade teacher and the same elementary school.  She has my painful ability to discern what is going on underneath the surface of conversations.

But, she is not me.  And, she is not my husband either no matter how close in shade their eyes are.  She has her own strengths and her own weaknesses.  She has her own battles to fight.
In the book of Judges in chapter four, we read about the judge Deborah who was leading the people of Israel.  Deborah called for the warrior Barak to see her and she gave him orders from the Lord.  His orders were to go into battle against Israel’s enemies.  Barak responded to Deborah.  He said that he would go into battle, but only if Deborah would go with him.  Deborah agreed.  She made the trip with Barak to the place of battle.

However, Deborah did not go with him to fight.  The morning of the battle it seems that Deborah woke up from bed first.  The bible tells us that she said to Barak: “Arise…Behold, the Lord has gone out before you!” (Judges 4:14).  Barak went into battle…without Deborah.  The enemy was defeated.
Have you ever heard of Barak?  Yeah, me neither…until a few years ago. The name I was taught in Sunday School on the flannel graph was the Judge, Deborah.  Yet, she was not the one that was called into battle that day.  Why was her role as a leader so important that we are taught to remember her above the warrior, Barak, who actually did the fighting?

I think Deborath, woman of God, probably a mother, had strength and discernment.  Strength and discernment to know that Barak’s battle was not hers to fight.
So, I am going to keep trying to be Deborah for my children.  Keep working on knowing that they are not me.  Working on knowing that they have their own battles to fight and that I have to fight mine, have to grow up my own hurt, childlike parts, so I can have enough energy to call out the warrior in them.

Letting them sing their own solos.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR AND BECOME A CHILD OF GOD!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

I sometimes tell teenagers I work with that middle and high school is one big crash course in relationship skills, with the operative word there being “crash”.  There are often lots of crashes along the way.  There is some major emotional “weight lifting” that takes place in high school.  You know what happens in weight lifting.  The muscles get torn down and then grow back stronger.  Teenagers get torn down and, hopefully, grow back stronger…if the emotional weights are not damagingly heavy.

My teen years were filled with highs and low, the best of times, the worst of times…depending on the day you asked me.  While I had the best friends in the universe, I was also in class with some of the meanest girls ever.  Well, I sure thought they were!  On the tennis court I was confident.  In school around peers I was painfully insecure.  I was tall, thin, and awkward.  I did not want to be told how much I would appreciate my height later.  I wanted to be little and cute NOW

There were brilliant flashes of light in my teen years, moment of triumph, success and sweetness that I sometimes try to recapture in my mind and heart.
There were times and spaces so small and dark that I was unsure there was room for me.

Small, dark spaces like a cocoon.  I wonder if a caterpillar feels like life is over, that he may not get out alive in one piece.  In a way, he is right.  Life as he knew it is over.  And, he will not get out in the same piece he was before.
I look back and see that I did a lot of emotional weight lifting as a teenager.  It isn’t just a crash course in relational skills. It is also a training ground for what is going to take place in life…over and over and over and over again.

Dark place.  Life feels over.  God brings us through.  New LIFE.  Joy.
Dark place.  Life feels over.  God brings us through.  New LIFE.  Joy.

And, somewhere in there, we start realizing that life isn’t over.  We learn to
tolerate the pain, to endure the cocoon for what we have grown to know and trust is on the other side.

God.  Is.
I am friends with teens on Facebook.  I spend time talking with teens every week for my work.  I hear the “my life is over!”…over and over and over again. Sometimes it is for very, very good reason.  Very, very hard things are happening and maybe the emotional weightlifting is overwhelming to the point of seeming permanent in its damage.  Sometimes mom’s and dad’s want to rescue their teen from the weights.  They try to lift the weights for them (helicopter parenting?).  Usually, just as in weight lifting, we do need spotting, but on order to grow, we have to lift the weights with our own arms and legs.  No lifting…no strength.

One of the greatest ironies I have encountered so far is that while a girl (and boy) is going through the hormonal, “my life is over” changes of the teen years their mother is often going through the hormonal changes of peri-menopause.  WHAT was God THINKING?
With all the darkness of her own cocoon, a mother is less likely to try to lift her daughter weights for her.  She has enough weight of her own to lift.

I have a lot of women I greatly admire who have recently journeyed through peri-menopause to the final menopause.   Let’s face it.  I am almost closer to menopause than I am to menarche.  I am right about in the middle depending on how the hormonal time clock ticks.  I find myself wanting to believe that there is life after the child-bearing years…that there is life after being “mommy”.  I want to know that I have another cocoon to burst from.
I look at these women I admire, who have traveled so far, and they are astonishingly confident, calm.  There is security and peace in their eyes.  My mother likes her alone time, spends hours reading, tending to her flowers, organizing family get-togethers, and nurturing friendships.

Maybe God knew it would be best to get both hormonal, “life is over” changes out of the way at once.  Two simultaneous cocoons.  Maybe He knew that while mom was discovering her new self that she would have less energy to lift the weights of adolescence that He had designed specifically for her daughter’s strength conditioning.
LIFE waits for us after the darkness…over and over and over and over again.  Through the bigger and smaller cocoons of darkness, I choose to trust that.  I might need some reminding during the next phase of darkness.  It will come.  I can trust in that, too.  Just don’t go snipping cocoons too early.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND LET HIM WALK WITH YOU THROUGH LIFE!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

Choosing gifts for my parents for birthdays, father’s/mother’s day and Christmases is never easy.  Sometimes I find a gift that I think will show that I notice who they are and what they like.  I think my mom looks lovely in red and for years now I often get her something red…anything red…for Christmas.  Sometimes the gift is completely and totally a token, a symbol that I remembered the day.  No matter what, no matter how tight the money, no matter the circumstances of life, I try to get them something.

A “no matter what” time was in college.  For a few years gifts for my dad were clothing items I thought he needed.  One year I bought him a cool pair of jeans for Christmas.  He still wears those jeans.  My dad had been into running for a few years and one year I found a name brand running outfit at a discount store.  I was so proud of that gift.

Not much time had passed when I came home from classes to a message on my answering machine…back when they had answering machines.  There was my father’s voice.  He had just gotten back from running and was calling to tell me that he had fallen and torn the running pants I had bought him.  I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I heard a crack in his voice.
I find parenting to be a constant balancing act.  A tightrope.  Walking on egg shells.  Encourager one moment, enforcer the next.  An example of strength.  An example of vulnerability.

Growing up, I played tennis.  In fact, that pretty much sums up a great deal of my existence and identity from elementary school to college.  I spent hours and hours playing tennis.  I loved it.  I got to be pretty good, too…good enough to pay for college and that was great.  As a young girl I loved getting trophies when I won a place in the small tournaments I competed in.  I collected them and had them placed all over my bookshelves.  Eventually, these trophies, these pedestals, were moved to our family game room.  We laugh now when we see them because it is like a shrine to this person I was and no longer am.  Who was that girl?
Not long ago, my father called to let me know that he was cleaning out the game room.  Could I come look through my things to see what I wanted to keep?  Some of the items included these trophies.

Most trophies look EXACTLY the same.  They have a girl/boy (sometimes you can tell, sometimes you can’t) on the top getting ready to serve.  The only defining element of almost all trophies is a teeny piece at the bottom that gives details of the event.  Runner up: 16 State Qualifying.  Finalist: Athens Friendly City Classic.  Something like that.  So, if you strain your eyes and peer closely enough you might get a detail that will evoke a memory.  That is, if you take the time to strain and peer.
I looked through this box of trophies my dad had been keeping for what had become decades.  Some were as old as 25 years.  As I pick through them, it occurs to me how flimsy they are.  The boy/girl at the top could easily be ripped off.  Some already had.  Although they represent an incredibly meaningful season in my life, I realize it isn’t the moment I was handed the trophy that I remember.  I don’t remember those moments at all.

I remember my tennis friends.  I remember my dad being out on the court with a stubborn, passionate ten year old who wanted to be good at something and loved to smack a tennis ball.  I remember how much I loved the heat of the summer and the sweat.  I absolutely loved to sweat.  I remember tasting the sweat as it rolled down over my lips and jumping in the pool with all of my clothes on…one time even my shoes.  I remember refusing to leave one time and my dad, to play along, actually drove off down the street.  I spent the next brief moments thinking about spending the night on the courts. Then my dad drove back up.
I remember the heartaches, too.  The losses that motivated me to get back out there and try again.  I remember my dad believing in me more than I believed in myself.   I remember my parents getting divorced and finding comfort in the courts that had always been there, always would be, and had not disintegrated into something I didn’t recognize.  I remember boarding school and my tennis team and a tennis coach who kept me grounded in sanity.  I remember very important friends at church who kept me balanced and let me have fun off the courts, friends who had never played tennis in their lives, friends who thought that the fact I did was so cool.

With the exception of my very first tournament, I don’t remember anyone handing me a trophy with a boy/girl on a pedestal that looked nothing like me.  Those moments of being handed a pedestal are not in my memory
Trophies and their pedestals are meant to be on shelves, not handled.  They are flimsy and break easily.

Pedestals are high and are probably scary places.  Lonely.  And a fall from them is probably painful.  If, the boy/girl on the pedestals could feel, that is.  But they can’t.  Because they aren’t real.
I heard “real” in my dad’s voice that day when it cracked on my answering machine.  I heard pain….pain because he had fallen.

We don’t have to put our parents on pedestals to honor them.  Pretending that they are perfect, ignoring their humanity, choosing not to be aware of their struggles…that isn’t honoring them.  That is encasing them on a pedestal that is dangerous, lonely, flimsy, and easily broken, easily reproduced and replaced.
I think Christians struggle with this idea.  We quote the admonition “honor your mother and father”, but cover our parents with fear rather than with reverence, because I think when it comes down to it, we know that if we admit that our parents are not perfect, we might have to admit we aren’t either.

I don’t have to be on a pedestal to be honorable to my kids.  I am real…still a lot of that stubborn, passionate ten-year old inside who wants to be good at something.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY!  ONLY HE DESERVES THE PEDESTAL!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

My middle daughter and I have a ritual that we do every time we leave each other, whether leaving each other is for bed, school, work, church…  She developed it so let’s see if I can get this right:

Kiss.

Hug.
Eskimo kiss.

Another hug.
She says: See you later alligator.

I say: After while crocodile.  See you later alligator.
She says: After while crocodile

(If it is bedtime) She says: Good night
I say: Sleep tight

She says: Don’t let the bedbugs bite.
I say: if they do.

She says: hit them with a shoe.
I say: beat them black and blue.

She says: and they won’t bother you.
She says: I love you.  I love you very much.

I say: I love you.  I love you very much.
She says: I bless my heart on you.

I say: I bless my heart on you.
Together we blink the right eye, then the left eye, then both eyes together.

Together we wave the right hand, then the left hand, then both hands together.
Together we wave both hands and blink both eyes at the same time.

(If it is Friday night) we shake hands.
Blow a kiss.

She says: ”Did we do everything, Mommy?”
Yes.

“Did we do everything, Mommy?”
Yes.

“DID WE DO EVERYTHING, MOMMY?”
YES!

Ok, GOODNIGHT (or goodbye!)!!!!
This ritual has been a requirement before all partings for several months now.  I cannot remember exactly when it started or how it began.  I do know that if I get home after she is in bed and I do not go in and do this ritual with her, she will get out of bed in the middle of the night, come find me, and let me know…maybe more than once.

As you can imagine, this ritual is fairly exhausting, not to mention time consuming.  If you think I am making it up you can ask her father, any grandparent, babysitter, or church worker who has watched us say goodbye or goodnight in the last several months.  There is no way I could make up a goodbye ritual this detailed.
For a while Jon and I did not know how to approach it.  It seemed a little ridiculous.  Do we put boundaries on it?  Do we be patient?  What is this all about?

We got clues here and there.  She seemed anxious about going to kindergarten.  Ok.  That makes sense.  I can be patient with that.  Then, one night it seemed we hit something deeper.
It was a typical night.  I told each girl goodnight, prayed, and went through the whole routine with Lillian.  I love you. I love you very much.  I bless my heart on you.  Then, as I was going out the door, Eloise, Lillian’s older sister, stopped me.  She wanted to tell me about books she was reading, how she wanted to start a club.  Oh, that sounds great, sweetie.  Those are good ideas.

Lillian started to cry.  “Mommy, when you talk to Eloise like that it hurts my feelings.  I feel like you don’t like to hang around me and talk to me about stuff like that.”
Oh.

I climbed back up to her top bunk, gave her a hug, reassured her, and left.
I don’t pretend to understand everything about my children.  However, I left Lillian’s room that night with a very clear picture.  Lillian is trying to find her place.  She is the second daughter with the firstborn son coming right after her.  Emmett is mommy’s boy because he is the ONLY boy.  Eloise is…the oldest.  Whose girl is Lillian?  Where does she fit?  And somewhere in there, Lillian has felt a need to grapple and grasp for position, finding it in one small way…with a special goodbye ritual.

Lillian is going to be fine.  She knows that she is Mommy’s special girl.  I love her dearly.  She is my all out, hug you til it hurts, big hearted, wide eyed and smiled, sensitive, fun-loving, loud laughing, fashionista sweetie.  She loves to cook with me, sit with me, ride with me, dress like me.  She is doing just fine securing her place.
Rather than more insecurity over Lillian’s psychological state, what I was left with were thoughts about how we as adults do this, too…this grapple and grasp for position, this need to find our place in some small way.

Lillian is “in the middle”.  In birth order she will always be “in the middle”.  Even if I wanted to, I cannot humanly change that fact of life for her.  Part of her struggle, part of her God given burden, will be learning to live “in the middle”.
Likewise, the fact of life for all of us is that we must live life mostly in the middle.

I love the last couple of weeks of summer.  I just realized this about myself and am starting to understand why.  When school gets out for summer, there is almost this craziness, this buzzy bee busy-ness.  You’ve probably heard the questions: “What are you doing this summer?”  “Which camps are your children doing this summer?”  “What do you want to get done on the house before summer is over?”  There is an intense amount of insecurity about what will be done, what will get done…all with such a relatively short amount of time.
But, by the end of the summer, there is a sense of resignation.  Something shifts.  What’s done is done.  We can just…be.  We can just live summer for what how it could have been lived all along…by the moment.  This past week, with school on the horizon, we haven’t had plans.  I’ve had work and Jon has been in Honduras, but other than that, there have been no expectations.  Friends over to play, swimming at a grandparents’ house, watching cartoons in bed with mommy in the morning, donuts for breakfast.  As a friend of mine said recently…experiencing a perfect chill.

When we are starting out, when we are in the middle of figuring out our space and our place, we can get so anxious.  We do this with friendships and other relationships, too.  We develop our own little rituals just like Lillian.  We send a text message, or make a phone call, and if the friend doesn’t respond back in the right way or in the right amount of time we get anxious, insecure, maybe even angry…we might even develop complex rituals and put more rules on the relationship…all in an attempt to grapple and grasp…for space, for place, for security…in some small way.
It is all about finding our place.  Making plans to get things done, wondering what will get done…in relationships, in life, in dreams, in plans, in jobs…all with such a relatively short amount of time.

I wonder what would happen if we became more aware of this tendency…more aware of the need to find our place, to get things done, to be someone…to someone, in something, somewhere…more aware of the frenzy and busy-ness we go to when we find ourselves “in the middle”.
I wonder what would happen if we said to ourselves: You know you tend to do this.  You tend to get a little crazy when you aren’t sure about how things are going to end up.  That’s ok because that is pretty normal AND…just be aware that you do this…this frenzy place finding…just take a deep breath.  See what happens.  Let it come.  Ride the middle.  Ride the adventure.  It is a relatively short amount of time after all.

I am being patient with Lillian, just like I imagine God is patient with me when I get a little crazy in the middle, start trying to put rituals and rules on Him, which really end up being exhausting rituals and rules on me.  Don’t get me wrong.  I get frustrated and I am sure it shows all over my face sometimes.  Ok, Lillian, YES we have done EVERYTHING!  Goodnight!  But, for now, I am still going to go ahead and do the ritual.  I think I can understand her.  Even as an oldest child, I think I understand this living in the middle, this grapple and grasp for space, time, place…all in a relatively short amount of time.  I understand what it is like to go a little crazy about the unknown, the not sure’s, the what if’s.
The most wonderful gift I can give to Lillian and to me right now…and that you can give to yourself for that matter…is some patience and understanding…about the middle, about any crazy, ridiculous response to being in the middle.  Making room for a little craziness, for a little frenzy does remarkable things for growth and moving forward.

Just that patience and understanding will take some steam out of the frenzy.  Just that acknowledgement that yes, this is a hard place, will bring some resignation, some peace, some submission to the adventure and story worth telling that the middle really is.
And, sure enough, last Wednesday Lillian went to the “big kids” church for the first time. She is about to start kindergarten, after all.  She was with her sister and a friend and she hurried excitedly to the door, turned around, and said… “bye, mommy!”  No hug.  No kiss.  No “I love you. I love you very much.”  I smiled a brave smile and watched her run in, so proud of my sweet girl.

She’s left one middle to go on to the next.  Yes, she’s going to be just fine.  And, I will be, too.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AND BECOME A CHILD OF GOD!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

Soon after my oldest daughter started kindergarten we were sitting at the table having a snack, talking about her day, looking through the work she brought home, when I found a piece of paper where her teacher had written a note.  The note simply said that Eloise had not finished her morning work and needed to finish it at home.  Huh.  Well, ok, that isn’t a big deal.  I asked Eloise about it and she told me that she was having a hard time getting her morning work done before time was up.

At this point I felt something rise up inside of me that was like nothing I had experienced before.  I mean, it couldn’t be my DAUGHTER’S fault that she isn’t finishing her work on time!  Not as smart as she is.  No, no, no, uh-huh…something must be wrong with the system.  I was already writing a note to the teacher in my head when I stopped myself with a jerk.

Whoa.  Good grief.  THAT had been ugly.  I am about to do EXACTLY what I knew NOT to do…what I talked to clients about almost every week.  I was about to weave a web.  I wish I could say that it would have been the first time for me to be on the verge of doing my own spinning, the first time I had been a web weaver.  Unfortunately not.  It takes one to know one.
There is an idea in family systems theory that is called “triangles”.  When two people are in a relationship and there is conflict there is a tendency to pull someone else in to stabilize the system, to assuage the conflict, to help disperse the anxiety.  Maybe you can picture it.  Three people…three points in a triangle.  Sometimes the person isn’t pulled in. Sometimes out of anxiety (or anger or fear or simply having a little bit of a savior complex), a person will choose to step in and be that third point in the triangle (ahem…that would be me in the above situation).

Being there for your friends is a nice thing to do, right?  I mean, helping my daughter be successful in school, being her advocate with her teachers…that’s being a good parent, right?  That all sounds fine and good except that when a third person gets involved so many not good things are simultaneously taking place.  The primary relationship where there is conflict is not really getting a chance to grow and find its own strength.
Conflict can actually be a good thing for a relationship…if the relationship is given a chance to work it out.  Like the resistance to muscles in weight lifting, the resistance of conflict can break down a relationship only to help it grow stronger…if the two people are committed to working through it.

When a third person steps in or is pulled in to the situation, an opportunity is stolen.  The two people involved in the primary relationship are not given the chance to grow stronger, not given a chance to learn to tolerate anxiety and conflict, not given a chance to learn to communicate and relate in the midst of a tough time.  They aren’t given the chance to grow…as individuals and in their relationship.  The third person actually steals this opportunity when they try to “help”.
And, it just gets messy.  Very, very messy.

Think about triangles being formed across a community.  What would a string of triangles looks like?  Yeah, a spider web.  And, everyone gets caught in it.  No one comes out completely clean.
You’ve experienced them before.  Let’s see if any of these situations sound familiar.

Your son doesn’t get his homework done on time.  It is the night before the big project is due.  He hasn’t even started it.  Instead of asking him how he wants to deal with it, you take over and do it for him or write a note to the teacher asking if he can have an extension.  Because, you know, he hasn’t been feeling very good…that’s why he needs the extension.  Right.
Your two friends are in an argument.  One of them comes to talk to you about it.  It is so hard to watch your friends struggle that maybe you step in and talk for your friend A to the other friend B.  Or, maybe you don’t do that, but you join in with your friend A and either directly or indirectly put down friend B.  You just joined a triangle.

You are frustrated about a colleague at work.  Instead of going to talk to him or her about the frustrations, you go and vent to your boss.  Rather than handling it right there, your boss talks to another worker, who then talks to another worker… and we wonder why there is tension at work places.
Or, perhaps your boss actually talks to YOU about frustrations with another one of your colleagues…and you go and talk to another colleague who talks to another colleague.  So many triangles…one big web.

Triangles are the result of anxiety.  We watch someone else struggling, which makes us anxious and so we step in.  Or, we are in a conflict and we are anxious about it, afraid or overwhelmed at the idea of dealing directly with the source of the conflict, so we pull someone else in.
If we aren’t careful, we soak up anxiety from others like a sponge and we do really stupid things…things we are ashamed of later.  We talk down about people we care about, get into other people’s business, overreact, become rigid in demands…and cause all kinds of drama…all in response to the anxiety and insecurity in ourselves that is triggered when we sense anxiety in others around us.

I stopped myself with a jerk at the table that day with Eloise.  I took a deep breath and I said: “Well, Eloise, what do you think you need to do about this issue?”  And, without any cajoling on my part I listened as my kindergarten daughter responded in a second with more maturity and confidence than the web of anxiety her mother’s mind had been spinning just moments before.  Well, she said, I probably need to get to school a few minutes earlier.  I also need to stop taking so long to write everything out.  Ok, those sound like good ideas, I said.  Do you think that will be enough to help you get finished on time?  Yeah, she replied.  No problem.
I never got another note about Eloise not finishing her work on time in the morning.

Wow, that was a close one.  I had been anxious about my daughter not finishing her work on time.  If, out of my own anxiety, I had stepped in and written a note to her teacher I would have stolen an incredible opportunity for Eloise to think, to brainstorm, to grow.  And, I would have caused an icky feeling between her teacher and me.  It would have been messy.  I shudder to think about it.  I shudder to think about the times in the past when I didn’t stop with a jerk…when I soaked up the anxiety like a sponge, when I formed a triangle, and became a web weaver.
And, you know what else?  Without actually saying the words, I would have been communicating to Eloise that I didn’t think she was strong enough to handle it.  By stepping in, I would have been saying: “You know what?  You can’t do this on your own.  I better do this for you” and just like that I would have injected a dose of insecurity in my daughter…a lack of confidence that she could think and brainstorm, and figure out on her own what she needs to do.

It is hard but I try to do this with friends and even family.  If they are upset about something I can listen without taking it on.  I can be there for them without intervening and creating more drama.  Wow, I can say, that sounds really hard.  Comments like that are not joining in the drama.  You can be there for someone without taking on their stuff or even agreeing with them!  I’m just being there.  In fact, by not taking it on, I can be there for them MORE.  I don’t get overwhelmed by it…by their stuff, by their pain.  I can stay there and really be there with them through this hard time
And that is really what we all need…someone to be there with us in hard times.  I don’t need my friends to fix my stuff.  I don’t even need them to be angry at people I am angry at even though I might feel like it at times.

Somewhere along the way we will do good to learn that we are called to help bear one another’s burdens…not fix them.
We are not called to be fixers.  We aren’t called to be saviors, healers, slanderers, busy bodies, or gossips…all things we tend to do when we are faced with anxiety and insecurities in our selves or others.

We are called to be burden bearers.
Therapists and counselors start learning this lesson early.  Not too long ago I heard a person telling a group that his daughter was planning on becoming a counselor: “I said, that’s a good thing, too, because she’s been telling people what to do since she was two years old!”  Everyone in the group laughed.  The irony is that very early in training therapists learn that giving direct advice is one of the last things you do.  Part of the point is for the other person to learn how to do their own problem solving…almost how to become their own therapist eventually.  Therapists are trained to ask good questions and there is certainly some direction and advice giving in there, but if I always supply clients with answers I set myself up as the authority in their life.  Not only is that an unethical use of power, it also is not very good clinical work.  Without actually saying the words, I communicate to my clients that I don’t think they are strong enough to handle it.  By stepping in, by giving all the “answers”, I tell them: “You know what?  You’re right.  You can’t do this.  I better do this for you” and just like that I inject a dose of insecurity into the people I work with…a lack of confidence in their ability to think and brainstorm and figure out what they need to do with their lives.

And, if as a therapist I always take on the other person’s stuff, giving them all the answers, becoming that third point in the triangle…the fixer, the healer, the savior…wow, that is too much for any human being.  That spells “burn out” fast.  My clients need a therapist who can stick around for them…not someone who becomes so overwhelmed by taking on things that aren’t mine to take on…abandoning them and checking out.
We can do that in friendships and family relationships, too.  We can take on so much because that feels so good…so good being the savior, the fixer, the healer.  And, because we aren’t created to be those things for people, we burn out.  Then we check out. Friends and family need a person who can stick around for them… not becoming so overwhelmed by taking on things that aren’t ours to take on…and then abandoning them, checking out.

Healer, Savior, Fixer…those titles sound familiar…
I’ll tell you one way to keep from soaking up anxiety like a sponge, from being a fixer, a busy body, a web weaver, a thief of growth opportunities in the lives of others…pray.  It is that simple.  Tell God about it.  And, watch Him absorb all of that inner conflict, all of that anxiety, fear, and even anger that gets our mind spinning.  Just pray.  Write it, speak it, sing it.  Whatever you have to do.  Just pray.  Pray for people in your life.  He is the Fixer, Healer, and Savior anyway…not us.

Somewhere along the way we will do good to learn that we are called to help bear one another’s burdens…not fix them.  And, every time you (ahem…I) step in to fix, heal, and save you just might be fixing, healing, or saving something that God is using in their life or in that relationship to do some incredible things.
I just need to get the heck out of the way.  And, pray.  And, listen.  And, maybe help them think through it.

Hello, my name is Emily and I am a recovering web weaver, triangle maker, attempted fixer.  I tend to soak up anxiety like a sponge.  I struggle to stop and pray.  But, I’m working on it.  I’ll keep working on it…working on injecting confidence in the lives of those I love and work with rather than insecurity…and getting the heck out of the way for what God is already doing.

 

ACCEPT JESUS TODAY AND COME TO KNOW THE FIXER, HEALER AND SAVIOR!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

To fulfill the requirements for my Ph.D. program I have to be “in residence” for one year.  What that basically means is that I have to be full time, the equivalent to taking three classes each semester.  When I looked at the semester schedule for fall 2011 I discovered that to be full time I would have to take a class on Wednesday nights.  I discarded the idea entirely.  Why?  Wednesday night is one of Jon’s busiest nights at work.  Trying to coordinate childcare would be…complicated.  The idea of trying to navigate those arrangements caused me anxiety just thinking about it.  So despite the fact that Jon wondered if it was indeed the best year for me to do the residency requirement, I threw the idea away and thought that I would fulfill it later.  As August approached, the possibility came up again.  Was I really going to do this thing (the Ph.D. program) or not?

I decided that if I could get help, I would go for it. So after a few phone calls, I had five family members eager to rotate offering help for the four months of class on Wednesday nights.  Once a month my mom, my dad, Jon’s parents, or my brother comes to stay with the kids, take them to church, and then bring them back home while Jon is at the church working.  As a mother it has been very difficult to ask for and accept this help.  Too often we are told that we should have it all under control on our own…that we should know all of the details, have our children monitored by only us all of the time…and I, unfortunately, buy into this cultural idea too often.  By giving up some control on these Wednesday nights my children are getting the chance to spend time with grandparents and their uncle.  And, I am getting to pursue a personal and professional goal.  Win-win.

Things were going very well the first few weeks.  I was tired and working hard, but the plans were working like clockwork.  Then one Sunday night I was putting the girls to bed, anticipating with them the great week ahead of us, and Eloise anxiously asked: “Mom, is tomorrow Wednesday?”  “No, why?”  “Well, I know that I just have to make it through Wednesday and I’ll be ok.”
What followed, in short, was a conversation in which Eloise explained that she was not too happy about our arrangements. “I’m glad you are going to school and all, but I just don’t like having someone different coming each week to take me to church.  I would rather it be the same person each time.”

As it turns out Eloise had in her mind that we would be following this plan for two years.  I am not sure where she got this idea, but the idea of having someone different coming to take her to church on Wednesday nights week after week for two years was just a little too overwhelming.  I explained that we would not be following this plan for two years, but only until Thanksgiving, which was three months away.  That information seemed to help and she went to bed.
Eloise is my daughter that needs to know who, what, why, when, where, and how.  I am fairly certain that she thinks she knows more than I do.  If she does not have the details about what is going on ahead of time and/or she thinks that I do not have it all together, she gets a little anxious.  If coordinating a situation is going to be…complicated…she would rather just avoid it.  She likes things to be calm, orderly, and well planned.

These Wednesday nights are stretching her.
Which is not a bad thing.

As I listened to Eloise share her anxieties I was not too alarmed.  I know this girl.  I know that this is what she does.  I know that her anxiety does not make me a bad mother or mean that I am doing something wrong.  What I do know is that I would love for her to trust me.  Like so many other times in the past I would love for her to just know that I’ve got this.  She can relax.  Daddy and I have the details covered.  She is not the third adult in the house.  I would love for her to rest in all of these truths because I know that ultimately this trust will be best for her.  I know that in her trusting she won’t get silly in her anxiety, she won’t become exhausted by the heightened emotions, and she will have more energy, more time, more space to just…be…be adventurous, be playful, be a little girl.
I would love for Eloise to slip her little hand in mine and say: “Ok, Mama.  Let’s do this (whatever “this” is).”

If you have even grazed the field of psychology in the past couple of decades you are well acquainted with John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory.  It seems that it is the “hottest thing” in the field these days.  And, like most theories of science it has made its way to pop culture with some unfortunate packaging.  Some people tend to think of Attachment Theory as being about how much time a mother spends with her infant every day and week.  While it is true that some research explores this factor, this preoccupation is not what Attachment Theory is about.  Attachment is about relationships, trust, and security.  It is about feeling safe enough to explore…to be.  Attachment Theory explores how early relationship patterns create a sense of security (or not) in a child.  How much time a mother spends with a child does play into the picture in certain ways, but it is more about the relationship.  I have seen stay at home mothers raising anxious and insecure children and working mothers raising secure and confident ones.  It is about creating a space where children learn that they are safe…enough to rest, to relax, to explore, to just…be…be adventurous, playful.  There are two parts to secure attachment: security and exploration.
One of my favorite parts of being a mother is holding my child’s hand.  I know their hands well.  I reach for them when we cross the road, when we are waiting in line at the grocery store, when we watch movies, and sometimes just because I want to tell them I am there.  And, I love what it tells me when their hand relaxes in mine.  I’m ok, mommy. I know you are there.  I will go along with you.  I can trust that we are going in a safe direction.  I know that you’ve got the details covered.

Emmett’s hands are soft, warm, and a little pudgy with left over baby fat.  Lillian’s are strong, usually warm and sticky…with left over mess from whatever adventure she has had most recently.  Eloise’s hands are slender and cool to the touch.  Lillian is most likely to let me hold her hand, often grabbing my hand first.  Emmett is too active to think about it, usually takes my hand on instinct.  Eloise is eight and not sure if she wants to hold my hand or not.  Oh, she does, but she doesn’t. But, she does. Then again, maybe she doesn’t.  Is she supposed to?  For how long? Why?  What?  When?  Where?  How?
I would love for her not to think so much…just take my hand already.

I’m pretty sure God says something like this to me, too.
I would love for you to stop thinking so much.  Just take my hand already.

Often I have those same questions for God… who, what, why, when, where, and how.  Oh, how often I have those questions.  It probably comes across that I think I know more than He does.  I get anxious and tend to worry that He does not have the details covered.  That He does not really have it all together.  If it looks as though coordinating a situation is going to be…complicated (for God)…I would rather just avoid it.  I like things to be calm, orderly, and well planned.  I want to know….just know.
Life itself pretty much stretches me.

Which is not a bad thing.
As God listens to me share my anxieties I am fairly certain He does not get too alarmed.  I know this girl, He says.  I know that this is what she does.  What I do know is that I would love for her to trust me.  Like so many other times before I would love for her to just know that I’ve got this.  She can relax.  I have the details covered.  She is not the other God in the universe.  I would love for her to rest in all of these truths because I know that ultimately that will be best for her.  I know that in her trusting she won’t get silly in her anxiety, she won’t become exhausted by the heightened emotions, and she will have more energy, more time, more space to just…be…be adventurous, be playful, be my girl.

I would love for Emily to slip her little hand in mine and say: “Ok, God.  Let’s do this.”
So, I’ve been thinking about Attachment and Eloise and me.  I’ve been thinking about how much I want her to trust me, to be secure, secure enough to relax and explore, to live life, to just…be.  And, I’ve been thinking about how much I want that for myself, too.  I’ve been thinking about what it tells me when my children reach for my hand.  I’m ok, mommy. I know you are there.  I will go along with you.  I can trust that we are going in a safe direction.  I know that you’ve got the details covered.  And, I want that kind of trust, too.  I want that to be my message to God.  So, I’m thinking about all of these things in the midst of a very, very full week of classes and work and loving on my family and I find myself in the car driving.  I am exhausted and on my way to a field trip with one of my girls, following the bus to the museum, and I desperately need to know that He’s got this, that He’s got the details covered.  And, for a moment, I imagine I lift up my hand, pretend to grab His hand, and I know that He’s been saying it all along: “Take my hand.  Go ahead.  Take it.  I’ve got this.”  And, I choose to take His hand, choose to rest in it, choose to go along with Him and say one more time: “Ok, God. Let’s do this.”

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND PLACE YOUR TRUST IN HIM!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

Once a month and then once a week I leave my apartment on Czechosolvensky Armady and push the button for the teeny, gray elevator with the mirrored walls that is located right outside my door to the left.  I take it down from the fifth floor and walk out into the foreign, shabby chic streets of Prague to catch a tram on Dejvicka Circle.  I am careful to watch for the busy cars flying by that swerve quickly around the circle.  I look for a place next to a window and take notice of the various characters around me.  If it is full, someone usually gets up and offers me their seat.  Up towards Prague Castle and over the hill we go.  Peering into the cobblestoned streets of Mala Strana, I lean my forehead on the glass, feeling so wonderfully content and far away.

I touch my stomach.  You are always with me.

We bump along the smooth tram tracks into the throngs of tourists trekking towards Stare Metska, Old Town, and we pass Charles Bridge, where the lighting always seems soft with an ethereal quality no matter what time of day.  I peer through the glass and smile at being alone and with you and at how good God is.  I don’t mind being alone.  I was never one who needed another girl to go with me to the bathroom.  I enjoy this little trip.  I am fine with Jon staying back with Eloise.  Thankful.  I like moving alongside the Vltava River, maybe with a good book, a few moments of quiet against the city sounds…and always you with me.
We end our journey each time about a block down from Podoli hospital, where I step down the three steps out of the tram onto the city sidewalk.  I cross the busy street and make my way to the building that looks more like a beautiful old hotel than a hospital.  The marble floors and columns greet me when I push open the two sets of heavy, double doors, and my booted feet clog up the stairs to see the nurses who only speak Czech and the doctor who will say: “Hello, Mrs. Stone” with staccato enunciation and a pronounced accent.  We do this many, many times, you and me.

On the night of October 15th, 2005 I want to go out to Old Town.  I always want to go out.  When you live in the city of a thousand spires who wants to stay home…even when you are nine months pregnant?  So Jon and I bundle up Eloise, place her in the double stroller and snuggle up in the small space of the elevator for the awkward ride down.  We talk and walk through the busy streets and then ker-plop the stroller down the stairs to the underground metro.  We wait and direct Eloise’s attention to the coming train.  Look!  Here it comes, Eloise!
We have adjusted to the Czech custom of being silent on public transportation and say little as we bumble through the belly of the old city.  “Pristi Stanace Stare Metska” we hear the woman say over the speakers so we line up behind the sliding doors and step out to where someone helps Jon carry the stroller up the stairs to ground level, Eloise staying seated and content to be carried.  People always look at the other seat, which is empty, and then at my rounded front.  Sometimes they smile.

We meander around the square, the scenery familiar to us, and make our way to Bohemia Bagel, an expat hangout where Eloise loves to slide down into the balls in the children’s area while Jon and I are comforted by over priced American food.  I don’t feel very well and do not yet notice that my “not feeling well” happens about every few minutes.
It is a gorgeous, sparkling night and we are not in a hurry to get home.  No one in the entire world matters that night except for our little family.  We are totally absorbed in our own little family and that is how it should be.  We stop to take a picture of the full moon highlighting the John Hus church.

The night is crystal clear and the air is brilliantly cool and I am very happy.  Pure possibility.  That is what is in the air at every turn in our family life those days.  The air is thick and expectant with dreams and hopes.
I still do not feel well and I am starting to get suspicious.  As we pass the pharmacy I realize that there are still a few items I need…if this happens to be the night.  I tell Jon that once we get Eloise tucked in I will go back out to the store.  Do I want him to go for me?  No, I would rather go.

Jon unlocks the front door to our apartment building.  The front entry way is dark.  We turn on the light and wait on the elevator.  Eloise is happy, too, and at two years old she knows this drill.  She knows all about waiting for the elevator and squeezing the stroller into the small space and unlocking the door to our apartment that is her home where we have left open the windows to air out our apartment that has no air conditioning unit.  The city breeze and sounds greet us in our dark home.  We can hear the trams starting and stopping in the distance.
After she is in bed I go back out into the Prague night.  The clean, crisp autumn air is blowing and feels soft on my skin and blows my hair.  I walk the streets to the pharmacy where I buy a few items that every new mother needs.  I am fairly certain now.  This is the night.

Jon makes a bath for me and we start to time the contractions.  Wow.  About a minute apart.  Could that be right?  He calls Jessica and Kelley, two ministry interns, who immediately make the trip across town to stay with Eloise.  I am ready to go. I hope they hurry.
Jon drives the blue van we have borrowed from another missionary family for the occasion.  He speedily bounces over the cobblestones and I alternately tell him to slow down and then to speed up.  Up the hill towards Prague Castle.  Down the hill past Mala Strana.  Alongside the Vltava River and peering across the dark Charles Bridge.  We’ve taken this trip many times, you and me.  I will get to hold you tonight.

I have never been to Podoli at night.  It is such a stunning building and I am excited to be bringing you into the world here at this beautiful place.
Up until this moment, my journeys to Podoli have been only for you and me.  Now, we are bringing Daddy with us.  Its time for him to be in on our adventure, too.

The doctor is called and registration completed.  I am already 5 centimeters.  It will not be long.  Only, you are not quite ready to come out yet and our young doctor, who arrives wearing a black leather jacket, is a little concerned. So he goes to get another, older doctor who enters the room speaking to our doctor in rapid Czech.  This older, shorter doctor, whom we later affectionately refer to as “Yoda”, turns to me and, in perfect English, tells me to turn on my side.  I do as I am told and within a few minutes, you are born.
Lillian Grace.  Pure, unmerited favor.

I cry remembering this time, Lillian, because it was dark and warm and beautiful and perfect.  The night was gorgeous and so were you.  There was something intense and set apart about it only being you, Daddy, and me.  That night was sanctified for us…so far away from our dear family and friends.
After several hours, they give us a private room with high ceilings and a balcony where we spend hours and hours alone, just you and me, and where we also entertain your daddy, your sister and friends when they come to visit.  Friends bring food to us from my favorite nearby restaurants and drop in for tea time.  Quite honestly, the three and a half days they require me to stay in the hospital feels like one big party.  I am sad to leave.

Your life started out as one big adventure and celebration.  You still try to get me to plan parties and adventures almost every day.  As I write this you are creating a party hat complete with flowers and feathers.  You don’t remember this night and you don’t remember the city you were born in, but I do.  I remember our first times together in that beautiful, old, shabby-chic city, with its mysterious ways, nooks and crooks, smoky sunsets, and cobblestoned passageways.  I remember its busy streets and its people who are passionate and sturdy and persistent and strong.  I remember all of these things and pretty much believe that even though you do not remember in your mind this place where you were stitched and formed, that you and I, along with your sister and father, brought some of that city and those adventures back with us, that we both, we all…our whole family…keeps some of that same passion, adventure, shabby-chic beauty, and strength in our hearts today.
Lillian, YOU are strong, sturdy, and beautiful with an adventurous, celebration spirit.  And, today, on your birthday, I wanted to remember.  I wanted to remember where and when you started…where and when WE started…mother and daughter and this new family that included a spirited girl named “pure, unmerited favor”.  I wanted to touch a time that was, as a friend of mine has said before, so sweet it hurts….a time that is and always will be characterized in my mind as “pure, unmerited favor” from my God.

I wanted to remember, needed to remember.  Because sometimes what I was afraid would happen when we got back has happened…we get busy.  We get busy and forget about the adventure.  We forget about tram rides and castles and people and the power of being set a part to just be together.  But, you and your story, Lillian, will never let me forget.  You are persistent that way.  You demand adventure and castles and people and the power of just being set apart together like you, your daddy, and I were that night.  You tenaciously call forth the magic in life.
As you turn 6…dear God how did that happen…I want to remember because I think I am a little afraid that leaving 5 might mean leaving some of that behind.  But, as I write these words and while you simultaneously yank on my arm to show me your feathered hat, asking me to come see the castle you have created in the living room, I remember another “little” girl…a twenty something dreamer enjoying a tram ride beside the Vltava River, and realize that none of us have to lose that. I don’t think I have and I am pretty sure you won’t anytime soon either.

Happy birthday, sweet girl.

 

ACCEPT JESUS AND BECOME A CHILD OF GOD!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

We are on our way to what is their final destination for the next several hours and I know this is it.  These next few moments are all I have until I see my children at the end of their day.

So I start.

“You are going to have such an amazing day today.  I can just feel it.  This is going to be a GREAT day.  I wonder what you will do…what you will learn.  I can’t wait to find out when I pick you up.  Let’s pray about it.”
Then I pray.

I pray that God guides and protects and gives favor.  I pray for teachers and for students.  I pray that God helps my children to love and to be a light.
“Mama, it’s getting late!  Go ahead and let us out here!”

“Bye!  I love you!  See you later!”
As I turn around in the carpool line, I watch them run inside the doors, hunched over, with their backpacks flopping.

I think I know what you’re thinking.  Good grief.  Those poor kids and their hyper positive mother!
Hear me out on this.

Prophecy is a loaded word in church circles.  It makes some people smile and some people cringe.  The problem is that it has been largely and grossly misunderstood.  We often think of prophecy as some type of fortune telling…”seeing” the future.  While there are examples of this in scripture, what we see more of is “forth telling” rather then “fore-telling”.
Prophets call forth to people with the purpose of calling out of people.  Prophets speak to the people “as if”.

There is an idea in couples and individual therapy of “acting as if”.  The idea here is that our feelings can actually follow our behavior rather than the other way around.  We all do this from time to time. You know how it works…you don’t feel like going on a walk, but you know it is good for you so you put on your walking shoes and get out there and do it.  By the end of your walk, you are so glad you did it!  Your feelings (wanting to walk) change on the basis of your behavior (getting out there and walking).  You acted “as if” you wanted to go on that walk by getting out there and doing it…and pretty soon your feelings followed your behavior.
So often in our society we wait for it to work the other way around.  We’ll love on our husband when we start to “feel” like we love him.  We’ll work on being healthier when we are more motivated (i.e.”when we feel like it).  How often do our feelings actually change…so how often does our behavior change?

You can try this right now.  Go ahead.  Smile.  For many people just the simple act of smiling can make a person feel better.  You are “acting as if” you are happy and the next thing you know you actually start to feel a little better.
Here is where it gets powerful to me.

Romans 4:17 describes God as “the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were.”
Our God is a calling forth kind of God. He is an “act as if” God.

And, I am so glad He is.
He acts as if I am righteous, even though I am a sinner saved by Grace.

He acts as if I am worthy by loving on me unconditionally.
He acts as if I am His finished product rather than the work in progress I truly am.

Yes, our God…He is an “act as if “ God and I am so very glad that He is.
The most common presenting issue for a child who is referred for counseling is anxiety or fear.  While therapy includes addressing a variety of issues depending on the child and situation, I always do a survey of their extracurricular activities, particularly physical ones.  For a variety of reasons, I believe it is important for children to be reasonably active.

I like to say: “Get out of your house and out of your head.”  Children who are fearful and anxious are often thinkers.  As a result they tend to stay in their head too much and there is something wonderfully disengaging about physical activity.  It disengages the mind while engaging the physical body.  It gives the mind a break.
When I explore this area, sometimes I will get a blank look from parents.  I might hear something like this: “Well, I don’t want to force my child to do anything they don’t want to do.   I don’t believe in making my child participate in things they don’t choose.  He/she isn’t really into sports (or whatever).”

As parents we are responsible for parenting our children mentally, physically, socially, and spiritually.  Physically, we do not allow our children to “choose” whether or not they are going to eat their vegetables or when they are going to bed.
They just are.

We might give them a choice about which vegetables.  We might let them choose the book before bed, their blanket, or their stuffed animal, but parenting often involves leading a child to do things they would not normally do on their own.  They are going to eat their vegetables.  They are also going to go to bed, attend church, and visit with family.  These are not up for negotiation.
In our world of tiger mothers, mama bears, and helicopter parenting I get the idea of not wanting to over burden a child.  That makes sense to me.  Sometimes we can swing to one extreme or the other on the parenting pendulum and quite often those extremes…either side…the pushing or the providing (extra room for “choice”) is what causes the growing anxiety in our kids.

Kids need balance.
They also need to know that you believe in them.

They need you to “act as if”.  They need you to call forth and out of them.
They need you to be prophetic.

As parents we all say we believe in our children…we think they are the smartest, the cutest, the strongest…but too often our actions and even our words do not align with our beliefs.
So, think about it this way: A parent can say something like: “It is time to choose your spring activity.  I would love for you to choose what you want to do.  If you have a difficult time choosing, I can help you.”  The idea that is communicated…lovingly and firmly…in not so many words is: you are going to be active.  You choose how or I will.

Following through on this plan takes a lot of strength in a parent.  I know.  I have been there.  There have been more than a few times when one or both of my girls have not wanted to participate in an activity.  I often give them choices, but sometimes you have to know your child.
This is what I have learned about mine: if I never lead my girls to try new things, they will stay in the house most of the day.  They usually complain about getting started, but when it is over…EVERY SINGLE TIME, they have been happy that they did it….they have been happy that I led them to try something new and made them follow through with it.  Every. Single. Time.  Oh, and the smiles on their faces…the light in their eyes…these are the things that help me stay strong the next time, too.

When I firmly and lovingly (I’m not saying to be a tyrant here!) lead them to try new things, here is what I am saying to them: “You can do this.  I believe in you. You are a strong girl.  I know you can handle it.”
And, each time we follow through, they come to believe these ideas about themselves, too.

Look what I did when I didn’t think I could. (the smile)
I. CAN. DO. IT.  (the light in their eyes)

Give them enough of those experiences and these messages become the words they begin to tell themselves.  They begin to be their own encouragers.  Some call it inner strength.
On the other hand, when I let them off the hook, when I don’t encourage them to try new things, this message is what I am telling them:

“You’re right.  You can’t do this.  You aren’t strong enough.  It’s better if we just stay at home.”
Here’s the next mind-blowing truth:

As parents we have a prophetic role in the lives of our children.
We are to emulate God in giving life with our words and “to call things that are not as though they were.”

We are called to be “act as if” kind of parents.
Now is when we have to be very honest with ourselves.  What are we prophesying over our children every day?  Because I promise you…they and their lives will live up to it.

Whether your child is 1 or 21, listen to your words that you speak over your children throughout the day.  What are you calling forth?  I promise you…there is prophetic fruit in those words….for the good or bad.
To often I will hear things that sound more like this: “Well, he is just like his mother and you know she is very negative and anxious.“  “Well, she is a worrier.”  “He doesn’t like to sit still.”  “She doesn’t like school.”  “She is a whiner.”  “He just isn’t into sports.”

You don’t think you say things like these statements about your child?  Take a few days and really listen to yourself.  I hear seemingly innocent comments like these not just at work, but out in the community all of the time.  Sure, there is value in knowing your child and knowing their temperament.  There is also value and power in the words that you speak into and over them.
For good or bad, you ARE calling forth things that are NOT as though they ARE.

He may have been a little bit of a whiner at age 2 (good grief what two year old isn’t?), but you call him a whiner enough times and I promise you he will stay one.
She may have been a worrier in middle school (good grief research SHOWS girls are worriers at this age), but you call her a worrier enough times and I promise you she will grab hold of that identity with a tenacity that will stay with her for years if not longer.

He may not have been into sports at age 6, but you keep saying that he isn’t and I promise you that it will be more than just a stage…it will be a lifetime identity.
I encourage you, as well as myself, to realize and act on the incredibly powerful and prophetic position we have as parents in the life of our children.  Whether you are a biological parent, a grandparent, a spiritual parent, or a role model…your words and actions have power.

So, get your child out there…encourage him or her to try new things.  Act as if they are strong, confident, and capable…whether they believe it or not.  Whether you believe it or not.
Whether you SEE it yet or not.

Because when I hear myself telling my children: “You can do it. You are my daughter.  I KNOW you.  I KNOW you can” I also hear my heavenly Father whispering that same message to me: “You can do it.  You are my daughter.  I KNOW you.  I KNOW you can”
I am so thankful He “acts as if” I am strong, confident, and capable…so glad that He calls forth the daughter He knows I am…that He knows He created me to be…whether I believe it or not…whether He or I or anyone else SEES it yet or not.

I am thankful that God speaks that kind of life into me and thankful I get to be part of His voice speaking that kind of life into my children, who are also His son and daughters.
So please, please, please watch how you talk about your children…whether they are listening or not.  You ARE a prophet in their lives…a forth-teller, His voice, His messenger.  And, while you are at it…please, please, please watch how you talk about yourself around your children, too, because how we talk about ourselves matters.  We can have a prophetic role in our own life, too….and when we speak over ourselves…in a very real way we are speaking over our children, too.

Act as if.  Call things that are NOT as though they ARE…things that are pure and good…things that give your children a hope and a future.
Then sit back and watch.

I pick up my children with a big smile on my face, full of anticipation.  I have missed them and I am so very excited to hear about their good day because I believe they are good children (whether I always SEE it or not!) and I know Whose children they are…so I know that the day HAS BEEN GOOD….just like I said it would be when I dropped them off.
And, you know what?  If it hasn’t been a good day in some way…and we will likely have many of those…it was probably just a few moments that were rough and I am fairly certain we will be able to handle it…fairly certain there is even something good that will come out of that rough time.

So no matter what… I KNOW my children’s day has been good…because HE is good.
And, after doing this for more than a few years, I sometimes get tears in my eyes when I see what I like to think of as fruit in my oldest daughter…my daughter who just a few years ago would get into the van with an anxious frown…now gets into the van and smiles wide: “I had a great day, mama!”

I knew you would, sweetie.
Because HE, my “act as if” God…He is good.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR AND GET TO KNOW AN ALL-POWERFUL AND ALL-KNOWING GOD!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

When I was in second grade my grandmother, Anne, Nana to me, went on a trip to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Although she traveled a lot at this time in her life I remember her trip to Brazil because she brought back a rock collection for me. I still remember the stones in their little pockets encased with thin sheets of plastic. I remember getting out the collection from my closet and spending long moments gazing at those rocks, one of which was an amethyst, my birthstone. I remember taking the collection to my second grade class to show my friends. More than showing off the rocks I was showing off my very cool grandmother…the one who lived in Orlando near Mickey Mouse and always flew in with honey roasted peanuts to give to me from her plane trip.

I remember waiting for her at the airport…waiting for those teeny bags of honey-roasted peanuts she would save for me, her only granddaughter.

She promised me that when I was 12 years old she would take me on a trip to anywhere in the world. So I would look at those rocks and dream. Where would I want to go when I was 12? I could never decide. Maybe Australia. Maybe Greece. Maybe Africa. Maybe Rio!
My twelfth birthday came and went and Nana never said anything about our trip. By then her health had begun to decline significantly. She moved to Cleveland just three years later to be close to her daughters. With the exception of doctor appointments and brief holiday trips to family homes, she was house bound at a relatively young age. I knew by then that our trip was never going to happen.

In my early to mid twenties, once a week I would stop by to have tea with my grandmother. She had traveled and experienced teatime all over the world and in some way I felt somehow connected to her previous adventures through those moments in that little kitchen.
I would knock and then begin to push open the door, calling out my greeting, letting myself in, not wanting her to have to get up to open the door for me. She was often sitting in a chair by the door where she spent hours each day reading, making her lists, and watching her shows. For a person who never left the house she sure did have a lot of lists! Lists of things she needed from the store. Lists of books she wanted to have delivered from the library. Lists of shows she wanted to be sure to watch on TV. Lists of things she wanted to talk to me about.

Our conversations at teatime would be about her books, her life, her memories, and her paintings. We always talked about books because she was always reading something new. Some of what she read was my writing. When she died, I found a folder by that chair that had only one thing in it: pieces I had written. Sometimes we would talk about quite scandalous things like the Harry Potter books she would loan me.
My grandmother, this tiny woman who had lived such a large life, now spent her last years in this tiny apartment and it was mostly filled with two things: her books and her paintings. I would often drive by when I was in town and wonder: “People have no idea who lives behind that door, the work she does inside those walls, the books she reads, and the stories she has to share.” Stories of being a pastor’s wife for more than twenty years, stories of living abroad, stories of making a life for yourself and becoming a regular at the opera, stories of wearing your hats.

Every week she would show me the various stages of her oil paintings. Some were in the rudimentary stages of pencil sketches on a canvas. Some remained ideas represented by clips of pictures from magazines. Some were at the stage of the first layer of paint, the under layer, waiting for her to etch in the finer details.
Each visit was like a private visit to an art gallery. She would take me from room to room to show me her latest works…both big and small. When I would comment on her work, she did not simply want an “Oh, I like that!” She wanted to know what I liked. She wanted me to be specific about subjects and color. My grandmother taught me how to compliment a person’s work.

My grandmother did not start painting until her early forties and she never stopped painting until she died. My home is now filled with her paintings. In my office every single painting is by her hands with the exception of one. People I meet and even clients who come in have stopped to tell me that they have one of my grandmother’s paintings in their home or know where one is. My face smiles and I miss her. I miss the cup of English breakfast with a simple place setting of cheese and crackers.
My grandmother was no Picasso. Her paintings will never be famous works of art, but I see her paintings every day and they speak to me. They tell me to do what I love and to keep doing it…to find an artistic outlet, a way of being a creator like the Creator, and to never stop. They remind me of her travels in her empty nest years, of her love for romance and adventure. Her art is part of her lasting testimony, her inheritance to her children’s children.

So, Nana, as it nears Thanksgiving, I am thinking of you. It is your birthday after all.
And, for the first time ever I realize that you did take me on my trip. In fact, you took me on more trips in your teeny apartment than one twelve-year-old girl could have ever asked for. With your stories, your pictures, and your books every visit inside your warm, dark home was an education…a trip abroad. I still drive by where you lived and miss you. The girls still talk about you. They remember how you would hide cookies in a container for them to find and how you brush their hair every time we visited. I always hear about how you would do it so much more gently than I ever do.

Just this morning Lillian, who was two when you died, was walking around our home and I heard her saying to herself: “Nana did every single one of these paintings.” On career day she went to school as an artist and I can’t help wondering if you had something to do with that choice. She wears one of your hats at least once a week.
On the morning that you died Eloise, then age four, got up and asked me why I had woken her up in the middle of the night to play with her hair. “I didn’t wake you up in the middle of the night, Eloise.” “Yes, you did. You patted my hair and said: ‘Shhh. Shhhh.’”

I might be foolish, but I like to think you stopped by to tell your sweet great-granddaughters goodbye.
Nana, you and your small frame, your love of life, your mistakes, your stories, you left a legacy. I think you taught me to be diligent. To never stop. To never stop living, to never stop working, to never stop reading, to never stop discussing, to never stop creating…even when your fingers and back fail you…even when life seems to have betrayed and failed you…because I know you saw more than your fair share of heartache.

I’ll never forget you trying to teach me to crochet. I would get it wrong and your graceful, slender fingers would unravel huge sections of my work. I would get so frustrated, even angry with you. I never did learn to crochet, but I did learn to keep at things important to me, to never be afraid to start something new no matter how old I am, and that when things aren’t going how I want them to…it is ok to unravel and begin again. There is no shame in that. Perfectionism is no excuse to not start and then start again. No matter how frustrating the unraveling might be, that’s just part of living and learning. It’s just part of the story.
And, Nana, YOU are part of my story. I’m so glad you are.

 

ACCEPT JESUS TODAY AND BECOME A CHILD OF GOD!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

One of the great debates around Christmas time for Christians is whether or not to encourage or allow the belief in Santa Clause.  I have friends and family on both sides of this debate so I want to be careful here.  I have a great deal of respect for the desire to keep the focus on Jesus and His birth at this time of year.  I want to encourage that focus, too.

And, yet, I allow my children…I encourage them even…to believe in Santa Clause.

We…my husband and I… don’t just stop there.  We also have elves that visit our house every year during this season.  Some would say that at best I am distracting from the message of Christ.  At worst I am lying to my children.
The line between fantasy and falsehood is delightfully fuzzy during childhood.  God created it to be this way and it is so important for a child to be able to play in this grey area.

In fact, the irony is that the more a child is allowed to play in this fuzzy, grey area, the better prepared he or she is for the realities of adulthood.
The question remains: is it ok…perhaps even positive…to encourage fantasy in the life of a child?  My conviction is that it is not only positive…it is critically important.  And, the window of time is very, very small.

Too often adults approach children as though children think like we do.  They don’t.  Their brains are not the same as the adult brain.  In fact, it is dangerous to treat them otherwise…to not understand and acknowledge this difference.  They do not think thoughts like adults do.  They don’t hear like we do.  They don’t understand like we do.  They don’t believe like we do.  Their minds are incredibly fluid and pliable and the more their minds are exercised through the work of fantasy and imagination the stronger they become for what is sometimes the cruelties of adulthood.
In fact, it is children whose window of fantasy and imagination have been disrupted and have been exposed to adult things too fast that struggle with reality MORE in adulthood.  Let’s take an extreme example.  A child who is exposed to adult things at an early age…things that could be considered abusive even…can end up experiencing breaks from reality as adults as a way to cope.  It is almost like they are catching up in adulthood for never being allowed to be a kid.

I am guessing you know adults who demonstrate this childlike approach to adulthood…adults who struggle to keep down the realities of adult life…adults whose childhood was interrupted in some big or small way…adults who are trying to make up for lost time.
I see this dynamic a lot in my office.  I see parents who forget that children just want life to be normal after the divorce, after the illness, after the trauma.  They are tired of dealing with adult things.  No, they DON’T want to go to a therapist!  They want to go to basketball practice and to the playground.  Mom and dad are aware of the adult stuff through the trauma and if the child is depressed…it is probably from picking up the adult anxiety from mom and dad.  Children have been TOO aware, TOO in touch and are desperate to go back to childhood.  They need to know that they CAN talk if they want to and sometimes they do, but most of the talking will probably happen later…when their verbal and cognitive skills catch up to the adult issues they have been exposed to.  Kids need the safety and room to be kids.

Kids need to be kids.  And, a lot of being a kid is believing in things that are fanciful, magical, and flighty.
Adults are often very uncomfortable with this world.  It is a little too fluid for us.  We want them to come back to earth, get more concrete, KNOW what they believe, KNOW what is real.

The only problem is the the idea of reality is such a vapor to young children.  That is why so many of them lie!  Early in childhood they don’t know what a lie is!  What is real?  What is fantasy?  It is through fantasy and play that they figure these things out.  A famous child specialist once said: “Play is a child’s work”.  It is work we must tend to carefully.
I don’t think I am lying to my children when I go along with them and pretend that their imaginary friend is sitting next to them.  I don’t think I am lying when I pretend that the elves decorated our tree with underwear…again!

Someone might say that there is a difference between allowing a child to pretend and promoting it.  I disagree.  In fact, I think children often do not learn to pretend if parents do not participate and lead the way.
So, yes, I let my children believe in elves.  I have absolutely no qualms about it.  We participate in advent and talk about the real meaning of Christmas.  I KNOW my children know the true meaning of Christmas.  It reveals itself in our conversations at the dinner table and bedtime.  If along the way, for a relatively FEW years, my children pretend and play in a fantasy world of elves, Santa Clause, and bunnies, I think they could be the better for it.

Last night when I was tucking her in, my oldest, age 8, says to me: “Mama, we wrote letters to Santa in school today.  I almost put quotations around his name”. Then she smiles at me.
The meaning is clear.  Quotations.  As if he doesn’t exist.

I smile back at her.  I grieve a little bit as I walk out of her room.  I know she is on her way out of the magical world of early childhood.  She hasn’t left yet.  She still plays and pretends and makes up imaginary worlds in her room with her sister.  Still, I know it is coming.  I only hope I have protected her enough.  I only hope I have guarded her childhood heart and let her live her fantasy world out to its fullest.  I hope I was a good steward of those wonder years and didn’t expose her little mind to too much too soon.  I hope I didn’t interrupt her play with the world’s seriousness and gravity in a way that stole a single second of that precious time.
Imagination and fantasy helps a child learn to cope.  They help pave the way for learning and growing.  Creativity and this kind of play is a gift from God.  I look around and see the Enemy at work constantly to steal, kill, and destroy it.  And, he doesn’t mind trying from any angle.  He tries through the liberal left through what children are exposed to through the media.  He tries through the conservative right by the rigidity of religious rules.

I am standing in the gap for my children and fighting like a warrior for their childhood.  So, while I respect and appreciate the convictions of those who would think I am lying to my children…I hope you can see a little of my heart here and understand that I am just as strong in my own beliefs.  It is not a haphazard decision.  It is a decision I believe honors the creative work still being done in their little minds…minds that are still being formed…formed developmentally through play, fantasy, and imagination.
I don’t expect a big fallout with Eloise.  She seems to be fine with a smooth transition from belief to non-belief, from fantasy to reality.  I am sure I will have a conversation at some point with her about why we have chosen to let them believe.  Then, I will get to experience the next fun stage!

Eloise will likely be helping me plan the elf’s mischievousness next year.  I am sure she will have better ideas than decorating the tree with underwear!  I can’t wait!

 

ACCEPT JESUS TODAY AND CELEBRATE HIS BIRTH!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

The so-called Occupy Movement eventually shifted its strategy from occupying public spaces to occupying foreclosed homes and abandoned buildings. If you listen to the voices of the Occupy Movement this shift represents a change in focus from protesting Wall Street fraud to protecting real people affected in real ways. However, one has to wonder if the true motivation has more to do with recent problems encountered when trying to occupy public spaces. It was natural to start in public spaces, given that the ownership and property rights regarding such spaces is open to debate. But eventually public officials felt they had to evict occupiers from public spaces in order to maintain its use by the non-occupying public. Likewise, there are some debatable questions pertaining to ownership and property rights during certain stages in a foreclosure, and it will be interesting to see what becomes of this new strategy.

So, what does this have to do with you and me? Well, for starters it occurs to me that every single person that has ever lived has spent at least a portion of his or her life as an occupier. Perhaps you protest, Not me! Yes you, too. As the late Christopher Hitchens pointed out in his famous 2003 Vanity Fair article, Roe v. Wade essentially deemed a woman’s uterus personal property. Even a staunch socialist, who would do away with all private property, will defend the rights of the individual woman regards to her personal property, such as her uterus. And to date, there is simply no way to make it as a human without occupying someone else’s uterus.

This has me a bit troubled. I once occupied my mother’s uterus, but never considered my squatter’s roots. Now that I have been enlightened I am having questions about the statute of limitations on my criminal behavior in 1973. Moreover, once I was evicted from my mother’s uterus I took up residence in my parent’s house for more than eighteen years (as did the great majority of former uterus occupiers). Will my shift from my mother’s personal property to my parent’s private property be treated differently if my parents decide to hold me accountable for my actions?
I have also been affected in more recent years. I currently have three occupiers in the home that my wife and I own. All three of them occupied my wife’s uterus for nearly nine months (minus a few days in one of her fallopian tubes, which could be counted as a wholly separate invasion). And, as my wife and I have recently announced, a fourth trespasser currently occupies her uterus.

All of this raises some serious questions. While I am currently willing to work with the occupiers that are disrupting my life, what will happen if I have finally had enough? Will jurisprudence side with me and protect my private property interest and rights? What about my wife and her personal property? What eviction rights will these occupiers have if I take them to court? What will be made of my own occupying history? Indeed, these are complicated times in which we live. Alas, there is at least one absolute in this foggy debate. Every person that has ever been is or has been an occupier, including you. The remaining questions are who gets the right to evict such occupiers, under what circumstances, and at what cost, if ever at all?

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND BECOME A CHILD OF GOD!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

Learning to fight is just as important for girls as it is boys, but I suspect this issue is particularly important for men at this point in our culture. I am part of a generation of men who have turned out to be passive in many ways. Some of us would rather play video games about war than actually leave the house and battle in life. I am not sure what all contributed to this trend. I am not sure that answering that question is the priority at this point. However, what is important is that we, men and women of every age, are awakened to the fact that they were created to actively pursue the path before us and overcome the obstacles that it brings. We learn to fight from God, who is a father that wars. In turn, we learn to fight for our children, who learn from us how to war.

Sometimes we as parents want to shelter our children in a way that discourages their active participation in the events around them. Sometimes this is because we underestimate our children’s abilities. At other times we just simply want to do it for them for the sake of time and convenience. However, what we often fail to realize is that we are training our children to sit back and let someone else take care of things.

God, who is the ultimate parent, shelters in a much different kind of way. We see this in Psalm 18, where God offers us shelter (v. 2) and fights some battles for us (v. 17), but he also prepares us for war (v. 34) to fight some battles for ourselves (vv. 37-38). If it was healthy for us to always be delivered by him I am certain he would do it that way all of the time. Obviously he thinks that it is important that we go out and participate in the battle, and not just sit back and wait for our deliverer. So, we begin to see that the obstacles on our path do not show up accidentally. They are put there for our benefit, that we might learn how to overcome them, that we might become mighty warriors like our Lord.
It is overwhelmingly tempting to rescue our children from the obstacles they face. Even the most determined parent will give into that temptation. That is okay. In fact, it is important for us to rescue our children from enemies that are too great for them. However, always rescuing them will cause them to fail to develop certain attributes for overcoming challenges in their life. With that in mind, consider some of the following ways to develop your children’s ability to fight and overcome:

1.) Don’t be a fixer. When your children are facing a crisis ask them, “What do you think you can do about this?”
2.) Don’t over-schedule your children. They may need to get a little bored sometimes, because getting bored is an opportunity for them to create new activity in their life. So, they need time for free play, time to explore and discover.

3.) The counterbalance to previous statement is this: make sure your children are involved in things outside of the home. Sports are a great option. However, if that is not an option consider hobbies and other activities. If you find yourself unwilling to bring a sport or hobby into your children’s lives take the time to ask yourself why that is. Often we as parents are unwilling to take on these activities because of our own insecurities. We tell ourself that we have the best interest of the child in mind, but in fact we are avoiding our own anxieties. If you are unwilling to help your children find new activities challenge yourself by exploring whether or not your own anxieties are in fact the root of the problem.
4.) Your children don’t have to always be okay. This is a difficult one. It goes against all of our parenting instincts. However, God puts obstacles and challenges in our life in order for us to overcome them. So, those struggles in your child’s life actually have a purpose. Be careful not to remove them. And be careful not to accidentally train your child to avoid them.

God trains your hands for war, and expects you to prepare your children for battle. Have you lost your fight? Have you let your children run into battle? Today is the day. Today we fight.

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS SAVIOR TODAY AND FIGHT FOR CHRIST!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonthan Stone of stonewritten.com

Today on my hour and a half drive back from the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, I was traveling through the radio stations when I heard a James Taylor song. I paused…and then transported momentarily to his concert we attended about six years ago.

Do you remember that summer? I really doubt it, but you seem to enjoy proving me wrong (and so often do) so I’d better ask rather than assume.

We had just returned from our first year in Prague and were visiting my mom in Iowa. We had our first deep fried twinkies. Do you remember that? You ate yours while sitting on Daddy’s shoulders. You were so high up there. I remember worrying that I had not put enough sunscreen on you.
Together that day we knocked off a “bucket list” item by attending the Iowa State fair…and eating a deep friend twinkie.

However, what I remember most from that day is seeing James Taylor on stage…and us …dancing in the back of the outdoor pavilion…your hair all sweaty and curled up in ringlets framing your little face.
We were all dancing…you, not quite three…Mimi, and me. Daddy held your sister. It was so hot. You were so happy.

Do you remember that night, Eloise?
I had you in the middle of a semester in graduate school. Now, I KNOW you don’t remember that so don’t even try to argue with me.

I don’t really recommend doing that. I was young, naïve, and thought I could manage about anything. I didn’t realize I would have to manage everything…without sleep.
But, we made it and I look back on those California years as some of our best. I have such sweet memories of when I would bring you to class with me…sitting you in the bouncer while I listened to lectures. Students would help hold you while I took exams. Other days your uncle Aaron would stay with you while I went to class and Daddy worked.

I wasn’t terribly young when I had you…26. I wasn’t 18, but I wasn’t 40 either.
However, I spend time in academic circles where first children are had in your mid-thirties…not your mid-twenties. So, while in some contexts I was not a very young mother, I feel like I was, in many ways, a baby.

I didn’t wait for school to be over to have you.
I was a very normal, anxious new mother. I was so worried that my imperfections…and there were many…would get in the way of what you deserved. Somehow the fact that you were to be a girl intensified these insecurities. I so wanted to get it right!

It did not help matters that I was studying all of the things that can go WRONG in a family and in a child’s life.
I still remember a dear friend asking me: “Emily, what if God chose YOUR imperfections just for Eloise?”

I could not wrap my mind around this idea. I wanted the best for you. I did not like the idea that I still had growing to do while I was already becoming a mother, nor did I like the idea that God was in that plan somehow.
I wanted you to have a mother who had arrived…who had it all together. I was painfully aware of how far off the mark I was.

Here’s the surprising twist in the story I am just now getting…what I have grown to appreciate…to love…is knowing how much growing I DID have to do.
How much growing I had to do WITH you.

We grew up together…and, I’m still growing up with you.
While I was helping you learn to sleep, I learned how much I needed it, too.

When I was making sure you got your sunshine and play time, I realized how much I needed to play, too.
While you were learning to trust me, I was learning to trust God.

Growing up together, we’ve shared a lot of firsts, you and me, Eloise…firsts that go beyond deep fried twinkies.
No, I didn’t wait on you in order to finish up my life. Nor, did I put you on hold to tie up any loose ends in my goals or dreams, either.

I have been insecure about that in the past, but not so much anymore.
Life just doesn’t stop for motherhood and motherhood really doesn’t stop life…no matter what the media or people without children tell you.

No matter what motherhood looks like…for any one woman…life changes…but, does not stop when we get fitted with motherhood as a new identity.
You just keep going…growing up together. Never in history has life really stopped for mothers. That is another lie that the media portrays to make you feel guilty when the inevitable happens…life happens. And, you just keep going…baby girl at your side.

So, I found out I am having another girl…our fourth, and probably last, baby. I felt her move today for the first time when I was in class for my doctoral program. I immediately remembered another baby I carried in and out of the womb to school.
I remembered and I smiled. This time, I am not afraid for my little girl…for Hillary. I’m not so unsure or insecure. And, that, Eloise, has mostly to do with you. You are a testimony to me. Your strength, your wisdom, your perseverance…who you are…despite me…you are testimony of God’s faithfulness in the midst of our humanity.

We do not have to be perfect parents.
Perhaps my friend was right. Maybe God DID choose MY imperfections just for you, sweet girl.

We are growing up together, you and me. And, somewhere in that, you are just fine. You have and continue to teach me so much…mostly about grace.
So, when they, like they did in my other graduate programs, talk about ideals and standards for parenting and mothering and all sorts of things that can make any mother…especially a new mother…anxious and insecure…I’ll just feel Hillary kick and think of you. I’ll remember that we haven’t followed all of the rules, all of the ideals, all of the standards. I didn’t wait until I had it together. I didn’t put off life, nor did I put off motherhood. Yet, here you are. Wise, kind, strong, intuitive, beautiful.

I chose, without knowing I was choosing, to take you along the life journey…to do a lot of the growing up with you.
Like at that James Taylor concert, I’ve chosen to dance WITH you.

I like to think that maybe we are both better off for it.

ACCEPT JESUS AND BECOME A CHILD OF GOD TODAY!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

At some point most children ask their parents the question, “Why do we go to church?” In the Old Testament Moses gave the children a paradigm for dealing with such questions. In Deuteronomy 6:20-21 it reads, “When your children come to you saying, ‘What is the meaning of the commandments, laws, and rules which the Lord God has commanded you?’ then tell them, ‘We were slaves in Egypt, and God delivered us with a mighty hand.’”

It is interesting that Moses instructs them to avoid the question. He could have instructed them to sit down and talk about the rules and laws that governed their day-to-day lives. However, we are given a different paradigm. The model that we see here is that when our children begin to question the routines that mark our faith it should stand as a sign to us that it is time for us to tell them our story, a time to tell about His mighty deeds that we have witnessed.

God uses our stories to build up faith in others, including the next generation that will follow us. As we reach back and remember those stories He prepares us to move forward into the new things He is preparing to do. These stories do not have to be limited to stories that we saw with our own eyes. In fact, many of the people that Moses was talking to that day were too young to remember being liberated from Egyptian slavery, if they had been born at all. Yet, it was still their story too, passed along to them through storytelling. A generation of Israelites grew up in the wilderness hearing a wild tale of walking through the Red Sea on dry land, with walls of water on either side. Then they left the wilderness, entered Canaan, and the first miracle God did was to part the waters of the Jordan River. They walked across it on dry land. How excited they must have been to be experiencing their own miraculous river crossing! Now they understood what their parents and grandparents had experienced a generation earlier. Yet, this was also truly a new thing. They were venturing into new territory, and getting to see things that their forefathers had never seen.
I recently told my daughters the story of their great grandmother getting attacked in a grocery store while living on the mission field. In the midst of the attack the whole group screamed and ran out of the store. The cashier, frozen as if he had seen a ghost, asked my grandmother who that man was and where did he go. He estimated the man was over eight feet tall. My grandmother never saw the man, but knew that the Lord had sent her an angel that day to protect her. My girls’ eyes lit up as they thought about an eight-foot tall angel walking up behind their little great grandmother and scaring all the bad guys away. I was not there on the day that the Lord sent an angel to protect my grandmother. Nonetheless, that story lives in me, and now it lives in my children as well.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AND BE SAFE IN HIS ARMS!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

My mother spent the better part of her adolescence in London where she attended an all girls’ school called Rosa Bassett.

On the first day of school each student was to call her name out loud with their given number.  My mother’s number was in the “30’s”, which was a dead give away of her American accent.

Apparently, there were some snickers and from that point on my mother’s speech became unmistakably British.
That is funny for me to think about.  My mother speaking with an English accent.

Anyway, one thing I know: she loved her accent and she loved that school.
My young mother, with her beautiful auburn hair, fair skin, and blue eyes, along with her best friend, Sally Wilson, would run around London, riding Double Decker buses and getting tastes of hard cider at sleepovers because her parents were none the wiser, and neither was she.  Before she had a daughter who played tennis, my mother and Sally would stand outside of Wimbledon, waiting for people to hand out their used tickets to waiting children.

My mother, who never really played tennis, has been to Wimbledon.
That makes me smile, too.

If you sat down and had coffee with my mother and asked her about her life I believe she would probably tell you that those years in London were some of the best of her life.
I believe she would tell you that because that is what she has told me.

And, every time I hear about London…almost every time I hear about those years…I hear about Sally.
Then, without warning, my mother’s father was moved, transferred, reassigned.  The way I have heard my mother tell about this move from London, it was like a ripping.  Her heart, her friendship, her family.  Ripped away.  I think I can imagine a 15 year-old girl feeling this way, especially a quiet fifteen year old who had built her life in this great big world place called London with freedom, double decker buses, and a best friend named Sally.

Friendships are taken for granted by children.  They are assumed.  You meet. You say: “Do you want to be friends?” and you skip off together…doing whatever…it really doesn’t matter.
Friendships come naturally for young children.  You don’t really think about it.  You just become friends!

And, if you are like my very socially talented middle child, you have parents who actually time how many seconds it will take you to make a friend at the playground.  At the indoor play area.  At church.  It is amazing.  I am in awe of her.
I had a conversation with one of my sister-in-laws recently.  She is a gifted teacher and is passionate about the grade that she teaches, fourth grade.  However, she admits, it is a hard, hard year.  It is the year that children discover the have’s and the have not’s.

You come in holding hands, still skipping together…it really doesn’t matter doing what.  Then you do the difficult thing of learning your “place”.
Fifth grade, she says, can actually be easier because you have learned the place. The struggle is over.  But, fourth grade…there is still so much struggling.

Parents are big influences on the friendships of children.  When starting my work with a child and his or her family and doing the initial work of developing a treatment plan with interventions, I will often talk to parents about how they are parenting the child socially.  I am curious…how is the child/teenager involved?  Where do they learn to relate to other children and adults?  Do they attend a faith community? Are they active in athletics or music?
From time to time I will get a blank look from a parent.  Do I think they should get their children involved in things like that?

Well, yes.  I am not out to make a star athlete out of anyone, but I am just following research.  Research indicates that involvement in things like a faith community, athletics, extra-curricular activities of some sort is a good thing for children and teenagers.
There are a variety of reasons why, but here are some of them.  In these places relationship and social skills are developed which breeds confidence.  Activity, particularly physical activity, helps prevent over thinking, which is a contributing factor in depression and anxiety.  When the physical body is engaged, the mind is not doing the hamster wheel-spinning thing that so many teenagers, especially girls, tend to do.

So, we go through and start brainstorming different option for little Mary to try and somewhere in that conversation I detect some anxiety in the parents.
What would it be like for you to take your daughter to something like soccer practice or girl scouts, I ask.  Incredibly intimidating, they admit.  What do you think is going on with that?  Well, I never played sports or was a part of anything like this.  I was never athletic.  I was never good with friends.  I was never…

The obstacle in getting little Mary opened up to the big world out there, the obstacle to injecting some much needed confidence into little Mary…
…is actually the incredible amount of insecurity and anxiety in mom and dad.

Friendships…relationships…move the world around.  Never underestimate the power of a relationship or how you relate to a person.
Mary and Elizabeth were close…and their sons were close.   One paved the way for the other.

Sarah and Hagar were enemies and so were their sons…and their sons’ sons, and their sons’ sons…
I have worked with these clients and wondered about this insecurity, understanding it out of imagination and empathy, but thinking that I really could not relate to it.  I have always been outgoing, ready to try new things.

But wait.
In the past several months I have observed some striking behavior in myself.  Several people have reached out to me.  Do you want to run?  Do you want to go eat lunch?  And I have watched myself get nervous.  I have watched myself hem and haw, making excuses and backing away.  I have been rather shocked by it actually, but I can read the thoughts in my head.

If I go running with you, you might realize that I can’t run that fast.  If I go eat lunch with you, you might realize that I am better at writing, teaching, and working with clients than I really am at just hanging out and being a friend.
Friendships, it seems, can actually be harder in adulthood.

Of course there are the practical reasons we fall back on…the kids and work and life to work around to make friendships happen…but, there seems to be more than that.
We know the have’s and the have not’s.

We want to hold hands and just be together and skip and do whatever, but too much understanding has put people in boxes and places.
But, here is what I tell my clients and what I really tell myself, too.  Yes, friendships, relationships, taking your kid to soccer…it is all intimidating and hard and sometimes way more complicated than it should be.

But, you do it.  You acknowledge that it is hard.  You also acknowledge that it is pretty hard for everyone from time to time even if they seem to have a big smile and a million Facebook friends.
And, those people you see talking to each other? They don’t actually know each other super well.  They just met.  There is no real “in” group.

Yes, there was an “in group” in fourth grade and maybe all the way through college, but you know what?  A lot of those groups don’t exist anymore except for in people’s heads.
You are not excluded.  And, every time you take your child to soccer practice or every time you show up for a bible study or a book club or a musical performance, you are carving out relational space for you, for your children, for your family.

In our money driven society, let’s try this language: you are building social capital…investing in a relational future for yourself and for your children.
You are carving out a Sally and a London experience and you don’t ever have to be ripped away because unlike my mother at that age, you are not a child anymore.

Do you hear me?  I so wish I could look you in the eyes.
You are an adult.

You are not in fourth grade anymore being sized up.
You are you.

And, that is beautiful and someone out there will be so blessed to build a relationship with YOU.
Be you, take your kid to girl scouts or attend a faith community and watch the world unfold gently, sweetly with new life

…or perhaps burst forth with juicy goodness
…around the friendships you forge and create and love and grow.

Because I think London had way more to do with Sally for my mother than it ever had to do with it being LONDON.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND BECOME A CHILD OF GOD!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

***Parallel Processing

Parallel process is a clinical term used to describe the common occurrence in therapy when the therapist’s own experience is reflected in the client’s.  It is when a client comes in grieving over the loss of a loved one while the therapist has only just experienced his or her own loss as well.  It is a therapist helping a client through feelings of anger and hurt that the therapist has also just recently confronted.

But, here’s the thing: we are all in parallel process.  Too often in life it goes unsaid.
Here is where I say it.***

The girl who sits next to me in my statistics class each week looks to be in her late twenties.  I already know from her comments in class that she is working on a Ph.D. in Exercise and Physiology.
I notice that her bag has a picture of a volleyball on it with the insignia from a state university.  I smile.

“Did you play volleyball in college?”
“Sure did. It is what paid for my school!”

“How old were you when you got started?”
“15.”

I must look surprised because she continues.
“I hated organized sports when I was little.  A friend of mine talked me into showing up for the pre-tryout clinic in high school.  I loved it!”

She smiles with an air of conspiracy.
“I made the team.  She didn’t.”

I listen as she tells me more about her volleyball career.  I murmur agreements and understanding, sharing a little about my own sport experiences.  I express my hope that my kids will choose to play a sport like I did.
“There is a misconception, you know”, she tells me. “People think that you have to get your kid specialized in a sport from an early age.  Research tells us that just isn’t true.”

I smile and think about how her very own story proves that premise.
I played tennis growing up.  A lot of tennis.  And, if I am honest I have a part of me that would love for one of my kids to pick it up.  We go out and play as a family, but it is yet to be seen if a true love for it will grow in any of them.

It waits to be seen.
I think many of us parents fall for the misconception that this new friend of mine expressed.  We remember how much we loved what we did…or we remember how we missed out on something that we wish we had done…something we wish our own parents had made time for…

and we push.
If you read here you will see that I am a believer in getting kids involved in the community in various activities.  I make it clear that becoming a star athlete is not the goal.

What I am learning is that we have less control over what they “specialize” in than I may have thought.
When I was very, very young my mother took me to violin lessons.  I loved the IDEA of taking violin, but those lessons ended when I cried every time we practiced.  I will admit that later there was a part of me that wished my mother had MADE me keep going.

So, I thought, I am going to MAKE my girls just do it!  There will be no question…we won’t practice HOURS a day.  It will just be a little bit every day and we will keep it up!  They will thank me for it one day!
That’s when the actual taking lessons and practicing part happened.  Turned out that my oldest daughter liked violin lessons less than I did.

Also turns out mom has to do bear most of the burden of the practice and the crying when a child is taking lessons at age four.
We stopped.

My dad took me out to play tennis when I was little.  My first memory of going out with him was probably at about age 5.  As I got older I could not get enough.
In the past I have given my dad a lot of credit for that.  I believed that he made me stick with it…that, in a large way, he created the tennis player that got a scholarship to college.

Then I took my own daughter out to play.  I’ll never forget my oldest saying to me: “Mommy, I think tennis is more your thing than mine.”  She was four.
And, that’s when I realized that it wasn’t my dad who took the ball hopper out to practice for hours at a time all by himself just on his serve.  That was me.  It wasn’t my dad who would call and set up play times with three different people in one day just to practice. That was me.

Sure, parents have to be available and invest time and resources.  Absolutely.  They have to introduce kids to sports in the first place.  But, no amount of money or time invested by my mom could have made me want to hold the violin bow for hours a day.
I have passed the buck to my mom and my dad too many times.

I didn’t like violin.  I loved tennis.  That was about me.  It was not about my parents.
And, this time it is about my kids.

…it is not about me.
Last summer my oldest discovered competitive swimming.  And all of a sudden she’s the one reminding me to put her goggles in her bag, to remember her hair tie,  and which days she has practices.  She’s the one telling me afterwards how she figured out the rhythm of a certain stroke.

She’s no Michael Phelps, believe me, and she might very well change her direction when it comes to a sport or any other extracurricular activity.
She might end up playing handbells. Who knows.

But, here’s what I am learning, what I think I learned a little bit more from my conversation with my new friend who sits next to me in statistics.
I am learning to enjoy watching the bloom that is my child’s life.

I almost called this post “The Unwrapping”, but I quickly decided I did not like that title and here’s why.
In unwrapping a gift we have a very active part.  In fact, if we do not do anything, there is no unwrapping.

We are in control.  We rip off the paper to reveal what is inside.
When it comes to my child that is not my job at all.

My job is to cultivate the ground, to water, and provide sunshine.
God is in charge of the blooming.

In reality, I have absolutely no control over that.
I cannot control whether Eloise, Lillian, Emmett, or Hillary will like the feel of a tennis racquet in their hand.

I can put the racquet there.  I can make time for us to play.  I cannot create passion.  That is God’s doing.
We like to put our hands all over things.  Our culture teaches us to strive and to reach for the top and if a little is good a lot must be better.  If this age is good then even younger must be better.

We forget that Someone else has a role in how things go.
This is when I got a surprising reminder from God.

I’m still blooming, too.
I don’t know what tomorrow or next year will look like.  I have no idea what opportunities or challenges are ahead of me.

I can cultivate the ground around me, provide water, and sunshine.
But, I cannot unwrap my life course.  I cannot force what will turn up underneath all that paper.

I can make choices and prepare.  I can put skills in my hands and make time for practice and experience.
I cannot create God moments or open doors.

That is God’s doing.
I’ll be honest. This idea can cause a lot of anxiety.

It is also incredibly thrilling.
Like riding up the ramp of a rollercoaster, your stomach is a little queasy in anticipation…but then comes the ride…the adventure.

I am learning to cultivate, to water, to provide sunshine…to do my best to prepare and make time…for my children…and for myself.
For SURE all of those things are important.  My daughter will never progress in swimming if I don’t drive her to practice.

But, she has to do the strokes.  She’s the one who has to get in the water.
I am learning to enjoy watching the bloom.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR AND BECOME A CHILD OF GOD TODAY!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

My alarm goes off.  I don’t have extra time to hit snooze.  I put an abrupt end to the melody sweetly trying without success to wake me gently.

I hate getting up in the morning.

I swing my feet over the side of the bed mentally checking if I set my clothes out the night before as my feet hit the hard wood.  That is one less decision I have to make in this groggy state.
I stumble into the bathroom, vision still blurry from half opened eyes and pupils naked without contact lenses.  I turn on the shower and wait for the water to warm.

I love hot showers.
I am already feeling it…the pressure of the day…of the to do list that I know won’t get marked off entirely.

I’ve learned to do without closure…begrudgingly.
If I always needed the day tied up nicely with a bow at the end of the night I would never get anything done because I would never start things that could not be finished quickly.  There aren’t many of those kinds of things outside cleaning a toilet bowl.

I feel the weight of clients I care about that I am about to see that day, the students who have personal issues keeping them from completing assignments, papers that need to be written, meetings that need to be scheduled, prep work that still needs to be done for various functions, bills that need to be paid…I take deep breaths, calming myself down, praying, knowing everything will work out. The pressure is still there.
I step out of the shower, get dressed, lean down to get the hair dryer…when I hear the footsteps.

Boom, boom, boom.
A door opens.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Another door…our bedroom door…opens.

In walks a bleary-eyed little boy with mismatched pjs and bed-tousled hair carrying a stuffed animal…a dog.
You pass your daddy with an affectionate grunt in his direction.  You have only one destination.

Me.
You don’t even have to watch where you are going.  It is like you have a GPS set on “mommy” and it sends you directly to my legs.  You wrap your arms around my knees and then bury your head in my waist.

Everything else stops.  Everything else disappears.  I have no idea what I was concerned about before that moment.  I scoop you up and we fall into the bed giggling.  You put your soft cheek on mine and then give me a head to head rub.  You smile big now, awake.
“Good morning, sweet boy.” I say.

There is no touch sweeter than the soft skin of a little boy’s hug when he first wakes up.  Nothing.
I feel nothing but joy as I walk with you, soft hand in my hand, to the kitchen where Daddy makes lunches for the day and I start getting breakfast ready.  Blueberries, apples, and chocolate milk is your request.  For the next fifteen minutes I am the short order cook and I don’t mind.

We go to the girls’ room on a joint mission to wake up your sisters where one, as usual, sits straight up and the other, as usual, moans her protests.  I smile, amused and content in the routine.
As I make breakfast, you love to be sent on trips to your sisters’ room to deliver messages.  “Tell your sisters that breakfast is on the table.”  You pad away with rapid steps only to return moments later: “Yil-yi-yan, says she doesn’t want to get out of bed.”  “Ok, bud.  Thanks for letting me know.”

I know she’ll come out soon.  Slower than I would like…but, she will.
You sit and smile the whole way through breakfast, making faces, and telling silly stories about your imaginary friend, Sam.

These moments are my favorite of the entire day.
Everyone is at the table…and even if they wish they were still in bed they still manage to let out a giggle.

It is going to be a good day.
I am ready to face anything.

I sometimes look at this scene and the irony is that while I am getting you all ready for the day, I wonder what I will do when these precious faces are no longer here to get ME ready…ready to face anything.
I shrug that thought off and give each one a hug, a kiss, an “I love you soooo much”…and then we are all off.

Life is good.
The night before I put you to bed.  A book, the closet light on, and “Mommy, I want you to sleep with me…for FIVE minutes”.  So, I lay down for FIVE minutes  Do you want me to sing you a song?  Yes, the Emmett Stone song!

Emmett Stone, Emmett Stone…I love you, Emmett Stone.
Handsome and strong, sweet and so kind, I love you Emmett Stone.

You giggle at my tummy: “Hillary is getting so big!”
I pray for you.

You stick your feet in my face.  “Stinky feet!”  I tell you to stop or I will leave.  You stop.
You put your stuffed animals up to me and make them say: “I’m hungry!”  I pull out pretend food from a pretend pocket and feed each one.

It’s time for me to leave, Emmett.  I love you.  I will see you in the morning.
“Poopy!”  I smile and close the door.

In the afternoon, I pick you up at 2 PM and sometimes you will say: “Daddy drops me off…mommy picks me up” rehearsing the pattern you have grown to expect.  I felt so bad for your babysitter one time when we had her pick you up and had forgotten to tell you about the plans.  She told me later that your face completely fell when you saw her.  “ I want mommy to pick me up.”  You LOVE her…but, you know what is SUPPOSED to happen.
Daddy drops me off.  Mommy picks me up.

We go home.  Knowing we only have about an hour before we need to go pick up your sisters, I sometimes ask if you want to go get a treat or play at a park to pass the time.  I may or may be craving a treat of my own.
“NO!  I want to go home!”

So, for the hour we sit on the floor in your room and play.  “You can get a pillow, mama.”  You know that I don’t like to sit on the hard floor…especially at 7 months pregnant.  When you step over me you say: “I am stepping over, Hillary, mama.”  I don’t do much playing.  I talk for the toys and you do most of the action.  If I accidently talk like myself you sternly correct me: “Talk with it, mama!” motioning towards the toy in my hand.
My days are punctuated with your hugs, kisses, and silly faces.

Sometime we will sit on the couch and watch Backyardigans or a super hero show like we did today.
You slip your little arm through the crook by my elbow and lay your head on my shoulder.  I sit there and look over your little body.  I look at your little legs, your little arms, your little toes.

I pick up one of your little feet.  It lays limp in my hand as you stare attentively at the TV.  Little boy feet.  Soft, warm, sturdy.
I wonder how long you will get up in the morning and seek me out.  I wonder how long these pads on your heels will have the “mommy” GPS.

I study the smallness of you, knowing that in two months overnight you will become a big boy to me.  There is nothing I can do about this.  I learned this lesson the day I brought home Lillian and realized that Eloise was not my baby anymore.  The comparison of a newborn to a two or three year old is startling.  Something changes that can never be reversed.  I remember rocking Lillian to sleep just weeks before you were born…anticipating the coming change.
And, now, here we are.

I wonder if…with you…being my only boy…it will be different.
I wonder if you will keep being small to me….sweet, warm…the sweetest touch.

Soon you won’t technically be my baby anymore, but I promise you this.
You will always be my little boy.

I will always see you…
just like this.

Emmett Stone, Emmett Stone…I love you, Emmett Stone.
Handsome and strong, sweet and so kind, I love you Emmett Stone.

 

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Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

I have a few friends who are currently shopping around for post-graduate programs, and all of them are at least considering a Doctorate of Ministry. Considering the fact that I’m fresh out of one myself I figured I would give a quick plug for the D.Min. program at Drew University. Here are the top five reasons that I believe I made the best choice for my doctoral work in ministry.

(1) Quality – I first became familiar with Drew when I was preparing to do post-graduate work in either biblical studies or theology as a seminary student. Drew has renowned scholars in just about every conceivable area of biblical and theological studies. Consider this list: Danna Nolan Fewell (Hebrew Bible), Stephen D. Moore (New Testament), Catherine Keller (Constructive & Feminist Theology), Leonard Sweet (Evangelism and Homiletics), and Thomas C. Oden (Theology — retired in 2004, now Faculty Emeritus). That reads like a Who’s Who list, not to mention the other members of the faculty, many of whom I encountered once I began my studies.

(2) Flexibility – I entered into the Global/Online–Ministerial Leadership program. I did a four-week residency during my three-year program. Everything else was done online. Within my cohort a wide range of faith traditions, experience, age, ethnicity, and time zones were represented. The flexibility of online learning allowed us to connect from all around the world.
(3) Relevance – In too many cases D.Min. programs have become something of a Ph.D.-Light, a scaled-down version of a Ph.D. In such cases students are asked to conduct their learning as if they were Ph.D. students, but with smaller papers, shorter hurdles, and a quicker duration. In contrast to this mentality Drew has made a concerted effort to envision and create a program that equips ministers for relevant ministry in the world. Near the end of my program I transitioned from a traditional ministry context (missionary in the Czech Republic) to a non-traditional ministry context (public school teacher in the USA). Amazingly, I have found that the skills and training I received at Drew have equipped me as much for the latter context as it did for the former.

(4) Innovation – Research is often identified as being either quantitative or qualitative. Yet, Drew has pioneered new ground that transcends this false dichotomy, and is best laid out by Carl Savage and William Presnell in Narrative Research in Ministry. Drew’s model incorporates both quantitative and qualitative elements in research, but offers more than a blended model. Narrative Research in Ministry truly develops a third way, which seeks to discover hidden narratives through collaborative story-brokering within faith communities. The results are clearer understandings of the shared stories within faith communities that lead to a deeper sense of corporate identity within its members.
(5) Affordability – While the things already mentioned warrant a high price tag, I found out that Drew’s D.Min. program is more than competitive with its pricing. In fact, it was significantly more affordable than almost all of the other programs that I was considering before making my choice.

I guess you can get the picture at this point that I could not be any happier with my doctoral experience than I was at Drew. I would encourage anyone considering D.Min. programs to take a serious look at their D.Min. program.

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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

I have spent several years working with middle schoolers, high schoolers, and college students. A lot of changes happen from twelve to twenty, and many of the questions that are important to a middle school student are completely irrelevant to a college student. However, there is one question that pops up in lives of sixth graders and seniors alike. It also seems to be a question that can drive a young person (and many adults too) crazier than almost any other (read more about that here). That question is: What is God’s will for my life?

The will of God is an interesting theme in scripture. Compared to other scriptural ideas it is not a particularly prevalent theme. And when it is discussed, it rarely applies to the question what is God’s will for my life, at least not in the way that we tend to use it today. The bible talks about the decrees of God (they will certainly come to pass), and the commands of God (those things are up to you and me). Both of those speak of God’s will. The bible also talks about individual callings. But you cannot find a scriptural example of one of God’s people asking, “What is God’s will for my life?”

So, when you are haunted by that question you might want to first understand that no matter how much you want that questioned to be answered, it does not seem to be a very important question on God’s list. Before you get overwhelmed by the sting of that realization consider the following. You are both precious and unique to God. He values you more than any of us can really understand. At the same time, whatever it is that he calls you to do could be done by anyone else that he so chooses. That is because God’s will for your life has very little to do with what he is calling you to do, and almost everything to do with who he is calling you to be.
Go and read some of the handful of scriptures that deal with the phrase will of God (Rom 12:2; 2 Cor 7:9-10; Eph 6:6; Heb 10:36; 1 Pet 2:15, 4:2, 4:6, 4:19). Take the time to read the surrounding verses and see if you notice what I notice. There is nothing there about vocational callings. Instead, they all talk to essence of the Christian life and the fruit that it bears. These are the things that are described as the will of God in those verses: having your mind renewed, having godly sorrow and repentance, striving to please God instead of men, endurance, submitting to human institutions (even ungodly ones), not living for the lusts of your flesh, to live in the Spirit, and to suffer.

So, if you really want to know what the biblical answer is to the question, What is God’s will for my life? Look no further. He wants you to live a holy life. He wants you to treat others well. He wants you to be submissive. He wants you to suffer. And he wants you to endure. Encouraging, huh?
Perhaps we wrestle so hard over the question because we don’t want to know what the biblical answer really is. We have replaced the scriptural idea of God’s will for our life with questions that center around our individual comfort and importance, and that’s what really makes us struggle so hard over the question in the first place. Here is the irony. Our struggle with that question is a sign of just how far out of God’s will we are in the first place.

 

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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

Yesterday I wrote on teamwork, but if you read the article you know that was just a different way of saying that everyone needs to be a part of a community of faith. Everyone needs to be part of a church, and part of the Church. Expanding on that thought consider Hebrews 10:24-25, which instructs us to spur one another to love and good deeds, “not forsaking our assembling together.”

There are two things that strike me about that passage. First, it is interesting that I need the church in order to be spurred on to good deeds. I can see that I need encouragement, support, accountability, fellowship, and many things. But can’t I figure out how to do good deeds on my own?

One of the reasons that I need to be a part of a church in order to do good deeds is that I cannot objectively see which good deeds I am gifted to accomplish. When a person stops to consider his or her gifts, strengths and weaknesses he or she often turns inwardly to do a sort of self-inventory. This certainly can be helpful, and self awareness in that area is an important attribute. However, it should be pointed out that one important aspect of identifying and prioritizing gifts in an individual is by paying attention to feedback from others.
As individuals we have a tendency to get lost in certain ideas about our gifts that may not be accurate. When speaking of gifts in Romans 12 the Apostle Paul instructs every one of his readers to “not think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly” (12:3). The word soberly means to see something rightly or accurately, to see it the way it really is.

Because of the tendency to get a distorted view of ourselves it is important for us to listen to the feedback that we get from the body on our gifts. As we pay attention to this we begin to sense which of our gifts are being called upon by those around us. In this way the body of Christ calls forth the right gifts at the right time from each of us. I may have rightly discerned several personal strengths that I possess. However, it is often the feedback from the body of Christ that will let me know which gifts are being summoned at that time.
Second, I find the words our assembling together interesting. In English the word assembling has two different ideas to it. It can simply mean to gather together, and it is that sense that we typically understand Hebrews 10:25. But it can also mean something else. It can refer to a more diligent and intentional process. You know, that process of taking a thousand little pieces and putting them together in a slow deliberate way until a finished product emerges. It takes patience. It takes understanding, too. One must know where to start, what order to proceed, which parts fit into other parts, etc. If you have ever assembled a piece of cheap furniture that comes in a compact box you know this process all too well. It can be a frustrating process (just ask my therapist). You also know this, every single piece that comes in that box is necessary if that piece of furniture is going to become what it is designed to be.

Likewise, building the church can be a frustrating process. It requires patience. It requires knowledge and understanding, insight into which parts go with other parts. An understanding of where to start and how to proceed. Most importantly, if it is going to become what it is designed to be every part must be used. Sure, some assembly is required, and that is not always our favorite part. But the finished product is nothing less than the glorious, unblemished bride of Jesus Christ. So, let me say it again. You need the church, and the church needs you!

 

THE CHURCH NEEDS YOU! ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY!
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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

In my lifetime I have seen the social status of cigarette smoking change drastically. Throughout my adolescence and early adult life second hand smoke was something that we simply had to deal with, like it or not. In a somewhat astonishing way the social views on smoking have been almost completely reversed in the last ten to fifteen years. And over the course of my short thirty eight years it has gone from cool to neutral to annoyance to near universal social taboo. Occasionally I see older movies where people are smoking in offices at work or in airplanes or any other now extinct smoking practice and I think about how no one bothered to analyze the fact that society had broadly accepted cigarettes as harmless fun, seemingly without question. And that always leads me to one question, “What are today’s cigarettes?” You know, those individual practices that society has accepted as harmless fun, but will turn out to be life threatening forces of destruction. It’s an interesting question, and I’ve been thinking about a possible candidate: porn.

Of course, porn is a different kind of danger. I do not think it will turn out to be carcinogenic. But I do believe it brings about other pathologies. In some ways those sicknesses are just as sinister and just as deadly. Whether or not porn could be called today’s cigarette, the attitudes toward it are disturbing. Porn is increasingly accepted as not only harmless fun, but even encouraged as a healthy ingredient for a spicy sex life and defended as an important constitutional right.

Recently CNN posted an opinion article that compared Rick Santorum’s social values with the imposing of Sharia Law by the Taliban in Afghanistan. I think it is a fair question to ask what the difference is between imposing Sharia Law in America and imposing conservative Christian values. But honestly, this article was ridiculously flawed. The big dramatic (melodramatic, in my opinion) punchline was that Santorum might try to make abortion illegal (even for rape victims), annul gay marriages, ban federal funding for birth control, and oppose porn. The most offensive aspect of this article to me was the fact that the author is absurdly ignorant of what life is like in countries governed by Islamic Law if he honestly believes that those four restrictions compare. Almost as shocking is the way that the author implies that the executive office of President holds the legislative power to pull it off. But the interesting aspect of the article was the way that he went about discussing the fourth issue of porn. He states:
4. No porn! I’m not kidding. Santorum signed “The Marriage Vow” pledge (PDF) authored by the Family Leader organization, under which he swears to oppose pornography. I think many would agree that alone should disqualify him from being president.

It’s not just the idea that porn is an individual right that bugs me. It’s the tone that suggests that porn is every cool guy’s favorite past time. The day after reading this poorly done article I found myself in the waiting room of a local healthcare provider. I picked up a copy of a recent Prevention magazine and began thumbing through it. I noticed an article that claimed some astonishing health benefits of sex. After making these points the article went on to discuss various ways for increasing the amount of sex in a couple’s marriage. What was suggestion number one? You guessed it, watch porn together. Porn. Supposedly, according to this unassuming article in waiting rooms around the country, every marriage needs some. Without it your sex life might not be everything it could be. And just in case the wife in the marriage had some reservations about using porn in the relationship the article went on to specifically state that she should not worry if the husband likes porn, that it is completely natural and healthy. And that she should also not feel shame herself, nor think too much about not liking it at first, for she was bound to learn to love it.
Have we become completely insane? Porn has no redeeming qualities, and tons of destructive properties. Consider some facts about porn.

90% of youth ages 8-16 have viewed porn online.
63% of youth ages 14-16 say they can easily access porn on their mobile phone.
The largest single group viewing porn is ages 12-17.
The average age that children are exposed to porn is 11 years old.
Porn is often not sought when discovered the first time.
Porn gives children (and adults) unrealistic ideas about sex.
The majority of child porn offenders first found child abuse images while looking for adult porn.
There is a correlation between porn use and attitudes of violence towards women.
The use of porn is highly addictive.
Porn use causes damage to the frontal lobe of the brain.
The use of child porn often begins with the addiction to adult porn; 85% of male child porn offenders have also physically abused children.
The use of porn causes impotence in men towards their spouse.
Porn is constantly evolving into increasingly deviant forms.
Porn addictions cost addicts relationships, families, and jobs.
Porn use has been connected to violent sexual assaults.
Male adolescents who use porn are more likely to become the victims of forced sodomy.
83% of convicted rapists report a high rate of hard-core porn use.
Porn is a common pathway to infidelity and divorce.
Porn use from a parent leads to disinterest in relationships with children and other family members.
Men who use porn have increased attitudes of women as commodities or sex objects.
66% of porn stars have herpes.
70% of sexually transmitted infections in the porn industry happen in females.
There are over 68 million daily search engine requests for porn.

That is just a start. Research on the destructive path that is being left by porn can be found online as easily as porn itself. If you are not sure where to get started try a few books like this and this and this. While you’re waiting for your books to arrive start with some websites like this and this and this. And if you have not done so already install filtering software such as this on all of your computers, phones, and other internet ready devices. Addicted to porn? Start here. Are you a Christian who is interested in ministering to the porn industry? Check this out. Want to know the ugly truth about life as a porn star from former porn stars then go here.
Again, these are just a start. But the point is that plenty of people are working hard to educate the rest of us on the dangers of porn, and if you want to be part of the solution it is not that hard to get involved. It is even easier to simply get educated. The real victims of the ubiquitous state of porn in our culture is our children. Unfortunately, many of us have shrugged our shoulders while this problem has ballooned into a multibillion dollar industry. Children shouldn’t have to see porn before they’re twelve. It has no redeeming qualities, and only time will tell just how deadly are its consequences. It is time to sound the alarm on porn. Will you help fight?

 

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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

I joined Twitter in 2007. It wasn’t very large yet, at least in terms of users, but it was creating a buzz. I did not really know what to do with it, and so I didn’t do much at all. Then a couple of years ago I watched this TED talk by Ethan Zuckerman. He tells the story of a Twitter campaign that went viral during the 2010 World Cup. It was a campaign to save an endangered Amazonian bird. There were tweets flying around the twittersphere explaining that if you retweeted the phrase, Cala a boca, Galvão, then five cents would be donated to help save the rare Galvão bird. As it turned out there is no such thing as a Galvão bird. The phrase Cala a boca, Galvão in Portuguese actually means, “Shut your mouth, Galvão.” It refers to a famous Brazilian soccer commentator named Galvão Bueno. He has become known as a cliche machine who can ruin the most interesting match, as well as a commentator prone to making major gaffes on and off the air. He has also built a reputation for being one of the rudest commentators behind the scenes that one will meet. The consensus among Brazilian soccer fans was that he needed to go, and they successfully figured out how to get “Shut your mouth, Galvão” trending on Twitter for the entirety of the 2010 World Cup.

Zuckerman opens with this story in order to illustrate how, on the one hand, Twitter is a global phenomenon with a truly international representation. And on the other hand, most Americans on Twitter are largely out of touch with the rest of the globe that is conversing there. The reason that this is true is that Twitter, like any good 21st century computer application, is designed to allow the user the ability to choose which parts of the endless sea of information available on the web actually make it onto said user’s Twitter timeline. He goes on to give some suggestions on how to open up your Twitter world in order to experience a true global community.

So, I went back to see who I was following on Twitter. Sure enough, I picked all of my interests. I was following certain sports writers, athletes, and team pages. I had several dozen personal friends that I followed. I was also following a select number of major and local news outlets, as well as a few random interests of mine. In other words, I was listening to the same ol’ white guys. So, I decided I would try something different. I began to search out bloggers from various regions in the world who were also on Twitter. Once I cracked a region I looked at who those individuals were following and followed them as well. I noticed who my new circle retweeted and also followed them. I continued that way until I felt like I had a good grasp on the region. Before you knew it I felt like a true global citizen. It was around that time that the first of the Arab Spring began happening in Egypt. I continued to follow the rest of the world, but was particularly interested in the developments in Egypt, which soon spread to other countries in North Africa and the Middle East. I would tell my wife about awful developments (often with videos to prove it) in some of these places, then wait for the stories to pop up on major news outlets like CNN. It often took days.
But something else happened during that time. I noticed something in me that I never knew was there. I noticed some prejudice I had against Egyptians and Arabs and other middle easterners. I was able to notice it only because my heart had begun to open towards them. I began to feel a genuine empathy for the atrocities they were experiencing, admiration for the courage they had to lose their lives for the cause of freedom, and deep love for them as a people. In light of my open heart, my past views were exposed.

Recently a few fairly famous Christian leaders who take the complementarian view (as opposed to the egalitarian view) of the role of women in marriage and religious leadership have made some headlines. More specifically, Mark Driscoll did so here and John Piper did so here. This is not a new debate (relatively speaking), neither for American Evangelicalism nor for me personally. In fact, I gave up on debating this issue about four years ago when my own denomination declined to remove any and all restrictions for women in ministerial leadership (it should be noted that two years ago my denomination did remove the only remaining restriction in the local church, and has a long standing history of female pastors and female licensed ministers).
But there are three things that compel me to put forth my view one more time. First, it occurs to me more than ever that my three daughters might want to follow in line with their mother and grandmother, and pursue ministerial license within our denomination. If they do, I pray they will be able to do so with female representation on their respective examining boards, regional council, regional bishops, and elected international leadership. Second, I believe more is on the line than ever. The most outspoken and well-known complementarians come from congregational traditions, where their views primarily impact their congregants. Even in a congregation like Driscoll’s Mars Hill, which is more than ten thousand members, we are talking about a relatively small amount of people. The decisions of my denomination, on the other hand, impact over seven million people. Third, I am finally convinced that I know what the problem is.

And that leads me to the book of Philemon. It is one of those short (335 words), one-chapter books near the back of the bible that many folks never get around to reading. Paul is writing to an apparently wealthy man named Philemon. The church in Colosse met in his home, and it seems there had been some sort of issue with one of his former slaves named Onesimus. The slave evidently ran away at some point, but became a believer and then a helper to Paul while he was in prison.
Paul is writing Philemon in order to ask him to receive Onesimus back, but not as a servant. Paul wants Philemon to take him, “no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother” (v. 16). Paul says that Onesimus (his name means “useful) was “formerly useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me” (v. 11). All of this, of course, has fascinating connections to the current dialogue on the issue of women in ministerial leadership. However, it is something else in the book that has my attention at the moment. That is the way that Paul begins his request. He says, “Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I prefer to appeal to you on the basis of love” (vv. 8-9). Evidently Paul had some grounds to demand Philemon to take Onesimus back and grant him this brotherly status. But he wants to appeal to him on another level, the level of the heart. It is not an unprecedented request from Paul. He used it in some of his other letters, perhaps most notably in 2 Corinthians 7:2 when he pleaded, “Make room for us in your hearts.”

Frankly, I am tired of the arguing points. There are so many well-written sources that address every single question that members of one side of this debate have for the other that I feel that I have nothing to add. Personally, I can find no good reason to hold the complementarian view (and I have honestly tried). And I know that my conclusions will likely change no one’s mind.
I understand that not everyone has had the opportunity to work their way through all of the talking points on this debate. Not everyone has had the privilege of looking at every verse, placing the views within a systematic theological construct, figuring out the hermeneutical implications of interpreting a certain verse (sometimes tiny phrase) one way or the other, etc. So, I understand why some members of my church hold that view. But when someone who has dedicated their life in order to answer exactly that type of question searches for the best response to this question and espouses the type of stuff that Piper and Driscoll stated recently, I want to say, Cala a boca, Galvão.

I could say that. Just like Paul could have told Philemon, “Look, I am telling you to do this whether you want to or not.” I may not be able to order people to change their views like Paul, but I can make both the observation and appeal on a different level, just like Paul did.
So, I am now convinced that I know what the problem is. The problem is that the only way to come to these complementarian conclusions is to keep your heart closed on the matter. I have always strived for the most conciliatory approach when possible, but I see no other way to put this. If you insist on holding this view on women your heart is not truly open to women, any more than my heart was opened to Egyptians. So, to all of the complementarians you are to me my Philemon. We do not know how Philemon responded, and I am certainly no Paul. I doubt that my words will prove efficacious. Nonetheless, I now offer my appeal:

See here, my mother, my wife, my daughters…see all of my spiritual mothers and sisters and daughters. See any one of them and see Woman. Bone of my bones. Flesh of my flesh. She has not been useful to you, but she is a great use to me. I appeal to you on the basis of love, as your brother. Open your heart. Receive her better than a helper, but as a dear sister. She is very dear to me but could prove even dearer to you, both as a human and as a sister in the Lord. Welcome her as you would welcome me.
The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

The Word in the word

There are three passages in the Gospel of John that bring home a very important point:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who cam from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:1,14

You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life. John 5:39-40

Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. John 20:30-31
Most of the time that you hear a Christian refer to the word of God they are referring to Scripture. However, the point that John makes in the very beginning of his gospel is that the clearest statement God has ever made in revealing Himself to His creation is through the revelation of Jesus Christ (1:1,14). Someone could memorize the entire Scripture, but if they missed Jesus Christ they would have missed the whole point (5:39-40). And the whole point is to have the life that He came to give, which happens when we believe that He is the Messiah, the Son of God (20:30-31).

Understanding this does not take away from the function, importance, inspiration, truth and authority of Scripture. However, it does set up a fundamental ordering that can revolutionize the way we approach the Scripture. That is, we have a completely different experience when we approach the Scripture looking for principles, information, guidelines, rules, etc., and when we approach the Scripture looking for Him. Of course, the Scripture gives us many principles, guidelines and revelations, but He is the one we are seeking.
Some Personal Experience

I came to know Jesus near the end of my time at college. As a person who had been raised in church I had all of the information that I needed, but I did not know Him. The Scripture was dead to me and He was dead to me. I lived my life driven by my own selfish desires and had no guilt about that. I was totally lost, and inside I was dying. One day I walked into a class to hear a guest lecturer speak on the authorship of the book of Deuteronomy (what I was doing in that type of class is another story for another time). I sat down on the back row of the classroom, pulled my hat down low, stared at the table in front of me, and thought I might not make it any further. It was probably the closest thing to an authentic suicidal thought that I have ever had before or since.
What happened next is hard to describe, as words do not do it justice. It was as if Jesus Himself walked up behind me and grabbed me by the nap of my neck. I was arrested. I could not move. I could not look up. I could not really hear the discussion going on in the classroom because of the fear of the Lord that gripped my heart. It was overwhelming, but it was also the most meaningful awareness of the presence of God that I had ever experienced in my life. I did not want Him to let me go. But I also was uncertain how long I could handle His presence. There is a Hungarian proverb that goes like this: God has feet of wool and hands of lead. We cannot hear Him coming, but there is no doubt when He takes hold. I was living that proverb.

Near the end of the lecture it was as if He took a step back. I still felt like He was standing right behind me. But it felt like He let go of my neck in order to allow me to hear what was happening in the class. Some timely words were spoken that I won’t go into, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. Then I heard Him speak in my heart as well, and I melted like wax. For the first time in my life I knew that I felt the presence of God. And for the first time in my life I knew that I heard Him speak to me. I was useless for about ten minutes. I put my head down on the table and bawled like a baby.
A funny thing happened that day. That type of experience is where most people give themselves to the Lord. They pray a prayer of repentance and confess Jesus as their Savior. I did not do that. Instead I told Him that I would do whatever it took to find Him. At that moment I think that both He and I were pleased. He awakened me. And now the chase was on.

It actually took a few months before I fully gave my life to Him. But during that time I probably read more Scripture than I had in my entire life combined. I could not put it down. Not because I was looking for information. But because I was looking for Him.
The Road to Emmaus

One of the final stories in the Gospel of Luke tells us about two disciples who were walking on the road from Jerusalem to Emmaus, about seven miles altogether. They were dejected over the death of Jesus, and confused over reports that His body was now missing from His tomb. While they were walking Jesus Himself came up and walked along with them, “but they were kept from recognizing Him” (Luke 24:16). Jesus asked them what they were talking about, and they told Him all that had happened in the last few days. Then Jesus explained to them from Moses and all the prophets all the Scriptures that concerned Him (24:27).
As they approached their village Jesus continued as if He was going further, but the pair of disciples urged Him to come stay with them. So, He went in with them and when they were at the table He took bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it to them. At that moment their eyes were opened and they recognized Him, and He immediately disappeared. They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while He talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us” (24:32)?

All of us have experienced seasons where we felt dry. When we were downcast, unsure of the events that were taking place around us. Times when we could not make sense of what God was doing. Times when we opened the Scripture, yet could not understand the words–and more importantly, could not find the Word. If that is you today consider your Emmaus road, that moment when your heart burned within you just before He opened your eyes to see that it was Him. And then dig into the word of God until you find Him. You might be surprised how quickly the living water springs up in the desert, and how good it feels to have your heart burn within you once again. Most importantly, you might find more than refreshing ideas. You might find Him.

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS SAVIOR TODAY AND TASTE THE LIVING WATER!
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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

I want to say this up front. I am challenged by what follows. In fact, I don’t really like today’s post. As I contemplate it I have a lot of buts. When I look at the picture above in light of the concept below it fills me with a sense of dread. However, I am pushing through because I think that I need today’s post. I need it as bad as anyone.

I am talking about humility. I have written on humility before, and I love the balance in that post. It allows me the opportunity to guard against shame. And if I am constantly guarding against shame then anytime that I get uncomfortable with what the Blue Man might be trying to teach me about pride and/or humility I can simply reason with myself, “This has gone too far. It cannot be from the Lord.” But the truth is that much of the discipline of humility is about lowering oneself. And while I am not here to beat myself up with either pride or shame, there is no doubt in mind that I can go lower still.

I have tried to define humility in different ways at various points in my life. Perhaps the closest we come to a biblical definition of humility is given to us in Philippians 2. First, consider these verses:
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. 2:3-4

At the very least these verses give us a clear command. That is, we are to value others above ourselves. I don’t know about you, but for me that is a tough pill to swallow. I understand that one of the things NOT being said here is to think that others have more value than I do. It is obviously more of a call to humility in action than to think poorly of myself. In fact, an important aspect of humility is NOT thinking lowly of yourself, but thinking rightly of yourself. The problem is that by the time I remind myself of that very point I am normally content to drop the whole question of humility altogether. Thus, nothing changes. So, I am not letting myself do that this time. I am sticking with these questions: What does it mean to value others above myself? What does it mean to lower myself? What does it mean to grow in humility?
There is something to this idea of lowering and raising. The passage mentioned already says to put others above. Romans 12:3 states that we should not think more highly of ourselves than we ought. 1 Corinthians 1:28 says that God chooses the lowly things in this world. When Jesus said that He was humble in heart in Matthew 11:29, the word literally means low-lying, which is why many versions rightly translate the phrase lowly in heart. Then there is this parable:

When he noticed how the guests picked the places of honor at the table, he told them this parable:  “When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this person your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 14:7-11
Did you notice the up and down language? He spoke of the lowest place and being asked to move up, all in the context of honor, position, humility, humiliation and exaltation. There is some sort of connection between humility and moving lower. And if we are going to understand that connection we must turn and look at the example Christ set before us. And that brings us back to the second chapter of Philippians.
That is exactly what Paul tells us to do. He tells us to have the same mindset as Christ (2:5), and then goes on to show us what that mindset looks like. And what do we see? We see Jesus moving, and we see Him moving lower. The first step is the lowering that takes place in the incarnation itself. That is, Jesus who is equal with God let go of His position in Heaven in order to come down to earth. This step took a lowering because the whole earth cannot contain God. Solomon once put it this way, “But will God really dwell on earth? The heavens, even the highest heaven, cannot contain you. How much less this temple I have built” 1 Kings 8:27! Solomon knew that the highest (there’s that word again!) of the heavens could not actually contain Him. So, how low was it that He would actually come to earth?

However, Christ did not stop by lowering Himself to earth. He could have come in all of His glory and splendor, or at least a lot of His glory and splendor. He could have stepped onto earth and revealed Himself in a way that all of creation would have immediately stopped and worshipped Him. Yet, He went lower than that. He lowered Himself to be made in human likeness (v. 7).
This step is mind boggling. No other religion offers anything quite like it, God becoming human. In fact, many religions, such as Islam, consider the idea to be offensive. God lowering Himself at all, that much more to human form, is considered blasphemy. But again, Christ was not done.

He could have come in human form and taken on the life of a glorious king in all of his splendor. But Christ chose to take on the nature of a servant (v. 7). At this we are almost speechless. However, Christ wanted to go even lower.
He could have lived a long and healthy life as a servant and then died peacefully. But Christ chose to go lower than a servant, and He became a sacrifice. He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death (v. 8). Surely this is as low as He can go! Surely there is nothing lower than death! As shocking as it is, Christ wanted to go one step lower.

He could have died any number of ways. But He did not just choose to die for us. He chose to become a curse by dying even on a cross (v. 8). Deuteronomy 21:23 says that anyone hung on a tree is under God’s curse, something of which Paul reminds us in Galatians 3:13.
There is no step lower than cursed by God. Jesus went to the very lowest place, and in return God exalted Him to the very highest place.

Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
We cannot do what Jesus did. We do not have to go to the lowest step, and we cannot be exalted to the highest place. However, in Christ we are given the pattern that we are to follow. That is, we are to lower ourselves as low as we can go. And we are promised that the lower we go the higher we will be exalted by Him.

I am not really sure just how low I can go. I have my doubts about it. But I do know this, I can go lower than the step on which I am standing right now. So I intend to take at least one more step lower. Will you?

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR TODAY AND HUMBLE YOURSELF BEFORE HIM!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

I have a confession to make. I have always struggled with the concept of the Holy Spirit. That might not sound like a big deal, but it seems pretty significant to me. Don’t get me wrong, I have always believed in the Holy Spirit. However, I have a hard time conceptualizing the Holy Spirit. God as a Father? No problem. God as a Son? I get it. But God as a Spirit? Hmmm.

I think part of the problem is with the word spirit. I mean, I have a spirit too. But I’m not two people. So, what makes God’s Spirit an actual separate person when mine is not?

Another problem is that it’s hard not to think of the Holy Spirit as some invisible force that runs throughout the universe (can you say Star Wars). This might not be a completely bad way to think about the Holy Spirit, accept that when I conceptualize the Holy Spirit as this pervasive spiritual mist I lose the sense of His personhood. And then there are verses like these:
And Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about Him spread through all the surrounding district. Luke 4:14

And my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power. 1 Cor 2:4
For through Him we both have our access in one Spirit to the Father. Eph 2:18

When I read verses like these I cannot help but to think of the Holy Spirit as more of a tool or implement in the hand of God than a full blown member of the Godhead. But three things finally shook me out of my embarrassing confusion.
First, I came to realize the Holy Spirit was more than access to the rest of the Godhead, or power to live or comfort for pain, etc. The Holy Spirit, according to Jesus, is my friend (an insight I owe to Wellington Boone). When Jesus revealed to his disciples that He was going to be leaving them, He promised them that He would ask the Father to send them the Comforter (John 15:26). But before He tells them about this Comforter He tells them that He no longer considers them servants, but friends (John 15:15). I have always understood that Jesus calls me His friend, and I have always understood that the Father calls me His son. But I had never thought about the Holy Spirit as my friend.

Second, I read the book Heaven is for Real. In case you haven’t read it I will try not to give too much away. But I highly recommend it. The book is an account of a 4-year-old boy named Colton who came out of a coma after a life-threatening surgery with fascinating details from time spent in Heaven. I can be fairly dismissive of I died and went to Heaven stories, but this book is amazing. Anyway, there is one moment in the book where Colton mentions sitting beside the Holy Spirit. Colton’s dad was intrigued, and asked him what the Holy Spirit looked like. Colton replied that He was hard to describe, but that He was kind of blue. Somehow this helped me with my conceptualization. I pictured the Blue Man Group, but you know…more divine-like. It helped me think of the Holy Spirit as a person, but also as the member of the Godhead that had a different quality. A kind of strangeness. And for whatever reason that clicked with me. I started imagining my astonishing, blue friend walking around with me, riding in the car with me, sitting in my office with me–you get the picture. It was interesting to think of Him as this outlandish, beautiful and friendly blue man that could sit down beside me the way He sat down beside Colton, and then turn around and raise the dead or strike someone dead or create a universe. Wow, who is the Blue Man?
Third, I went back and looked at the passages that highlight the Blue Man as a person, and I realized that I had forgotten how many are there. Just consider the fact that the Holy Spirit grieves (Isa 63:10; Eph 4:30), can be lied to (Acts 5:3), can be tested (Acts 5:9), has a mind (Rom 8:27), speaks (2 Sam 23:2, Acts 8:29), can be resisted (Acts 7:51), can be a witness (Acts 5:32), can search (1 Cor 2:10) and can intercede (Rom 8:26), to name a few. As I formed a fresh commitment on the personhood of the Holy Spirit I was reminded that we must first believe that He is before we can come to Him (Heb 11:6).

Perhaps you have struggled with your understanding of the Holy Spirit. Perhaps you struggle to conceptualize Him and His relationship to you. If you are like me then perhaps this will help: Don’t look now. But right behind you is a strange, beautiful, divine, Blue Man. He knows everything about you. He is smiling at you, and He wants to be your friend.

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS SAVIOR AND LET THE HOLY SPIRIT COME AND DWELL IN YOU!
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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

My spiritual life use to look a lot like Woodstock. You know, lots of peace, love, and good music. Eventually I figured out that I have an enemy. My enemy seeks to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10) as he roams about seeking who he can devour (1 Peter 5:8). It was like a woke up out of some sort of drug induced euphoria to realize that I was laying down in the middle of a firefight. In a panic I thought to myself, We are at war! And I am going to die!

We are at war. However, we do not struggle against flesh and blood, but against spiritual forces (Eph 6:12). But here is the tricky part. Those spiritual forces use flesh and blood to do their bidding. We see this with the disciples. When Jesus was traveling toward Jerusalem He stopped in a village of Samaritans, but they would not receive Him. James and John were offended that these people would treat Jesus this way. So they asked Jesus if they should call down fire from heaven to burn those Samaritans up. Jesus looked at James and John and rebuked them. Then He told them this, “You do not know what kind of spirit you are of” (Luke 9:55).

Peter was once used by two different spirits in a matter of seconds. When Peter confessed that Jesus was “the Christ, the son of the living God” (Matt. 16:16), Jesus told him “…flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven” (v. 17). Then moments later, probably still buzzing with confidence from the affirmation of Jesus, Peter rebukes Jesus for planning on getting killed. So Jesus tells him, “Get behind Me, Satan” (v.23). Same guy. Same conversation. Same head. Same heart. But two different spirits.
I wonder how quickly we give ourselves over to spirits, not realizing what spirit we are of. We tend to focus only on truth. In other words, if we are telling the truth, that is really all that matters. I have heard more than one red-faced preacher scream from the pulpit, “If it’s in the bible I’m going to preach it!” Each time they were speaking truth, but seemingly never realizing what spirit they were of. And more than once I have told someone like it is, not realizing what spirit I was of. Jesus said that true worshipers will worship in both spirit and truth (John 4:24). If I speak the truth with the wrong spirit it doesn’t make the truth untrue, it just makes my speaking a lie.

Malchus was the slave of the high priest. His name meant my king. He was submitted to an evil scheme. I suspect he did not know what spirit he was of when they came to arrest Jesus. But Peter knew what spirit was using Malchus, or at least he thought he did. Jesus was being threatened. If there was ever a time to stand for the truth, to fight for the truth, surely this was it. So Peter took out his sword and struck Malchus, cutting off his ear. But much to our surprise Jesus rebuked Peter, then healed Malchus’ ear.
We don’t have to worry about learning this particular lesson. Most of us have never even picked up a sword. I doubt we will ever have to decide whether or not to draw one in a fight. But there is one problem. According to Scripture we are in a fight, and we do have a sword:

And take…the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:17
Just because I know the truth doesn’t mean I can say it. The sword of truth, which is the word of God, is dangerous. I cannot walk around slinging it carelessly at people, anymore than my son can walk around slinging his sword at his sisters. The problem for us today is no different than the problem was for Peter. When we encounter Malchus, who is enslaved without knowing what spirit he is of, that same spirit tells us to fight for Jesus, defend Him. So, we start slinging our sword of truth, “If it’s in the bible I’m going to preach it!” Jesus still stands and rebukes us for this. Because the real consequence is that Malchus loses his ear. And once Malchus loses his ear he will NEVER hear the truth, lest Jesus heals him.

Be careful when you speak the truth. If you are speaking from the wrong spirit your sword is not the sword of the Spirit, but a weapon of the enemy. That is the kind of truth that chops off ears. Our problem is not that we have failed to use the sword of the Spirit. It is that we have failed to discern the spirit of the sword.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY!
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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

The first time that the word language shows up in Scripture is Genesis 10, where we are told that the sons and grandsons of Noah “were separated into their lands, every one according to his language, according to their families, into their nations” (v. 5). Then in Genesis 11 we encounter this verse, “Now the whole earth used the same language and the same words” (v. 1). This is a striking statement, as it seems that we were just told a few verses earlier that the descendants of Noah were divided up according to their different languages. How can it be that now everyone speaks the same language?

In Hebrew there are two words for language. One word is lashon, which literally means ‘tongue.’ The other word is saphah, which literally means ‘lip.’ If you think about these two parts of the body and their respective roles in speaking you get a picture of the difference in the meaning of these two words. The tongue (lashon) initiates the word inside of the mouth. The lips (saphah) give the final form to the words as they leave the mouth. Similarly, lashon refers to the internal nature of language, the inner intent of the speaker. While saphah refers to the external nature of language, the shape and sound of a language as it is spoken.

When Genesis gives us the account of Noah’s descendants being separated by family and language the word lashon (tongue) is used. When the account of Babel is given a few verses later the word saphah (lip) is used. At Babel the people were scattered when God confused their external speech, creating different languages in the sense that we typically use the word today. With Noah’s sons and grandsons the families were knitted together by a shared language, an inner intent and understanding that was shared by the entire family.
In English we sometimes use this same distinction. I have a friend who once led a church group on a rafting trip. My friend was determined to share his faith with his raft guide, but he knew he would have to build enough relationship first for there to be any receptivity. He spent a few hours trying to build that bridge of relationship from every angle possible, but was never able to break through the wall that the raft guide had put up. As my friend told me about his frustration during this experience he finally blurted out, “It’s like we were speaking two different languages.” Obviously they were speaking the same language (saphah or lips), just not the same language (lashon or tongue).

So, this lip language is an external barrier. It can be overcome by years of study, or a supernatural act of God. The tongue language is an internal barrier. It can be overcome by years of relationship, or a supernatural act of God. In Scripture we see God using both forms of language in the lives of people, and He still does both today.
I have another friend who moved to Bulgaria after college simply because he felt called by God to go and be a missionary there. He had no language training and a limited amount of contacts. Not very long into his stay he found himself frustrated because he could not communicate with many of the people with whom he was working. One day he needed to understand a conversation with two Bulgarian pastors, and so he cried out to God, “I need to understand if I’m going to do your work.” At that moment God gave him the Bulgarian language, which he still speaks fluently today.

One time in college I was in a small church service when during a time of prayer the speaker suddenly started speaking in something that sounded to me to be Chinese. Startled and unsure of what was happening I looked up. I noticed an Asian woman jumping up and down near the front of the sanctuary, apparently praising God. I learned after the service that the woman spoke almost no English and the speaker had never studied Chinese. Yet, the word he gave was a salvation message in perfect Mandarin Chinese.
My wife’s German great grandmother had a similar experience. She visited a church that was holding a revival service in order to hear a visiting American evangelist. The speaker had no training in German. Yet he suddenly gave a message in perfect German, which according to my wife’s great grandmother was an account of the Gospel. She accepted Jesus that day, and is with Him now in eternity.

Some people will try to tell you that God does not do these kinds of things anymore. That once the Holy Spirit birthed the church in the first century that type of power and demonstration was no longer necessary, and so the Holy Spirit ceased operating in that way. With all due respect to my cessationist brothers and sisters, anyone who says that is wrong. I have seen it with my own eyes, and the fruit that comes with it. So yes, God does supernatural miracles with our language, or with our lips (saphah).
But God also gifts us with our tongues (lashon). He has given each of us various tongues. Perhaps you speak raft guide or mechanic or business or hipster or homeschooling or education or medicine–the list could go on forever. As Paul once noted, “There are, perhaps, a great many kinds of languages in the world, and no kind is without meaning. If then I do not know the meaning of the language, I will be to the one who speaks a barbarian, and the one who speaks will be a barbarian to me” (1 Cor 14:10-11).

The raft guide and my friend practically saw each other as barbarians. They simply did not understand each other. They came from two different families, spoke two different languages. You cannot know every language out there, but there are certain languages that you speak fluently. I might not speak your language. That is part of how God has gifted you. I do not want to discourage you from seeking the supernatural gift of glossolalia. However, all of us should take note of the gifts of language that God has already put in each of our lives. If you speak punk or hunter or skater or business or scrapbooking God wants you to use your gift of tongues to speak the message of Jesus Christ in that language.

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR TODAY!
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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

I grew up in a Pentecostal tradition that places a fairly strong emphasis on the belief that speaking in tongues is the initial evidence of being baptized in the Holy Spirit. Out of that emphasis has come many powerful testimonies, some head-scratching situations, and more than a few comical stories. Many of us who grew up in the tradition came to expect that when a young person was seeking the baptism of the Holy Spirit in the altar s/he was assured a high probability of encountering more than one apparent Holy Spirit experts.

I have a memory of being a preadolescent seeking the baptism of the Holy Spirit in the balmy altar of a late night service at summer church camp. On one side of me was an intercessory expert proclaiming, “You have to hold on!” On the other side was a prayer warrior yelling, “You have to let go!” And standing straight in front of me was a determined faith builder telling me, “Just say, ‘Jesus, Jesus, Jesus’ as fast as you can.” This story is so common among my friends and colleagues that at times I wonder if that memory is real, or more of a conglomerate of stories and experiences passed around and laughed about through the years.

Of course, those types of reflections only confirm in the minds of some doubters what they have suspected all along. That is, that speaking in tongues is nothing more than learned behavior or human manipulation or strange fire or a doctrine of demons. I do not intend to address those rejections. My personal experiences with the Blue Man have been enough to help me overcome my own doubts. I am a firm believer in glossolalia, xenoglossy and other divine gifts of tongues. However,  there is something else that I want to point out here. All of the emphasis on obtaining the experience of speaking in tongues has a way of making glossolalia some sort of end result…a terminal degree…the end of the line.
Evidence is defined as that which tends to prove or disprove something; ground for belief; proof. The idea of initial evidence is that it gives the spiritual seeker the foundational ground to stand upon for believing knowing that s/he is filled with a fuller presence of the Holy Spirit. It is a foundation from which one can launch and grow and continue and push through and overcome. Foundations are meant to be built upon: But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit (Jude v. 20). Yet, we have often unwittingly taken the posture that this experience is a mountain top on which we, upon reaching summit, take in the scenery, stake our claim and begin our descent back down.

When I studied at the Pentecostal Theological Seminary I had the opportunity to sit under the respected Pentecostal theologian, Steven Land. He was the one who first pointed out to me that there is much more to the spiritual journey than initial evidence. That we must continue to grow into the essential evidence and the ultimate evidence.
One can see this progression by reading 1 Corinthians 12-14. In chapter 12 we see the initial evidence of tongues and other spiritual gifts. But in chapter 13 we are shown the most excellent way. We see that the essential evidence of the Holy Spirit in our lives is not gifts, but love. It is love that allows us to continue to grow in the Spirit.

Eventually that love will help us move into chapter 14, where we will be willing to seek the edification of others more than the edification of ourself. That is why Paul stated that prophecy was superior to tongues: Anyone who speaks in a tongue edifies themselves, but the one who prophesies edifies the church (see 14:4). This willingness to prefer others over oneself is the ultimate evidence of the Spirit. It is a type of dying to oneself, or losing one’s life for the sake of others. It is the highest form of love. That is why Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).
Whatever your experiences have been with the manifestations of the Spirit know that the initial evidence is not the end goal. We must continue to grow into the essential evidence of love and the ultimate evidence of death–losing our lives for the sake of others. We do not have to fear that progression, which is why Paul continues on and ends his letter with the good news of the resurrection and proclaims: Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? (15:55). Speaking in tongues is a good thing. Whatever your thoughts are on initial evidence just remember this. Initial evidence is only initial evidence. Push on through to the other evidences as well.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR AND LET HIM BE EVIDENCED IN YOUR LIFE!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

I have read many wonderful reflections during this first week of Lent. Unfortunately, I grew up in a faith tradition that largely ignored the Christian calendar, even Lent. The good news is that I have seen that changing in recent years. As for me, it has been nice to read the Lenten prayers, reflections and meditations of others. It is as if they are filling in the gaps for me left by my upbringing. And so, encouraged by these examples, I thought I would chip in my two cents worth. Here is my first ever Lenten reflection.

In the beginning God not only displays His power and creativity, He also demonstrates His love by drawing intimately near to His creation. With the creation of man His creation is complete, but His work is not finished. Most importantly, his nearness does not wane. God continues to draw close to man, parading the creatures in front of him to be named. And even after He creates the woman, bringing about the full community of humanity, He is still there drawing near to them.
However, in the midst of such serenity calamity strikes. Humanity rebels against God and suddenly senses their own vulnerability. In their guilt they attempt to cover themselves and, most tragically, they hid themselves from the presence of God. But again, God’s nearness does not wane. Instead He draws near and reorders the situation. He gives them new boundaries to live by and a God-given covering for their newfound shame.

Time and time again we see this theme throughout the bible. Humanity continues to make devastating choices that bring dire consequences. All hope appears to be lost. But at just the moment that we want to give up on the situation God shows up in the most shocking ways. He renews His nearness with His people, even uses their sinful mistakes to bring about His love-filled plan of redemption. The whole routine leaves us with wonder: What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him (Psalm 8:4)?
When we arrive at the New Testament the story offers its most outrageous development. God humbles Himself, takes on the flesh of humanity, and dwells among us. He does not come in radiant splendor, but in the likeness of a humble servant. And most surprising of all, we now know that God’s nearness not only comes to us, but also comes through us.

The story continues to twist and turn with surprising developments. Yet, God’s nearness, once again, never wanes. As we reach the end we get a promising glimpse of God’s final plan, and by now we should not be surprised. “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them” (Revelation 21:4). Thus, the scriptures begin and end with the same simple message: Immanuel, God With Us.
We are called to embody this same fundamental message. That is, we are called to draw near to the lost and broken, to be the gift of God wrapped in flesh. We are the body of Christ, the embodiment of God–one of the most profoundly mysterious statements in all of Scripture. We bring hope into the world, into the lives of hopeless people. A hope that the story is not finished. A hope that God is not only real, but surprisingly close and full of love.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Philippians 4:4-5

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS SAVIOR TODAY AND BE NEAR TO GOD!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

Today I bury my Grandma, Edna Eloise Stone. She would have soon turned 97. She lived a long and fruitful life, had 5 children, 13 grandchildren, 22 great grandchildren, hundreds of spiritual children and thousands of people who were touched by her life. She was strong to the end, and died peacefully in her sleep. In other words, there is nothing I can complain about. Who could write a better script?

Edna means “pleasant.” In many ways that describes Grandma perfectly. All ninety pounds of her. She was kind, soft-spoken, thoughtful, and cheerful. She quietly and faithfully supported her husband, a gregarious and boisterous coal-miner-turned-Pentecostal-preacher, and his work as they pastored in southwest Virginia for over four decades. She was proper to the hilt, and balanced his sometimes boorish ways. She was indeed pleasant. She was known for it.

However, she was not known by Edna. She went by her middle name, Eloise, which means “famous in battle.” What some people never saw about her was that in many ways it was her, as much or even more than my Grandpa, that was the strong one in the family. She was a fighter. All ninety pounds of her. She fought her share of battles in life, but in my family there is one story in particular that brought her fame. This is the story that made her famous in battle:
Eloise nearly collapsed at the front door. She was relieved to have gotten her husband and boys out the door, but overwhelmed by the exhaustion in her body. As her family walked to church she could only crawl back to bed. It now seemed that this strange illness would last forever.

It had only been a few weeks earlier that she was standing in front of a congregation testifying that God had miraculously healed her in a revival service. Before her healing she had battled for months. Despite the myriad of tests and consultations that several different physicians had tried on her no one had any answers. But God, the Great Physician, had healed her in an instant. The whole congregation had celebrated with her. But now, just a few weeks later, she could barely even get out of bed.
As she pulled herself back into bed she felt shame, embarrassment, confusion and condemnation. She thought she had been presumptuous in testifying that she had been healed, and felt like an outright liar because of it. As the condemnation escalated in her mind her room grew cold and dark. She did not recognize the strange presence in the room when she first heard the voice.

“You’re not healed,” the voice smugly chastised.
She could not refute it. Everything appeared to confirm the undeniable fact that she was still not healed from the mysterious illness that had been plaguing her. The moment she acknowledged that she heard the voice again.

“Not only are you not healed. You’re not filled with the Holy Ghost.” This was a strong accusation. Every Pentecostal at that time either had a testimony of being “saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost,” or they were working on it. But as she thought about it for a minute she realized that she had not used her prayer language in quite some time.
“Wow. I guess that’s right,” she was surprised to realize.

“You’re not filled with the Holy Ghost because you’ve lost your sanctification,” the voice responded.
This was a tough pill to swallow. She had been Pentecostal for quite awhile, but before that she was a God-fearing Methodist. Sanctification ran deep in her. The more she thought about it she began to realize that she had been a little short with her husband, even snapped a few times at the children. She was shocked at the revelation, but had to admit that she had lost her sanctification. This realization had become almost more than she could bear. The room grew darker and heavier. It was getting difficult to breathe. She was choked by shame.

“You lost your sanctification because you’re no longer saved. God doesn’t even love you anymore,” the voice offered. And it was at that moment that something snapped in her mind.
“Wait a minute,” she sat up and exclaimed. “I know that God loves me. And if God loves me that means He saved me.” Something seemed to break in the atmosphere. She could feel strength in her body that she had not felt in weeks.

“And if I’m still saved,” she continued, “then I’m still sanctified. And if you lied about my that you lied about the Holy Ghost too! I AM still filled with the Holy Ghost!” With every sentence her voice got louder and her body rose further.
“And if I’m still filled with the Holy Ghost that means you’re lying about my healing. I rebuke you in the name of Jesus Christ! I am healed!”

And at that she jumped out of bed and began dancing around the room, speaking in a strange and heavenly language.
I imagine her like a brave Lakota warrior after a coup. Tribal. Powerful. Mystical. I can see her dance in slow motion. Her eyes are closed. Her head is swaying. Her chant is guttural. I am mesmerized by the scene. I am captivated by its primal nature. The Spirit seems so other-worldly, yet terrifyingly near. My spirit aches to be enraptured with her. But I can only watch in awe as the tiny warrior dances around the fire of God.

She is Eloise, famous in battle. Today we put her tiny body in the ground, but her fighting spirit lives on.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR AND FIND ETERNAL LIFE!
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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

I like positive people.  Really, I do.  I love how they push me to see the silver lining and keep me from slipping into the depths of despair. I love their smiley faces and perky steps.  I love their eyebrows, simultaneously raised while nodding me on as I talk.  I love them.  I admire them.  Sometimes I am one of them.

I really love positive people who listen, who are WITH me, first.

I sometimes get phone calls from people asking me if I do “grief counseling”.  Because I know that too much talking is rarely a good thing when someone is asking that question (or any question?), I refrain from responding with another question: “What do you mean when you say ‘grief counseling’?”  I simply reply: “Yes”.
What I want to say, what I hope I get to say at some point, is that when it comes down to it most pain, most of LIFE, involves some sort of loss and all loss requires response, namely grief.

If your parents divorced at 2 or at 22, the family you knew has died.
Loss.  Grief.

If your spouse has an affair, the relationship you thought you had has died.
Loss. Grief.

If you were abused as a child, emotional and physical safety was taken from you.
Loss.  Grief.

If your child moves across the country, you feel like part of your heart has left with them.
Loss.  Grief.

Even good things bring loss and grief.
When you have a baby you loose so many things: freedom, sleep, money, time…  Even marriage results in the loss of you’re single life and perhaps your home.

Transition, loss, grief…they are a daily part of life.
So, yes, I do “grief counseling”.  We are all grieving.

Romans 12:15 tells us to “rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (NIV).  The New Living Translation says: “be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.”
We like the “be happy with those who are happy part.”  We can even fake it and do this part well.  We struggle with the other part.  We hit the road.  Check out.  Find something else to do.  People are afraid of grief.

Like birth, it can be messy and overwhelming…difficult to predict and manage.  It does not always respond to programs or effort.  In fact, the more energy you exert, the more stubborn it can become.  Grief needs space, time, and room to breath.
Things break in birth…like your former identity and your water.  Of course, there are the gifts, too…joy and newness, but the less recognized gift is loss.  Joy and loss are part of every change, every loss, every birth.

Every. Single. One.
Grief requires, sometimes demands attention in often unpredictable and inconvenient ways.  You might expect the familiar feelings of sadness on Father’s day after your daddy dies, but you are surprised and even a little resentful when this old companion, heartache, is still showing up after twenty years.

I should be over this!
We have a difficult time with our own grief, but often even a harder time with the grief of others.

Ten years after the divorce, you would think my kids would be over it by now!  Why do they keep bringing it up?
Wow, she still seems to be struggling with what he did.  I wish she could just let it go.

We forget or fail to realize that at every life event, every marriage, every birthday, every graduation, grief must be dealt with again, even if on a smaller scale.  The scared, hurt, angry pain must be given room to cry out, room to breathe, room to be seen, room to be heard.  Satisfied, it settles down…when it is seen and heard.  Like a child, if ignored, it will  only get louder.
We don’t realize that part sometimes.  We hope that if we just ignore the pain, intellectualize it, explain it with smart words or ideas, or worse…change the subject, just pretend that our friend isn’t sad, believe that they should be better…then the messy grieving will just go away.  Or, we think that if I bring it up it will just get worse. Maybe, just maybe, if I just hold my breath…it, the grief, the pain… will just float away.  We actually come to believe that all of our ignoring, explaining, pretending is such a favor to our friend.  We are helping them “move on”.  We are making it easier on them.

Here’s the hard, hard, hard truth:  So very much good can come out of grief.  The darkness scares us and we want to push someone out of this hard, hard, hard place.  But, when we do that we are stealing.  We are thieves.  We are stealing an opportunity…an opportunity for this grief, this garbage, to turn into compost in our friend’s life.  We push them out, with all of our talking, with all of our fixing, with all of our perky eyebrow raising, with all of our martyred helping, all of our smart explaining and subject changing.  We push them out and the grief, the garbage, never has time to sit, to settle, to rot, to breath…to turn into compost…fertile ground for the new identity, the birthing that MUST take place.
So we fix and talk and push for our friend forgetting or never realizing that it is their own pushing and their own screaming that helps them birth the new person that they can, that they will, that they MUST be after this loss, this change that they may have never asked for.

I was pregnant with my first child when Jon and I were sitting with our close friend, Johnny, in California.  The father of three girls, he was reminiscing about their births and things that he had learned:  “Did you know that there is this period of time when the mother wants to push so badly but to push would put her and the baby in physical danger?  It is called transition.”  A pusher by personality, I will never forget that moment.
Sometimes God calls us to be still…to stop pushing.  He invites us to be still and sit with the pain of the transition.  He knows that pushing…whatever that looks like for you, for me…is dangerous…to who we are and who are going to become.

Our culture likes to push.  Out of our discomfort, out of our lack of tolerance for pain, we push through transition and loss.  We even use various epidurals to ease the pain of the pushing while we are at it.  We fix and talk and push.  We work and drink and eat and numb out at the computer.  We are in such a hurry.  We forget or never realize the value in sitting with pain.
Before we fix and talk and push, before we raise our eyebrows and smile and nod people on, we might need to sit.  Like a mirror, we might need to reflect.  Wow, you seem to be really sad.  Yes, it is stating the obvious.  It is telling it how you see it.  And, in the seeing and hearing and quiet sitting…in reflecting the pain and darkness we are so afraid of in our loved one’s face, the gifts of loss can be experienced, can be given room to breath.  The garbage, the smelly, messy stuff of grief, can become compost.

And, maybe, as we learn to tolerate the smells and sights and sounds of grief, as we learn to make room for the pain and darkness and messy transition in the lives of our loved ones, we will learn to make room for it in our own lives as well.  We might be surprised what is birthed when we learn to sit, learn to tolerate, learn to make room for pain…for grief and garbage.

 

ACCEPT JESUS TODAY AND BE STRONG IN THE MIDST OF PAIN!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

 

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

As I write we are on our way to the beach for our summer vacation, passing through Atlanta, specifically Marietta, and I am struck by a wave of memories.

When I was a child my father was a chaplain in the Air Guard and one weekend a month plus two weeks a year he would report to Dobbins Air Force Base for duty.  It seemed that most months we all went as a family.  Sometimes we would stay on base and sometimes I would go with him by myself, just Dad and me.  I would stay at that little Air Force Base hotel with its long hallways, twin beds and scratchy military blankets and be in a completely different world, a world that started on Friday night and ended on Sunday afternoon.  I knew the way from Cleveland to Marietta and back again like some children knew the route to grandmother’s house.  Over the river (actually the golf course in Waterville), through the woods (the town of Dalton), to Atlanta we would go.  It seems that Redbud was about half way.  I knew we were close when the cement partitions dividing the two ways of the interstate would appear.  30 more minutes.

My dad would go to his office at the Air Force chapel on Saturday mornings, leaving before the sun rose and before I stretched out of bed.  I would stay behind, sleeping in, eating powdered donuts we had bought for my breakfast, and trying to find something to watch on Georgia Public television after the Saturday morning cartoons had gone off.  After lunch, when my dad came to see me, I sometimes would go with him to play in the wooden pews of the old white Air Force Base chapel or stay behind to run in the field by the hotel where I would try to catch butterflies.  When I got older, my dad would drop me off at the base park where I could hit tennis balls against a wall or practice my serve for hours.
Other weekends, most weekends, we would all go together as a family.  We had adventurous family weekends filled with shopping, swimming, and the yearly Air Force family weekend that had the air show and chili cook off where my dad was always a judge.  Many, many times on these family trip weekends the base hotel was full and so we would get bumped off base.  I loved getting bumped off base because that meant we would get to stay at the Marriott down the road in Marietta with the gift shop full of soft stuffed animals and an indoor pool that connected to the outdoor pool if you were brave enough to swim under the glass paned window separating the two.  After cartoons on those weekends, my mom would sit by the pool while I hoped to make a friend to play mermaids with at the pool stairs in the shallow end.  One side of the railing was my mermaid home. The other side of the railing was my new friend’s mermaid home.  We would have under water tea parties and see how long we could hold our breath, these nameless weekend friends and me.  I loved the chlorine smell, the tile covering the floor, and the way the voices were muffled and echoed as though we were in a cave.  I pretended the attendants at the hotel knew me by name and I was somewhat like Eloise at the Plaza because we stayed there so often.

Atlanta became a second home to us in a big way and that Marriott hotel felt like ours.  My brother, when he was still small, thought the Marriott WAS Atlanta.  To say we were going to Atlanta was to say we were going to the hotel with the pool. He would get so upset if I argued otherwise, which, of course, I did…because I was his big sister.  Today I hear myself when I listen to Eloise trying to explain to Lillian that Alabama is “not a COUNTRY…our cousins do not live in another COUNTRY.  They live in another STATE and the CITY is BIRMINGHAM.”  Lillian listens, and with what seems to be more patience than my little brother had and maybe with a twinkle in her eye, she simply nods with acquiesces.  I know that a few weeks later she will ask again: “Which country do our cousins live in?”  “ARGHHH!” Eloise will growl, then sigh and go through the entire thing again.
Now, as a parent, I realize that the older might be getting played as much as the younger one is getting bossed.

Sometimes when we got “bumped” we would even get to stay in a hotel further into Atlanta and that felt incredibly ritzy to me.  I pretended I was the daughter in a wealthy family who took extravagant weekend trips to the big city.  But, at least by American standards, we were a very normal, middle class family who got a stipend to spend on a hotel because my dad was in the Air Force and had been bumped off base.
Atlanta became my other place.  I felt free, like I didn’t have to be a self that had been constructed in the context of my hometown.  No matter what was going on in my other world, I was ok in Atlanta, with my family or on quiet weekends, Dad and me.

I learned through trips to Atlanta and other family adventures that life is not all about my hometown and school.  There is another world out there and I can be ok in it.  Life does not begin and end in such small places.
You can find many sociologists, human development experts, and even theologians who talk about the vital importance of the “third place” to a child’s development and to an adult’s well being.  Joseph R. Myers wrote a little book called The Search to Belong, where he details the different spaces a person needs.  Sociologist Ray Oldenburg talks about the importance of the “third place” to a person’s well being in the midst of our fast paced society.

Third place: a space other than home or work where a person can feel part of a community.
I am stricken with a combined sense of grief and fear when I work with a budding adolescent, sitting next to him or her, and hear how home is not safe and neither is school.  At home parents are fighting and at school the child is being bullied.  There is no place to go, no place to feel belonging and safety.  It is a dangerous situation for everyone involved.  He or she can feel stuck… hopeless, helpless…trapped: where do I go?  What can I do?

My first line of activism for this child is certainly to help him or her report the bullying in a safe, non-threatening way.  It cannot stop there.  Solving the parents’ problems is not likely.  However, if I can urge the construction of a third place, a place where he or she feels a sense of rightness and okayness…then, we are carving out a foundation for a future for him or her…a future where new relationships can be built, new experiences can be lived…new dreams can be dreamed and even attained.
The child or teenager can begin to learn that life is not all about home and school.  There is another world out there and I can be ok in it.  Life does not begin and end in such small spaces.

Church can be this place for many people and you can read in books and online how many church leaders are contending with Starbucks as the third place.  However, this is when I suggest it is not just a third place that we need, but a fourth place, too.  Whether it is because church can be work for many people or because church can be so closely tied to home for a child (and adults), I think that one more place is a good idea.  A sport, a hobby, girl scouts, boy scouts.  Some people say that children need at least five healthy adult relationships for healthy development.  It is in these third and fourth place spheres that these relationships can be built.
I think adults need these spaces, too.  I think adults can start to feel stuck…hopeless and helpless…trapped: where do I go?  What can I do?

I had a colleague one time tell me about a book, whose title I cannot remember, that talked about how ONE healthy relationship can break the cycle of poverty in a person’s life.  One relationship.  You see, poverty is a disease of isolation.  Those who suffer from it have very little connection with people at all, much less healthy connections and the isolation only serves to worsen the disease.
As adults, we might not be in poverty monetarily (or maybe you are), but we have too many adults and children in poverty relationally and spiritually.

We need relationships.  We need to construct our own third and fourth places where these relationships can break the poverty.  We, just as much as children, need a future where new relationships can be built, new experiences can be lived…new dreams can be dreamed and even attained.
As I finish writing this post that I started on our way to the beach with our family a few weeks ago, I am sitting in a mountain lodge with my husband.  We left the kids for one solitary night (I’ll take what I can get!) to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.  He is in a corner reading, sitting in a striped armchair with his feet propped up against a stuffed black bear that serves as an ottoman.  Nickelcreek is playing faintly in the speakers.  I am sunk down in a leather couch in front of a mountain view.  For one night I will go through a mini “mommy detox”.  I will be set loose from any social constructs or constraints I feel or think my community holds to me.  I will be able to breathe.  Jon and I will dream dreams and make plans that just don’t get made when we are operating in the spaces of home and work.

And, next week I will get ready to go to my book club that I started and I will say like I do every month…I don’t have time for it this week!  And, I will also know that I do not have time NOT to go…not to spend some time in this third place I have constructed for myself.
These small adventures and third places will help me remember that there is a bigger world out there.  Life does not begin and end in my hometown and work.  Life does not begin and end in such small spaces.

Third and fourth places are about people, adventures, relationships, expanding your mind, and remembering that the opinion of your co-worker or even the friend from church is not the final word on your life.
God is…the final Word

…and He has entrusted you with the potential for dreams, for adventures, for life changing relationships.
Sometimes those third and fourth spaces, whether it is a book club or a yearly trip to the beach, clears all the clutter and chattering of voices we hear every day…clears a space for God’s voice speaking to us…speaking to us through our dreaming, our hoping…through new relationships and adventures.

So, join the Y, start a cooking club, get out of here.  Life is bigger than your little town and the people in it.  As wonderful and important as these people and those relationships are, THEY are not the final word on your life.  When you are feeling trapped and down and stuck, go away…to the beach or to the lake a few miles down the road.  Make room for dreaming and listening and seeing.
Find your own third place for that little kid inside who still wants to be someone and do something in this great big world.  Remind him or her just how big the world really is …and get unstuck.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone at stonewritten.com

Sometimes I will use a temperament/personality assessment when I work with an individual or with a couple.  The one I use is a very simple instrument that looks at things like depressed mood, anxiety, sympathy or care towards people, passivity and submissiveness or aggressiveness and competition.  It looks at impulsivity, how outgoing the person is, as well as how affectionate or expressive.  It is meant to be a snapshot of a person on a given day in time…not a means of diagnosis.

There are certain patterns that I am used to seeing.  If a person scores as being more depressed or anxious, they will probably score low on being social and outgoing as well as being expressive.  Which comes first?  Who knows, but people who are anxious and depressed are often less likely to go out with friends and less likely to talk or express themselves in any way including with affection.  Does a person get anxious or feel down BECAUSE they don’t get out and express themselves or do they not get out or express themselves because they are down and anxious?  Probably a little of both.

This pattern does not usually surprise them that much.  What does often catch them off guard is another pattern I usually see.  People who score more depressed or anxious often score low on sympathy or care towards others and high on anger.
“What?  I’m not a mean, angry person.  I DO care about people.”  Of course, the assessment is not meant to be an authoritative voice and a person is free to disagree with the results, but after we talk about it further, I usually hear: “Oh, well, yeah, I guess that’s true.”

Depressed, anxious people are often very angry.
They often have things to be angry about.

And, when you have been wrestling with depression or anxiety you are often tired…overwhelmed with your own “stuff”…so maybe you aren’t as “caring” towards others and their hurt.
You just don’t have the energy.

Depressed, anxious people are often very angry…and very tired.
But, this logic can work the other way around, too.

Angry people are often very depressed and anxious.
My two daughters can both get to a point where they lash out at each other or, AHEM, at their parents.  I have learned to do something when one of them gets this way.

“Eloise, you seem really edgy right now.  I am wondering what is going on underneath that anger.  I am wondering if you are actually very nervous about what you are about to go do.”
(ok, ok, so this is what my kids get for having a therapist for a mom! Don’t laugh too hard!)

Often these episodes happen before a new event or something they really care about…a time where they want everything to go just right.
They end up getting angry and lashing out, but really, they are very nervous little girls who don’t know what to do with their emotions.

There is ALWAYS something under the anger.
Like an iceberg.

Adults are NO different.  Including myself.
You know what an iceberg is.  You’ve seen Titanic.

An iceberg is dangerous because all you can see is the top and that top part is typically a tiny portion of a much larger section underneath.
Icebergs are dangerous because you rarely realize how big the chunk of ice is underneath the surface until you have been snagged by it.

The use of the iceberg as an analogy to human behavior or nature is nothing new, but I think we forget about the dangers of not addressing what is underneath.
And, really as adults it is our job to learn to recognize it in ourselves.  And, I am working on that.

I am working on recognizing when I am edgy…angry and taking it out on those around me when really there is so much more going on underneath.
I am learning that when I become that iceberg my world does turn very, very, very cold.  Isolated.  Scary.  Lonely.

I am learning to say to myself, like I do to Eloise or Lillian: “You seem really edgy right now.  I am wondering what is under that anger.”
Insecurity, hurt, fear, anxiety, sadness.

There is ALWAYS something underneath the anger.
Anger is a very real and legitimate emotion AND it is a secondary emotion.

There is (almost) always something that goes along with it.  Something underneath it.
And, when I gently, kindly say those words to my daughters it is amazing what will happen.  They soften.  Sometimes they cry and let out the anxiety they were feeling.  They usually agree and we talk about it.  Then we move on.

So, I am challenging you to first learn to recognize and tend to your own icebergs…and then learn to recognize and offer grace to the icebergs in the people you encounter every day….whether it is a close family member…or the angry lady at the doctor’s office check out desk…or the inpatient, edgy clerk at the bank.
Watch what happens when you say something simple like: “Wow, I bet this is a tough job.” or “tough day?”

There is always something underneath the anger.
Always.

What is underneath your iceberg?

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

I met Mike Dyer eleven months ago, which begs the question, Why am I preaching his funeral? That is a question that I intend to answer. And in so doing I hope you will see and hear the message that God is speaking, because our relationship was ordained with a purpose. And I hope you’ll learn a few things about Mike along the way, too.

I first met Mike in this sanctuary. We were attempting to put all of these chairs back in place after our annual missions banquet and he volunteered to help. It was a few hours of pretty hard work, and I had no idea how difficult it was for him to do that work. After a while I began to notice that the effort was taking a bit of a toll on him. So, I let him know that he had done more than enough, and that he should probably call it quits. Of course, he refused to stop. And that’s when I learned the first thing about him. Mike is a stubborn man.

We finished up the work and Mike asked if it would be possible for us to meet soon. He said he had a few things he wanted to talk about. He promised me he would take no more than twenty minutes of my time. Since it was a going to be a quick meeting I told him I could do it that afternoon. So, he came back that afternoon for our twenty-minute meeting. He left my office two hours later. And that’s when I learned the second thing about him. Mike likes to talk.
I cannot remember everything that we talked about that day. I know that we talked about my job at the church. Once he understood my responsibilities he had some ideas about how I might do my job better. We talked about some of the type of people that don’t come to church. So, Mike had some ideas about how the church might do its job better. We talked about his six children, and at that he beamed. He informed me that his kids were really nice looking, and at that I looked at him with suspicion. We both got a good laugh, and then he had some ideas about how he could do his job better. And that’s when I learned the third and fourth thing about him. Mike has a lot of ideas and Mike likes to do things better.

When Mike left my office that day he asked if we could do it again some time soon. I said yes. He said he would contact me. I did not think too much about it, people say things like “Hey, lets do this again some time” and “I’ll give you a call” all the time. Often you never hear from them again. But the following week I got a text from Mike. “Hey can we meet again? I’ll only take twenty minutes of your time.” And that’s when I learned the fifth thing about him. Mike actually puts his ideas into practice.
There were many things I learned about Mike in those first several weeks. Time does not allow for me to share all of them. But I will quickly say that Mike was one of the more intentional people I have ever known. Although he had lots of ideas he did not throw around ideas carelessly. He intended to follow through with his ideas. He was also a very practical man. Someone with his intelligence often obsesses over impractical ideas, but Mike despised empty words. Mike loved simplicity, and understood the gospel to be a simple message from God. One of his biggest concerns was that the church had moved away from the simplicity that is in Christ, and he was determined to develop a simple message that communicated the gospel in simple terms that could be easily shared and understood by everyone. Finally, Mike was a man of his word. He did everything he ever told me he was going to do accept for one thing, keep our meetings to twenty minutes. It was the one promise he never kept.

We were only a few weeks into our journey when Mike leveled with me. He came in and sat down, and after a few words he dropped his bomb on me: “Look, here’s the deal,” he said. “I’m dying of cancer. I don’t know if we’re talking months or years, but it looks inevitable. And I want to ask you if you will preach my funeral.”
I was stunned. I could tell that he was ill, and possibly terminally ill, but I couldn’t tell for sure. But more than anything I was having trouble understanding why, after only a few meetings, he was asking me to preach his funeral. That question would linger with me during our eleven-month friendship, and it wasn’t until his final few days that I finally understood.

Along the way I speculated about why he asked me to preach his funeral. I wondered if he was a somewhat isolated man with very little family support. By the end I knew that was not the case, and if you look around you also know that is not the case. Mike is blessed with a large and loving family, both his immediate and extended family. I also wondered if he had a lack of spiritual relationships. However, that turned out to be the false as well. Mike has been very involved in various small groups, Sunday school classes, ministries and churches around town. He has poured into others and allowed many to pour into him. Mike has had plenty of spiritual relationships. So, I thought that perhaps he lacked some basic friendships. But once again, by the end of our journey I saw this was not true either. Mike has many friends. He has come to know a wide variety of people through work, through small groups, through spiritual retreats, and various church functions through the years.
Mike has friends. Mike has spiritual companions. Mike has both spiritual fathers and spiritual children. And Mike has a loving family that is so dear to him that I cannot imagine how he could have had any more family support. So, the question remained. Why did Mike want ME to preach his funeral?

One day a few months ago Mike contacted me. He was very excited. He had finally boiled all of his theological studies down into a simple message of God’s love and our response. You can find the simplest version of it in the program. It might be tempting to look at that message, in all of its simplicity, and pass over it as the most basic form of the gospel…stuff that you already know. But that would be a gross misunderstanding of what this is and how Mike got to it. He spent years of study trying to figure out for himself what was essential and what was secondary. He passionately wanted to discover the gospel in its purest form. He did not pursue that for personal benefit. He pursued that because all around him he saw angry orphans, children of God who had left the church disillusioned and confused about the message that they were being taught. He wanted to see lost pilgrims and prodigals, loners and misfits, wayward sons and wandering daughters returning home.
This is a message that Mike believed was essential for returning the church to its purpose in the world. It is the missiones ecclesia, the mission of the church. It is not merely a convenient form of communicating the gospel, it is the very foundation of the gospel. And any time we move past it without coming right back to it we begin the process of eventually missing the whole point. So, I want us to read this together. And I want us to get the point.

God’s Simple Answer
By Mike Dyer

1.)   God loves us.

2.)   God takes the first step and reaches out to us.
3.)   God wants us to be happy and wants us to love Jesus.

4.)   I choose to be in a loving, healthy relationship with Jesus.
5.)   I choose to obey Jesus and form loving relationships with others.

6.)   I choose to remain in Jesus, accept his help and produce love.
My mission: Loving Jesus, Loving others.

Singularity of all truth is found in the Bible, the life of Jesus and the moment Jesus died on the cross.
In all of my chapels and convocations and church services during my five years at Lee University I only remember one sermon title. It was a message from Dr. Conn, and the title was It’s the Relationship Stupid. If I had to put into one short phrase the message of God that Mike Dyer so desperately tried to share with us that would be it. I can almost hear him saying it: It’s the relationship stupid!

But we still have this question before us. Why did Mike choose me to preach his funeral? I eliminated all of my initial ideas. Mike didn’t need me. He was not bankrupt on spiritual companionship. He was not a lonely man. He was not short on family. But in the final days of Mike’s life it finally hit me that I was missing the point by asking the wrong question. The point was not WHY Mike chose me. The point was that HE DID choose me. And as soon as I had that revelation the Lord gave me these verses:
12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.

John 15:12-17
Mike chose me, just like God chose me. I no more understand why Mike chose me than I understand why God chose me. The point is that he did. And just like God has called me his friend so has Mike. I am Mike’s friend and he is my friend. And I pray that you don’t count me rude, but I need to say a few final words to my friend:
Mike,

This is it. You have fought the good fight, not only of faith, but in life. You have heard the words that all of us long to hear, “Well done good and faithful servant, enter into your rest.” Down here we are all still fighting. It’s pretty tough, but you left us with some mighty fine weapons. I have done all of the things you asked me to do. I don’t know how well I did them, only that I was faithful in what you asked me to do. May God bless the work of our hands.

I miss you, Mike. I wanted to talk with you one more time. I understand our relationship now, and it’s kind of ironic. Michael means, “Who is like God?” I know that you didn’t claim to be a whole lot like God, only close to him, like a child and his father. But that is exactly how I understand our relationship now. It is a lot like God. You chose me, and now I see that God chose me as well. God chose all of us, and he calls us his friends. All he wants from me is to call him my friend. That is all he wants from all of us. You taught us that. Love God and love others. That is our mission. Thank you, Mike. I know this is not goodbye, but see you soon. I pray it comes quickly. Goodnight, my friend. Enter into your rest. We will continue the fight here.

Now, I leave us with only these words: God calls you his friend; so be one.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND BECOME A FRIEND OF GOD!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

Therapy is way more than a toolbox of intervention.  Information alone cannot replace professional help. However, information can be very powerful.  So, for what it’s worth to you, here is the weekly post offering a therapeutic idea, concept, or intervention that you can try out in your own life or relationships.

One thing that all of humanity has in common is that each person will face loss in many ways many times throughout life.  Loss does not just take place through physical death.  It also takes places through moves across the country or across town, job changes or job loss, divorce, infidelity…the list could go on and on.
I am not going to tell you anything today that will take away the pain or speed up the process of grief that you or a loved one will experience in response to any of these losses.

I don’t have a magic wand.
I am going to share a well-known understanding of grief as a cycle as proposed by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, sometimes referred to as the acronym, “DABDA”.

D enial
A nger

B argaining
D epression

A cceptance
Denial: “She couldn’t be dead…I just saw here this morning.”

“He will come back.  I know he wouldn’t really do this.”
It doesn’t have to make sense.

Anger: A person can be angry at anyone or anything.  A person might be angry at
the company who let them go, the pastor who left for another church, the man with whom the wife had an affair.  A person might be angry at themselves, at God, or even the person who died.  Again, it doesn’t have to make sense.

Bargaining: “Maybe if I am a perfect little girl mom and dad will get back (or
stay) together.”

“If you will let her live I will do anything you say or go anywhere
you ask.”

“If I workout every day and lose all of this weight maybe she will
still love me.”

Bargaining does not have to make sense either.  There is some reverting to  childlike “magical thinking” that takes place in the early grief process.
Depression: This stage comes before the last, acceptance, because a person comes face to face with the reality of the “new normal”.  This stage is when a person realizes that this loss is for real.  There is no going back.  That realization is tough.

Acceptance: This stage is a misnomer.  It could imply that grief comes to an end and you never hurt again.  Life goes on AND life events will likely trigger some grief.  On mother’s day ten years after your mother has died…at your wedding when your parents are divorced…at the birth of your first child and your father is gone…at the anniversary of your spouse’s death…and the holiday seasons.
This cycle is not linear.  A person can jump around and skip phases.  Grief is messy.

The power in knowing these stages is understanding that you or your loved one is NORMAL.  Realizing that what you are going through is normal can be one of the most powerful realizations in your grief process. The more we think we are ABNORMAL, the more we fight the process, the more we feel weird, the more we get down on ourselves…and of course none of these beliefs or behaviors are very helpful for the healing process.
So, I am guessing that this week, today, this moment, you can think of someone that is facing loss.  Perhaps it is yourself.

For what it’s worth, knowing about the stages of grief could offer some comfort.  When a person understands that they are not alone in what they are experiencing that understanding alone can be comforting.

 

ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR TODAY AND LEAN ON HIM THROUGH YOUR LOSS!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

***Parallel Processing

Parallel process is a clinical term used to describe the common occurrence in therapy when the therapist’s own experience is reflected in the client’s. It is when a client comes in grieving over the loss of a loved one while the therapist has only just experienced his or her own loss as well. It is a therapist helping a client through feelings of anger and hurt that the therapist has also just recently confronted.

But, here’s the thing: we are all in parallel process. Too often in life it goes unsaid.
Here is where I say it.***

When we moved back from Prague (as in the Czech Republic and not as in New Prague, Minnesota), after it had become prayerfully clear that moving back home was what we were supposed to do, after Jon and I had already started processing what our missions work had meant and would mean, after Jon’s job came like a miracle, like manna from the sky even if it was working in a middle school, which he had never done in his life…after all of this it became clear that I was going to have to go back to work…if we wanted things like a house, food, or toilet paper.  It became clear that one salary was not going to make our ends meet and at the end of a date night with Jon, I sat in the parking lot of Barnes and Noble in Chattanooga and cried.
I cried because I had already gone through this once, this giving over to change when I surrendered as a stay at home mother, and then began to relish the experience of being at home with my babies.  I cried because I remembered how anxious I was being away from them for even the few hours it took to finish school before we had moved to Europe.  I cried because I did not know if I could handle that anxiety again.  I cried because I was angry…angry over a lot about our transition back to Cleveland even though I knew it was what God had for us, knew it even if I didn’t understand it, knew it even though many people close to us did not understand it.  I cried because what had become my idea and identity of motherhood was being challenged…again.

Stability and routine are all very good things.  It is this kind of security and knowing what to expect that promotes growth and healthy development.  Too often we do not have enough of it.  We need things like breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day.  We need to know that we will always brush our teeth and that we go to bed at about the same time after the same cup of tea and a bedtime story.  Rituals and routines keep us grounded and are so very important because the rest of life is…more often than not…anything but ritual and routine.
Life is full of changes.  You used to see these bumper stickers on cars and they would say things like: “Whoever dies with the most toys wins” or something like that.  If I could create a bumper sticker, I would make one that says: “Whoever is the most flexible in life wins.”

Ironically, it is the routine and rituals that we grow accustomed to as children and teenagers that make room for flexibility in life.  Our little bodies and minds learn that they can count on so many things like supper around the table, church every Sunday…so that, sure, why not be ok when the unexpected does happen.  We can deal with that.  Because I still know that I will eat three meals a day, brush my teeth, can count on mommy or daddy coming home, and going to bed at about the same time after the same story.  Bumps in the road can be tolerated in this kind of environment.
The less routine and ritual a child has growing up, the more rigid they actually become as adults.  It is as though our not so little bodies say I don’t know what to count on so I am going to hold on for dear life to any thing I can grasp and not be willing to let it go because who knows what is coming next.  I don’t know that I can count on three meals a day, mommy coming home for supper, or on church every Sunday so when something good comes along I will grab it, strangling it to death or until I am tired and exhausted and have worn out everyone around me.  I might even be a little obsessive about details and perfection and bite your head off if you do something not quite right…because I have learned that you have to fight for any good thing to last very long… and even then it usually doesn’t.  Bumps in the road are not so tolerated in this kind of context…where routine and stability were not the foundation.

Flexibility.  Being able to go with the flow while still making your way.  Having the ability to adjust and adapt.  Not demanding that life look a certain way every day every month every year.
I cried that night in the parking lot.  Then, I got up the next morning and got to it.  If I was going to have to work then I was going to do what I knew I was supposed to do, what I was trained to do.  I was going to be a therapist, a good one.

God was in the crying in the parking lot of Barnes and Noble.  He was in that bump in the road.  He knew that I could count on so many things…like that He would provide for me, that He would take care of my family and children because He always had.
He knows that motherhood looks a variety of ways in a variety of seasons, different with each child, with each new place of residence.  There is no real box, even the SAHM box is usually filled with work that mothers do on the side.  Mothers are mothers.  Mothers do what needs to be done.  And, somewhere in all of that He creates the mother he wants me to be, the mother He wants my children to have and see.

We get into trouble when we demand that life look a certain way, when we hold on to rigid ideas and identities.  We get into trouble and do damage to ourselves and to the loved ones around us because when I say that life has to look a certain way and that I have to look a certain way I am also saying that you do, too.  Or else.
I love Nora Jones.   Jon and I were listening to her as we drove into California for the first time less than a year after we got married.  I will always associate her with California and driving with the top down, wind in my hair…exploring the west.  In her first album she sings these lyrics in her song Cold, Cold Heart:

“my heart is paying now for things I didn’t do.”
Sometimes when we refuse or find it difficult to be flexible, to see God working in the undoing that needs to be done…perhaps due to things we went through as children or teenagers…we make those around us today pay for things they didn’t do.

Our inflexibility makes others pay.
I cried that night.  Then, I got up the next morning and got to it.

That’s how I do things.  I get it all out.  Jon and I learned a lot about ourselves when we moved to Prague.  We learned that I get the grieving over with fast and furious.  I cry.  I get angry.  I face culture shock and stare it down.  Jon’s comes, too…a few months later.  Thank God we don’t go through it at the same time.
I knew that with my education I was blessed to have choices in going back to work.  As soon as word got out, a former colleague of mine who was the director of counseling at a local clinic called and offered me a job.  40 hours a week, 9-5 of seeing clients.  While my brother is doing excellent work in this context, I knew there was no way that as a mother I would do a good job with clients in that kind of schedule.  I would get burned out within weeks.  I needed no time to give him an answer…thank you, I am honored, but no.

My head clearing from the cascade of tears just nights before, I knew that there was a very good chance God was in this change, that God was calling out gifts I had been content to lay down forever.  Before children, I had always dreamed of having my own private practice.  So, with a fire lit inside me, I made the difficult choice to do the hard work of digging out a private practice where I could set my own hours and create an environment that was healthy for me, and therefore, healthy for my clients.
My husband helped me design my first website and fliers. I sat up at night and created mailing lists from the phone book.  I did it the old fashioned way and licked all of my own envelopes, writing out the addresses, until my tongue was raw and my hands were tired.  I read books on starting a practice.  I was blessed to have watched my father do this for almost 30 years.  I knew that there would be very, very hard times.  I had a colleague who had her own medical practice in town.  She had told me that the first two years would be tough.  Expect it.  So, I did.  I expected a slow, steady growth.

I was able to get some adjunct teaching to help make ends meet and did some writing for my church’s International Girls’ Ministry office.  I wanted to support two things: my family and doing good therapy for my clients.  I would settle for nothing else.  I was on fire for my work and it got me through the anxiety of change.
That was well over four years ago.  I can hardly believe it.  My practice has seen changes and growth.  I have developed some wonderful professional relationships.  I love what I do.

God was in the crying in the parking lot of Barnes and Noble.  He was pushing me out of a nest.  He knows that motherhood looks a variety of ways in a variety of seasons, different with each child, with each new place of residence.  There is no real box, even the SAHM box is usually filled with work that mothers do on the side.  Mothers are mothers.  Mothers do what needs to be done.  And, somewhere in all of that He creates the mother he wants me to be, wants my children to have and see.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR AND SEE HOPE IN THE MIDST OF YOUR GRIEF!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

It is mid-November as I write this and I am starting to feel the thrill of anticipation running through my veins even while my heart and my mind are keeping still. Christmas season is not here yet, but I am enjoying the wait…letting the energy build.

I smile to myself a lot these days. I decide to stay quiet this time, probably my last. I think about Mary and her body physically filled with the expectation of THE child even as I am growing in expectation of MY child.

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19.
There is something beautiful and sweet and quiet and wise and special and, in the end, even more thrilling in the waiting period…if we choose to relish the treasures of this season…the season of waiting and quiet and listening…the season of expectancy.

So I am choosing to be quiet this time around…even if for just a few weeks, not so rash, not so loud. I am choosing to honor the initial season of expectancy…treasuring up all these things in my heart…wondering at the work God is doing right now inside of me…creating life in my very body. It is a practice of discipline for me and it is worth it…to enjoy this special time of honoring the work, the child God is knitting. I almost feel like I am giving God space to work…space to do His thing…without muddling it with my words, my action.
But, even after I have my last child, I will not be finished being pregnant…I will not be finished with expectancy. Like Mary, we are all Christ carriers in this world. We are all expectant with His possibility, His LIFE in us. Sometimes we rush around, filling up every empty spot with so many wonderful things, that we forget to wait. We forget to be still. We forget to “cease striving and to know that [He] is God.” We forget to honor that season of waiting and often miss all of its treasures. We forget to honor the work He is knitting in our very midst and life. We forget to give God space to work…space to do His thing…without muddling it with our words, with our action.

So, remember…you don’t have to return every text, every phone call, or every facebook message immediately. You don’t have to tell everyone everything. You don’t have to do everything all at once. There is something beautiful and sweet and quiet and wise and special and, in the end, even more thrilling in the waiting.
;

I wrote that part about five months ago…right after I found out I was pregnant. While with the first three pregnancies I told people as soon as the doctor confirmed the heartbeat, I decided to move slowly this last time…to let the news simmer, to fill my life with the aroma of the advent of expectancy even as I was walking through the annual season of advent towards Christmas day.
I was reminded once again that we are all so much like Mary. Pregnant with His dreams and possibilities for us. Expectant with His work in our lives. Pregnant with His peace, His joy, His love.

Christ carriers.
I so want to be a Christ carrier…one who carries Christ inside me, filled with His Spirit, even as Mary physically carried Christ into this world, overshadowed with His presence. Infused with His peace, His joy, His love.

This is Holy week and I am still pregnant.
Palm Sunday has always been special to me even before I experienced the children’s processional in the main sanctuary with waving palm branches and singing. I love to think about Jesus coming into the city and everyone shouting: “Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest!”

Literally translated “Hosanna” means “Save us!”
To cry out hosanna is not only a request, but it is also an acknowledgement…I know that YOU are the One who can save us.

As I get ready for church Sunday morning, as I am shuffling the kids along, my goal to be on time, I know I want to make sure my kids understand what day this is. As I form the thoughts in my head to tell them, I am stopped short.
I realized that as much as we are like Mary, we are also much like the crowds.

Cries of praise, acknowledgment, delight.
Only to betray Him within days.

And, how much Jesus is to us like He was to the crowds.
He willingly accepted their praise knowing that they would betray Him within days.

I imagine Him riding in on the donkey…smiling, waving to the people, His heart full of love.
Knowing full well how the story would go.

I am like the crowds. I cry “save me now!”…only to betray him moments later.
He smiles, accepts me, His heart full of love.

And, still allows me to be a Christ carrier.
How is it that I can be both Mary and the crowds? It breaks my heart…that He allows a traitor to be His carrier, an apostate to be pregnant with His presence.

;
Oh, how He loves you and me.

Oh, how He loves you and me.
He gave His life.

What more could He give?
Oh, how He loves you and me.

Jesus to Calvary did go
His love for mankind to show
What He did there brought hope from despair
A hymn, author unknown.

;
I pray for pauses this holy week…for you, for me. Pauses pregnant with expectancy.

Pauses when we remember that we don’t have to return every text, every phone call, or every facebook message immediately. We don’t have to tell everyone everything. We don’t have to do everything all at once.
Pauses when we remember it is our own job to insert moments of awe and reverence and thanksgiving.

There is something beautiful and sweet and quiet and wise and special and, in the end, even more thrilling in the pause…in the waiting.
And, like at Advent…we ARE waiting.

But, this time we are waiting WITH rather than FOR our Lord. We are waiting, knowing that it is coming. His death. His sacrifice. The one He made for us, the crowd, the ones who would become like Mary.
Lord, we wait. We know. We are overwhelmed with gratitude.

We tolerate the pain of remembering your death, willingly walk through the remembrance this week, because like You, we now know how the story will go.  Sunday is coming. And, so is that empty tomb.

 

LIVE IN HIS DEATH AND ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Emily Stone at stonewritten.com

Prison is a lonely place to be. It is a place without hope. No hope of escaping those walls that men have built. Yet over time, one begins to depend on the very same walls he once despised. Believe it or not, this is true. With time walls are transformed into something they once were not, something you once would have never dreamed they could have become. And for those who have been there the longest, life outside those walls becomes a very scary thing.

Isn’t it strange to see two people talking, one from one prison and one from another? Bumping awkwardly into one another they shout from a distance, separated only by the walls that men have built?

A faceless warden controls the guards who lock down prisons. A faithless prisoner puts his trust in deceptive guards. Such officers wear a badge that reads in-Security. They carry pistols of pride and sticks of shame. They stand in towers of twisted truth, on top of walls that men have built.
And here I am. I stand here naked, scared. I am scared because I feel exposed. I feel exposed because I see that you have torn down the walls that men had built. The very walls that I despised I truly became dependent upon. And now I do not know what to do. Yet, you speak to me. You tell me that I am right where I need to be, that you are my wall of protection, that you are my security, that in you, I am to depend.

You have to stop me often, and show me where I have resumed work on the wall that men had built. But tonight my prayer is that I will turn to you, that I will trust in you, and I will wait on you. For unless you do the work I only labor in vain. But if I wait on you I will one day soar above any wall that man could build. And should I find myself imprisoned once again by thoughts or feelings you whisper to me strongly:

Fear not, those are only walls that men have built.

TRUST IN HIM.  ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone at stonewritten.com

 

As I have mentioned before, my Grandpa was a gregarious and boisterous coal-miner-turned-Pentecostal-preacher from the Appalachian mountains. There was nothing subtle about him. He would not hesitate to pray for someone in the middle of the grocery store, or any other public space, and he never heard of a prayer that was quiet and soft spoken. And if he started praying you could pretty much bet that he was going to speak in tongues, as well as let out at least one of his trademark high-pitched, Whoops! If you encountered a person in need, no matter the situation, there was really no hope that Grandpa would minister to that person subtly.

When my grandparents retired from ministry they moved from southwest Virginia to Cleveland, Tennessee and became members of the oldest continuous Pentecostal church in the world. It did not take Grandpa long to earn a reputation for being outspoken, excitable, and demonstrative in worship. If he sensed the Holy Spirit during a song or a sermon he would suddenly jump up and yell, “Whoop! Whoop! Whoopie!” while doing a little shuffle of a dance on his partially crippled leg that is hard to describe. While many were not sure what to make of him at first, the clear authenticity of his enthusiasm quickly won over everyone. By the time he passed away in 2006 his antics were much celebrated, not only in his church, but all around town.

However, there was another, deeper stream in the spirituality of my Grandpa for which he was also known, but required a slightly closer observation to see. He was deeply committed to prayer. He believed that everyday he needed to pray through. And so he would rise early in order to pray earnestly, and he would not stop until he had experienced a personal touch from God. Say what you may about contemplation and centering prayer, my Grandpa believed he needed to travail every day, and that philosophy served him well.
If you ever had the privilege of hearing him in his prayer time you would hear tongues and you would hear some Whoops! But you would also hear one other word more than any other: Glory! I have heard from several different people who nearly ran into my Grandpa while they were entering the church early in the morning as he was leaving. They always describe the scene in the same way. He was walking out the door waving the front edge of the jacket on his back as if he were trying to shake off a little bit of dust, shaking his head donned with one of his fedoras, and almost giggling to himself, “Glory!” More than one of the individuals reporting this scene told me they felt the glory of God sprinkle on them as if Grandpa had shaken out a wet coat. Pentecostalism has never been about tongues or demonstrations, though such signs have often accompanied it. Rather, it has always been about the glory of God.

Yet, the glory of God is not limited to Pentecostal spirituality. It is a central theme in Scripture from beginning to end. The glory of the Lord appeared to the Israelites in the wilderness (Ex. 16:10). The Israelites lost the glory of the Lord when the Ark of the Covenant was captured by the Philistines (1 Sam. 4:21-22). The glory of God filled the Temple when it was dedicated by Solomon (1 Kings 8:11). The Psalmist wrote that the heavens declare the glory of God (Psalm 19:1). Isaiah heard the creatures around the throne proclaiming that the whole earth was filled with God’s glory (Isaiah 6:3). The prophet Habakkuk foresaw a day when personal knowledge of the glory of God would cover the earth like water (Hab. 2:14). Jesus spoke about the glory of His reign in Heaven (Matt. 25:31), yet sought not His own glory, but the glory of His Father (John 8:50). Stephen saw the glory of God while he was being stoned to death (Acts 7:55). A central message in the gospel preached by Paul was that we have all come short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23), yet by His grace we are being transformed into that glory (2 Cor. 3:18). The Scripture ends with a promise of the glory of God coming through His kingdom on earth (Rev. 21:23-26).
That is just a tiny sampling of the hundreds of passages that deal with the issue of the glory of the Lord. Clearly it is an important theme in Scripture, and should be foundational knowledge for all believers. Yet, I must confess that I have had a very limited understanding of the glory of God, and based on my experience in speaking with others I believe that I am far from being alone. What exactly is the glory of God, and what are our roles and responsibilities in relationship to it?

There is a story in the Old Testament where Moses asks to see God’s glory (Ex. 33:18). God responds to Him with this:
And the LORD said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.” Exodus 33:19-20

He goes on to tell Moses that He is going to hide Moses in a cave while He passes by with His hand over the cave. Then as He is walking away He will remove His hand in time for Moses to see His glory from behind as He is passing by (Ex. 33:21-23). Then several verses later we are given an account of the event:
Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped. Exodus 34:6-8

Simply put, the glory of God is the sum total of his attributes. He is loving. He is just. He is powerful, merciful, kind, and severe. All that we could say about God makes up His glory. It is simply the beauty of His character, who He is.
Yet, there is another aspect to God’s glory, for it is not just a noun. It is also a verb. And that is where we come in. It is our duty to glorify God (e.g. 1 Peter 2:12). What does this mean? Do we add to God’s glory? No. We cannot add to God’s glory. So, it must mean something else. Perhaps a look at the difference between the English words glory and glorify can offer some insight.

The suffix that we add to glory in order to turn it into the verb glorify comes from the Latin word ficare, which means “to verify.” Have you ever heard a preacher talking about God as…say, provider, stop and ask the congregation to raise their hands if they have ever known God to be their provider? In that moment that congregation is verifying that God really is who He says He is. They are witnesses to the truth of what He has revealed about Himself. All of us are called to be verifiers of God’s goodness. It is not that we add to His goodness, but that we are verifying that we have to come to know that He is who He says He is. Our responsibility in glorifying God is to verify His goodness.
So, what is the opposite of verifying God’s goodness? If you think like me your first thought might be that the opposite of verifying God’s goodness is to deny it. However, the opposite of ficare is not denial. Rather, the opposite of ficare is deficare. It is the Latin word from which we get the English word deify. To deify something is to give it god-like status. The most common deification is when we deify ourselves. Instead of verifying the goodness of God we proclaim our own goodness. But deification is not limited to ourselves. We can deify anything, which is why God so jealously deals with the issue of idolatry in the Old Testament. Anytime we choose anything else over God we are saying that that particular thing is better than God, that its goodness is preferable to the goodness of God.

When we verify God He promises to verify us. Jesus stated, “Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will acknowledge him before my father in heaven” (Matt. 10:32; Luke 12:8). The word “acknowledge” is the Greek word homologeo. It is more often translated in the New Testament as “confess,” and literally means “same words.” The idea is that in a public court of law we are expected to give the same account that we actually witnessed. It is not enough to tell people that God is good. We have to have the experience of God’s goodness, and then be faithful witnesses to that goodness.
We try to create a third category that actually does not exist, a kind of agnosticism towards the goodness of God. But there are really only two options. Either you will glorify God (ficare) or you will deify something else (deficare). Which are you doing today?

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AND BEGIN YOUR LIFE GLORIFYING GOD!
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Written by Jonathan Stone at stonewritten.com

Emily recently wrote about Mary the mother of Jesus as a type of Christ carrier for all of us to model ourselves after. There are several Mary’s mentioned in the New Testament. Perhaps I am the only one that finds this peculiar. But there is Mary, the mother of Jesus (Luke 1:27); Mary Magdalene (Luke 8:2); Mary of Bethany, the sister of Lazarus (Luke 10:38-42); Mary the mother of James and John (Matthew 27:55-61);  Mary the mother of John Mark (Acts 12:12); and Mary of Rome (Romans 16:6). That makes six altogether. The last three are only mentioned in passing, but the first three played very significant roles in the life and ministry of Jesus. Consider those three Mary’s and what they might teach us about our relationship with Christ.

Mary the Mother of Jesus
Depending on your faith tradition Mary may be anything from nearly divine to almost despised. Unfortunatley, I hail from a tradition (Pentecostalism) that has leaned, at least slightly, to the latter. At best we have avoided much talk of Mary out of fear of Maryolatry, someething of  which we have accused our Roman Cathollic brothers and sisters from time to time. Yet, it is clear that she models much for us.

First, we learn from Mary that God chooses us. Mary was shocked at the annunciation, clearly not part of her plans for her life. This is hard on two counts. On the one hand, we can have a tendency to believe that we sought out God more than He sought us. Jesus would make this clear to His discipes when he stated, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit” (John 15:16). On the other hand,  our theological categories seem to fail us in adequately explainning  the significance of being chosen by God until we have reduced it to concepts of predestination, which cause other, more troubling questions to arise. Whichever route one takes to explain these two problems it is impossible to dismiss the reality that God has chosen us.
Second, we learn that God’s work in us is mysterious and supernatural. We respond, as did Mary, with, “How can this be?” But God intends to not just bring Christ into the world, but to form Him in us. As Paul said it, “To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory” (Col 1:27). Just as Mary carried the incarnated Christ into the world two thousand years ago, so do we carry the embodied Christ into the world today. How can this be? The messenger still proclaims, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you…For no word from God will ever fail” (Luke 1:35-37).

Mary Magdalene
Mary was called Magdalene presumably because she hailed from the town of Magdala, a name which means “tower, elevated, magnificent.” Whether the title came from her geographical origins or her spiritual status there is little doubt that she was distinguished among the disciples. Despite the fact that there is only a relatively small amount of mention of her in the New Testament much has been speculated about her throughout Christian history.
First, we learn from Mary Magdalene that Jesus intends to heal us completely from the sin that ails us. Both Luke and Mark mention that Jesus cast out seven demons from Mary Magdalene (Luke 8:2; Mark 16:9). Whether you understand the deliverance to speak of literal demons, bodily ailments, or sin issues the fact that there were seven of them speaks of the pervasive totality of the work of Christ in her life. Likewise, Jesus works to completely heal us from our bonds as well.

Second, Mary Magdalene shows us our apostolic calling as ones who are sent out to proclaim the good news of what we have witnessed. As one of the first ones to see the resurrected Christ she was sent by Him to proclaim His resurrection to the rest of the disciples (Matt. 28:7, Mark 16:9-11, Luke 24:10, John 20:2). Her role as as the first witness to the resurrection and the first sent one (apostle) after the resurrection has earned her the moniker Apostle to the Apostles. While she alone holds the distinct historical honor of being the first witness, she shows us the apostolic calling that all of us carry once we have encountered the resurrection power of Christ, which is foundational for our faith. As it is written, “And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith” (1 Cor. 15:14).
Mary of Bethany
We first encounter Mary of Bethany in the Gospel of Luke. She and her sister Martha had opened their home for Jesus and others, and while Martha busied herself with the preparations of hosting their guests Mary sat at the feet of Jesus and listened to His teaching (Luke 10:38-40). As we know, Martha tried to get Jesus to force Mary to help her with the duties of hospitality, but Jesus informs Martha that she is in fact distracted by unimportant details, while Mary has chose the truly important matter at hand (Luke 10:41-42). And so Mary teaches us her first lesson, that sitting intimately at the feet of Jesus is our first priority.

Second, Mary teaches us that Jesus is moved with compassion by those who are intimately acquainted with Him. When Mary and Martha’s brother, Lazarus has died Jesus shows up a few days too late. It is interesting to see that Mary and Martha had the same reaction. Both of them said, “If you had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:21, 32). However, they got two different responses from Jesus. Martha, the dutiful one ever worried about proper hospitality was first to come out and greet Jesus, and she got a beautiful lesson on the resurrection (John 11:23-27). Perhaps Mary had learned the lesson of the resurrection while sitting at the Master’s feet, because when Jesus saw her tears He skipped the lesson and went straight into action. Then came one of the most astonishing scenes in the New Testament in the form of the shortest verse in the bible. We are simply told, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Mary’s intimate relationship with Jesus did not illicit action from Him that would not have taken place. He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead either way. However, her intimate relationship with Jesus did evoke the care and compassion of the Creator of the Universe.
Third, we learn from Mary that we are called to glorify God. Immediately after the story of Lazarus we are told of a meal where Mary anointed the feet of Jesus with expensive oil, one of at least three similar encounters Jesus had with His female disciples. In her worship she prepared Jesus for the act through which He would be glorified, His death on a cross. Judas was critical of the act as wasteful, but Jesus defended Mary once again, and the fragrance of her worship filled the room (John 12:3).

So, we learn from these three Mary’s seven lessons about out our relationship with God.
God chooses us.
God forms Christ in us.
God heals us completely.
God sends us out to proclaim good news.
God calls us to sit intimately at His feet.
God is moved with compassion by our pain.
God is glorified by our worship.
Go and be a Mary today.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY!
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Written by Jonathan Stone a stonewritten.com

"The fear of the Lord teaches wisdom, and humility precedes glory."
Proverbs 15:33

One could take this short proverb and create from it an entire year’s worth of foundational discipleship material. We see in it four great subjects of Scripture:

The Fear of the Lord
Wisdom
Humility
Glory
I will not begin to attempt to set up such a study (though perhaps we will get the opportunity to visit this more thoroughly down the road), but I would like to point out a story that illustrates at least three, if not all four of these great Scriptural themes. It is the story of Exodus 32-34.
To paraphrase, God had given the Ten Commandments in chapter 20. At the end of that chapter Moses explains to the people that God is trying to test them so that they would learn the fear of the Lord, which would keep them from sinning (see Exodus 20:20). Then the Lord tells Moses to specifically instruct the Israelites not to make for themselves gods of silver or gold (Ex. 20:23).

From that point forward Moses begins a series of journies up and down the mountain. Joshua, the son of Nun, always accompanied Moses part of the way up the mountain (and occassionally Aaron and others did as well), but only Moses was allowed to approach the Lord (e.g. Ex. 24:1-2). During these visits God was revealing to Moses all of the details concerning the instructions, rules, and regulations for the Israelites as they journied in this new covenant relationship with the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
When we arrive at Exodus 32 Moses had been on the mountain for a long time and the people had grown restless. So, they asked Aaron to make gods for them that would go before them (presumably they thought that Moses had died and they wanted to move forward in their journey to the promised land). Aaron responded by instructing them to bring their golden earrings, and from the collection he forged a golden calf.

God sent Moses back down to confront the people in their sin. When Moses saw the revelry he angrily smashed the tablets. Then he burned the golden calf, ground it into powder, spread the powder over the water, and made the Israelites drink it. The people were still running wild, so Moses called for whoever was for the Lord to come to him. The Levites came and he told them to strap on their swords and go throughout the camp delivering justice. By the end of the day about three thousand people had been killed. Then Moses interceded on behalf of the people before God, and God responded by only sending a plague among the Israelites.
After all of that God threatened to send the people on their way without Him. He would grant them success by sending an angel to clear out the occupants of Canaan, but God would no longer be with them. It was an interesting proposal in some respect, and if the people’s hearts were more inclined towards the blessings of God instead of God Himself they just might have accepted His offer. But in one of their rare moments of spiritual clarity the Israelites grieved over the fact that God could not go with them without destroying them (though we could argue about their motivations, whether they were moved more by the prospect of God’s absence or being destroyed by Him), and so they stripped off their ornaments.

Interesting. They stripped off their ornaments. Despite what certain holiness traditions might try to tell you there is nothing inherently wrong with ornaments. In fact, there are specific instructions in the Old Testament for how the Israelites were to use certain ornaments in various liturgical ways. However, in this case the ornaments were a stark reminder of the sin issue at hand, for the idol had been made from the ornaments of golden earrings. So, they waited there while Moses interceded some more for them. In the end it all worked out well for them. God restored the covenant, even produced two more tablets since Moses destroyed the originals.
However, I cannot help but wonder what our ornaments might be. An ornament is a sign of what we have placed value upon. I wonder what types of things we have decked out with ornaments, but a closer inspection would only reveal the ways in which we failed the test that would have kept the fear of the Lord with us, which would have kept us from sinning? What types of bling might reveal to us our idols?

I don’t ask those questions lightly. And neither do I want to rush to answer them. Rather, I want to strip myself of my ornaments and wait for the glory of God to be revealed. The Israelite in me will have to sit and wait, but the Moses in me will sit in the tent of meeting and submit my request to God, “Show me your glory” (Ex. 33:18). My hope is that with my ornaments lying on the ground at the foot of the mountain God might cause His goodness to pass in front of me (Ex. 33:19). I will bow to the ground and worship (Ex. 34:8), and God will renew His covenant with me (Ex. 34:9).
This is not a routine reserved only for repentance from sin, but part of our continual journey with God. Up the mountain, down the mountain. Adorn ourselves and worship, cast off our crowns and proclaim His glory. God has invited me this morning to strip off my ornaments, bow to the ground, and worship Him. I suspect He is inviting some of you to do the same. Do not be afraid to respond. The fear of the Lord will teach you wisdom, and after your humility will come glory.The fear of the Lord teaches wisdom, and humility precedes glory. Proverbs 15:33

One could take this short proverb and create from it an entire year’s worth of foundational discipleship material. We see in it four great subjects of Scripture:

The Fear of the Lord
Wisdom
Humility
Glory
I will not begin to attempt to set up such a study (though perhaps we will get the opportunity to visit this more thoroughly down the road), but I would like to point out a story that illustrates at least three, if not all four of these great Scriptural themes. It is the story of Exodus 32-34.
To paraphrase, God had given the Ten Commandments in chapter 20. At the end of that chapter Moses explains to the people that God is trying to test them so that they would learn the fear of the Lord, which would keep them from sinning (see Exodus 20:20). Then the Lord tells Moses to specifically instruct the Israelites not to make for themselves gods of silver or gold (Ex. 20:23).

From that point forward Moses begins a series of journies up and down the mountain. Joshua, the son of Nun, always accompanied Moses part of the way up the mountain (and occassionally Aaron and others did as well), but only Moses was allowed to approach the Lord (e.g. Ex. 24:1-2). During these visits God was revealing to Moses all of the details concerning the instructions, rules, and regulations for the Israelites as they journied in this new covenant relationship with the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
When we arrive at Exodus 32 Moses had been on the mountain for a long time and the people had grown restless. So, they asked Aaron to make gods for them that would go before them (presumably they thought that Moses had died and they wanted to move forward in their journey to the promised land). Aaron responded by instructing them to bring their golden earrings, and from the collection he forged a golden calf.

God sent Moses back down to confront the people in their sin. When Moses saw the revelry he angrily smashed the tablets. Then he burned the golden calf, ground it into powder, spread the powder over the water, and made the Israelites drink it. The people were still running wild, so Moses called for whoever was for the Lord to come to him. The Levites came and he told them to strap on their swords and go throughout the camp delivering justice. By the end of the day about three thousand people had been killed. Then Moses interceded on behalf of the people before God, and God responded by only sending a plague among the Israelites.
After all of that God threatened to send the people on their way without Him. He would grant them success by sending an angel to clear out the occupants of Canaan, but God would no longer be with them. It was an interesting proposal in some respect, and if the people’s hearts were more inclined towards the blessings of God instead of God Himself they just might have accepted His offer. But in one of their rare moments of spiritual clarity the Israelites grieved over the fact that God could not go with them without destroying them (though we could argue about their motivations, whether they were moved more by the prospect of God’s absence or being destroyed by Him), and so they stripped off their ornaments.

Interesting. They stripped off their ornaments. Despite what certain holiness traditions might try to tell you there is nothing inherently wrong with ornaments. In fact, there are specific instructions in the Old Testament for how the Israelites were to use certain ornaments in various liturgical ways. However, in this case the ornaments were a stark reminder of the sin issue at hand, for the idol had been made from the ornaments of golden earrings. So, they waited there while Moses interceded some more for them. In the end it all worked out well for them. God restored the covenant, even produced two more tablets since Moses destroyed the originals.
However, I cannot help but wonder what our ornaments might be. An ornament is a sign of what we have placed value upon. I wonder what types of things we have decked out with ornaments, but a closer inspection would only reveal the ways in which we failed the test that would have kept the fear of the Lord with us, which would have kept us from sinning? What types of bling might reveal to us our idols?

I don’t ask those questions lightly. And neither do I want to rush to answer them. Rather, I want to strip myself of my ornaments and wait for the glory of God to be revealed. The Israelite in me will have to sit and wait, but the Moses in me will sit in the tent of meeting and submit my request to God, “Show me your glory” (Ex. 33:18). My hope is that with my ornaments lying on the ground at the foot of the mountain God might cause His goodness to pass in front of me (Ex. 33:19). I will bow to the ground and worship (Ex. 34:8), and God will renew His covenant with me (Ex. 34:9).
This is not a routine reserved only for repentance from sin, but part of our continual journey with God. Up the mountain, down the mountain. Adorn ourselves and worship, cast off our crowns and proclaim His glory. God has invited me this morning to strip off my ornaments, bow to the ground, and worship Him. I suspect He is inviting some of you to do the same. Do not be afraid to respond. The fear of the Lord will teach you wisdom, and after your humility will come glory.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND HUMBLE YOURSELF BEFORE GOD!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

Written by Jonathan Stone at stonewritten.com

pro-gres-sion
[pruh-gresh-uhn]

noun

1.       the act of progressing; forward or onward movement.

2.       a passing successively from one part of a series to the next; succession; sequence.

The path of the spiritual pilgrim is full of both ups and downs, glorious mountain tops and deadly valleys. At times we all experience joy unspeakable (cf. 1 Peter 1:8). But there are other times when, like Much Afraid in Hinds’ Feet on High Places, our constant companions are Sorrow and Suffering. The inexperienced pilgrim arrives at either one of these places and believes that it could be their final destination. However, with time all pilgrims learn that seasons come and go, and that the most important duty on both the mountain and in the valley is to not get so distracted by the surroundings that one ventures off the path.

I have come to realize that the spiritual journey is one of near constant progress. Yet, for much of my life if you would have asked me if I was progressing I would have responded with some evasive, guarded, ambiguous, vague, non-committal, passive, neutered non-answer. You know, something like, “I’m not sure. I hope so. It’s hard to say. How do you measure those things? But yeah, I think I’m more mature now than I was several years ago.”

Whaaa?
Maybe you don’t relate to that at all. Perhaps you have always recognized the progress of your growth in Christ, and more importantly, his growth in you. Well, good for you. I don’t say that tongue in cheek. That really is great for you. But for me, it’s taken awhile to come to that realization. And I suspect there are a lot of others out there like me. How do I know? Because I’ve heard the answer above too many times.

The problem here is not that spiritual progress is so hard to come by. The problem is how we choose to measure progress. Before I go any further let me be clear about this. I do not believe that spiritual maturity happens automatically as we move forward through time. I do believe that it is possible to sit down on the path, move backwards on the path, and leave the path altogether. However, I also believe that we are often progressing when we feel like we are regressing. Progress on the path is about moving forward, and our task is to stay faithful to that. It is up to God to make things grow (see 1 Cor 3:6-7). That is why at times we feel stuck when we are really just still, and why sometimes God just wants us to move.
Having said all of that, now consider Proverbs 4:18:

The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
All around us the world is falling apart. We are overwhelmed with constant news of economic collapse, natural disasters, genocides, political wars, all sorts of crimes, starvation, extreme poverty and the sort. All of which reminds me of this, but you get the point. It is NOT the call of the pilgrim to stand idly by while people’s lives are shattered. However, it is the pilgrim’s call to continue on the path. And that path is a path that gets brighter and brighter as one progresses along.

I don’t know if the world is going to seem to fall apart in 2012. My question is, Will our path continue to get brighter? It seems obvious to me that that is exactly how it is suppose to work. Despite what the popular end time literature will tell you (I’ll save my critique of dispensational eschatology for another day), there are no potential developments in our future that will call on pilgrims to hole up and hide in fear. There is only one path. It leads to one place. And it gets brighter as you go along…no matter what.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST TODAY AND BE A LIGHT IN THE WORLD!
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Written by Jonathan Stone at stonewritten.com

Probably most of us have heard of Jim Collins’ bestselling book from 2001, Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap…and Others Don’t. It is an interesting and insightful book. If you have not read it I highly recommend it, irregardless of whether or not you work in the business field. But this is neither a plug for, nor a review of, that book. It is, as usual, a segue to some thoughts on spirituality.

Collins researched 1,435 good companies and examined their forty year performance record. He then whittled the list all the way down to eleven until he felt that he had identified the truly great ones. From there he compared the histories, values, and leaders of those companies in order to discover what common factors allowed these companies to realize greatness while their counterparts remained merely good. And of course in the process he quipped his now catchy-phrase-turned-cliche, “Good is the enemy of great.”

The book highlights the issue of change. What drives change, and what slows it down? Collins quickly identifies several myths about change, ways that companies often attempt to change themselves from good to great, which prove to be ineffective. There are no silver bullets for change in the book. In fact, the book sets out to prove that silver bullets for change do not actually exist. The answers to the questions about the commonalities between the eleven companies that experienced greatness all center around the simple, unsurprising areas of discipline and hard work.
All of this makes me wonder how this might translate into Christian discipleship. Obviously God values all people the same. Nonetheless, most of probably agree that there are heroes of the faith, individuals who managed to reach a level of spirituality so high that they are nearly universally celebrated by all who knew them. I wonder what makes them achieve greatness while the rest of us settle for good. Perhaps someone should write a book about it. Come to think about it, I think someone already has.

But there is something else in all of this that really gets my attention. More than wondering what makes an individual achieve the change that takes one from being spiritually good to being spiritually great, I wonder what are the myths that we believe about spiritual change in general? You know, the things that we think will bring about that change, but prove to be ineffective.
Perhaps you can help me come up with a list, not just a good list, but a great list. We can whittle it down to seven and write a book together called, The Seven Myths of Creating Spiritual Change. I am sure that the book will make lots of money and all of us can retire. So, feel free to join the team. Sorry, I have digressed.

One idea that I have encountered a lot in the last several years is that we can experience significant spiritual change by better understanding our identity in Christ. Before I go any further with this I need to qualify where I am headed by saying that there is some truth to this. It is not a total myth. In fact, I remember as a new Christian reading through some lists that looked something like this:

I am God’s child (John 1:12).
I have been justified (Romans 5:1).
I am God’s friend (John 15:15).
I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:9-10).
I have direct access to God through Jesus Christ (Hebrews 4:14-16).
I am a citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20).
I am God’s temple (1 Corinthians 3:16).
The evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18).

If you have ever seen such a list you probably know that the example above is only a tiny sampling of what you normally see. So, obviously there must be some truth to it for there to be so many Scriptures dealing with it. And I have personally benefitted from such studies at different times in my life. However, something about all of the me-talk reminds me of that strange, funny-Jesus photo. I can’t help but wonder if we have not missed something very important here. That is, while we have been obsessing over who we are in Christ, we have slowly drifted away from knowing who Christ is in us.

Perhaps you think that is merely semantics. I disagree. There is a certain inevitable amount of self-centeredness in the exploration of our identity in Christ. And that same self-centeredness becomes one of the potential obstacles that keeps us from experiencing significant spiritual change in our lives as we move further down the path. On the other hand, we can remove that obstacle when we shift the question from who we are in Christ, to who Christ is in us. Once we make this shift a whole new world is opened up to us in Scripture. We begin to see that the Bible is much more a witness about who Christ is than it is about who we are in Him.
Unfortunately, this has yet to catch on. Google this: who I am in Christ. Then Google this: who Christ is in me. If you compare the resources that come up with each search it will be pretty clear which one is more popular.

I do believe that there is a journey from good to great. However, I suspect that it lies behind a somewhat hidden door. My suspicion is that spiritual greatness cannot be obtained while focused on assessing your own spiritual maturity. In other words, I cannot be looking at myself for better spiritual growth the way body builders do in the gym. Instead I have to apply the greatness question to Him, not just Him out there somewhere, but Him in me. He is good in me. But how can He become great in me?
When Jesus is merely good in me He is little more than a cool, spiritual guru who happens to like me a lot. But that picture of Jesus is kind of creepy. When Jesus is great in me He also stands in all of His transcendent majesty–He is my king. It really does not matter whether I ever go from good to great. But if He goes from good to great in me then I am on the right track.

 

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Written by Jonathan Stone at stonewritten.com

No, this is not a post on fitness. I just could not resist the lovely picture. And besides, the image is not totally disconnected from the content. As part of another conversation I posted yesterday that we are in need of a theology of the body. While this post will not go very far in advancing us toward that particular end, I have been thinking a lot about the idea in Scripture that our bodies are the Temple of the Holy Spirit.

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body."
1 Cor 6:19-20

The New Testament idea that we are the Temple of the Holy Spirit strikes me as a profound and radical development in the revelation of God’s plan. In fact, it was a radical development when God agreed to reside with Israel (Ex 29:45), and then when He agreed to reside in Solomon’s Temple (see 2 Sam 7). Of course, in neither case was God fully contained in these dwellings. For, as Solomon acknowledges, even the whole earth cannot contain Him (2 Chronicles 6:18). Yet, there was some real sense of the manifest presence of God in each case.
Now we come to the new covenant, and this idea of Paul’s that we are the temple of God. Perhaps some points could be made about whether the understanding here is primarily corporate or individual. Are we together the temple of the Holy Spirit, or are each of us individually temples of the Holy Spirit? After all, Paul uses the plural pronoun in the passages cited above. If he lived in southeast Tennessee (as I do) he would have said, “Ya’ll are the temple of the Holy Ghost!” Does “ya’ll” mean each of you, or all of you together? Of course, ultimately the answer to the question is yes. That is, each of us has the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit in our life. And corporately we contain a greater sum of the glory of God than we do all alone.

Thinking about all of this has had me thinking about Solomon’s prayer when he dedicated the Temple (2 Chronicles 6:1-42 & 1 Kings 8:1-66). There is something powerful about the prayer. And that power is matched by the manifestation of God, which became so heavy that the priests could not perform their duties (2 Chronicles 5:14), or even enter the Temple at all (2 Chronicles 7:2). And all of that culminated with fire coming down from heaven and consuming the sacrifice that laid on the altar (2 Chronicles 7:1).
But it is not only in these spectacular demonstrations that we see the power. There is also something very powerful about the prayer itself. I do not want anyone to think that I am advocating a formulistic prayer, whereby we can mechanically put God in motion as if He were some marionette. However, there is real power in the prayer. And neither do I want people to walk away thinking in some primarily  individualistic fashion, asking God to bless me, me, me. Nonetheless, I think each of us should dedicate our individual temple to the Lord.

With all of that said, I have worked through the prayer and produced a parallel prayer for consecrating yourself as the temple of God. What I noticed from the prayer is that Solomon is brutally honest about the prosects. His forecast on human faithfulness is ruthlessly bearish. But he is 100% bullish on his outlook on God, even willing to sell the farm to invest in God’s faithfulness. And I also noticed that each pericope not only offers reflections on human nature, but also on the characteristics of God. Therefore, I end each section with the attribute of God that I see reflected in that pericope. So, I invite you to take a few minutes when you have the time and work through this prayer as a dedication of your life to God. I personally found it to be a powerful and meaningful experience. Let me know what you think.

From 2 Chronicles 6:14-17
“O Lord my God, You have fulfilled all of Your promises to the generations before me. I ask You to hear my prayer and fulfill all of Your promises to me because You are faithful.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:18-21
“O Lord my God, You are high and lifted up, even the heavens cannot contain You. Yet, even from Your dwelling place You hear my prayers from this temple. I ask You to continue to hear my prayers and forgive my sins because You are mighty.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:22-23
“O Lord my God, You punish the wicked and justify the righteous. When I sin against my neighbor and seek Your forgiveness I ask You to hear my prayers and bring about justice because You are just.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:24-25
“O Lord my God, You heal those who turn to You. When I sin against You I am taken away by my enemy. When I turn back to You I ask that You hear my prayers and bring me back from exile because You are restorer.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:26-27
“O Lord my God, You bring forth provisions in my life. You send me drought when I sin against You. When I turn from my sin and confess Your Name I ask that you hear my prayers and send forth the rain in my life because You are provider.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:28-31
“O Lord my God, You shelter me from all the things that could destroy me. You pull back Your shield of protection when I continually sin against You. When I cry out for help and turn my heart away from my sin and towards You I ask that You hear my prayers and surround me because You are protector.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:32-33
“O Lord my God, You care for all people. People will come to me when they hear of your great name. When the unbeliever comes to me I ask that you hear the prayers they pray with me because You are compassionate.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:34-35
“O Lord my God, You help me to overcome. I have an enemy that seeks to destroy me. When I cry out for triumph over my enemy I ask that You hear my prayers because You are victorious.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:36-39
“O Lord my God, You are righteous in Your anger over my sin. There is no person who does not sin. When I repent from my sin and turn back to you with my whole heart hear my prayers because You are forgiving.”

“O Lord, my God:
You are faithful!
You are mighty!
You are just!
You are restorer!
You are provider!
You are protector!
You are compassionate!
You are victorious!
You are forgiving!
…now arise, O Lord, and come rest in this temple with the might of your covenant, as I rejoice in your goodness! Amen.”

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST INTO YOUR LIFE TODAY!
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Written by Jonathan Stone at stonewritten.com

It is a dreaded topic. It is probably not preached enough. And when it is preached I rarely leave feeling very good about the overall outlook on things. I am referring to Luke 14:25-34. If your bible has section titles it probably says something like,The Cost of Being a Disciple.

The passage is jolting from the very beginning. Luke tells us that “large crowds were traveling with Jesus” (Luke 14:25), when he turned to them and said, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters–yes, even his own life–he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26).

It seems that Jesus was not very well versed in church growth strategies. He had large crowds following Him. Why would He turn around and say something like this? Something so offensive? It reminds me of another episode when Jesus delivered a “hard teaching” in the Gospel of John. He was talking about the need to drink His blood and eat His body. John says it was at that time that “…many of His disciples turned back and no longer followed Him” (John 6:66).
Does Jesus have an aversion to crowds? I don’t think so. Is Jesus masochistic? Certainly not. There seems to be some sort of test in these hard teachings. However, I wonder if we are missing a critical aspect of the test. We hear the challenge in Jesus’ teachings. We recognize that He is saying to us, “You need to realize now that this will cost you everything.” I do not wish to minimize that aspect of His teaching. But I do want to lift up the other side of His teaching, and I suspect that it might radically change the way we experience Jesus’ instruction to consider the cost.

You see, consdiering the cost will only deter you if you do nothing but literally add up the cost. I could walk through a store and see that there is a special sale by which I could by three nice suits for twenty dollars. If all I do is add up the cost I might say to myself, “This will cost me twenty dollars! I’ll never get that twenty dollars back. I can’t do this. I can’t lose my twenty dollars.”
If I do nothing more than add up the cost of the twenty dollars then I will walk away from what would have been the best sale on dress suits that I have ever seen. But Jesus is asking his disciples to do more than add up the cost. The good news in considering the cost is that we come to realize that this is the best deal that we will ever encounter in our lives. Once we consider the cost we realize that what we are getting is far more valuable than the price that we are paying. Once we consider the cost we understand that giving everything we have, even our very life, is nothing compared to the treasure that is in Him.

After Jesus teaches His disciples to consider the cost notice the shift in the crowd. Before the teaching Luke tells us that “large crowds were traveling with Jesus” (Luke 14:25). After the teaching Luke immediately tells us, “Now the tax collectors and sinners were gathering to hear Him” (Luke 15:1). After this teaching the religious folks had moved to the background, if not departed altogether. Only a few pharisees and teachers stood at the back muttering about the company that Jesus was keeping (Luke 15:2). To them Jesus was saying a difficult thing. But the sinners were understanding that this was the best deal that they would ever hear in their entire lives.
You can see this good news in the stories that Jesus goes on to teach: the parable of the lost sheep (Luke 15:3-7), the parable of the lost coin (Luke 15:8-10), and the parable of the lost (prodigal) son (Luke 15:11-32). Here we see that what sounded like a hard teaching to the Pharisees sounded like the most joyous occasions for celebration to the sinners.

Matthew records Jesus making the point very clearly:
The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Matthew 13:44
This dynamic is so simple, and yet so profound. I don’t throw the word marvel around too often, but I do not know a better way to say it. I marvel at the wisdom here. Jesus says, “Consider what you will lose (your life), and then consider all that you will gain (His life).” The thing that cooks my noodle is the fact that the state of your heart will determine how you hear the parable. If you’re holding onto your life you will think, “Oh no! He is asking me to give up everything!” But if you’re holding onto Him you will think, “Oh my! He is giving me everything!”

The hearing is dictated by your heart, which is why Jesus ends His teaching on considering the cost by saying, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear” (Luke 14:35). Perhaps you have never heard this parable in its fullness because of some things you are holding onto in your heart. If that is the case, do not be discouraged. Jesus invites you to do a simple thing. He invites you to consider the cost. Truly consider the cost, not just add up the cost and stop. If you consider the cost all the way to its end your heart will change, you will hear the rest of the message, and you will rejoice at the opportunity to give what you cannot keep in order to gain what you cannot lose.

 

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AND LET HIM CHANGE YOUR HEART!
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Written by Jonathan Stone at stonewritten.com

Sometimes everything you know, love, and remember about a poerson can be summed up in one picture. A moment frozen in time that speaks continually throughout eternity. I have such a memory, a picture imprinted on my mind. It is so clear in my soul that if I were an artist I would paint it for all to see. But since I am not that sort of artist I must attempt to paint this picture with words.

The picture is of my grandpa. I was nine years old. I was sitting inside of a cozy classroom. Listening to my teacher. Protected from the cold weather outside. Feeling rather peaceful, for a third grader, in the presence of my friends. And I can remember looking out the window, across the dead grass of the schoolyard and seeing my grandpa. He was walking along the road. I do not know how many times this happened. I know it was many. But I remember it in one picture. His coat pulled tight around him to stay the autumn chill. His hat, that famous fedora, pulled down on his head. And his cane, the cane I use to love to play with on his living room floor, gripped in one hand.

It seems a simple picture at first glance. Not much to it. Not in today’s world where so many pictures are almost sensory overload. But to me it is a wonderful picture. It always was so. For it always filled me with wonder. It always left me with more questions than answers. What was he doing? Where was he going? What was he thinking about? Was he really talking to God? Was God really listening, or even talking back? And if so did they ever talk about me? And if so did God tell him that I lied to my teacher yesterday?
As Kierkegaard once noted, Scripture teaches us that purity of heart is to will one thing. It is the opposite of double mindedness. The single minded soul is one. It is whole. Holy. There is no extra agenda for such a person. No games. No masks. No hypocrisy. No facades. When we see a whole number we call it an integer. Likewise, when we see a whole person we call it integrity. A holy person is a whole person. One person. So simple it confounds the wise.

Scripture also teaches us that persistence, whether faithfulness or just plain stubbornness, will grant you your heart’s desire. The persistent widow got what she wanted, even from a proud judge full of corruption (Luke 18:1-8). Whether your heart is pure or impure you will eventually get what your heart desires.
Jacob (yes, even Jacob the deceiver) was pure in his persistence. Jacob saw God (Genesis 32:30). Moses was pure in his meekness. Moses saw God (Exodus 33:11). Simeon was pure in his faithfulness. Simeon saw God (Luke 2:25-32). “Blessed are the pure in heart,” said Jesus, “For they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8).

David who was famous for the purity of his heart said this, “One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple” (Psalm 27:4).
Yes. Purity of heart is to will one thing and one thing only, the presence of the Lord.

Relationship. Presence. Surely this type of purity is rare in today’s world. A world of broken relationships. A world of agendas and double mindedness. A world of hypocrisy and selfish ambition. A world where no one is whole. Where everyone is continually fighting identity crisis. In such a world the simplicity of my painting would go unnoticed. It leaves most of us perplexed. But I assure you that my painting is pure. It is pure because it is one. One man. In one scene. Seeking one thing. My grandpa’s life was one. His heart was pure. His life was gospel.

I miss Grandpa today. But I think that it is more than a familial longing. I believe that I miss being able to see a purity of heart that willed one thing. It is almost impossible to find that purity in this world of polluted hearts that are running after all kinds of things. I long to have such a heart. Or perhaps it is more honest to say that I long to long to have such a heart.

I suspect that one day my grandpa and all who were pure in heart when they walked the earth will dance before the Lord. A coal mining accident left my grandpa crippled for the majority of his adult life. So I look forward to seeing him dance unfettered by his earthly wounds. More importantly, I would like to be in that mosh pit with him, dancing unfettered by his side.
I do not feel like I could call myself one of the pure in heart. At least not yet. However, I do feel like I understand the picture now. It is a picture of me. And it is a picture of my grandpa. This is how it looks in my mind:

I was nine years old. Sitting in a classroom. Listening to my teacher and looking out a window. Feeling rather peaceful in the presence of my friends. And I saw him. Out there. Walking in another classroom. Listening to another teacher. Looking out another window. Feeling rather peaceful in the presence of his Friend.
Eventually we will see whatever our heart desires. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

 

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Written by Jonathan Stone at stonewritten.com

I launched out like a sailor of the wind, a pneumanaut, not knowing where the thermals might set me down. No one was worried about my sudden flight. But why should they? I had decent stock. Came from a good, Christian family. I got along with most people. I was the youngest of four boys, and my three older brothers seemed to be sailing smoothly. There was no reason to suspect that I would be any different.

However, it would be different with me. The winds went in new directions. The gusts were scary at first, but I soon learned how to use them to my advantage. For a while I could make them take me anywhere I wanted to go.

Things started with what might have looked like ordinary adolescent explorations. But my response to each new discovery was anything but ordinary. I had a need to push everything as far as I could take it. Before long I became an expert in one thing—having a good time. I would have matched my ability to push hard for the sake of having a good time against anyone. I was gifted at partying.
I am not going to lie and tell you that I have nothing but regrets from those years of my life. The truth is that I had lots of fun. And as strange as it may sound, I really was good at what I did. The problem is the same problem that arises with any gift. It is the problem that arises when you do something well, but have not love. When you are an expert at having a good time, but have not love, you are nothing but a self-serving narcissist.

I wish I could tell you that I woke up one day and said to myself, “You think you’re kind of a big deal, but you’re really just kind of a jerk.” There was not enough love in my soul to have that kind of epiphany. What did finally slow me down a little bit was the realization that I should have been dead at least half-a-dozen times. Even that was rooted in my own need for self-preservation.
However, slowing down a little bit eventually helped me see that all of my hard living was really covering up something else that was much deeper. I had no hope. The only thing that I had truly hoped for in several years was to have a good time. I was genuinely surprised at my newfound hopelessness. I had worked hard at being anything but hopeless. After all, it is impossible to be hopeless and have a good time. So, I had managed to push my hopelessness down real deep. As I began the process of excavating my hopelessness I discovered that what lied beneath it was even more troubling. I was not just a soul that had no hope. I was a soul that had not love.

When I met Christ in January of 1997 I was overwhelmed to suddenly possess those two things that had been missing in my life. Some people refer to their new birth as “coming to faith.” I guess I could say it that way, but that is not how it felt. For me, I came to hope and love.
I cannot imagine that I would ever return to the state that I was in before 1997. That is not a concern of mine. However, what is a concern of mine is the possibility that I would now do good things, but do them and have not love. According to the Apostle Paul, love is the one critical ingredient. Think about it this way. The bible gives us a clear picture that one day each of us will stand before God and He will judge our lives and award us according to what we have done (Rom 2:6; Matt 16:27). There will be some who had an entire life of good works that amount to nothing because they were missing love. Consider your greatest heroes of the faith. Put in as many of them as you want, from Job to Mother Teresa to your faithful, praying Grandma, and add them all up. Now subtract love and what is left? According to Scripture, nothing.

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. 1 Cor 13:1-3
The spiritual equation is this:  Every Good Thing – Love = Nothing
If you have authority, but have not love, you are nothing but a tyrant. If you have anointing, but have not love, you are nothing but a manipulator. If you have discernment, but have not love, you are nothing but a cynic. Take any gift that you have, and even if it mesmerizes people everywhere, without love it is completely worthless in the sight of God. Any good thing without love loses all of its value. That is why the judgment against the church at Ephesus is so alarming, “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first” (Rev 2:4).

If you are discouraged because you are not highly valued in the eyes of men, but you know that God has put His love in your heart, do not dwell on it any longer. You have the one thing that He is looking for in your life. However, if you are suddenly realizing that you are doing a lot of good things, but have not love, do whatever you have to do get it back. Love is not just the only thing in the universe that never fails (1 Cor 13:8), it is the one thing that when missing will turn the best thing into nothing.

 

DISCOVER UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR TODAY!
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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

 

 

I’m going to tell you something I do not do very well.  But, only if you will not tell the other mothers.  Because I have listened to them talk and apparently I am the only one not very good at this.  Deal?

I am not good at helping my children learn to feed themselves.  I totally get in the way.  Let me explain.

Well, actually, there isn’t much about it to explain.

I do not like messes.

So, I feed my children…for too long.  I sit a bowl full of spaghetti in front of them and I get a little panicky.  I mean, have you ever found dried, crusted spaghetti noodles on the floor a week (or more?) later when you are cleaning?  And, what about the slimy greasy residue that is left on the plastic tray attached to the high chair?  And, then there is the highchair cover.  I did not realize you could take that thing off to clean it until my second child was two.  Wow.  That was amazing…what I found under it, I mean.
Never mind the fact that most of the food gets on the child and everything and everyone else…NOT in their mouth.  And, I mean, I am really also very concerned about my child’s dietary needs.  Seriously, I think that is the biggest reason I insist on feeding them well into their third year.

(Did I just write that?)
They need me.  They need me to spoon that mouthful of spaghetti straight into their teeny little mouth.  That way I KNOW where it goes.  There is no guesswork.

Right.
Let’s all be honest here.

I do not like the mess.
Walter Brueggemann is an Old Testament scholar (some would argue THE Old Testament scholar) who wrote a book entitled Spirituality of the Psalms.  Basically Brueggemann explores the three different types of psalms: psalms of orientation, psalms of disorientation, and psalms of reorientation.

In the psalms of orientation David reads like a brand new, just came back from the alter, Christian.  Everything is wonderful and so is his Lord.
In the psalms of disorientation we read David in some very, very dark times.  In some places he almost sounds suicidal.  He is depressed, has lost his hope, is beaten down, and wonders where God is.

Reorientation psalms are the psalms of a mature, been there and lived to tell about it, David.  His faith is strong.  Before, he had heard that his Lord was worthy of praise.  Now he KNOWS it.
David’s disorientation is messy.  It is uncomfortable to read…unless you are in the state of disorientation yourself.  Then reading these psalms can be very comforting.  Oh, so David…that guy about whom it says he was a man after God’s own heart…he had rough times, too.  Maybe I’ll be ok.  Maybe there is something normal, something ok about this dark place.  Maybe God is on the other side.

The truth is that God desires for us to have the reorientation faith…a faith that is strong and KNOWS…not just because someone else told us so…but, because we have learned for ourselves…that God is.  He is there.  He is our Healer.  He is our Comforter.  He is our Savior.  He IS.  No longer are we fed milk.  We EAT…solid food (1 Corinthians 3:2)
Here’s the thing.  As a whole, our culture, our society is not very good with this disorientation stage.  As a CHURCH we are not very good with this disorientation stage.

And, let’s be honest.
We do not like the mess.

We do not like the questions, the doubt, the challenges.  We see that bowl full of slippery wonderings and pushing and pullings and we pick up that spoon full of faith and we do our best to deliver it straight into the mouth of our disoriented people.
I mean, they need us to spoon that mouthful of ideas straight into their teeny little mouth.  That way we KNOW where it is going.  There is no guesswork.

The only problem is that when we don’t allow people to sit in that messy stage of disorientation, when we try to push them forward or pull them back into the safe, cozy, feel-good baby faith of orientation, they never learn to feed themselves.  They never grow the skills and spiritual muscles they need to make their faith their own.
Disorientation is dark and scary.  It often takes place during the course of a normal life transition, such as the one from adolescence to adulthood.  It can also take place when someone loses someone or something precious in their life through death, divorce, or some other loss.  And that’s when I’ll hear these words.  In fact, maybe I’ll even say them myself: “She is doing ok.  She is being very strong.”  I’ll tell you what.  I understand when a person describes a grieving, disoriented person as strong about as much as I understand when a person says that a baby is “good”.

How is a baby “good”?  Do they intentionally go to sleep when told?  Do they nurse on command because they are such good little listeners?  What?  No!  Babies are just babies.  They just…are!
Likewise, people grieve.  They question.  They go through their disorientation.  They just DO.  There is no strong or weak to it.  In fact, if I see a person who looks like they are perfect in the midst of disorientation I am a little concerned.  What does being strong look like here?  Is it being strong enough to cry and throw yourself at the feet of your Savior with your questions and doubts and fears (which can and often does happen in secret) or is it smiling and assuring everyone that you are doing just great?

I’ll tell you what else.  As a church we LOSE people in this disorientation phase.  This is when we lose them.  This is when they walk out our doors.  Is it because they don’t want to believe in God anymore or be committed to a faith community?  I don’t think so.  I think it is because we do not make adequate room for their questions, for their doubts, for their messy process of learning to feed themselves.
I think we do this with sexuality, too.  Liberals and conservatives are both great at this…this pushing people out of disorientation.  Conservatives are scared to death of anyone needing to ask questions and process about their sexuality and so they make a little box and make it clear that you can only stay in this box or, or…well, I guess all hell will break out.  Liberals are scared to death of anyone needing to ask questions and process about their sexuality and want a person to go ahead and “come out” and admit to being one way or another and THEY force a person into a box, making it clear that they just need to go ahead and get in the box or else…well, I guess all hell will break out in that scenario, too.  No room for a world without boxes…no room for questions, for wonderings, for processing, for disorientation.

I remember being in graduate school in California and spending time with a panel of LGBT folk who were sharing their stories.  One girl was fifteen years old and I listened as she told us how she finally figured out that she was bisexual or gay.  It was because she always wore cargo pants and people told her that girls don’t wear cargo pants.
I wanted to pull my hair out.  I don’t know who told this precious girl that girls do not wear cargo pants, but somewhere in her journey, because they gave her a box that she had to be in, when she faced her disorientation, they pretty much made up her mind for her.  Here’s the box.  Jump on in.  That disorientation place is an uncomfortable place.  Whether it is forward or backward…just jump.  Whether we are conservative or liberal, once you jump into the box, then we know what to do with you.  In the dark and scary place of not knowing we get a little panicky.  So help us all out and just jump…good or bad.

Spoonfed.  Sometimes what we are feeding is toxic.
The truth is that God is in the messiness.  He hovers over the darkness, the void, the formless (Genesis 1:2).  It is out of this messiness, this void, this apparent nothingness that He creates.  And, what a Creator He is.

I love working with young adults in their twenties.  It is messy and wild with questions and doubts and the start-of-life anxieties.  A young person will often get so anxious about their doubts and questions and they can go in one of two directions…they choose one of two boxes.  They can become self-flagellating, believing their doubts and questions as a sign of their lack of faith, OR they try the “throw it to the wind” approach and become a hellion.  They don’t understand anything so why try?  It is just too much to figure it all out and they want it figured out.  It is too much to sit in that middle, wondering place.  More than likely they will vacillate between these two options.   Both choices are the result of a lack of tolerance for the disorientation…the messiness of learning to feed yourself.
I will often share this Brueggemann idea with them.  If they are Christians I will share the idea from the Psalms, too.  I might also talk about James Fowler and his stages of faith and about how this stage four faith is messy.  It is challenging.  It is hard.  It is full of questions, doubts, skepticism.  And, you have to go through it.  It is NORMAL to go through it…if you want deep faith…a faith that is strong and KNOWS…not just because someone else told you so…but, because you have learned for yourself…that God is.  He is there.  He is our Healer.  He is our Comforter.  He is our Savior.  He IS.  No longer will you be fed milk.  You aren’t willing to tolerate that anymore.  You want to EAT…solid food (1 Corinthians 3:2).

So, the other day my two and a half year old son was eating ravioli.  He usually sits by himself in his chair, but this day he wanted to sit in my lap and I was just fine with that.  I love his soft, warm, little boy body and how he turns around every few minutes to laugh and giggle at me and say “mama!” just because he loves me so very much.  So, I was holding him and I picked up his spoon because he wasn’t eating and I wanted him to get a good meal in his belly before he took a nap…a long nap.  He took the spoon away from me and said: “I wanna feed myself, mama.”
As I watched him sloppily and awkwardly use his spoon to pick up a single ravioli noodle I forced myself to watch and pray…that he didn’t spill it on this shirt or let it slide down on the cloth place mat or down the chair legs on to the carpet covering our hardwood floors.  I smiled and prayed and watched, holding my sweet boy the whole time, and there it went…straight into his mouth.  No spillage. No mess.

But, you know what?  Would it have been that big of a deal if it had fallen on his shirt or the placemat or the carpet?  It would have been nothing that a little detergent and scrubbing could not have resolved.  And, we would have been together through the process and he probably would have learned something…about being careful, about what happens when you spill something.
So, if I ever were to have another child, maybe I will get better at this self-feeding thing.  Maybe I will make room for more messes, for more trying, for having more fun through it all.  It sure does make for some cute pictures and memories…those cheeks covered in sauce.  And, if there are no more babies in my future, perhaps I will get better at letting my children feed themselves in other ways.  I hope and pray I can get out of God’s way, while still staying close through the process, so that He can be Creator in their lives…the Creator that hovers over the deep, the formless, the void…the Creator that creates out of darkness, out of disorientation.

And, maybe as a church we will get better with this, too…this making room for the disorientation, for God’s work in the darkness.  Maybe we will stop getting so panicky.  Maybe we’ll trust that God is in control and not us.  Maybe out of that trust we can learn to sit and hold people when they are learning to self-feed and if they spill things along the way and make a big mess, we can help them clean that up, too.

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Written by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com

TRUST ME

At the root of faith is trust. Faith cannot be built without trust anymore than a water molecule can be built without hydrogen. Trust is a key element in the formation of faith. In the New Testament faith, belief and trust all come from the same root word. They are practically interchangeable.

In the Garden of Eden the serpent’s strategy for bringing about disobedience was to promote mistrust. Before Adam and Eve ever partook of the forbidden fruit they began to question whether or not God really had their best interests in mind. They began to question their trust in Him. The enemy does not need to get you to lose your faith. He only needs to get you to lose your trust.

We have a tendency to focus on obedience. Obviously, obedience is important. However, obedience does not come before trust. Obedience comes because of trust. Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15). Obedience happens because we love God, and we cannot love Him unless we trust Him. What did Jesus say to His disciples just before the verse above? He said, “If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it” (John 14:14). Can you hear what He was saying to them? Trust Me!

I recently read an interesting observation: Before God gave the Israelites the words to obey on Mt. Sinai, He first made spectacular attempts to win their trust in Egypt. The foundation of their faith was not the commandments on Mt. Sinai. The foundation of their faith was the trust that they gained in their deliverance from Egypt (see Deut. 6:20). Can you hear Him again? Trust Me!

The sin in the Garden of Eden is the same sin that has taken place in the garden of each of our hearts. We did not lose the battle over obedience. We lost the battle over trust. When we distrust God we ultimately end up disobeying Him. Once trust is lost obedience does not stand a chance.

Yet, we have this spectacular picture in the New Testament. God did not leave us in our pitiful state. He actually came down and became one of us, lived among us. If that were not enough He chose to come not in royal splendor. Rather, He chose to come and serve us. If that were not enough He chose to come and die for us. There was much more in this mind-boggling display of love and humility than the remission of sins. He could have declared us innocent from His throne in Heaven. However, He wanted to do something more. He wanted to say something that many thought they would never hear again. He wanted to whisper loudly to us. Can you hear Him calling? Trust Me!

I do not know what it is that has stolen your trust right now, but perhaps analyzing that is not really how God wants to win your trust today. Perhaps he wants you to take the leap. We call it a leap of faith. But all of us know that more than faith, it is really a leap of trust. He is calling all of us to trust Him more today. But don’t trust me. Just listen. Can you hear Him calling? Trust Me!

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Written by Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

This is a three part series covering the first three chapters of Genesis . These posts are not intended to be full commentary on each chapter. Rather, I will pick out a few key points, while trying to discover the major theme of the chapters as a whole. If you have never read those six chapters together I encourage you to block out some time in order to do that at some point. When read in one sitting they give a sweeping picture of the big ideas in the bible. All the other stuff in between these six chapters are the details, how the story plays out in individual lives and specific moments in time. I am borrowing the title from a series preached by Kelvin Page at Westmore Church of God in 2011. Although the contents of his series was different, the title is his idea. At the end of this post you can read Genesis 3 (NIV) in its entirety.

Enter the serpent, who was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made (v. 1). His entrance is bold, as he puts himself between the woman and God.
He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

The serpent starts by asking if God really said they could not eat of any tree in the garden. Of course, God said no such thing, and the woman is quick to clarify that to the serpent. However, the question was not designed for accuracy or clarification. It was designed for impact. Undoubtedly the serpent’s question raises all sorts of other questions: What EXACTLY did God say? And why did he say it? Is he holding something back from us? Is this fair? Does he have our best interests in mind?

The serpent has been corrected, but the impact of his question would certainly linger. But before those questions can settle the serpent moves on to a more direct assertion about what would happen if they partook of the forbidden fruit. The serpent claims that they would not die, but would in fact become like God, knowing good and evil (vv. 4-5). At this the woman notices that the fruit was desirable, and she took it and ate it. She then gives some to her husband, who we now learn was with her, and he also took it and ate it (v. 6). At that moment their eyes were opened. They realized that they were naked, and so they sewed fig leaves in order to cover themselves (v. 7).

Something feels wrong in all of this, and our concern will only grow. In the next verse God shows up. Instead of running to the loving, powerful creator that we met in the first two chapters the man and woman hide from him (v. 8). Once they come out of their hiding we see guilt, shame and fear (vv. 9-10). God asks Adam a yes or no question, “Have you eaten from the tree I told you not to eat from” (v. 11). But Adam does not answer with a simple yes. He takes the opportunity to deflect some of his guilt towards the woman, and even God, ”The woman you put here with me–she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it” (v. 12).

It is a tragic scene. She did it. And you put her here. The relationships have been crushed. God, who tenderly and lovingly created all of this for them, is now to blame. Woman, who evoked awe and wonder in the man when she was presented to his face, is now to blame. Adam blames everyone but himself. Indeed, the life they knew was now dead. And with Adam’s deflection and blaming we see a new beginning. We see, as Jackie Johns puts it, the genesis of sexism.

The pattern of shame and fear continue as the woman blames the serpant. And at that God has heard enough. He prounounces his judgment. The serpant, who got the woman to eat, will now have dust (the stuff the man is made of) to eat (v. 14). His fate is foretold, and his ultimate undoing lies within the seed that is within the woman (v. 15). To the woman her deliverance will not come easy. The seed will be brought forth with much pain. And after desiring the fruit, she will now find herself desiring her husband (v. 16). The woman will try to control the man, and the man will try to rule over the woman. Thus, we learn that the sexism that began will continue. To the man he now learns he has cursed the ground that he was working, and will continue to work. He will provide for himself though much toil, and then return to the ground from which he came (vv. 17-19).

With the judgments proclaimed the healing can begin. Adam names the woman Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living (v. 20). He still loves her. With the tender act of naming her we learn that Adam already sees hope in the midst of the tragedy, and the process of redemption begins. God sews for them new clothes, these garments made from skin (v. 21). They are covered, and no longer need to dwell on their newfound shame.

The broken relationships between the man and the woman, and between them and God, have been reconciled. Yet, consequences remain. The man and woman are banished from the garden, driven out east of Eden, lest they taste of the other tree (the tree of life) and live forever in their broken state. In this we behold both the kindness and severity of God (c.f. Rom 11:22). His judgment is just, and it is indeed “a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God” (Heb 10:31). Yet, his promise is sure. He has made a way where there was no way, something he will do again and again.

The rest of the series:     Part 1     Part 2

Genesis 3
The Fall

1Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5“For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”

10He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

11And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

12The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

13Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

14So the LORD God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all livestock    and all wild animals! You will crawl on your belly    and you will eat dust    all the days of your life. 15 And I will put enmity    between you and the woman,    and between your offspring[a] and hers; he will crushyour head,    and you will strike his heel.”

16To the woman he said,

“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;    with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband,    and he will rule over you.”

17To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’

“Cursed is the ground because of you;    through painful toil you will eat food from it    all the days of your life. 18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you,    and you will eat the plants of the field. 19By the sweat of your brow    you will eat your food until you return to the ground,    since from it you were taken; for dust you are    and to dust you will return.”

20 Adam[c] named his wife Eve,[d]because she would become the mother of all the living.

21 The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. 22 And the LORD God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.” 23 So the LORD God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. 24 After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side[e]of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.

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By Johathan Stone of stonewritten.com

 

This is a three part series covering the first three chapters of Genesis. These posts are not intended to be full commentary on each chapter. Rather, I will pick out a few key points, while trying to discover the major theme of the chapters as a whole. If you have never read those six chapters together I encourage you to block out some time in order to do that at some point. When read in one sitting they give a sweeping picture of the big ideas in the bible. All the other stuff in between these six chapters are the details, how the story plays out in individual lives and specific moments in time. I am borrowing the title from a series preached by Kelvin Page at Westmore Church of God in 2011. Although the contents of his series was different, the title is his idea. At the end of this post you can read Genesis 2 (NIV) in its entirety.

When we come to chapter two we hear the rest of the creation story. We are told that “…the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array” (v. 1). And then we are given a curious bit of information. On the seventh day God rested from all of his work. He enjoyed that rest so much that he blessed the seventh day and made it holy. What is this divine rest? And why is it holy? The answers will have to wait, for the writer quickly moves on to another fascinating development.

In verse four we suddenly encounter our first flashback. Really? A flashback already? It seems a little strange. After all, we are only about six hundred words into the story of all creation. However, given that such an immense event just got covered with a mere six hundred words a flashback should not be all that surprising. So, the rest of the chapter offers a more detailed account of 1:26-27, when God made man and woman “in our image.”

It is not immediately clear why we are given this flashback. We are given some details about the landscape. We learn that God formed a special garden for the man to live in. We are told that God put a certain tree in the center of the garden called the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and that the man was instructed not to eat of its fruit. We read that there were four rivers in the garden, and that one of them was full of gold. We find out that God intended the man to work and take care of the garden. We hear God declare that it is not good for man to be alone, and that he will make him a suitable helper. And it is at that point that we confirm what we have begun to wonder, the woman has not yet been created.

It turns out that there was a gap between the creation of the man and the woman, a detail that we would not have known from chapter one. It is a puzzling development, one that has led to countless interpretations. Was the woman an afterthought? Was she somehow second to man? Was she created only to be man’s little helper? The questions leave us hungry for answers, and so we press forward to see what we can find out. But in more deviating fashion the writer begins to tell us about a job that God had for the man before he created that suitable helper. God begins bringing animals to the man, and whatever the man calls each creature becomes their name.

It is astonishing in one sense, a role-reversal of sorts. God bringing these things to the man and asking him their name, not unlike a child might bring a string of household items before a parent, “What is this called, Daddy?” We do not know how long the process took. Only that the man named all of the livestock, all of the birds of the air, and all of the wild beasts. What is the purpose of this? It is perplexing, to say the least. But then we come to these words: But for Adam no suitable helper was found (v. 20).

Ahh. God is making some sort of point. It is not good that man be alone, but the companionship that he needs cannot be found in any of creation. It can only be found in the suitable helper. One that bears the likeness of the man and the image of God. With that understood God puts Adam into a deep sleep and takes part of his side in order to make the woman. From his side she is made, but to his face she is presented. And just like God brought all of the animals to Adam he brings the woman to him. But this is different, and for the first time we sense awe in the story that is not directed toward God. For the man responded with one of the most beautiful poems in all of human history:

“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”

The gap between the man and the woman was not an indication of primary and secondary creations within humanity, the jewel of all creation. Rather, it was God’s emphatic point on the exceptional beauty of the human creation, and the inherent need they have one for another. In so doing God ordained the union of man and woman. And with that the author leaves us with a taste of paradise: Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

By Johathan Stone of stonewritten.com

This is a three part series covering the first three chapters of Genesis.  These posts are not intended to be full commentary on each chapter. Rather, I will pick out a few key points, while trying to discover the major theme of the chapters as a whole. If you have never read those three chapters together I encourage you to block out some time in order to do that at some point. When read in one sitting they give a sweeping picture of the big ideas in the bible. All the other stuff in between these six chapters are the details, how the story plays out in individual lives and specific moments in time. I am borrowing the title from a series preached by Kelvin Page at Westmore Church of God in 2011. Although the contents of his series was different, the title is his idea. At the end of this post you can read Genesis 1 (NIV) in its entirety. 

Genesis is a book about beginnings (it is literally what the word means). So, the beginning of the book of beginnings is sure to play an important role. What we find when we crack open the book is that the creation of the heavens and the earth is considered the beginning of the story. We may speculate about what was happening before this event, but no information is given to us to answer those questions. We are left to trust that the real story starts here.

We read that the earth was formless and void (v. 2a), and that darkness hovered over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God hovered over the darkness (v. 2b-c). It is a beautiful and mysterious picture. And it is a picture of both power and intimacy. It is a picture that begs many questions, and thinkers have stood in awe of it for thousands of years. Some modern readers have approached this chapter from a scientific perspective. Whether or not such an approach is advisable, the words clearly read more like poetry.

There is an intensity about the anticipation of what God might do next. We understand our position in the power equation. After all, he was there and we were not. We already know what his intentions are, and his ability to create the heavens and the earth inspires awe. Yet, there he broods over the deep in the dark. I picture him crouching, like a wild beast ready to explode onto its prey. But he does not endeavor to bring something down. His plan is to bring something up, to create it out of the emptiness.

Suddenly he speaks, “Let there be light.” The voice out of the darkness would certainly have been life shattering to hear. Ironically, it was life giving. I imagine a brilliant explosion of light. We are not told that it was so, only that when God spoke the light was immediately there. Whether or not there was a bursting flare of light or a simple appearance of light, the scene is stunning to envision.

Now that God has jumped into action from his hovering position we expect the frenetic pace of a paint slinging speed artist in his studio. But this cosmic artist has a more purposed rhythm, and as our heart begins to slow from the initial scare we see him working with deliberate intentionality.

On day one he separates the day and the night and creates the heavens. On day two he separates the waters and creates the sky. On day three he separates the seas and the land in order to create the surface of the earth. Separates and creates. More importantly, he forms what was formless. With that he pauses from his majestic handiwork in order to take note of its progress. What does he think? He declares that it is good.

God formed the formless on the first three days. Now he will fill the void on the next three days. He fills the emptiness with all kinds of good things. He fills the heavens with the sun and the moon, with stars and planets and various lights. He fills the skies with all types of flying creatures. He fills the seas with plants and animals until it is teeming with life. He fills the land with all kinds of animals. In all of this he blesses his creation, telling them to be fruitful and multiply.

Then God turns to speak, “Let us make mankind in our image.” To whom is he talking? We are not told, though we will have some ideas by the end of the story. And then God acts on his suggestion:

So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.

And God blessed mankind and told them to be fruitful and multiply. He told them that he was giving them all of creation. They would rule over it. It was all for them. And he stepped back to look at all that he had made, and it was very good.

The rest of the series:     Part 2     Part 3

Genesis 1

The Beginning

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

6 And God said, “Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water.” 7 So God made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it. And it was so. 8 God called the vault “sky.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.

9 And God said, “Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear.” And it was so. 10 God called the dry ground “land,” and the gathered waters he called “seas.” And God saw that it was good.
11 Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. 12 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day.

14 And God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, 15and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so.16 God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. 17 God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth, 18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

20 And God said, “Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the vault of the sky.” 21 So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living thing with which the water teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 22 God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth.” 23 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day.

24 And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.
26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

27 So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.

28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
29 Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.
31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND KNOW THE STRENGTH OF OUR PROTECTOR!
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By Johathan Stone of stonewritten.com

When I hear people discuss the book of Job I sometimes walk away wondering if they have actually ever read the book. For example, I often hear people slamming Job’s friends. You know, stuff like, “I sure wouldn’t want to have friends like that.” To which I always want to respond with something like, “You mean friends who would sit with me in silence for seven days and seven nights? Who would recognize that my grief was very great? Surround me with unconditional love and support? Engage my deepest questions once I was ready to talk? Yeah, who wants friends like that?”

More misconceptions often show up when people talk about what the problem was in the book. You know, who was right and who was wrong (because that’s the most important question to answer). I hear about all the bad theology that Job’s friends were espousing, and all of the great things that Job said about God. To which I always want to respond with something like, “All the great things Job said? Really? You mean like how the first words out of his mouth after his seven days of silence was to curse the day he was born? Or how he accused God of being unjust and tyrannical? Or perhaps how he boasted of his innocence and challenged God to show him otherwise? Or when he asked God if he was having fun torturing him? Or maybe when Job begged God to leave him alone so he could at least have a few moments of joy before he died?”

It’s like the spirit of Job hits me when I hear these misconceptions. I want to scream like Job did. Of course, I never really say those things. I keep myself calm, cool and collected. Unlike Job, I care what my friends think. I care what God thinks. You know why? Because I haven’t suffered enough.

There is a clever insight into the book of Job that was revealed to me by a spiritual father of mine, Rickie Moore. It is a point published in an essay entitled Raw Prayer and Refined Theology, which can be found in this festschrift. It is an explanation of a little word in Job 42:7, which reads:

After the LORD had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has.”

The key is found in the preposition about. God tells Eliphaz that he is angry with him and his friends because they have not spoken the truth about God, as did Job. If you take the time to actually read the book you will know that something seems wrong here. Job said a lot of things. A lot of what he said was specifically about God, but very little of it sounds like the truth about God. In contrast, read the speeches of Job’s friends. They exalt God. They speak of his justice. They talk about his infinite power. They proclaim his endless wisdom. They say a whole lot about God. And it all sounds like the truth. What is going on here?

As it turns out the Hebrew preposition translated about is a common one, ‘el. It is used hundreds of times in the Hebrew bible, and it can be translated about. However, you will only find a couple of examples where it is translated that way. Every other time it is translated to. In other words, the better translation is this:

After the LORD had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth to me, as my servant Job has.”

Interesting. One little pronoun. Yet, it changes our understanding of the entire book of Job. We do not think of the power of prepositions as English speakers. But there is a world of difference between speaking the truth about God and speaking the truth to God. The point was not for Job to speak about God, but for him to speak to God. And Job did exactly that for the entirety of the story. It is bewildering that it is almost impossible to find an English translation that gets this right. But one humble, Hebrew scholar saw it easily. How did he see it? I think he saw it because he has suffered.

If you have suffered you might not need this insight. Perhaps you are not waiting for permission to speak the truth to God concerning your pain, your suffering. Then again, maybe you are waiting. Maybe you do need that permission. Here is the truth. Whether your pain is great or small, God wants you to bring it to him. Scream it to him. In the end he will show up and he will answer. And at that point you will know that he is big enough to handle your biggest accusations…your strongest complaints…your loudest screams. But more importantly, for the first time in a long time you will know this: you are not alone. Even when you’re screaming in the dark.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND KNOW THE STRENGTH OF OUR PROTECTOR!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

By Johathan Stone of stonewritten.com

Jesus was the finest teacher to ever walk the earth. He was profound. He was paradoxical. He spoke with authority. But one thing that often gets overlooked is that He was extremely practical. Jesus did not merely cover information with his teaching, He taught us what to do. Jesus taught to application, not just to knowledge. In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus taught what to do, not simply what to believe. Jesus knew what we too often forget, that knowing something is not what makes the difference, but what you do is what makes the difference. Of course, that is not true of salvation, you cannot do your way to eternal life. Rather, it is true in answering the question of what your faith looks like. You cannot assess the state of your faith from your beliefs, but only from your actions. So, Jesus teaches what to do in regards to forgiveness, responding to your enemies, lusting with your heart, dealing with anger, etc. And He ends His message with the words, “…anyone who hears these words and puts theme into practice is like a wise man who built his house upon the rock” (Matt. 7:24).

Second, we not only have the finest teacher that ever walked the earth, we also have the finest guide book to ever be compiled. Scripture is the divinely inspired word of God. Just like our Teacher, the guidebook is profound and mysterious. However, it is also extremely practical. This is what Scripture says about itself, “All Scripture is inspired by God and useful for teaching, reproof, correction, and training” (2 Tim. 3:16).

We are use to talking about Scripture as inspired, but often forget that it is a very useful book. It is useful in that God uses it to reveal to us where we are and where we need to go. We can see this in the four words teaching, reproof, correction, and training used in 2 Timothy 3:16. (1) The Scripture teaches us where the path of life can be found. It shows us that the way is narrow, and that broad ditches of destruction lie on either side. (2) Scripture also offers us reproof when we find ourself straying off the path. It reveals our point of departure. (3) Scripture shows us how to get back on the path when we have left the path through correction. This brings about restoration in our life. (4) Finally, Scripture trains us to stay on the path. It shows us how to be disciplined and faithful in our walk.

But how do we apply THIS post? After all, how hypocritical would I be to write on application and not give any practical applications in the process? Lets make the application to our children.

We may have ideas about what we are teaching our children, but if we look at our children and how they are living we will see what we are really teaching them. Of course, this is mostly true of young children. Children grow up and become adults and are responsible for their own choices. But when our children are young we can see what we are teaching them.

If your children do not do something it is because it is not in their heart to do it. If it is not in their heart to do it then it is probably because you have not taught them to apply their faith in that way. Is it in the heart of your children to volunteer to help at church or humanitarian organizations or other opportunities to assist people? If not, it is probably because you have not taught them to apply their faith in that way. Is it in the heart of your children to honor their elders? If not, it is probably because you have not taught them to apply their faith in that way. Is it in the heart of your children to be friendly to peers even when it is unpopular? If not, it is probably because you have not taught them to apply their faith in that way.

Take the time to evaluate the actions of your children. Prayerfully consider what things you may have unintentionally forgotten to teach them. Come up with an action plan for correcting those things. Remember to think practically and take it all the way to application.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND KNOW THE STRENGTH OF OUR PROTECTOR!
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By Jonathan Stone of stonewritten.com

The Word in the word

There are three passages in the Gospel of John that bring home a very important point:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who cam from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:1,14

You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life. John 5:39-40

Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. John 20:30-31

Most of the time that you hear a Christian refer to the word of God they are referring to Scripture. However, the point that John makes in the very beginning of his gospel is that the clearest statement God has ever made in revealing Himself to His creation is through the revelation of Jesus Christ (1:1,14). Someone could memorize the entire Scripture, but if they missed Jesus Christ they would have missed the whole point (5:39-40). And the whole point is to have the life that He came to give, which happens when we believe that He is the Messiah, the Son of God (20:30-31).

Understanding this does not take away from the function, importance, inspiration, truth and authority of Scripture. However, it does set up a fundamental ordering that can revolutionize the way we approach the Scripture. That is, we have a completely different experience when we approach the Scripture looking for principles, information, guidelines, rules, etc., and when we approach the Scripture looking for Him. Of course, the Scripture gives us many principles, guidelines and revelations, but He is the one we are seeking.

Some Personal Experience

I came to know Jesus near the end of my time at college. As a person who had been raised in church I had all of the information that I needed, but I did not know Him. The Scripture was dead to me and He was dead to me. I lived my life driven by my own selfish desires and had no guilt about that. I was totally lost, and inside I was dying. One day I walked into a class to hear a guest lecturer speak on the authorship of the book of Deuteronomy (what I was doing in that type of class is another story for another time). I sat down on the back row of the classroom, pulled my hat down low, stared at the table in front of me, and thought I might not make it any further. It was probably the closest thing to an authentic suicidal thought that I have ever had before or since.

What happened next is hard to describe, as words do not do it justice. It was as if Jesus Himself walked up behind me and grabbed me by the nap of my neck. I was arrested. I could not move. I could not look up. I could not really hear the discussion going on in the classroom because of the fear of the Lord that gripped my heart. It was overwhelming, but it was also the most meaningful awareness of the presence of God that I had ever experienced in my life. I did not want Him to let me go. But I also was uncertain how long I could handle His presence. There is a Hungarian proverb that goes like this: God has feet of wool and hands of lead. We cannot hear Him coming, but there is no doubt when He takes hold. I was living that proverb.

Near the end of the lecture it was as if He took a step back. I still felt like He was standing right behind me. But it felt like He let go of my neck in order to allow me to hear what was happening in the class. Some timely words were spoken that I won’t go into, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. Then I heard Him speak in my heart as well, and I melted like wax. For the first time in my life I knew that I felt the presence of God. And for the first time in my life I knew that I heard Him speak to me. I was useless for about ten minutes. I put my head down on the table and bawled like a baby.

A funny thing happened that day. That type of experience is where most people give themselves to the Lord. They pray a prayer of repentance and confess Jesus as their Savior. I did not do that. Instead I told Him that I would do whatever it took to find Him. At that moment I think that both He and I were pleased. He awakened me. And now the chase was on.

It actually took a few months before I fully gave my life to Him. But during that time I probably read more Scripture than I had in my entire life combined. I could not put it down. Not because I was looking for information. But because I was looking for Him.

The Road to Emmaus

One of the final stories in the Gospel of Luke tells us about two disciples who were walking on the road from Jerusalem to Emmaus, about seven miles altogether. They were dejected over the death of Jesus, and confused over reports that His body was now missing from His tomb. While they were walking Jesus Himself came up and walked along with them, “but they were kept from recognizing Him” (Luke 24:16). Jesus asked them what they were talking about, and they told Him all that had happened in the last few days. Then Jesus explained to them from Moses and all the prophets all the Scriptures that concerned Him (24:27).

As they approached their village Jesus continued as if He was going further, but the pair of disciples urged Him to come stay with them. So, He went in with them and when they were at the table He took bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it to them. At that moment their eyes were opened and they recognized Him, and He immediately disappeared. They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while He talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us” (24:32)?

All of us have experienced seasons where we felt dry. When we were downcast, unsure of the events that were taking place around us. Times when we could not make sense of what God was doing. Times when we opened the Scripture, yet could not understand the words–and more importantly, could not find the Word. If that is you today consider your Emmaus road, that moment when your heart burned within you just before He opened your eyes to see that it was Him. And then dig into the word of God until you find Him. You might be surprised how quickly the living water springs up in the desert, and how good it feels to have your heart burn within you once again. Most importantly, you might find more than refreshing ideas. You might find Him.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND KNOW THE STRENGTH OF OUR PROTECTOR!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

By Johathan Stone of stonewritten.com 

Painted by Akiane Kramarik at age 8. Learn more and view her gallery at akiane.com

I took the red pill yesterday, and God showed me how deep in my heart the rabbit-hole goes. It started with what seemed like a pretty simple question, Am I a word from God?

First, I have a confession to make. On the one hand, I know that I am loved by God. I know that He values me, has a plan and purpose for me. On the other hand, I still run into doubts in my heart. Places where I suddenly suspect, no matter how many times I have sung Jesus Loves Me, that I am more of an afterthought to God than precious in His sight. I stumbled into one of those darkened chambers in my heart as I wondered if I was a word from God.

So, I began to think about the fact that God formed me in the womb (Isaiah 44:2), and that I was fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). I love the phrase David used, “you knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13). This was helpful. It reminded me that I did not end up here randomly. I am not an accident. I am part of God’s purpose. However, I still wondered if God formed me as a mere piece to His beautiful puzzle. Don’t get me wrong. Being a piece in God’s puzzle is an incredible honor, more than I deserve. But is that all that I am? Or am I something more? Not just something God will plug into the picture, but someone God speaks about?

This got me thinking about God speaking. We see how He spoke things into existence at creation. Does He still speak things into existence? Or did He only need to get the ball rolling? Did He actually speak me into existence? You into existence? Or does He just like to quietly knit things together?

I started looking for references to God speaking individual people into existence. I was reminded that He “brought us forth by the word of truth” (James 1:18). I thought about how we are called “epistles of Christ” (2 Cor 3:3). And of course Jesus Himself is called the Word of God (John 1:1). Thinking about the first chapter of John reminded me of the third chapter of John, where we learn that we are not just born once, but twice (John 3:3). Our second birth is birthed by the Spirit, which blows like the wind (John 3:5-8). So, God breathed me into my new birth, and breathing is a whole lot like speaking. Yet, in all of this I still felt unsettled.

So, I began to wonder, IF God spoke me into existence what word did He use? I began to think about my name. And I remembered that God actually has my name written on the palm of His hand (Isaiah 49:16). I also remembered that to the one who overcomes God will give a white stone with a new name written on it that no one understands except the one who receives it (Revelation 2:17). And that the new name that I will receive will not only be written on the white stone, but on me as well (Revelation 3:12).

My faith was growing throughout this process. But I was still unsure about God actually speaking my name, saying it out loud. Then I was reminded that God not only speaks over me, but actually sings over me (Zephaniah 3:17). I began to get a little scared thinking about God actually speaking out loud, calling my name. But then I was reminded of this: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine” (Isaiah 43:1).

That last verse sort of settled the matter in my mind. I began to wonder what it sounds like to hear God say my name. And just the thought of it sent the love of the Father down to the bottom of that hole in my heart. I accepted that my name is a word, which means that I am a word. I am a word spoken from Heaven, spoken by God. Once I had accepted that I was a word from God, that He had spoken me into existence, that I had left His lips, I was filled with such an awesome sense of the presence of God that I thought I might audibly hear Him speak my name. I did not hear my name, but what I heard in my heart was a promise about what God does with words like me, words like you. And it wrecked me. I was undone. This is what I heard:

As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You are a word from God, spoken from heaven. All of your days were written in His book before your body was ever formed (Psalm 139:16). Your name is written in heaven (Luke 10:20). When you left the lips of God your purpose was guaranteed. You will not return to Him empty, but will accomplish what He desires and achieve the purpose for which He sent you. Receive yourself with thanksgiving today. “For everything God created is good, we should not reject any of it, but receive it with thanks” (1 Timothy 4:4). You are more than body, soul and spirit. You have been named in Heaven. And you are more than a name. You are a word spoken by God.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND KNOW THE STRENGTH OF OUR PROTECTOR!

http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

By Johathan Stone of stonewritten.com

 

The blood of Jesus is one of the most powerful resources available to us. It is also the most fundamental image of the Christian message. Yet, surprisingly few Christians have a basic understanding of the purpose and power of the blood of Christ outside of having our sins covered. Here are a few principles to start with:

1.) The blood is a powerful reminder that sin brings death, both as a consequence and a covering. Imagine how powerful the lesson was for small children who had to allow family lambs to be sacrificed for their sins every year.

2.) We tend to stop with the shedding of the blood and ignore the application of the blood. We are not masochistic people with vampire-like fascinations. The blood of Christ was shed once for all, but it must also be applied.

3.) The blood applied to our life is not merely for the remission of sins, it also allows us to enter into the presence of God. We do not hear it much today, but there was a time when it was common to hear believers “plead the blood of Christ.” This is more than symbolic. It is a spiritual reality. The author of Hebrews tells us to be confident that we can enter into the holy place by the blood of Jesus (Heb. 10:19). Next time you need to enter into the presence of Christ cover yourself with His blood.

4.) The blood enables us to overcome the evil one. Revelation 12:11 tells us that we will overcome Satan by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. The key to overcoming evil in your life is to stand on the blood of Jesus Christ.

So, how do we apply the blood of Christ to our life? Consider David’s sin involving Bathsheba. He coveted another man’s wife, lusted after her, committed adultery with her, lied to cover his sin, and finally commissioned a plan to have her husband killed. It is not a very nice picture of the heart of the man after God’s own heart.

David is fully aware of his sin in Psalm 51. He references his sin, iniquity, transgressions and evil deeds six times in the first four verses. In verse five he recognizes that the pervasiveness of sin in his life goes all the back to his very conception. David understands that his soul is utterly riddled with sin.

So he asks God to use hyssop in order to purify him. Hyssop? It seems a strange reference at first glance. It is a word that is only used twelve times in the bible, mostly in descriptions of three rituals. So what is it?

Hyssop is a plant or family of plants that commonly grew in the Ancient Near East. The first biblical reference to hyssop is in Exodus 12:22, when Moses instructed the Israelites to dip the plant in blood and use it to apply to blood to the doorposts of their dwellings. The blood was symbolic of the fact that God’s judgment would not be applied to the Israelites when He came to judge the people of Egypt. Destruction would come to every house that was not painted with the blood of the passover lamb.

The second time that hyssop is mentioned is in the ceremony of restoring cleansed lepers to the community in Leviticus 14. Once again the hyssop was used to apply blood, this time sprinkled seven times on the one who is to be cleansed. The third and final time that we see hyssop used ritualistically is in Numbers 19 where it is used to apply the blood and bring about purification.

In the New Testament hyssop is mentioned only twice. Once in the book of Hebrews in recounting Moses’ use of it in Exodus, and once at Calvary when it was used to give Jesus sour wine.

So, in David’s prayer to be cleansed with hyssop he is both looking back and looking forward. He is recognizing the need he has to have God passover his sin, restore him to right relationship, and purify him from his iniquities. And he is looking forward to the only blood that could truly do those things, the blood of the holy passover lamb, Jesus Christ. If you need God to passover your sin, restore your relationship, or purify your iniquities–or if you simply need to enter boldly into his presence–start by doing this: apply the blood.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND KNOW THE STRENGTH OF OUR PROTECTOR!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

By Johanthan Stone of stonewritten.com

I have been thinking a lot about the idea in Scripture that our bodies are the Temple of the Holy Spirit.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 1 Cor 6:19-20

The New Testament idea that we are the Temple of the Holy Spirit strikes me as a profound and radical development in the revelation of God’s plan. In fact, it was a radical development when God agreed to reside with Israel (Ex 29:45), and then when He agreed to reside in Solomon’s Temple (see 2 Sam 7). Of course, in neither case was God fully contained in these dwellings. For, as Solomon acknowledges, even the whole earth cannot contain Him (2 Chronicles 6:18). Yet, there was some real sense of the manifest presence of God in each case.

Now we come to the new covenant, and this idea of Paul’s that we are the temple of God. Perhaps some points could be made about whether the understanding here is primarily corporate or individual. Are we together the temple of the Holy Spirit, or are each of us individually temples of the Holy Spirit? After all, Paul uses the plural pronoun in the passages cited above. If he lived in southeast Tennessee (as I do) he would have said, “Ya’ll are the temple of the Holy Ghost!” Does “ya’ll” mean each of you, or all of you together? Of course, ultimately the answer to the question is yes. That is, each of us has the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit in our life. And corporately we contain a greater sum of the glory of God than we do all alone.

Thinking about all of this has had me thinking about Solomon’s prayer when he dedicated the Temple (2 Chronicles 6:1-42 & 1 Kings 8:1-66). There is something powerful about the prayer. And that power is matched by the manifestation of God, which became so heavy that the priests could not perform their duties (2 Chronicles 5:14), or even enter the Temple at all (2 Chronicles 7:2). And all of that culminated with fire coming down from heaven and consuming the sacrifice that laid on the altar (2 Chronicles 7:1).

But it is not only in these spectacular demonstrations that we see the power. There is also something very powerful about the prayer itself. I do not want anyone to think that I am advocating a formulistic prayer, whereby we can mechanically put God in motion as if He were some marionette. However, there is real power in the prayer. And neither do I want people to walk away thinking in some primarily  individualistic fashion, asking God to bless me, me, me. Nonetheless, I think each of us should dedicate our individual temple to the Lord.

With all of that said, I have worked through the prayer and produced a parallel prayer for consecrating yourself as the temple of God. What I noticed from the prayer is that Solomon is brutally honest about the prosects. His forecast on human faithfulness is ruthlessly bearish. But he is 100% bullish on his outlook on God, even willing to sell the farm to invest in God’s faithfulness. And I also noticed that each pericope not only offers reflections on human nature, but also on the characteristics of God. Therefore, I end each section with the attribute of God that I see reflected in that pericope. So, I invite you to take a few minutes when you have the time and work through this prayer as a dedication of your life to God. I personally found it to be a powerful and meaningful experience. Let me know what you think.

From 2 Chronicles 6:14-17

“O Lord my God, You have fulfilled all of Your promises to the generations before me. I ask You to hear my prayer and fulfill all of Your promises to me because You are faithful.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:18-21

“O Lord my God, You are high and lifted up, even the heavens cannot contain You. Yet, even from Your dwelling place You hear my prayers from this temple. I ask You to continue to hear my prayers and forgive my sins because You are mighty.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:22-23

“O Lord my God, You punish the wicked and justify the righteous. When I sin against my neighbor and seek Your forgiveness I ask You to hear my prayers and bring about justice because You are just.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:24-25

“O Lord my God, You heal those who turn to You. When I sin against You I am taken away by my enemy. When I turn back to You I ask that You hear my prayers and bring me back from exile because You are restorer.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:26-27

“O Lord my God, You bring forth provisions in my life. You send me drought when I sin against You. When I turn from my sin and confess Your Name I ask that you hear my prayers and send forth the rain in my life because You are provider.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:28-31

“O Lord my God, You shelter me from all the things that could destroy me. You pull back Your shield of protection when I continually sin against You. When I cry out for help and turn my heart away from my sin and towards You I ask that You hear my prayers and surround me because You are protector.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:32-33

“O Lord my God, You care for all people. People will come to me when they hear of your great name. When the unbeliever comes to me I ask that you hear the prayers they pray with me because You are compassionate.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:34-35

“O Lord my God, You help me to overcome. I have an enemy that seeks to destroy me. When I cry out for triumph over my enemy I ask that You hear my prayers because You are victorious.”

From 2 Chronicles 6:36-39

“O Lord my God, You are righteous in Your anger over my sin. There is no person who does not sin. When I repent from my sin and turn back to you with my whole heart hear my prayers because You are forgiving.”

“O Lord, my God:

You are faithful!
You are mighty!
You are just!
You are restorer!
You are provider!
You are protector!
You are compassionate!
You are victorious!
You are forgiving!
…now arise, O Lord, and come rest in this temple with the might of your covenant, as I rejoice in your goodness! Amen.”

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND KNOW THE STRENGTH OF OUR PROTECTOR!
http://www.jesussaves.cc/index.php/english/prayer-of-salvation/

By Johathan Stone of stonewritten.com

Therapy is way more than a toolbox of intervention.  Information alone cannot replace professional help. However, information can be very powerful.  So, for what it’s worth to you, here is the weekly post offering a therapeutic idea, concept, or intervention that you can try out in your own life or relationships.

There is an idea in couples counseling called “act as if”.  You don’t love her anymore, but wish you did?  Well, try acting as if you love her for several weeks and see what happens.  This idea that stands on research tells the tale that behavior itself can and does shape emotional experience.  Too often we wait to feel like it before we do it and for our behavior to follow…the exact opposite of which we teach our children.  “I didn’t say you had like going to school today.  I just said you had to go to school.”

What we tend to follow:

FEELINGS ------------------>   BEHAVIOR

What CAN work:

BEHAVIOR----------------->  FEELINGS

We see this happen all the time with parenting and teaching children.  We are told to build on the positives.  If we want a child to be positive, well-behaved, and a good student, then it is beneficial to treat the child as a positive, well-behaved, and a good student.  The “acting as if” seems to communicate an expectation that pulls out for what we are hoping in the child.

Children seem to respond to the expectations you set for them.  They rise to reasonably high expectations and stoop to low ones.  Expect them to be "bad", treat them accordingly and they will likely turn out that way.  Expect, appropriately, that they will be "good", and they will likely turn out that way.  Your treatment...your "acting as if"...becomes a self-predicting prophecy.

God seems to love to “act as if”.  Romans 7:17 calls the God of the bible “the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were.”  He blessed me and loves on me and “acts as if” I am His lovable child rather than His child who can be petulant and moody…and somewhere along the way, His “acting as if” parenting begins to shape me into a more lovable person.

For those of us who get up and go to church every Sunday for weekly worship, we already know all about this.  Do you always feel like getting up and going to church?  Of course not.  Have you ever had the experience of being glad that you did go after you got up and went?  Me, too.

Some will argue against "acting as if" with these arguments: “I don’t want to be a hypocrite.  There are too many hypocrites in the world”.  Too bad.  We each are a hypocrite because we each are humans.  Even Paul said in Romans 7:17: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

This idea can apply to our relationship with our self, too.  I have heard it said that being an adult is being your own mom or dad.  When you were a child, hopefully your mom or dad told you to eat your vegetables, to go to bed at a decent time, to get up and be active and go to school.  They made your doctor and dentist appointments and drove you there, etc.  Who does all of those things now?  Hopefully, if you are an adult, you do.  However, when the busy-ness of our culture takes over or even mild depression ultimately sets in, it can be challenging to “feel like” parenting ourselves.  We don’t feel like cultivating friendships or taking care of our bodies.  We don’t feel like loving ourselves as Matthew 22:39 makes it clear we need to, which makes it difficult to love others.

So, this week when you don’t feel like you love your spouse, when you don’t feel like you love your life, or even when you feel like you don’t love yourself, try “acting as if”.  Get up with a smile, go for a walk in the sun, and see what happens to your attitude.  Look for God to “call things that are not as though they were” and to “give life to the dead” stuff in your life.

***This post is in no way attempting to insinuate that a person can just “smile” their way out of depression or a serious crisis in a couple relationship.

ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS SAVIOR TODAY AND KNOW THE STRENGTH OF OUR PROTECTOR!
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by Emily Stone of stonewritten.com